As much as I hate the "zompony apocalypse" idea (it just seems like there;s so many things, especially in Equestria, that would either prevent or very quickly stop it), this is an interesting take on it, so far at least. You have my interest.
Well. I was going to point out a few grammatical errors for you to fix, but now I see that there are more of them than I care to list. Please do yourself a favor and get an editor.
1731987 It was far from being unreadable, so I'll give you credit for that one. Also, being the zombie junkie that I am, of course I'm going to at least give it an initial read-through. And I do like where you're going with this, especially how you seem to combine hope with hopelessness while diminishing neither. (The former coming when Sweetie Belle joins them, the latter when she reveals Rarity's distress.) So you do have something good going with this.
I saw the YouTube video you made of my story and you recommended me to read your story. And I enjoy. It instantly has suspense and friends dying. Hard choices are already made in this story. I really enjoy it.
The flashback opening confused me. I had to reread it a few time to follow. That said, I like the idea, and it could be a good opening, good visual and somber mood. But I think it needs a bit of a retool. ether clarify that she’s daydreaming at the start, or show that she jolted from the memory after the fact.
Beware of over explaining. Let the reader work for it. Also explanations of things that are common knowledge are dull to read. In general you can always boil down your narrative. I frequently quote Stephen King’s rule of “reduce your first draft by 10%”
Adjectives outside of said tags are to be avoided, and used in moderation within said tags.
You show more than tell, which is good. I think you could have a stronger story if you showed a little more though. Here is a good article on the topic.
You do a good job of tension. Suspense is important in a story, especially a thriller. I think you have a grasp on it. But be aware of it, and work it for all it’s worth.
"Well, what are we waitin' for?" Applebloom said bravely, "Let's go get Rarity. It'd be better if we're together." "No." Applejack winced upon hearing herself say that word. "W-what are you talkin' about? Why not?" Applejack asked.
As much as I hate the "zompony apocalypse" idea (it just seems like there;s so many things, especially in Equestria, that would either prevent or very quickly stop it), this is an interesting take on it, so far at least. You have my interest.
1731949
Thanks!
I totally know what you mean, I tried to avoid the slaughterhouse in this fic, if you know what I mean.
1731950
Don't forget to rate
1731963
Well. I was going to point out a few grammatical errors for you to fix, but now I see that there are more of them than I care to list. Please do yourself a favor and get an editor.
Also, dem zombehs. I like dem zombehs.
Awesome....Best take on a zombie in equestria story Ive seen. Also "The Last Stand?" I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
1731981
Yea, I know that my grammar isn't exactly... good. Thanks for liking the story though.
1731983
1731987
It was far from being unreadable, so I'll give you credit for that one. Also, being the zombie junkie that I am, of course I'm going to at least give it an initial read-through. And I do like where you're going with this, especially how you seem to combine hope with hopelessness while diminishing neither. (The former coming when Sweetie Belle joins them, the latter when she reveals Rarity's distress.) So you do have something good going with this.
I would read it, but I must put it on the mountain of read-later for now. Pretty busy. Looks interesting though.
1731952I know how you feel, bro. It's better to have more suspense and drama, rather than just blood and guts every chapter
I have a feeling this will be a short fic. One that won't end too well, given you don't pull a Deus Ex Machina somewhere along the way
Will watch.
1732144
I've never read an apocalyptic zombie MLP fic before, hope this one lives to see a bright and bloody future.
Watchin.
Cuz y'all love this so much, I'm saying FUCK YOU HOMEWORK! I'm writing more!
http://imgur.com/aEKUP
It's just too important!
1732919
they're actually rather common on this site. you just have to know where to look.
Zombies I guess. BUT WHY DOES RARITY HAVE TO GET BIT FIRST
Sooo... whoever didn't like this fic before, suddenly likes it now?
I saw the YouTube video you made of my story and you recommended me to read your story. And I enjoy. It instantly has suspense and friends dying. Hard choices are already made in this story. I really enjoy it.
First 500 word review.
The flashback opening confused me. I had to reread it a few time to follow. That said, I like the idea, and it could be a good opening, good visual and somber mood. But I think it needs a bit of a retool. ether clarify that she’s daydreaming at the start, or show that she jolted from the memory after the fact.
Beware of over explaining. Let the reader work for it. Also explanations of things that are common knowledge are dull to read. In general you can always boil down your narrative. I frequently quote Stephen King’s rule of “reduce your first draft by 10%”
Adjectives outside of said tags are to be avoided, and used in moderation within said tags.
You show more than tell, which is good. I think you could have a stronger story if you showed a little more though. Here is a good article on the topic.
You do a good job of tension. Suspense is important in a story, especially a thriller. I think you have a grasp on it. But be aware of it, and work it for all it’s worth.
this was a very good opener and i have high hopes for this story 100% twilight approved
Thought you might want to fix that.
Nice opener, could use more sensory detail though.
At first I thought this was a side-story for FO:E but quickly though not so much once I start reading it. Overall I liked it