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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Good story! But, as with all good incomplete fics, I WANT MOOOOOOARRRR NOOOOOOWWWW!
wow, just... wow
Very impressive good sir.
1576957 Well I'll just point out anything I notice. This is really shaping up to be something that I'm interested in, and I want to see it do well. Hardly a waste of time.
1586758 Alright, I can take you up on it and have you look over Ch. 4 once I'm done. I've never had someone edit for me, so how would I go about doing that?
Oh, and thank you very much, by the way.
1586771 Well I wouldn't mind it, I read quick and my strong suit is grammar. Plus, I don't have any fics to write at the moment...
Never edited for someone before either. I guess you could just send it to me and I would look it over, or something. Email?
1586805 Cool, sounds like a plan!
I must say, I am enjoying this. Not my normal cup of tea, either. It is well written, and simply put, thumbs up and all that jazz. Keep up the good work.
I wonder what will happen when they meet Larry....Dear God.
Precence should be Presence, there should be an apostrophe in were.
Also, changing "Kenny poked his head out from under the hood of the truck to speak" might be longer, but I think that sounds better. Feel free to disagree.
Change It was to It's, put a comma after stated, and "Kenny looked at Lee, then back at the unicorn, still wearing the same look." is a confusing sentence, as it is unclear who is wearing the look, Kenny or Twilight.
And Kenny shook his what? Head? Arm? Something else? I understand what you meant, but not everyone might.
I don't think it's necessarily a mistake, but it seems a bit awkward to me. I think "Almost everything Twilight did or said seemed to create more questions than answers." sounds smoother to me. Again, that's just a personal opinion I think.
"He crossed his arms, and Twilight smiled at him." Might as well make them one sentence.
"'I wouldn't be able to tell you,' Shawn stated simply. 'I'm just doing what any sensible person would do: Be cautious, be smart, and be there for others.' Applejack admired the farmer's selflessness." Personal opinion. Damn, next time I'm just going to try and catch these first.
I think he grimaced. No offense, but spell check should be catching some of these. Not that it's your fault, I make mistakes like this all the time. What are you using to type this stuff up? I figured everything had spell check nowadays.
"I'm sure you, Twilight and Rainbow Dash will find your way home before things have a chance to get too out of hand." Shawn didn't care to see her upset, and fixed it by changing his mood.
Capitalize the start of your sentence, and put a space before Christ.
"Lee turned his head when he heard Clementine, Katjaa and Rainbow Dash laughing together on the porch." Personal opinion, yada yada.
"Lee waved to the pair and they waved back as Kenny moved on to the next piece of machinery, the unicorn watching quietly."
"Lee was happy to get to know Clementine." That seems better. Personal opinion.
"Lee stared at Rainbow Dash, her bright cyan coat and loud rainbow mane mesmerizing him.
Get rid of the apostrophe in sees, and everything after "she boasted" should be a new paragraph, maybe even join it with the one right after.
Well, I should recommend giving it another once over as I have to proofread the new chapter you sent, but I'll finish corrections once I have that sent to you.
One last one
If he hasn't even met Applejack yet, how would he know she could detect BS?
1690447
Thta was a note made by the narrator, not Lee
wow the dialoge and interaction between everyone is really natural :D of course there was half a paraghraph repeating itself but othere then that it was great!
I like how the ponies are under the same scrutiny as Lee. Liking it a lot.
I like when shawn had been killed and Duck was safe, Hershal reacted 2 the ponies like he did if u tried 2 save Shawn in the game while still giving Lee a hard time if u saved Duck in the game.
I think that there was a double paragraph in there somewhere
Shawn man... FUCK... that game was such a tear jerker
5519907 hey at least it aint flutters shed be zombie food by now probably try and talk to them
Oh damn... that was crazy, and sadly that was the part where I had to quit.
As the game just cut out, being broken and all.
Damn it.
Nice job!
Poor Shawn...
I got to agree with Kenny there.
Well, he isn't wrong.
They will witness...... a lot more.