Righteousness and Malevolence

by Luke Man 7394

Awakening

AWAKENING

[Second Person: You]

"It talked." You think to yourself." The purple horse with a horn on its head, just talked to me." You quickly assess the situation: You are in a land you have never been in before, you are wounded and, in pain, sitting in what appears to be a barn. There are two confused looking horses watching your every move and one of them asked "what" You are. The two mares, however don't seem to want to bring forth any violence so in turn you do not. "My name is...." you give your name as you answer the question at hand. "My people and I call ourselves humans. Who and what might you be?" You ask in response, trying to piece together just what in the Heavens is going on.

"What a strange name. Is there anything that we could call you that would be simpler?" the purple mare asks you with a soft and gentle voice.

You ponder the question, thinking of something easier to pronounce. After a good amount of thought you decide on a good name for the mares to identify you by. "Call me, Knight."

The two mares nod, acknowledging the name to be fitting judging by your appearance "Well, Knight, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I am a Unicorn" the lavender Unicorn replies to you cheerfully, "And this is Applejack..." she points to the orange colored mare to her left "...and we are from the wonderful land of Equestria!"

Applejack bows her head, "Howdy Knight." she greets you. You raise an eyebrow and continue to play along with the events that are transpiring before you.

"I guess that partially answers my second question. Where exactly am I?" You ask the purple Unicorn.

"You are in beautiful Equestria! Where ponies like myself and Applejack reside. We grow our own food, make our own homes and live in harmony. Where are you from? I don't believe I've ever come across anything such as yourself in my studies." says the Unicorn.

"Our people call our planet Earth and much like you ponies we also grow our own food and make our own homes; although we don't always live in harmony..." You attempt to inform the Ponies of what you mean by that but as soon as you try to, you feel a sharp pain pierce through your skin and run straight up your right arm. "Aahhh!" you yelp aloud as you clench your arm in pain. "...as you can clearly see."

"That's right ya'll is hurt! Ah'll be right back, Ah'm gunna go grab some bandages and help patch you up!" Applejack tells you. She darts off towards the door when you stop her.

"No!" you stop Applejack with your sudden outburst. "I'ts quite alright, watch I'll show you what I mean now that I have had some time to rest." You assure Applejack of your situation. She turns around and looks at you with a puzzled look on her face, as does Twilight. "Watch." You tell the two mares. They sit down and stare at you, trying to figure out what you mean. You sluggishly raise your left hand and hover it directly above the wounds on your right arm. Then slowly, you begin to channel what little energy you have into your left hand, then it begins to glow a bright gold color. You begin to feel a warm tingling sensation run up and down your entire arm. It feels like slowly dipping your hand into a tub of lukewarm water and getting the goosebumps at the same time, a feeling that you have come to treasure. You relish in the warmth and pleasure you feel as you see the cuts and bruises that once blemished your arm begin to slowly fade away and the pain beginning to subside. You stop your left hand from glowing, seeing that your arm looks normal again you wave it around, now feeling that there is no more pain residing within it. You look at the two ponies with a smile, "See? Nothing *cough* to worry about!".

They don't utter a word, the two mares just stare at you wide eyed, mouths agape not believing what that just witnessed, almost like the look you gave them when you woke.Twilight was, again, the one who broke the silence. "A healing spell? B-but that's not possible! Only some of the more powerful Unicorns in Equestria can use magic as potent as that! How were you able to do that?!" the purple Unicorn asks you in disbelief.

"What you mean this?" You say as you take your now good right arm and hover over your bad left arm. You repeat the process over again, your right hand begins to glow bright gold, your left arm produces the warm and tingly feeling; and just like with your right arm, your left is now fully healed. You slyly smile at the two mares, flexing your arms, revealing the now fully restored limbs. "I can do it again if you still don't believe it!" you say while you chuckle heartily at them.

Twilight is now full of life after watching your display "You can use magic! You can use magic just like Unicorns!" she tells you. Twilight's horn begins to glow and she begins to levitate herself around the room blinded by excitement and displaying her ability to use magic as well, squealing and smiling at you. "This is such an amazing discovery! A creature never seen before and it can use magic just like Unicorns!" Twilight begins to clap her hooves together full of glee.

"Well, not necessarily, I can't do what you just did, ya know they whole "levitating around the room" thing. I have seen something like that before however. There were these people, humans like me, blessed with the ability to utilized arcane energy to twist, bend, and manipulate the world around them. They were known as "Magi". "Magi were very rare but very distinguishable. I am known as a Paladin. You inform the two ponies. "Just think of a warrior who has been trained to call upon the Holy energy to assists their allies and damage their enemies."

The two ponies glance at each other with worried expressions on their faces. They both look back at you and Applejack begins to speak. "Hold on one sec; did ya'll just call yerself a warrior? Like fightin' and k-killin'?" Applejack asks you, her voice shaking very nervously.

You immediately realize just what the orange pony is implying by asking you this question. You gaze at her with a stern look on your face then you let out a long sigh. "Yes, it's true. I have fought many times and I have killed many times..." The two mares gasp aloud simultaneously, with fear and concern coursing throughout their bodies. "...but let me assure you!" you say with an uplifting tone. "Never have I once killed out of malice or spite. The only thing that would ever drive me to do something as horrific as that would be guarding those I have dedicated myself to preserve . I have sworn my life to fight for all that is pure and just. Never once have I fought for villainous or hideous cause. I fight to defend, not to destroy!" You gaze at the ponies with a stalwart look in your eyes and a steadfast image painted across your face.

Twilight and Applejack look at you worryingly not knowing if they should trust what you've said. "Well..." Twilight begins to state. "If you didn't have good intentions with you then I don't believe you would have communicated with us so passionately."

"Yeah and maybe if ya weren't as good as ya claim tah be, you might not have been as welcomin' as ya have been. Ya'll might have tried tah hurt us by now." says Applejack observantly.

You turn your head towards Applejack and say with a solemn tone "I would never even think to harm somebody...err...somepony in your case, for no reason! Especially not one who took me in and helped me when I needed it most!" Applejack give you a cute little smile and you smile back politely. After the conversation you start to heal the rest of your body starting from your legs and slowly moving up to you chest allowing the Holy energy to fully restore your wounds.

Now fully rejuvenated You pick yourself up from the ground. While doing so you pick up your sword from the ground by its hilt and sheathe it at your side then you grab your shield and put it on your back. Now fully standing the two ponies look up at you in awe, astonished by how tall you are. You raise an eyebrow "So! Now what?" you ask the stunned ponies.

Twilight shakes her head, releasing her from her trance. "Well." she says "I think we should take you to go meet the Princess. Hopefully she might be able to know how and why you're here, but before we do we need to get you cleaned up if you're going to be presented in front of royalty." Twilight lets out a small chuckle.

You look down and inspect yourself. Your wounds are healed. but as for your armor it's a different story. Your thick, heavy plate mail is splattered with dried up blood ranging from your feet all the way up to your shoulders. "Yeah, that would probably be for the best." you reply.

"And I think I know the right Pony who could help us out!" Twilight informs you. You see her look over to Applejack and they both nod their heads. "The only problem is we need to go into town and I don't think it would be wise to expose you to a large group of ponies at one time under these circumstances." Twilight explains looking back toward you.

"So how are you two going to get me into town without allowing me to be seen?" You ask the ponies, trying to think of an answer as well. Then Applejack's head perks up, You hope she has some good news.

"Ah have an idea. Ah've got a cart that ah use to get supplies from town. Maybe you could get in it and we'll cover it up with a tarp or somethin', then we'll pull ya inta town! Hows that sound Knight?" Applejack asks you. You proceed to contemplate this suggestion.

"Hmmm, do you think it'll work? It sounds easy enough" You say to Applejack with a look of deep thought on your face. Applejack confidently nods her head assuring you that nothing bad will happen. "Alright then, if it's the only plan we've got, might as well try!" You proclaim to the two Ponies. They both nod their heads in agreement and start walking towards the barn door. You follow closely behind them when, suddenly the doors open from the other side. You, Twilight and Applejack immediately freeze in your tracks as you three rest your sight at what looks to be a cyan colored pony with magenta colored eyes and a mane that appears to have every color of the rainbow in it standing in front of the doorway and she appears to have.......wings on her back.

"There you two are! I've been looking...all....over.....for.....you." Her speech slows to a halt as she shifts her glare over to you with a look of fear and animosity in her beautiful eyes. You realize that you're going to be getting looks like this a lot throughout your time in this land so you prepare to try and get used to it. Then suddenly you notice the winged mare leap out to attack you, perhaps believing you to be a threat to Twilight and Applejack. You quickly bring out your shield and brace yourself for whatever this pony may throw at you.

Author's Note:

Thanks for the feedback so far! I know I'm kind of messy when it comes down to these chapters but I am trying my best to learn and change up my writing! =P

I'm glad that people are enjoying this so far, I'll try to keep it interesting for ya'll! =D

Thanks again for reading! =D

Comments

[bladespinner4]

freaking love this story. If you ever need a pre-reader, let me now and I'd be happy to help.

[Alex Wadegrove]

Oh, development in paragraphs and pacing. Go on.

[Kunnka-Kun]

" The purple horse with a horn on its head, just talked to you."

If it's second person and the person is thinking it, the "you" should be replaced with a "me".

You quickly asses the situation:

Unless I decided to moon them, "asses" needs an additional "s" at the end.

You are in a land you have never been in before, you are wounded and in pain sitting in what appears to be a barn.

Place an additional comma after "pain" and a "and".

the lavender Unicorn replies to You cheerfully

Lowercase the "Y" in "You".

says the Unicorn.

Another pseudo error, but you can lowercase "Unicorn" since it's not a proper noun. On the other hand since he doesn't know there are other unicorns, it could be capitalized if you want. Apply to other instances in the chapter.

much like you Ponies

This on the other hand will have to be lowercase as well as any other instances in the story, because he already knows there's on than more pony.

She turns around and looks and you with a puzzled look on her face

Change the second "and" into "at".

Then slowly, you begin to channel what little energy you have into your left hand, then begins to glow a bright gold color.

Place a "it" before the second "begins" otherwise it's awkward phrasing.

You say as You take your know good right arm and hover over your bad left arm.

Lowercase the second "You". Also change the "know" into "now".

Twilight now full of life after watching your display

Place an "is" after Twilight or it's an improper sentence.

The only thing that would ever drive me to do something as beastly as that guarding those I have dedicated myself to preserve .

You switched your idea midway through the sentence so then you have two dependent clauses that don't make sense. Read it aloud and you'll see what I mean.

slowly moving up to you chest allowing the holy energy to fully restore your wounds.

Earlier you had "holy" capitalized as a proper noun, so it's your choice if you wan to go back and lowercase the other holy or uppercase this holy.

Now fulling standing the two ponies look up at you in awe, astonished by how tall you are.

"Fulling" is a method of weaving where you remove any particles in the cloth. So unless I impress them with my MAD TALL WEAVING SKILLS (Which I wouldn't be surprised at), "fulling" should be changed to "fully".

Applejack asks You

Lowercase the "You".

Your writing is certainly improving quite a bit. There's a huge noticeable difference from this chapter to the last chapter. I also see you shook up your sentence structure, so this is much more smoother to read. My big complain in this chapter, however is that you spammed "begin" a lot. You used it a total of 19 times in the chapter in very noticeable spots. A thesaurus search will remedy it quite quickly if you feel like a word is popping up over and over again. I also have a small suggestion: give the character something the other characters can refer him/her to. It may be second person, but it'll get really cumbersome for the characters to never actually call him anything and just refer to him/her. Perhaps call him/her paladin or knight?

THOU MUST CONTINUE ON WITH THE CHRONICLES OF A HOLY KNIGHT!

[Luke Man 7394]

1880568 I think I'll take you up on that offer

[Luke Man 7394]

1880877 i shall

[butterfield pancake]

Nice the Paladin useds Lay on HANDS!!!

[Luke Man 7394]

1881901 not necessarily, the paladin used Word of Glory and Flash Heal

[Luke Man 7394]

1880979 thanks! Iv'e been taking all the feedback into serious consideration and yeah i thought it would have been a good idea to give the main character a nickname but i couldn't quite decide on what to name them but I'll go back and put something in there oh and don't worry THE ADVENTURES OF THE PALADIN HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN!

[butterfield pancake]

1881908 Oh I see I thought he was using the Adventure Quest Paladin Class Skill Lay on Hands [After 99 turns you can fully heal yourself

[Luke Man 7394]

1882756 oh, sorry to disappoint but I kind of wanted to base the protagonist off of the World of Warcraft Paladin but without making a direct crossover from the game

[butterfield pancake]

1882875 I see, that's interesting