"Mmmm...nnn?"
Opening her eyes somewhat as she awoke, Fluttershy sat up and took note of her surroundings, the blanket that had warmed her slowly sliding down her body as she did so.
"Hm? Where..."
"Mornin', sugarcube!" Applejack called from the kitchen, wheeling in a small cart to the yellow pegasus afterwards.
"Apple...jack? What's... oh, right..." Fluttershy blushed slightly as she ran a hoof through her mane, taking a moment to rub her head and yawn. The memories of the day before then steadily returned to her as she surveyed the cart that rested before her; a plate of apple turnovers laid on it, along with a bowl of apple muesli, an apple streusel bar, and a cup of tea with... you guessed it: an apple slice inside.
"Ohh... you didn't have to," she told the orange mare, feeling rather guilty that her friend went through all the trouble of making her breakfast.
"Think nothin' of it, Fluttershy." Taking a seat next to the yellow pegasus, Applejack then leaned over and grinned. "Just think of it as a thanks for makin' a sweet apple picnic for mah big brother."
Fluttershy smiled sheepishly, feeling rather overwhelmed by her friend's hospitality, then shyly picked up a turnover and began to eat. "...I can't possibly eat this all by myself though... would you maybe like some?" she asked in-between bites; that turnover was just too darn good to put down.
The orange mare simply nodded in reply, happily taking the other turnover and digging in as well.
"So, ya got any plans for afterwards?"
"...Afterwards?"
"Ya know; after the picnic. What're ya gonna do then?" Applejack asked, smiling slightly at how much her friend was enjoying the meal.
"Oh! Well... I... I guess I didn't really plan too much..." Fluttershy admitted, blushing slightly in embarrassment.
"That's alright. Too strict a schedule's no good." Swallowing the rest of her turnover with a bit of nervousness, the orange mare then looked away and smiled sheepishly. "Had to learn that one the hard way actually."
"Oh yeah?" The yellow pegasus asked as she offered the apple streusal bar to her friend, which was happily taken and bitten into. "Either way, I really don't have much planned. I was just hoping to... ur..." Pausing to finish her turnover and move onto the muesli, her blush increased as she recalled the crimson stallion. "...talk."
"Talk, eh?" Applejack asked, unable to hold back a giggle at her friend's timidness. "Gonna tell him anythin' important?"
"...Possibly." Fluttershy replied nervously, making the orange mare chuckle even further.
"Don't you worry, sugarcube. Everything's gonna be just fine."
"I sure hope so..."
As the yellow pegasus glanced back down at her empty bowl, she smiled slightly and removed the apple slice from her tea, offering it to Applejack with a smile. "You... need to make everything with apples, don't you?"
"...Eeyup."
The two then shared a laugh as they finished up the rest of their meal, with Applejack completing her end of the food first; though Fluttershy wasn't too far behind.
"Alright, now ya better be goin' on your way now. Today's the day-off for us Apples, an' Big Macintosh usually goes on some real long walks then; better go catch him 'fore he does," the orange mare warned.
"W-what!?" Frantically, the yellow pegasus scrambled off the couch and grabbed the basket handle in her mouth, rushing out the door as quickly as she could without spilling anything inside.
"G-good luck!" her friend called from behind.
SCREEEEEECH!
Fluttershy was forced to halt her gallop as an animal charged out in front of her.
Looking down at it however, she noticed that it wasn't just any animal.
It was a bunny.
...A very familiar-looking bunny.
...Uh oh...
Placing her basket down, she trotted up to her pet bunny Angel, who tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for an explanation as to where his owner had been.
"L-look Angel bunny. I... I'm terribly sorry that I couldn't get back home yesterday..."
The bunny continued to glare at her...
"...a-and I promise that I'll make you your special veggie breakfast as soon as I get back, but I really, really don't think I can at the moment."
Angel just continued to scowl at the yellow pegasus, not looking swayed at all by her plea.
"Y-you'll forgive me... r-right?"
The bunny was silent for a moment, staring at the basket at first, then gazing back at Fluttershy.
And... unfortunately, forgiveness was the last thing on Angel's mind, as the angry animal suddenly rushed forward and slammed into the basket, causing it to slowly tip over until-
"N-NO!"
The yellow pegasus acted quickly, jumping at the woven object and managing to salvage it just before it ended up upside-down.
"A-Angel, I-" Fluttershy paused for a moment as she turned her head, then sighed.
He ran off...probably to tell all the other animals how much of a 'meanie-head' I am, just like last time...
Placing the basket back in its original position, she then took a look around, trying to focus back on her earlier task.
Alright...now, before Angel came by and almost tipped the basket over, I was searching for-
Freezing in place, her thoughts suddenly caught up to her.
The basket.
It hadn't tipped over, but...
It had still been rustled to a great extent.
...No no no no no...
Turning her attention back to her hard work, she hesitantly reached for the lid and opened it up, wavering for a split-second before looking inside.
"..."
Saddening, the yellow pegasus slowly closed the lid back up and sat down, looking to the ground with a rather somber expression.
Her specially-made desserts had all been squished by the bowls and pie, and even said-pie had been deeply impaled by one of the plates.
"...All of it... all of it ruined... just like that..." she mumbled, recalling the appearance of her destroyed work with small tears in her eyes.
I just wanted it all to be perfect...
...
"...'Shy?"
Her ears shooting up immediately, Fluttershy winced as she backed away from the voice, hiding her face behind her pink mane.
"M-Mac..."
"What're you still doin' here?" After a moment, the smallest of gasps escaped the crimson stallion's mouth as he stepped closer to the yellow pegasus. "...Somethin' wrong?"
Taking one last look at the basket, Fluttershy quickly shook her head in distress.
"I... I'm sorry!"
She then turned away and galloped off, this time hoping to leave Big Macintosh behind; she didn't want him to see her cry, nor how much of a disappointment she was currently being.
Running as fast as she could down the dirt path, Fluttershy held back tears as birds and other critters began to surround her, seeming to feel her concern; they didn't help her mood in the slightest however.
To make matters worse, her fur began to get wet as the clouds above began pouring rain down to the ground below. The leaves of trees began to dip slightly from the water, and the dirt beneath the yellow mare began to become wet and muddy, coating her hooves in brown slop.
Trying not to let it get to her though, Fluttershy made a quick dash into a nearby cave for shelter, shivering and shaking herself of water before laying down against one of the walls.
And then... she finally let the tears flow.
She cried.
She bawled.
She absolutely lost it.
She was partially dry from her earlier quivering, but it did no good for the mare's sadness as she sobbed for her wasted hard work.
And even with all of the cute little creatures surrounding her...
She felt all alone... left by herself to lament her failure.
I wish that someday Angel will get his come-upins.
Angel is the worst pet ever.
1921932
We can only hope.
Angel is pure evil, how can anything want to make Fluttershy cry, how?
Angel, do you know what hossenfeffer is? Because about to be it!
1922060
Here, let me help you; I got spices.
Angel you are the worst pet ever! Who ever heard of an abusive pet towards their owner? You couldn't let Fluttershy have this one thing? This ONE thing?
Hmmmmm....
...
...
... Hey Angel. Do you know what a bunny fire is?
That's bucked up. My heart goes out for Fluttershy and Angel is on the top of my shit list.
*Finishes reading chapter* Huh…That dick!
*Grabs Phone* Hello…is this Elmer Fudd? Yeah, I got a bunny I need you to catch…
1914066
Less than 9,000?
Er, some edits:
Don't Upset the Apple Cart
Thoughts: Cute. Very.. cute. You're good at writing cute. You probably know that already though. And hey, you indented your paragraphs!
Picture/GIF:
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/oMSraslVnkK1KpaNlhIM2A2.gif
I think you mean missus?
Ok, this right here. If you want to write dialogue with a he said or a she said sort of thing afterwards, you cannot use a period. Use a comma, because "Fluttershy muttered, almost afraid to touch anything in fear of ruining the immense amount of cleanliness." is just saying she muttered.
You might want to italicize this instead, or just keep it as is. Both work.
Basket Case
Thoughts: "making the orange mare chuckle even further."
We must chuckle further.
Oh, how ironic. Rain. Does the weather team sense when ponies are sad because of a relationship?
Picture/GIF:
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/BRMDOiUy1UmBhVjMx4eY8w2.gif
I guess this is what happens when I don't edit. ;.;
This one is good. I just needed to use it as an example that you don't always use a comma, from what I am aware. Its only the he/she said sort of things.
Capitalize?
Fuck you Angel. You suck.
My reaction to what Angel did: Let's waste this dick
1922172
1922431
1922659
You guys are hilarious. XD
1922897
That's the 'greater than' sign...isn't it?
1923038
Oh gawd. Wall of text.
First off, YES, THANK YOU. I didn't want to use 'Mrs.', and I only hoped I was right. (Just looked it up. It can also be 'Missis'. Gonna change it to that.)
And, well...here's where I get a little weird on you. My overall writing style tends to be a bit different because there's a few English structures that I really never understood and just don't like. That rule in particular is one of them. An exclamation point and question mark are allowed, so I just read it as if it was one of those when I see a period; the only time I actually use a comma is when the sentence is dragging on into another sets of quotations, and that's very rare.
But...if it really bothers you, then I guess I can go through and see if I can do something with it without breaking my flow. (Hope I don't sound stuck-up here. )
The bold was just to separate it from the other sentences and give the impression of how loud she yawned. It wasn't a thought, so I didn't feel the need to italicize it.
(See my writing-style comment above for response to the few others.)
I didn't capitalize because that a pause between sentences; it's connected to the earlier sentence.
1923496
Oh yeah, totally. When I say that I'll do something, I tend to stick to it. ^ ^
1924982 No. That's the less than sign.
Y'see, its not the fact that I would prefer a comma, its just that it is correct for writing.
1927505
I'd hate to sound rude, but I think you're wrong.
I was taught as a kid that the less than/greater than sign was like a hungry open mouth, and that whatever way it was facing was the larger number. Since it's facing away from the 9000, that would mean 'greater than 9000'.
Ohhh. Well, then I see no reason to change then.
1928233 that was the way I was taught too. Although you have just proved yourself wrong.
Therefor?
1928428
I did no such thing.
I said that whatever way it was facing was the larger number.
It's facing away from the 9000, as I said.
1928452
Miss, you are only proving my point further. I'm going to stop now, because you are getting too heated up over this.
This is how it works:
2 > 1
1 = 1
1 < 2
And I was taught the same way, with the hungry crocodile. That's how I remember. The crocodile would want to eat the larger number, so the point of the angle would face the smaller one.
1928523
Sorry. I didn't mean to come across as rude.
But yes; your example is exactly right...as is mine.
There's an invisible number that represented my 'motivation' here:
*>9000
So the crocodile is facing towards it.
Therefore, it's 'greater than 9000', or, for the sake of the meme, 'over 9000'.
1928587
Problem solved, argument over?
1928621
...
...WE WERE NOT ARGUING.
WE WERE HAVING AN INTELLIGENT DEBATE.
1928673
Its not intellectual when we are both presenting idiocy.
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/fiq6KTs-ZUiJq19uBT-vMA2.gif
Lolz, math debate on ponies!
Anyhoo, I really think this story is great. And the comments are a special bonus!
P.S. I suggested this story to noobelite because it was that awesome. I enjoy reading your comments! You could say I'm the Applejack to his Macintosh. but I'm older... Applejack to Applebuck? (Cross and Arrow reference. Bleh, should stop typing now.
1937658
That's what I thought too!
Awww...well, thank you for suggesting!
On a Cross and Arrow was a great fanfiction!
Woops, sorry im late, been busy with school... anywho- Waaa! poor fluttershy, angel should be ashamed of himself! how could he?
congrats on another great chapter. im sad i only have 2 chapters left. but thanks for the reads!
1937658 hi
and math debate is hilarious! i hate it when im in an "Intellectual debate" and i find im in Muffinpatrol's position and find that i've misunderstood the entire time! but, LUL'Z all the same
Some bunnies just need a high-five.
In the face.
WITH A BASKET.
1922060
"Hasenpfeffer", actually. Also, yum.
1927505
"2 > 1"
= two is greater than one
"Motivation > 9000"
= motivation is greater than 9000
not sure how you can confuse that
Did Angel Bunny make Fluttershy cry?
He DID!!
Will he be punished?
HE WILL!!
… Right after I finish reading this.
She is being asked if she does/doesn't mind, so she ought to shake her head no.
Aside from that, nothing else seems wrong with this.
4891920
Fixed! Thank you!
4900179 Okay! Welcome!
Y'know, I wonder what rabbit tastes like...
That's just heartbreaking.