Friends and foes
No matter what happens to any creature, good or bad, the universe will always find a way to elevate or oppress the individuals that live in it. It is a strange balance, one that has persisted throughout all of eternity. It is a meter, and it serves to remind everypony that while life is never perfect, it can have its moments. Without sadness, one cannot know true happiness. And without happiness, sadness cannot be there to remind one of mistakes made, serving as memories to learn from and challenges to overcome.
No life is perfect. No matter who you are, life will remind you that you are not untouchable. The strongest, fastest, oldest, and wisest could discover a simple thing blocking their path. Even the “All-Powerful Alicorn Sisters” might find that they sometimes fall prey to bleak days. The darkest of shadows is illuminated by the smallest of flames, but the brightest sun can easily be overshadowed by clouds. And so it was that, even though the sun shone brightly, very little light fell on the city of Canterlot below, and dark clouds brewed where nopony thought to look.
Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza at first felt moods directly opposed to the seeming disposition of the sky that hung heavily above the city of Canterlot. They had risen early that morning, entwined in each other's hooves. Though the sky was bleak, they had gone about their morning as if Celestia's sun was shining upon the city brighter than ever. Together they pranced and played around their home with springs in their steps and smiles on their faces. The mare and stallion held a bond stronger than any other, so that even the smallest thing could bring them together and make it stronger still. It was truly a rare connection, but one that grew every day they were together. A match made in paradise, it would seem.
It was late in the morning when she came for them. The two were curled up together, each levitating a book in front of them while resting peacefully on their couch. Cadence lay her head on her husband's shoulder, while Shining rested his head on top of hers. A small lamp was lit, providing enough light to comfortably read while the grey sky glowed with a dim light. From playful to peaceful, the couple simply rested while enjoying each other's company.
It was too good to be true.
A flash of light bright as lightning and a booming sound like thunder cracked outside their home, shattering the peaceful air which had surrounded the two. They shot up as one from their positions, dropping their books to the ground. Panicked, they turned to each other for a moment. Pure shock and surprise dominated the features of both. Immediately, they assumed the worst as to what waited outside their home.
Silence ruled the quiet home for a painfully long time before it was broken by a rapid knocking at the door. Shining Armor and Cadence simply stared at the entryway, their jaws hanging open. They had half expected it to shatter open, revealing a murderous unicorn out for blood. There was silence once again for a few brief seconds, before the pony outside repeated the action of rapping their hooves against the door..
“Hello? Shining Armor? Cadence?” Shining Armor was broken out of his trance, and practically sprinted to the door upon hearing this particular voice call to them. It was Luna, but why was she here? And to arrive in such a manner... Shining Armor undid the small latch and threw the door open, revealing the deep-blue princess.
Shining and Cadence instantly saw that something was wrong. Normally a very calm and collected mare, Luna looked deeply disturbed as she stared back at them with wide eyes. Her entire body shook to an extent that neither Shining nor Cadence had ever seen before. Her eyes were wild like those of a terrified beast, and her breaths were quick and ragged. The moment she laid eyes on them, her entire body sagged, as if the weight of the world had been removed from her shoulders.
“Auntie?” Cadence cried, rushing forward to embrace the panicked alicorn.
Before she could speak another word, Luna heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness you two are okay. Celestia and I were terrified. Nopony in the entire castle had seen you two, and we feared the worst.”
Shining Armor shook his head. “Princess, what is going on? Of course we're fine. What's gotten into you? I've never seen you like this.”
Before he could say more, Luna shook her head. “It is best if you come with me.” She returned, tone grave. Her eyes hardened at the couple standing in front of her. “We've received a message from Twilight Sparkle.”
At hearing his sister's name, Shining Armor's eyes widened. “Well what are we waiting for, then? Let's go.” Luna nodded quickly, before her horn glowed with its characteristic blue hue, and in only a moment the three were encased in the glow of her magic and disappeared.
Within just a few seconds they appeared outside of the throne room. The normally packed hallways were completely empty. They were always full of ponies ranging from commoners to the nobility, each hoping to petition the princess. Whether it be a disturbance at a farm, funds for a school house, or the repealing of a law, everypony was given a chance to speak with no judgment or discrimination. To see the halls empty during the day was strange to both Shining Armor and Cadence. Without all of the petitioners, the long corridor seemed larger than they remembered. The fact that the guards were also absent only added to the dread that Shining and Cadence felt. Shining's military instincts naturally came to full alert at the lack of a military presence, and though Equestria was for the most part peaceful, Cadence also grew uneasy, as she had always been surrounded by the Royal Guard. Without them she felt naked, open, an easy target.
Shining Armor knew most of the royal guard personally, so deep was the bond between his soldiers that they were practically family to one another. If they were all gone, just what awaited them on the other side of the massive doors in front of them?
Luna pushed one of the doors open and quickly shuffled the couple inside. Once she herself had made it through the doorway, she wrapped her hoof around the door and shut it behind her with a resounding “BANG”.
Shining Armor and Cadence turned towards the throne. The usually filled seat was instead empty. Celestia sat at the foot of the throne, a scroll laying rolled-up at her hooves. As they approached her, she stood. The tall alicorn rose to her full height, towering above the others, including Luna.
Celestia's expression was grim. Though she wore a simple frown, her eyes blazed with anger and power. Cadence could feel the emotions radiating off of her Aunt. It was enough to make her feel sick and slightly shaken. Almost instinctively, Shining Armor moved closer to his wife and wrapped one hoof around her.
As they approached Celestia, Shining drew a deep breath. “So?” He asked. “What's the situation?” His eyes wandered to the scroll which still lay at Celestia's hooves. “I'm assuming that is why we are all here. Correct?” Celestia and Luna nodded in unison.
“We received this less than an hour ago.” Celestia began, her tone deathly serious. “A guard brought it to Luna. Apparently it was left outside of Shining Armor's office.” The scroll was encased in a golden glow as it levitated into the air. Slowly it rolled open to reveal three words, crudely plastered across the paper. The message was written in a hideous brown and red substance.
Shining Armor instantly knew that it was no ink. No, the grave message was written in blood.
YOU WERE WARNED
Cadence buried her head in Shining's mane, trying to hide from her thoughts the horrible message that was scrawled across the page. Even Shining Armor, who had seen actual combat, felt his breath catch in his throat and his voice die away before he could speak. His entire body shuddered as he shook his head.
How could this be? He had made no move to capture or threaten Twilight. He was only guilty of reading a few files and a suspicion of one mare. His thoughts were called away as Luna spoke.
“That is not all that we have received. Show them sister.” Celestia unfurled the page even further. Laying at the bottom of the page was a small, flat stone. A symbol was carved into the front. Slowly, it glowed and pulsed with a gentle purple light. Though it sat innocently, the small rune filled Shining Armor with terror.
With a message like that, what could possibly come from the rune? After a few moments, Shining finally found the words to speak. “What is it?” He ventured. Luna walked out from behind Shining and Cadence, who peeked out from her husband's mane. Luna stood at her sister's side, both of them staring back at Shining Armor while gently shaking their heads.
“You haven't activated it yet, then?” Again the Princesses shook their heads darkly. Shining's chest rose as he took another deep breath. “Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's see what it holds.”
Celestia nodded. The rune detached itself from the page and levitated to the floor. Once there, Shining's horned flared to life, and the stone was encased in a small force field, barely large enough for a pony to fit in. Seeing the others begin jump into action, Cadence slowly moved back. She hated that she couldn't do anything to help. Emotions being her forte, she was never good with combative or protective magic.
However, she did not feel left out this time. In fact, she was glad to not have to partake in the action. The message had terrified her, and she wanted no part in whatever her aunts and husband were about to do. All of their emotions, even her own, left an impact on her, and the fear she felt made her sick and weak.
Luna's horn charged and crackled with deep blue energy as she stood in a combative stance, similar to that of Shining Armor. Cadence watched as Celestia herself stepped forward. She bent down, her horn pushing through Shining Armor's field. She gently touched it to the small stone, a spark of magic coming off and connecting with the rune.
Immediately, she shuffled back as the stone bounced to life inside of Shining' cover. Her horn now also glowed with a golden light, prepared to face anything that came from the magical item. A flash of light came from the stone before a large, black insectile creature appeared inside the shield. The figure was covered in blood. A large gash was open on it's head, but nothing spilled from the open wound. The blood caking it's body was old and dried, meaning that the creature had been injured for some time.
“Oh Celestia...” Shining gasped. “It's a changeling.” His shield dropped as he, Celestia, and Luna rushed forward to investigate the creature. Each of them was oblivious to Cadence's open jaw and horrified expression. Shining dropped down, putting his head to the changeling's chest. After a few moments he pulled away, his expression grim. “The poor thing barely has a pulse. It's too far gone at this point. There's nothing we can do.” The three stared down in pity at the creature. A small whimper escaped from Cadence's lips.
“Chip.” She said simply, her words reaching Shining's ears. His brow creased in confusion. Luna and Celestia themselves turned towards the younger alicorn, confused. Before any of them could inquire further, however, Cadence let out an earsplitting shriek.
“CHIP.” She screamed, launching herself towards the the body of the broken changeling, tears streaming down her cheeks. Pure emotion fueled her as her eyes glowed white with magic. She embraced the young changeling's body, pointed her horn to the young creature, and let loose a massive burst of magic.
The energy sent a jolt through the changeling's body, causing it to shudder and convulse. 'Come on Chip.' Cadence begged. 'Live. Live. LIVE.' She let loose another blast of magic into his body. The large wound on his forehead slowly began to mend itself shut. 'Yes. That’s it. Keep going.'
Neither Shining, Celestia, or Luna took any action. The three stared in shock at Cadence's sudden outburst. They hadn't expected this in the slightest. How did she even know the creature's name? Though they knew they should, none of them moved to stop or confront her, instead they watched as she let another massive wave of magic emit from her horn.
This time, the changeling's chest rose as he drew a raspy breath into his lungs. Cadence let out a laugh, the white light in her eyes slowly dying. She had done it. He was okay.
The changeling drew more breaths, his eyes still closed. “Chip,” Cadence whispered at first, “Chip, you're okay.” She said gently, tears forming in her eyes. Her voice quivered as she fought the urge to sob. She hugged his body even tighter to hers, nuzzling the changeling gently.
Finally, Celestia stepped forward. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” she called, using Cadence's full title, “just what in the name of Equestria is going on, and how do you know that changeling?”
The pink alicorn turned toward her aunt with a furious expression, causing Celestia to step backwards in surprise. “Why don't you help me and we can get to questions later, hmm auntie?” She growled, shocking the other three ponies in the room. There was a long silence as Cadence stared furiously at her family members, with said members looking back at her in total shock.
Shining was the first to step forward. He nudged his head underneath the changeling's body, lifting the injured creature onto his back. He faced Celestia and Luna, who were still in shock. “I think we should listen. She might turn on us too.” Shining half joked, trying to lighten the mood. Somehow, the attempt only seemed to bring the room down even more.
After a few moments and a quick cloaking spell, the group departed from the throne room, the heavy cloud of questions unanswered following them all the way to the hospital.
Once the group arrived, Chip was placed in a private room. There he would receive medical attention from only Cadence and those whom she deemed trustworthy. Other than that, the changeling would be left alone where he could recuperate and build up his strength. What would happen to him after that depended on what Cadence told Celestia and Luna.
As soon as Chip was left in his room Celestia, Luna, and Shining Armor all demanded answers from Cadence. She had hoped to wait far longer to tell them, but now she simply couldn't evade the questions. She was forced to tell them about how she had found the changelings, took them in, fed them, nurtured them, and earned their trust, just as they had earned hers.
Though they were obviously surprised as Cadence told her story, none of her family members ever interrupted or stopped her as she spoke. Only when Cadence got to the part where she had used them as spies did Celestia and Luna finally speak up and question the young mare.
“Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?” The sisters scolded her, Shining remaining silent during the affair. They went on about “Putting herself in the line of danger,” and “having the responsibility to tell them about the hidden changelings.”
At hearing them say this, Cadence interupted them. “So you're really saying that if I had just told you I was harboring changelings, you would have let them stay without interrogation or hassle?” As expected, Luna and Celestia fell silent. Without a doubt they would have forbade Cadence from keeping the creatures.
As she finished her story, Shining couldn't help but notice that she had left out the part where he had told Cadence he thought he knew where somepony was hiding Twilight. Instead she had only told them that 'her' changelings had been spying around Canterlot.
After a few questions more, Celestia and Luna left the hallway where Cadence had told them her story, presumably to decide what to do with the young changelings. After a few minutes they returned, their expressions sincere and genuine. “After some thought,” Celestia said slowly, “Luna and I have agreed that the changelings may stay.” A smile spread across Cadence's face. She ran forward and embraced her aunts in a tight grip.
“However...” Luna spoke this time. “That is on the condition that Celestia and I personally speak to them first, and if they agree to stay on the palace grounds until we allow them to leave.” Though she did not agree with the restrictions, Cadence reluctantly assented to her aunt's terms. Anything that would help the young changelings.
“There is one thing I have to do first, though.” Cadence said quietly, her expression turning grim. She stared down at the cold, hard floor, not wanting to meet anypony's eyes. “I have to tell them what happened to Chip. Even though they knew the risks of what they were doing, I'm still responsible for what happened to him. I asked them to do this, so I should be the one to tell them.”
Shining Armor placed a hoof on her shoulder. As she turned to him, he gave her a reassuring smile. “Don't worry about it. I'll go. It wasn't your fault, and you should stay with Chip. He would be dead twice, if it weren't for you. Go and rest.” Cadence enveloped her husband in a tight hug as he finished. She gave him a short kiss before moving past him and her aunts into Chip's room.
Shining took a breath before saying a short goodbye to the Princesses, promising to accompany the changelings back to the throne room once he was finished. He slowly made his way through the long hallways until he found the stairway to Cadence's private tower. Step by step he made his way up the long stairway, and remembered.
Years ago when he had joined the Guard and held a more minor leadership position, it was his absolute duty to care for each and every one of the soldiers beneath him. If anypony was hurt or injured, it was his job to inform the parents or any close family. Luckily deaths were few and far between, and Shining had never had to deal with the guilt or memories of telling a mother that her son had been killed. The worst was when a magical charge had gone off prematurely during a military drill. Shining had been obligated to tell the stallion's parents that they weren't sure if he would wake up from his coma. Oh how the mare had cried. She couldn't even speak through the sobs that had racked her body. Shining had never before felt such a weight come off of his chest as the one removed the day that the stallion had woken up after a few weeks.
You would think that a pony would be used to it, but Shining would be lying if he said that. It was a sad thing when a pony became numb to the suffering of others. The reason torture was so very rarely used as means of gathering information, the reason it was saved for only the most heinous of criminals, was because there were very few ponies who were able to not only inflict pain, but also watch mercilessly as it happened.
Shining finally reached the top of the stairwell. He gently pushed the door open and was greeted with silence. Cadence had said that the changelings always hid from anypony who entered the room, unless it was her and her alone.
He stopped in the middle of the large room, taking a deep breath before speaking. “Hello,” he said to the still, quiet room, “my name is Shining Armor. Princess Cadence is my wife. I'm afraid that I have bad new about your friend, Chip.” He received no response, but nevertheless he continued. “While he was scouting last night, he was discovered and... and he was seriously injured.” He felt something shift in the air. As if he could feel the changelings perking up at his words.
“We found him earlier this morning. He was nearly dead, but Cadence saved him. He's resting in an intensive-care room in the medical wing of the hospital. Cadence told the Princesses and I about you. If I'm not correct, your names are Mirror and Switch, right?” Slowly, the closet door creaked open, and a small changeling poked her head out, only enough to see the large stallion.
“H...How do we t...trust you?” The young changeling sounded like she was holding back tears. Fear and worry were sown into her voice.
Meeting her eye, Shining relaxed slightly. He had been sitting in a rigid military stance the whole time. “I'm not here to capture you. I told Cadence to stay with Chip so that I could tell you what happened. I guess I'm a bit more experienced with this sort of thing.”
He chuckled sadly at his pathetic joke. Another head came into view from behind a pair of curtains covering a window. “The Princesses want to personally speak with you and have agreed to allow you to stay in the palace. You have no reason to hide now. I promise that nopony in this place will hurt you.”
Slowly, they came out from their hiding spots, facing the large stallion whom they still did not completely trust. “Thank you for coming out.” Shining said to them. “But before I take you to the Princesses, I have something to ask you.”
Shining leaned in closer to the changelings, his face deadly serious. “Where was he when you last spoke to him?”
It was still late in the afternoon. The sun was at the top of the sky. Or it should have been, at least. The grey clouds still blocked out the sun. For some reasons the weather patrol did not feel the need to clean up this depressing sky, but the weather was not what was on Shining Armor's mind.
Slowly he walked through the small alleyway, his eyes scanning the street and houses for something, anything. A sign that the changeling had been there. He had been at this for a few hours now, and hadn't had any luck so far.
He was beginning to give up hope when something caught his eye. There, on one of the walls, was a small graffiti mark. Something about this one caught his eye. It was rather small, smaller then his hoof, while other “tags” generally covered entire walls.
As he inspected it closer, he couldn't help but feel that he had seen it before. I was an intricate drawing of a flower. A white flower. Suddenly, a name came to him. A name that he had heard from Cadence.
“White Primrose.” He whispered to himself. That was it. It was one of Cadence's favorite flowers. He had gotten one for her when he had proposed to her. How could he have forgotten? But instead of laughing at his bad memory, he felt as if the world had gotten darker. This was it. He had found Twilight. But what did he do now? He didn't dare go after her alone.
He turned back, walking out of the narrow corridor. He was going to need help with this, and he knew just the pegasus to ask.
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Yay, new chapter!!!
This is going to go really bad, really fast, isn't it? After all, I'm guessing that Twilight doesn't know that the Changeling wasn't acting on Shining Armor's orders...
3817056
What do you mean?
And the pieces fall into place. Everyone get ready for the incoming shitstorm that even Celestia can't stop.
3817167
i487.photobucket.com/albums/rr238/debbira6756/Dorothea%20Wolves/Evilface.jpg
Dumb move Shining Armor. Dumb move.
3816667
... doesn't know when to quit.
3817592
*Puts on BIGGER black-rimmed glasses, gets skinnier, and wears a scarf*
I edit the entire fanfiction... by hand.
He's going to get Derpy right?
Yes, this is coming along nicely.
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/168/3/f/it__s__the__pose__by_sweetiebelle_fim-d3j4lyf.png
Aunt shouldn't be capitalized.
Why single quotes? Is Cadance thinking this?
The second "H" should not be capitalized and there is a space after an ellipsis.
How did he find Twilight? Did the primrose somehow confirm that Octavia is hiding her? Cause the mark only means that the changeling was there.
3818796
Don't get ahead of yourself now. Let's just stay on this one story before making outrageous claims.
3822474 I disagree with the last point, but anyways:
Some day, a chapter I edit will be free of error. Some day... *sniffle* *sniffle*
3828189
What last point? The logic jump of going from the white primrose to knowing Twilight's location?
Learn that there will always be errors. Just try and get the ones that interrupt the flow of reading the most.
3829888 Something easy enough to learn and accept, yes, but I refuse to stop hoping. Logical errors are ambiguous enough from person to person to be easily dismissed; grammatical errors are not.
3829888
3829960
Look girls, you're both pretty and you don't have to fight over me. I will admit that Fourpony has a point about it being a logical leap, and I could have done it a bit better.
Oh well. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
3829977
3829888
GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
3829960
But as an editor you need to go and make some of these tough calls. Call the author out on where they need to add some more detail so the reader is not lost.
3830036
OH SHIT HER HAIR IS STRAIGHT! THE HAIR IS STRAIGHT!
3837085 Yeah, but I had already messed around with the logic more than a little, at least what was inherent in the timeline, that I did/do not like to mess with it more. Personal quirk. Not that that excuses it.
3837085
Come here you... it's time to PARTY.
3837509
I like to point out anything that is a leap or wrong. Like going through something now and an EKG is described like an MRI. Having a difficult time switching things to make it all ok.
3837509
I am sure we can work this out peacefully. I mean, I would hate to injure Seeker's editor. But... if you insist, let's DANCE.
3838664 You're on, sister!
Er, Princess, or Nightmare Moon, or... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
3838674
I really doubt we have any relation. Though, with your regalia, what are you? A some guard perhaps, or maybe you are just dressing yourself up for some event? Mayhap it is an ass kicking.
3838689 What is a some guard? Perhaps it is the name you give to those innocent ponies you attack at night? Didn't I warn you about that? I sincerely hope I shall not have to remind you AGAIN of what happens when you mess with a Pinkie with straight hair!
3838737
3838689
This is going to be good... hollywoodmegastore.com/Images/4187_Popcorn_Bag_Standup_592.jpg
3838737
Forgive me for trying to be festive and turn a new leaf. You also have no evidence that I have attacked anypony, recently. And what will you do with your straight hair? Talk to your ingredients? I, unlike your friend, have no reason to run and, I assure you, sitting on my head would be less than pleasant. But, if you do so feel inclined, go ahead.
3838790
DO NOT INSULT MR. FLOUR LIKE THAT! HE HAS FEELINGS TOO! And no evidence? The rather recent eternal night would beg to differ.
3838848
Four stands up, glaring across the table at Mugsy, the papers covered in red ink between them forgotten.
"Oh, I do hope you can see outside, there is clearly a sun out. I do not see why you insist on blaming me for some Eternal Night that has yet come to pass! Oh, and that bag of flour, I think I recently saw it used for some baking."
Sighing, Four sits back down looking over the papers. "I really can't see how you missed so many things. Logical errors abound in this document, you're making Seeker look like a schizophrenic."
3839107 Mugsy stood up, smiling sweetly. "Oh yes, I made them for my super-special extra-fun 'I-Beat-Four-At-An-Argument-Today party, I would invite you but then that would kinda miss the point of being the winner. And logical errors are based in part on the pony alone!"
Mugsy leaned forward, eyes hungry for the right words. "Are you saying you speak for everypony? At least if dear Mr. Seeker was a schizophrenic, he'd be a lovable one!"
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Sighing with a hint of sadness, Four continues to look over the papers.
"You know hon, you cannot claim that Seeker would be lovab—A-AH! This "I" should be "is—lovable without backing it up. Please don't set yourself up for another fall. Even though I do enjoy you digging figurative holes for yourself and baking your imaginative friends into party treats, we should get back to this so Seeker can post it."
Four flips a page, eyes scanning the document. "Shining must be a terrible detective if he is making large logical leaps about where Twilight is staying. Yes, he can suspect it, but it would have been better for Seeker to have mentioned that Shining noted how the primrose was near Octavia's place or residence. From that he could question her, jumping to conclusions in such a way is poor taste."
3839252 Mugsy's eye twitched. "Is that... the next chapter you're editing? Seeker said he would give that to me first! And hey, that much red ink is never allowed on one document! At this point you're nitpicking!"
Mugsy sits down hard on her chair. "What gives you the right to judge a poor, defenseless author and his editor? Most of your 'corrections' are not corrections at all, they're just you getting fussy over really minute errors!"
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Four tuts at Mugsy. "Calling what I do not corrections and later saying I am picking out small errors means that they are corrections. You contradicted yourself in the same sentence."
Four continues to scan through the document, red pen scratching off small errors and adding questions about the plot.
"You know," she mentions idly, hoof waving lackadaisically in the air. "I think that whole 'nitpicking' comment is just you trying to make up for the little things you missed. It is no issue, but you must admit where you are failing a little so you can improve, hon."
3839366 Mugsy's laugh fills the room for a second. "Oh yes, let's go about accusing ponies of wanting to remain stagnant and unenlightened. Let's begin a list, shall we?"
Mugsy smiles sweetly, and lifts one hoof. "First of all, there is a difference between being sloppy and leaving too much for the imagination, and leaving hints and small errors in purposefully, as a sort of timed hole for the reader to fill in by themselves. "
Mugsy lifted a second hoof. "Secondly, sentences are sometimes constructed such that reorganization or addition would destroy the meaning of the sentence, thus turning the editor into the author. Hardly the ideal situation."
"And lastly," at this a hind hoof raised itself into the air, "going back to the issue of plot holes, sometimes they are left on purpose to be filled in by the author at a later point, in a movement towards a greater goal. At that point, it's hardly the fault of the editor if it's hard to tell what is left in as allusion and what is there as error."
Mugsy puts all three hooves down. "You know, we wouldn't be having this argument if you weren't such a jerk about corrections. I hardly think you're a kind pony; you must take after Nightmare Moon more than I thought!"
3839548
Four gasps in mock shock. "ME! A NIGHTMARE?! I hardly could say I can pull off that look, my smile is too goofy. But enou... you have flexible legs."
Four scrunches her face in confusion before shaking off the strange sight. "Anyway, your points. Pauses should be made with commas, periods, semi-colons, and many other means of showing a pause. Adding in errors is not the correct way to denote this as all readers will react a little differently to the error. When I stumble across an error in something I am reading, I get completely derailed and have to go up a couple lines."
She orders the papers, tapping them lightly on the table to get the edges straight before setting them down, looking Mugsy in the eye. "If a sentence is so precarious that it needs such work done to it, then the author should be notified and suggestions made."
Leaning forward, Four rest her head on an upturned hoof, a smug smile on her visage. "Yes, plot holes are good for dragging the reader in deeper, but they must be done tactfully. Little jumps in logic need to be explained at that time, going back later and explaining a small point will make a reader lost as to what is being referred to."
"Jerk?" A toothy grin manifests from beneath Four's lips. "Just how insipid are you? I am sure you have more words in that small, pink head of yours. Come on, surprise me."
3839735 Mugsy gives a wide grin to Four. "Oh, I'll do more than tell you what I know. Let me show you what I think of your 'corrections', you prissy pony."
With that, Mugsy reaches a hoof over to the bottle of red ink sitting next to Four's papers, and knocks it over.
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Four shoots Mugsy a look that clearly indicates how daft she thinks that other pony is. "You do know that was Seeker's work right? But, I can clearly see when I am not wanted."
The table shoots into Mugy's stomach as Four shoves it instead of scooting her chair back.
3839842 Mugsy takes the blow full-on and grunts, before looking up and cackling. "Took you that long, did it? I was wondering when the message would get through; obviously, your tunnel-vision finally let up a little."
Mugsy drops down and slides under the table, popping up beside Four with a large grin plastered on her face. "No, princess, your snooty opinion is most decidedly not wanted, and I'll happily pay you back for all of the valuable time you've given this story, out of your busy schedule." Mugsy cocks back a hoof and sends it hurtling straight for Four's muzzle.
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Four takes a glancing blow off the side of her helmet as she jerks to the side, the two contacting metals releasing a sharp ping. Following her quick movement, Four allows herself to fall from the chair. She stands, facing the pink and gold, bi-polar pony.
"Now that was uncalled for! But if it really must come to blows," her chair rises into the air to float to the side, the four legs pointed at Mugsy. "Then so be it."
3839963 Mugsy just shakes her head. "You know, you say you're all smart and stuff, but you really have a hard time telling when ponies don't like you. And you're fighting style is REALLY bad. Like, worse-than-your-disclaimers-put-at-the-end-of-every-post bad. Like, use-a-chair-when-there-are-a-variety-of-really-sharp-objects-around bad."
With a kick Mugsy upends the table and catches one of the pens that was sent flying upwards. "You know, they say the pen is mightier than the sword, and a sword can cut through most ponies. I'm curious to see if that statement is true or not." With that, she lunges forward and brings the pen down like a dagger, and embeds the object squarely in the seat of the chair.
Four looks disbelievingly at the pink pony, expression clearly bemused. 'Really? A pen against a chair?"
"Yep! Works every time." Mugsy shouted proudly as she kicked the chair into the inattentive Four's chest, knocking the wind out of the mare and causing her to lose her grip on the chair.
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Ok. I have been following this story the entire time and, pardon my french, this is one the funniest goddamn things I have ever read. Seriously, are you guys going to collaborate on stories in the future? Because you would make a great writing team.
But honestly, I'm here to set just a few things straight. Mugsy, Fourpony is right when he/she said you should have corrected the "leap" in Shining's logic. I will admit that it was a bit of one, a huge leap actually. But Fourpony, what you do not know is that I have understood that his decision was a leap from the very beginning, as was when I thought of the idea. If you look closely, you will see other examples of this in my story. Believe me when I say that I have thought this story through many time, despite the mistakes I occasionally make. This, however, is not one of them. I respect your effort to make it clear to both Musgy and I of the mistake, but it is not as you would think it to be. You will both see in due time just how this all plays out. But until then, goodnight.
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Examples?
Commence operation: Fluttershy!
Even though it's obviously Rainbow Dash.3839735
At least your playing small jokes off of your username. Four gasps, for example. And your name is Fourpony. So, even while you are in the midst of a brawl, you still have time to make a small little joke. Congratulations!
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*Mugsy's
I just wanted to jump in some more, so don't mind me! I also can't believe that Mugsy didn't notice it. I don't want to start a war, though! Mugsy, please don't take offense!
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Of what exactly? I won't able to give many, because then I would have to spoil.
We don't want that now do we?
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You said to go read back and it can be seen the Shining makes jumps in logic. So I was wondering if you could think of any.
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I'm trying to say this with giving hints or spoiling. It's not necessarily a leap in judgement but it can be a drastic movement or increased aggression. That's about all I can say at this point, other wise I will begin giving things away and preparing readers for things that will come in the future. If I give these things away, then what will be written later won't have the same impact. Sorry that I can't say more.
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...
I mean, I understand completely!
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With slow movements, both Four and Mugsy turn as one and look at the two new occupants of the room.
"Seeker, why are you here?" Four asks quietly, looking directly at the pony. "You really should leave these spates to the grown-ups, hon. We wouldn't want to unnecessarily involve you in any collaborative fighting."
"Indeed," Mugsy says, slowly and almost sensuously walking towards Flame. "Flame, let me get one thing straight. You corrected Four and reprimanded me, and you really expect neither of us to respond?" Mugsy tuts softly. "So innocent. So wrong."
With that, Mugsy grabs Flame and heaves his body in an arc over her head, straight towards Four.
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Four redirects Flame's path into the table, pens and papers scatter as the table screeches and flips from the impact. Six knives and a sharpening rod float from the knife block. Pointing at Seeker, Four growls. "You stay out of this."
Two paring knives accelerate into Mugsy, the ping of their impact into her torc echoing around the inclosed space. She is staggered slightly from the blow. Snarling, her blue eyes lock onto Four. "You just made a terr—"
"NO! Just stop right there, no cliche lines." A snide grin slits Four's muzzle. "Please, be more original. I always grew tired of overly used phrases. Unless it is funny; of which you are not." The remaining knives float to her side with the sharpening rod hovering in front of her.
A small hint of red appears from under Mugsy's torc, the two blades having been able to penetrate into the soft metal around her neck. One of her gold shod hooves touches the blood before bringing it to her mouth and taking a small taste.
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"Celestia almighty." Seeker sighs, cradling his head in his hooves. "These are the ponies I collaborate with." He shakes his head gently before turning to leave the room.