Anonymous x Rainbow Dash x Vinyl Scratch Romance
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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1755518
Command confirmed.
SHEEEET MAN! YOU'RE ON A ROLL!
3 updates in a row? FU*K YEAH!
1755529
I know right?
1755568
Yeah, sorry it's taking so long.
Just takes a while to convert this all to prose.
oh hey Im just here to DEMAND YOU TO GIVE ME MOAR! I DESIRE MOAR! GIVE IT AND YE SHALL BE SPARED MORTAL CREATURE!!!!
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Fukken Called It!
1756419
MOAR FROM THE
MOARTALS!!!
(Pun intended! :3 )
Did you just make us Rainbow Dash in this chapter? That was really confusing at the start. I wouldn't suggest doing that again. 'You' should only be reserved for OCs, not canon characters.
god damn that was awesome.
that perspective switch was a little bit too instant between chapters, it fit perfectly tho
The switching of character, while still making 'you' as the character threw this chapter off horribly for me. We are Anon, a human. Not Dash.
Also, the intermittent swapping around between 'Me' and 'Her' like above threw me off even more.
Personally, I think this chapter would have been better completely from a First Person POV, rather than Second.
Oh? Do I smell a pink/peach, white and cyan herd/harem brewing?
I liked the switching of perspectives to Dashie. It made the story a bit more interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more of this later on. (Tomorrow)
...
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...At first glance I thought it said "Two weeks of extreme sexual activity."
And I was like:
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I thought you wanted to take it slow!?
1757570
I figured that out when I got to about the half if the chapter.. Very perplexing..
Up until this chapter I really enjoyed this fic. Chapter 6 was incoherent and frankly a little jarring. Switching who's point of view this was from and adding a dream sequence at the beginning left things fuzzy. This is compounded by the time skip and the plot twist with the protagonist 'dying' then coming back to life.
That is not to say the plot is bad, just hard to follow. Sorry if it is a little blunt but since I enjoyed reading this, I felt it was only fair to write a short critique before I stopped reading. Interesting read, so thanks for writing.
Yes mortal, this pleases your master.
Seriously now, I'm digging this story, oh yes.
You kept me up way too long (3:47 am) with your magnificent piece of literal art. And that's not the sleep deprivation talking.
I'm actually pleased to see a story in which the princesses don't blindly trust the human.
Fucking great ma fucking great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2953802 I agree with you in full. The plot is pretty hard to follow.
This chapter felt kinda rushed in my opinion. For example, one minute Anon's in a coma, the next he's talking to Luna like nothing even happened. No reaction. He isn't surprised he was in a coma, he didn't seem confused. Heck, being told he had been in the hospital for a week was met with a 'meh'. I would think he'd have a stronger reaction, seeing as he went from dying, to dead, to semi-alive/dead, to coma, to awake again.
Other than that, the story's pretty good.
Well now... this escalated quickly.
I had to go over the last chapter again to make sure I didn't overlook a few parts, or missed a note about changing writing style.
Hm... this chapter was a bit of a clusterfuck, I'm afraid. What little could be readily followed was still horribly rushed and lacked for details and plot development. It simply jumps from moment to moment like a hyperactive child playing hopscotch. It would have been difficult enough to follow in a movie but in written form? To be honest I spent the whole time I was reading it assuming that it was all a nightmare that Rainbow Dash was having. It just had that loose, drifting quality that dreams scenes usually do.
Ooooh, now I remember why I didn't continue reading.
This was what killed it for me. This whole chapter, like everyone else in reviews have stated, its rushed and its really hard to follow, jarring, and extremely confusing to me.
And that just seems kinda... much.
But good work I suppose, I'll keep reading though.
Hopefully I won't encounter another chapter like this one.
Keep it up!
Wow why are the authority figures so cunty?
5979509 keep it honest. Luna would not like me worth a damn.
God damn bronies are too fucking horse, like in the fuck up on the punishment. Shit and you think in reality do you think this cartoon world would allow though their walls to go this far? And most on this son of a bitch website said I'm the asshole, you writer's imagination pisses off everybody.