1759702 there you go

You should keep writing, bug pony is best pony

Thanks for the chapter, is sweet seeing Chrysalis going all maternal, when she heard a child cry. for a instant when you mention the green eyes on Tyler boss, I though more changeling, found a way to reach earth and instantly acknowledge Tyler as their king.

P.S: Did Chrysalis actually love Tyler or did she is using him? like the rest of the mens? She said that has being only 3 days from her exile, and she clearly is malicious in her acts.

1760757 I believe that she actually loves him and wants to help him. I will again probably explain later on as it might spoil something.

1760772
Ok

I love this story. but if I may,I found some area that need improvement.Your plot is ok but it's too rushed.Have the main character ask questions as it,s strange to immediately accept new species and royalty without explanation.Also you should probably add the alternate universe tag to clear up any misunderstandings.I find it hard to believe Celestia ordering any kind of death,much less eliminating an entire species from her world in the mlp universe depicted in the show.If you fix these I'm sure many people will appreciate your story far more and continue to support you as I plan to do.

AWWW YEA, you have made my night,

here a little gif just for you
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/filly_chrysalis_wants_your_love_by_tomdantherock-d4zmvcesdc.gif?1342342610

As already pointed out the plot is good. BUT:

1: You need to pace it better, everything is kind of rushed.

2: You need a proof reader. There are so many missing commas and periods and even more words that are in the wrong tense.
Also, the narrative can be improved a lot as well. It's like it's simply describing what's happening (at a breakneck speed thanks to the lack of pacing). Rather than "painting" a picture of what's happening. It's very vital to immersion.

Right now, your plot is good enough to cover for this, but it won't do in the future.
Don't worry though, this is a problem easily remedied. Simply get someone to proof read it, and have them give you feedback on the pacing and narrative.
Y'know, Let someone you know read it through and give you feedback.

// The Emperor Protects

1761573 thanks

1762150 I have a proofreader for one of my other stories and I might ask him if it's okay if he works on this one as well.

hey it's daniel again here to say that I will probably release the chapter in about 2 or 3 days. I just want some time to collect my thoughts etc.

fandiddlyantastic

I have a few things to mention.

One: This is is going by way too fast. Put some detail into it. You know, like instead of "I was at my job I met a couple of interesting people" why not describe said people and explain why they are interesting. Are they drunk? Are they strange? Do they look strange or act strange? Did they do something you don't normally see? Things like this make a story interesting. Spice it up a little!

Second: Chrissy seems obsessed with two things; meat and sex. Why is this?

Third: You have a good basic idea here but as I stated before, you need more filler, more events.
Also, a proof reader. If you want, i could help proof read and possibly give you some ideas, if you would like.

Overall, its a good story! Thumbs up!

Yeah, this is getting difficult to keep going. Lemme get a shot at the revised ones, k?