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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looks like this story isn't dead after all.
Update! Fuck yeah! Where you been?!
3187109 I was kidnapped by an underground, discreet, anti-brony organization. They tortured and heckled me with stale insults and lackluster logic. Only in moments of opportunity could I send a helpful little caterpillar to post blogs for me. Then one day, a cool guy named bobby ray busted me out and was all "Hey, bro, need help on that whole fanfic thing?" And I was like "Sure, that would be great, buddy!"
3187153
That's a hell of story arc you got there. :)
Nicely done! Bobby ray did very well. Just a few pointers though. Don't tell the reader what everyone is thinking, it's understanding from your point of view, but it leaves us slightly confused. Tried to keep it somewhat focused on Lee, though you did well to focus on the ponies as well. Lastly, don't use nicknames (like Applejack to Apple). Trust me, it feels smoother that way. I hope I'm not nagging, I just want you to be a better writer! Seriously, the chapter was great! Keep it up!
Hmm, glad to see you've got help after all. I had just about given up hope of seeing this fanfic update when my habitual checking turned up a new chapter.
In addition to Superdale33's problem, the only other major issue I had was a capitalization error I noticed. Stone Mountain is an actual town in Georgia and therefore is a proper noun and must be capitalized (Also, Fun Fact: Stone Mountain has the dubious distinction of being the site of the 1915 rebirth of the Ku Klux Klan, end nerd factoid distribution).
Other than that, it's fun to see Dash and Larry get on each other's nerves, to the point where I wished I saw their onscreen argument go a bit longer. Ah well, sure we'll get more from that. Hope we get to see more of our little ponies mingle with the locals (and Larry in particular) as well.
And a romance sub-plot with Doug and Carley, a logical outcome to both of them surviving the drug store invasion. Hope they get luckier in Episode 3 than either did individually, otherwise...
And now the St. John brothers have entered the picture...I wonder if they know any cupcake recipes.
Loled at that ending xDD happy to see this great story update! hope to see more soon. ^^
3187153 so the infiltration was a success? Good, we shall proceed with the operation.
3187033 Don't you mean...
*puts on sunglasses*
Undead?
I recall the Dairy dudes being the cannibal bastards... right?
Fuck... this will be an interesting confrontation.
Nicely done.
I know what she is thinking...:
They can't go back to Equestria.
I'm sorry Twilight.