alright here it is guys! Chapter 3.... sorry if its real early but i spent most of the night working on the 'polt' line and the plot line for the rest of the story.... so hope you guys liked it

dont forget to give me some feedback!

It's very nice. I like the way you develop backstory for your character. Although at some times the flashbacks seem forced onto the reader, this may just be the way you want it to feel. If that's the case, good job to you. If not, I'd suggest trying different transitions from reality to flashbacks. Other then that, I find this an overall above-par, or decent, read. I look forward to more chapters.

129906 The flashbacks are suppose to seemed forced due to the fact he cant remember the night before.... most people ive met tell me this is how it happens... for me not so much i just stop caring after i wake up

I loved this so far and I'm looking forward to the rest of it.You seem really good at description and despite taking credit for the mistakes the isn't that many.129906Dude this is getting weird.129042Yes I have.

Okay... Confusing but interesting at the same time! Nice one!

Chapter 4 Will be released in 8 hours, i am open to suggestions on what should happen next!

130131 Kamehamheha

130134 lolwut?

130276 you should have the kamehameha happen

356780

Best degree ever.

Two problems: there were lots of spelling and grammer errors that an editor or even just a quick re-read should have caught, and "plot" being used as a term for butt is purely a MLP:FiM fandom term. Maybe it is just me, but it seems out of place in writing.

With the story telling, you have chosen a very interesting method of conveyance. It's not bad, but it is confusing. I'm left wanting to know what the heck is going on, so that's a good thing.

As a final note, I'm glad I didn't actually hit the courier. If I was forced to accept that I was a cruel enough pony to 'shoot the messenger', I would have stopped reading.