• Published 22nd Apr 2013
  • 1,673 Views, 210 Comments

Snickersnatch - SpiralWriter

Oddjob awakens to a much different Equestria . . .

  • ...

XII - Oddjob's Delivery Service


By: Quisky

Chapter Twelve:

Oddjob's Delivery Service

Through the streets of Manehattan we went; Victorious, a tad beaten, and drawing attention to ourselves. I heaved the package along my shoulders, while Goldguard and Legion tended to restraining Agatha. If one pony got too curious and approached us with mouth open, Goldy would reply with : "Official Canterlot business. Carry on, citizen." Have to say, the armor does him well.

Eventually we arrived back in the warehouse area of the city, coming upon the building of Boxes and Bags Shipping. We let ourselves in, nodding at the receptionist, who was still delved into her book. She glanced up momentarily before rolling her eyes. We entered the main floor of the warehouse, heading into the back of the shipping floor, only to pause. I could hear whimpering and a lot of heavy breathing.

We continued back until we reached the shipping floor. Before me, I could make out three ponies. Stock Smith was practically soaking in his own juices, his tiny bowler hat nervously gripped around his hooves. Two taller ponies of lean build stood in front of him, shaking their heads simultaneously in disapproval. I recognized them instantly. Coats of lightish olive, apple slices for cutie marks, vests of striped and bowties, and those old-fashioned businessmen hats. Flim and Flam, con-men extraordinaires, were speaking with their employee Stock Smith, and they did not sound happy.

"We are not happy Smith, not happy at all." Flim said, tsking.

"No we are not, and we expected so much more out of you." His mustached brother, Flam, continued. "We gave you this warehouse on a silver platter, full reign on it, and you take advantage of our trust."

"But I-" The portly pony tried to intercede, having to wipe away a layer of sweat from his brow.

"No buts!" They said at the same time. "We entrusted you with one little crate, nothing bad. And it gets stolen?"

"I . . ."

"-Have it right here." I declared loudly, slamming the crate down so it would make a heavy thud that echoed through the warehouse. All three of them turned to me, Stock Smith sighing in great relief and the two brothers curiously gazing over.

"And who are you?" Flim asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oddjob, royal investigator, jabberwocky, and procurer of packages." I said proudly, tapping my knuckles against my chestplate. "Got your crate here, safe and sound, along with one of the perpetrators." I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder to the griffin gal.

The two unicorns shared a glance before both bursting into a big smile and guffaw. "Well, my good man," Flam started. "We thank you for taking the task upon yourself!" They approached me, giving me a pat on the back, which was pretty awkward . . . for me at least. Once that was done, they went over to the crate, examining it.

"Oh thank you so much." Stock Smith said as he as well approached me. He reeked of the stench of sweat and some kind of cheese.

"Uh . . . no problem. But I thought you said they would be here later?" I asked.

"I wasn't expecting it either . . . they came in for an early 'surprise' visit to see how things were going."

"Well, at least I got their box back. And you can finally give me that info . . . which you should've done in the first place. Out of the goodness of you heart. Like any decent living being."

"I will. Just . . . let my employers see if their cargo is safe first. If it's damaged, no deal." Smith wiped a globule of sweat from his nose.


"Just business, my good fellow." Chunkbutt replied with a huff, swaggering past me and to join the two brothers by the crate. I was literally one wrongly-worded sentence away from making him a chewtoy for Legion.

"Yes . . . the integrity of the crate seems to be in order." Flim stated.

"But what about the insides?" Flam added.

"True, true. We'll just have to crack it open and see. Smith," Flim made a little whistling noise, to which he loyally came up like a hound dog. "Fetch us a crowbar, would you?"

"No need, gentlemen." I interjected, stepping towards them and brandishing my claws. "If you don't mind . . .?" I pointed towards their precious package. Another look was shared between the two before nodding.

"Go right ahead, my good sir." Flam said.

I nodded before taking both of my mismatched hands, extending the claws on all fingers, jabbing them into the side of the crate. I grunted and flexed the muscles in my arms and hands, ripping one side of the wooden box right off, chucking it clear across the room. "There." I stated, wiping my hands of wood chips.

The two businesssponies nodded before looking inside, blocking us out as they examined whatever was inside.

"Yes . . . good. Hull intact."

"Wiring seems to be in order . . ."

"No visible damage. She's still a beauty."

" . . . She?" I asked.

"Well," They pulled their heads out of the crate. "Since you did help retrieve it, we believe it's only fair that you share in her reveal. This was going to be done in front of the board committee for our company, but we can't let those blowhards be seeing our secrets, can we?" The two brothers chuckled before stepping to the side.

"Oddjob, Stock Smith," Flim nodded to us. ". . . Diamond dog, Guard, and Griffon," Flam absentmindedly waved over to the others. Legion didn't seem to care in the slightest, Goldguard actually appeared amused, and Agatha . . . well, she looked angry.

"We have toiled for years in this craft. Our company is know for its ingenuity in the most advanced gadgets and gizmos . . ." Flam started up as if he was trying to sell a business pitch.

"But this goes far beyond what we have done in the past. Moreso than any other machine out there."

"We present to thee," They knocked on the box, sending the other sides tumbling down, revealing what was within.

"The Persnickety Everybot Nine-Nine Young automaton. Or, just P.E.N.N.Y. for short."

Now unveiled and in the light, my eyes peeked up in curiosity. A seemingly normal-sized pony stood before us . . . if you could call it normal. It indeed was pony-like, having the body type, but almost steampunk-y in a sense. Instead of fur, it had copper plating aligned with rivets holding it together. Instead of a mane, circuits connected the back of the head to the base of the neck. Instead of a cutie mark, a buzzing, glowing, internal battery could be seen.

"Now Penny, time to wake up dear." Flim said almost gently, patting the top of 'her' head, making a light metal ding of a noise.

Slowly, through the grinding of gears and buzzing of electricity, Penny whirred to life, her eyes coming alive like LED lights, looking around curiously with a small smile upon her face. "Hello." She greeted with a computerized voice.