Me, Myself and I

by Cynical Page

12 - First Hearth's Warming, Worst Hearth's Warming

Author's Note:

Work has really been taking it out of me recently. Don't worry, I've got all sorts of things cooking for this story! Please enjoy!

The atmosphere within Las Pegasus was extremely lively, borderline feverish. Hearth's Warming was only mere days away, after all. Ponies and the occasional non-pony scurried about in a frantic search of the perfect gift, regretting their decisions to procrastinate on holiday shopping. The only human had it easy, which was bittersweet in a way. More bitter than sweet in all honesty.

There was no time to think about that now, though. There were more important tasks at hand.

Joey stood outside a large pair of large mahogany doors outside a horizontal half-cylinder of a building made of concrete, the home of Palomino Studios, trying to calm himself. This was it. This was his big chance to truly start the life he wanted. He had taken every bit of his extra free time over the past week to prepare himself for this moment.

It hadn't been super easy, either. Of course he had kept his citizenship papers safe - those were the whole reason he could have done anything in this city to begin with. His resume had been a different story. He had to make it from scratch with limited resources, and he knew that alone wouldn't seem professional enough. Because of this he had taken it to a freelance publisher who way overcharged him for it - 100 bits!! No one else seemed willing to help him, so that was his only choice.

Regardless, he was here. Dressed well, too - he of course still had the tuxedo Rarity had generously made for him, and this was the perfect occasion for it. He needed to bring his best self as anyone would for an interview they felt rather passionate about - but it felt almost as if his dreams were on the line during those next two or so hours.

C'mon, Joey. Nerves are normal. Get your ass in there and show everyone what you're capable of.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed his way inside. He stepped into what would have seemed like a waiting room in a dentist's office, although it came with plenty of magazines that sat in piles next to the chairs lined up against the walls to either side. Directly in front of him was a very large semicircular reception desk. Behind it sat a very tidy looking mare with a bronze coat with her mane tied up in a bun.

She looked over her spectacles to peer at Joey as he approached. Her expression betrayed a look of shock for a fleeting moment, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. "I take it you are... Mr. Belfort?"

"That's me." Joey said calmly, even though he felt so anxious he might just burst into flames at any moment.

"Mister Brightshade will see you in a moment." she said in a professional voice, and left the room.

Joey assumed that was his cue to take a seat. He kept subconsciously picking at the corner of the file folder he had brought containing the necessary paperwork. He mentally scolded himself for doing it; for all he knew any creased corners could give off a bad impression.

The door behind the receptionist's desk opened with a click, startling Joey a little. The same mare from earlier walked through and looked at him expressionlessly. "He will see you now. Follow me, please."

Joey stood up nervously and followed her through the back door. He had kind of hoped to see some large rooms where they would shoot scenes, but unfortunately all that he could see were many offices. Despite only being around for several years, they seemed to have a very good operation going here. The went past a couple turns, making Joey thankful he had a guide here.

The secretary came to a door that looked noticeably nicer than all the others, with nice carved designs around a oval shaped stained window in the middle of it. "Here we are. Best of luck." With that, she walked off.

Joey stood there awkwardly for a moment because of her abrupt departure. Finally he worked up the courage to knock on the door.

"Come on in!"

Joey slowly opened the door and poked his head in. A stallion with a chiseled jaw sat behind the desk before him, sitting over it with his hooves together like a human would of had their hands folded.

"Mister, um... Belfort, right?" Brightshade asked.

"Yes sir." Joey replied with a smile. "So nice to meet you."

"So! Why don't we cut to the chase - you're looking to join our studios. Are you familiar with any of our works?" Brightshade began, smiling over at Joey. It was hard to read, but for now it seemed more than friendly enough.

"I actually have, as a matter of fact!" Joey replied. "I've seen a few from this studio as well as a few others. I think the most recent was Raining Love." he inwardly cringed at the title, but managed to keep his face straight. This was the worst time to offer any sort of criticism.

Brightshade raised his eyebrows, looking impressed. "Oh really? I take it you must have a passion for movies?"

"I was really curious to see what the movies here were like." Joey explained. "So to answer your question, I'd have to say yes."

"Do you have any experience with movie making?" Brightshade continued, looking down at the paper in front of him.

"Not very much, I was on track to graduate with a degree in cinematography after the Equestria trip. Obviously I haven't been able to get a diploma since I'm... y'know... stuck." Joey awkwardly finished.

"Yes, yes. I'm familiar with the whole 'human' story. Awful news. You have my condolences." the handsome pony said dismissively. "Now, you said you don't have a degree?"

"Er, no - but I already have the skill set and knowledge to operate a camera properly." Joey answered confidently.

"We aren't in need of any camera-ponies at the moment." Brightshade hummed, still staring down at the paper.

"Oh - I mean, I'd be totally fine with any job." Joey quickly stammered. "You always have to start from somewhere."

The pony in front of him shifted uncomfortably. "Er - yes, that's very true. As a matter of fact, where do you see yourself in ten years?"

Joey was starting to get a bad gut feeling about this. "Well... if I'm being honest, I'm a big dreamer. I was thinking that if I could manage it I could definitely be directing movies of my own."

"Directing your own movies?" Brightshade asked, with a slight hint of incredulity. Sighing, he got off of his chair and walked up to a shelf that appeared to have many awards. "Do you know what our core values are here, Mr. Belfort?"

"Er - I can't say that I do." Joey admitted.

"I'll tell you. 'Under structure and direction we will flourish'." Brightshade rehearsed. "It's very important to everyone here, it's how we all function. After all, these awards you see in front of me wouldn't be ours without it!"

"It sounds more like a motto to me, sir." Joey pointed out, but instantly regretted it as he received a stern look from Brightshade.

"I started this studio when I had nothing to my name, Mr. Belfort. I take applicants seriously here. Every employee at Palomino Studios is required to work flawlessly and cohesively, like a well-oiled clock. Do you follow what I'm saying?"

"Of course." Joey said with a nod. "What you have going on here seems extremely strong. I'm not surprised you won those awards."

His attempt at flattery seemed to get him nowhere as Brightshade frowned even more deeply. "These aren't just any awards, Mr. Belfort. These here are the Jubilee awards!! Only the best could ever hope to win something like this. I'm surprised you haven't heard of them!"

"I've only been here a couple months..." Joey said quietly as Brightshade sat back down and looked at the human very intently.

"You seem like a very sharp young man, Belfort. Very sharp. However, there are some things I can't bring myself to overlook." the pony said firmly.

"Er - I'm sorry if I'm unfamiliar with the specifics of the film world here in Equestria, Mr. Brightshade." Joey said quickly. "I know I'll learn in no time. I'm not looking to instantly rise to the top or anything, I'm just -"

"Settle down, kid." Brightshade groaned. "Look, all of that's fine and good. I'm sure your personality would fit right in. I'm talking about the, uh - more physical aspect of things here."

Joey paused with a sinking feeling. "I'm not sure if I follow you, sir..."

"I don't mean to sound rude, but this -" Brightshade slapped the citizenship papers back into Joey's hand, "- isn't what we're looking for. You wouldn't fit in here. We'd have issues eventually, Belfort, and because of that we want ponies here. Ponies! It makes everything much less complicated."

"So the reason you wouldn't hire me..." Joey said slowly, hardly believing what he was hearing, "...is because I'm not a pony?"

Brightshade leaned in closer over his desk with a sickly sympathetic smile. "It isn't anything personal, Belfort. Please understand. I just can't take any risks."

There were so many things wrong with that. How did that make any sense!? Joey had so many things he wanted to say to that idiot right now. He managed to refrain from it and instead managed to ask weakly, "So is that it? Is there any way I might change your mind?"

Brightshade shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Belfort. Just make a movie yourself if you feel that badly about this. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for my other applicants. Full schedule."

Next thing Joey knew, he was standing back out on the sidewalk. He had hardly registered walking back out of the building. He looked down at one of his hands for a moment, and it was trembling. For a split second he despised it, he despised his humanity. Then sense came back to him just as quickly as it had left him, and a hot feeling welled up behind his eyes.

No. No crying.

He began walking back to his apartment slowly, silently.

---

Hearth's Warming Eve was upon Equestria, and a heavy snow began to fall. Joey had hardly spoken a word to anyone since leaving Palomino Studios. As he reorganized new incoming shipments at Marble Moon's store once again, he couldn't help but stew in his negative thoughts. He hadn't felt this miserable since Ponyville.

In other words, he managed to make it a full month without something bad happening. Yippee.

It didn't help his mood when Marble seemed a little too enthusiastic about having Joey back. On the bright side, he had job security. In light of recent events, it just seemed... mean, almost. His boss was a nice pony, but sometimes Joey wondered if the pony had struggles with reading the room.

Joey also couldn't help but realize that he hadn't heard from Luna since she approached him in his dream. Sure she was probably busy, but what he couldn't understand was how she could so intently get him to realize that they were similar only to seemingly forget him again.

Everybody forgot him. This holiday was going to suck cold, steel donkey balls.

As the work day began to wrap up around noon (earlier than usual for the holiday) Marble approached Joey.

"Heya, Joey! Good work as always!" he said cheerfully, giving him a bag of bits that was slightly larger than usual.

"Um, boss?" Joey asked, weighing the bag in his hand. "I don't think you -"

"It was intentional! Think of it as your holiday bonus!" Marble laughed as he put on his scarf. "Merry Hearth's Warming! Remember, no work tomorrow! Enjoy it with your family!!" Then he ran off into the blizzard.

"I don't have a family." Joey said blankly to an empty shop. Sighing, he grabbed his work bag and thin coat before following his boss's hoof-steps out into the cold.

He shuddered as the icy wind seemed to tear through his meager layers. Instead he began the walk home, deciding or not whether he should hit up the bar that was a block away from his apartment complex. As another gust of frozen wind blasted him he made up his mind that he would go to the bar since it would be closed tomorrow.

He was never much of a drinker, but damn he needed a way to get through the holiday.

---

"Er - a whole jug of bourbon??" the bartender asked Joey after hearing his initial order. "I'm hoping you have some pals to help ya finish it. Are you sure?"

"I'm no alcoholic, Dusty." Joey chuckled.

Dusty Mug was the owner of the bar close to Joey's apartment, lovingly dubbed Mug's Mugs (the stallion had a good sense of humor). Joey was quite fond of him; the two had struck up a bond after a couple visits. Usually Dusty would be kind and accommodating for a nice hefty tip as any good bartender would, but her completely dropped that facade around Joey. He had been a great venting buddy for the past few weeks.

Dusty sighed and continued cleaning the glass he was currently holding. "Fine. Only when you leave or we close, whichever comes first."

Joey grinned. "Knew I could count on you, man."

"You always say that. 'Man'. Is that a human way of saying 'dude'?"

Joey let out a small laugh. "I never thought about it before. Yeah, I guess it is. You're quick to this stuff."

"Ya gotta be, otherwise some of these folks will nail you to the wall with the - OI! SUNSAVER! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE DARTS!?" Dusty bellowed over at a pair of stallions who seemed to be misusing the dartboard. "STEP OFF, YA CRETIN! Aye aye aye." He sighed and returned to his work, sparing a glance up at Joey whose eyebrows were raised.

"Cretin?"

"I call 'em what they are." Dusty said with a gruff snicker. "Buncha hooligans, I swear on Sunbutt I never get a break when those two are around."

"When does the bar close again?" Joey asked, taking a sip of his mixed drink. He forgot the name of it, something citrus-y.

"Two o' clock for the holiday." Dusty answered as he carefully placed the freshly cleaned cup on a shelf behind him. "Got any holiday plans there, bud?"

"Nope. Not really." Joey sighed. "I was thinking I'd mix the bourbon with some hot chocolate tomorrow. Maybe just read. I dunno."

"You're spending it by yourself?" Dusty asked sadly. "Now I want to give you that jug even less."

"I promise I won't die from it, I'm not an idiot." Joey scoffed.

"Holiday depression can do horrible things to ponies. Or any creature in general." Dusty argued, leaning on the counter. "Look Joey, I know you're a smart fella. Don't get many souls with your wit in here. Just don't let the blues go to your head, ya hear?"

"I hear ya, I hear ya." Joey groaned. "I'm just gonna survive it and carry on."

"Hear from the princess yet in your dreams? Princess Luna?" the barkeep asked curiously.

"Nothing. She definitely forgot about me." Joey laughed darkly. "I dunno why I trust anyone anymore."

Dusty nodded thoughtfully. "I know she's probably got her hooves full every single night, but it seems a bit back-hoofed to not even check in on ya."

"I just try not to think about it." Joey muttered before taking a generous gulp of his drink. "It just hurts."

"Your luck has been down, kiddo. That's for sure. Just do me a favor and don't drop dead from sadness one of these days." Dusty quipped.

"Har-dee-har har." Joey grunted in response. "Just gimme that jug and I'll pay my tab."

---

Twilight felt frazzled. Another holiday get-together with her friends was almost upon them, and she still had two more gifts to get. Ginger was easy, she got her a writing set. Andre she got tickets to the season opener for the Ponyville Buckball team. Clara was getting a book series she had seemed interested on starting ever since Twilight told her about it.

Wasn't there someone else? She still hadn't gotten gifts for Fluttershy and Spike, but she felt like someone else was missing. She went through the mental list of names and confirmed that she indeed hadn't forgotten anypony.

Weird...

She finally settled on a new bird feeder for Flutters and a very nice pair of claw-warmers for Spike. Somehow she managed to get everything wrapped and presentable before the ponies and humans showed up to her her castle. Thank Celestia she had put up the decorations earlier this year, or else she would have lost her bucking mind.

She managed to come out of her annual holiday manic episode right as her guests began to trickle in. Finally, they were all there and were gathered around the tree.

"This feels so weird..." Andre said slowly. "Pony Christmas."

"Nuh-uh! It's Hearth's Warming, silly!" Pinkie squeaked.

"Potato potahto." Andre said with a smirk. "It's pretty much the same thing."

"They have different historical backgrounds." Clara pointed out.

"You're such a nerd, girl." Ginger teased. "Lucky you have me here, or else no one might think you're any fun."

"I think it's cute." Bill said affectionately, sidling up to Clara. She blushed and rested her head on his shoulder. Andre faked a retching noise, earning a hearty laugh from Rainbow.

"Okay everyone! Are we ready to open gifts?" Rarity called out in a singsong voice, placing a parcel under the tree with her own magic. "Or shall we get warm and play a game?"

"We'll play a game after we open gifts. I have hot chocolate for anyone who wants it!" Twilight announced, receiving a small cheer in return.

They all partook in the chocolate-riddles festivities, and it was almost as if there was so much light and cheer in that room that even the shadows would feel uncomfortable. Stories were exchanged, traditions swapped, jokes told - truly the sort of holiday gathering you would read about in a story book.

Finally as the room began to settle down a bit, Twilight got that nagging feeling in her gut again. She always had the worst time ignoring this feeling - what if she had forgotten something important??

"I feel like I'm forgetting something... but I have no idea what it might be." Twilight finally half-announced to the room.

"Classic Twilight." Rainbow teased, making Applejack snort into her hot chocolate. This got a disapproving look from Rarity. "Listen Twi, you do this every year. Relax. Everypony's here!!"

Ginger coughed awkwardly. "Erm - you mean everyone - I mean, everypony - in Ponyville, or...?"

"Well - yeah." Rainbow answered with a confused look. "Everypony is here. From Ponyville."

"Did I forget someone?" Twilight asked Ginger, soliciting a knowing groan from some of the others.

"I - no, not really. Forget it." Ginger replied quickly. "I already sent a few letters out, I hope he gets one."

"Ya hope who gets your letter?" Applejack asked, puzzled.

Andre looked like he wanted to say something, before making a small oh with his mouth in realization. "I forgot you sent letters to him. Or, hopefully to him."

"Who is 'him'??" Rainbow groaned loudly in frustration. "Who did you write to??"

"I wrote a bunch of letters to Joey and sent them all out to different cities." Ginger sighed. "Maybe one of them will find him."

The cheerful mood in the room completely evaporated. Twilight felt like she had swallowed an icicle. The same old questions that had been swirling in her mind since his disappearance surfaced again. Was he okay? What was he doing? Where was he? Was he alive?

What was he going to do for Hearth's Warming...?

"You wrote Joey letters?" Clara asked in mild surprise. "You never told me."

"Only because you probably would've thrown a fit!" Ginger snapped. "You're probably the biggest reason why he's gone!!"

"Hey now, that was uncalled for!" Applejack scolded. "Ah get that Clara here has been unfair to him, but there's no need to get all tangled about that right now."

"She's got a point, Applejack." Andre sighed. "I'm not going to put all the blame on you, Clara, but you were merciless. I should have vouched for him more."

Clara looked uncomfortable and a bit guilty. Her expression was hard to read.

"I think we all could have done more to prevent him leaving." Twilight sighed.

"If only you all would stop forgetting he existed." Ginger snarked. She seemed extremely annoyed, which was a bit odd since Twilight had never heard her speak about Joey like this before.

Her words seemed to make most of the room wince. The fact that they all knew about this issue too made it all that much worse. Joey probably hated them now.

"I never even got to talk to him!" Rainbow complained. She sighed and stood up. "I get that you hate his sister, Clara, but he's a different dude!! I don't get how you could get everypony to side with you like that."

"We didn't side with Clara!!" Twilight interrupted. "Blaming Joey for something like that when it wasn't his fault is so unfair!!"

"We did defend her when Joey needed mediation, Twilight." Rarity disagreed. "Remember what he told us the last time we saw him?"

"He said something? What did he say? Why did you guys -" Spike began heatedly, but Applejack put a hoof to his mouth and shook her head. This calmed him down.

Twilight noticed none of this because Joey's sharp, biting words rang in her skull. The fact that I just said all these things and you're upset about the fact that I swore? You made your priorities clear. The thing about these words that hurt the most was that they were all right.

A morose silence fell on the room like a heavy, uncomfortable blanket. Hardly anyone looked one another in the eye. Clara seemed to be thinking to herself while biting her lip with a sad look. The other ponies also looked super bummed with the exception of Rainbow, who looked super frustrated.

Finally Ginger broke the silence. "I'm sorry guys, I wasn't trying to start a fight. I'm just so irritated people let things get this bad for him. None of us humans deserve that, we're all in the same boat." Her words became thicker as she began to fight back tears.

Fluttershy reacted quickly and hugged her. The yellow pegasus looked like she wanted to cry about the whole thing herself. "There, there."

"Ginger's right. We shouldn't fight." Twilight said, realizing her own voice was thick with sadness. "Let's have a great Hearth's Warming. I know Princess Celestia said she didn't want us to go looking for Joey, but we're gonna remember him as we celebrate tonight!!"

This little speech seemed to revitalize the atmosphere. As Twilight began a holiday toast she couldn't help but notice that when she started a toast for Joey's well being, Clara raised her glass with a small smile. As activity began to pick up once again in the room Twilight found herself staring blankly out of the nearest window.

Joey... I hope you're okay. I'm so, so sorry. I hope you're having a good Hearth's Warming.

---

Five hundred and thirty-one miles to the south, Joey sat on the balcony deck of his apartment. It was freezing, but the walls on either side of the deck provided him refuge from the unforgiving winds. He sat in a cheap plastic chair nursing a cup of spiked cocoa that had gone stone cold a long time ago.

As he sat there, he began to sing.

"Oh, holy night,
The stars are brightly shining..."

He began to think of the many Christmas Eves he had spent singing this very song gathered around the tree with his family. It was a song that had a deep meaning to him through those moments... and to think, he would never be able to sing with family like that around the tree ever again...

"A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices.
For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn...

As he reached the chorus, the instrumental melody rang true in his imagination. He thought about how miserable and pathetic he must have looked sitting there in the hopeless cold, holding a drink that was his only current comfort. A tear rolled down his cheek and froze, his chest began heaving slightly.

"Fall on your knees,
O hear the angel's voices
O night... divine..."

His thoughts drifted to those who had put on a facade of friendliness. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but they didn't seem to care at all. They probably wouldn't bat an eye if he died. He ran away from them like a coward.

He could finally bear the cold no more, so he slowly removed himself from the chair. Brushing the snow that had settled on him as he moped he went back inside and straight to bed. As he drifted off to sleep, for some reason an tune from an old, sad christmas cartoon began playing in his mind as he drifted off to sleep. That was all he could handle before the tears started to flow.

It didn't matter, let them flow. Let them fall. No one could see him in this moment, nor would anyone ever know. After all, this holiday had hammered in the one truth Joey was too afraid to face.

He was utterly, brutally alone.

Comments

[Prince Jules Moonshade]

I feel for Joey, almost always getting the short end of the stick. It’s pretty relatable now a days, maybe not the extrem he has it but certainly relatable, at least he lucked out on meeting Marble, maybe even Dusty as well. Great chapter as always and do hope we see a big turn around for him soon, it’s always a joy to see the MC become big and successful after being rejected by any and all, the look on that studios face if he becomes bigger then them and making absolute hits of movies, would be glorious to see when they see they missed out on such talent all because he wasn’t a pony.

Regarding your authors note, it’s understandable, work gets all of us. I know that feeling all too well bleh. Anyways eager for the next chapter and even more so for when stuff finally starts going big for Joey. Tell then my good author!

[BravePony23]

Please let there be a chance for Joey to be happy. 😣

[Jogger]

It's been bugging me for a while but I finally figured it out.
Joey reminds me of Milton from Office Space.

[Estrane]

I really almost expected a Windigo to be trying to prey on Joey as similar happened in another story I have read on this site that happened on Hearth's Warming too. Brutal cold indeed to have a tear freeze on his cheek.

We finally get to see Grace and Andre again too. We've never even seen them really outside Andre being 'there' but not truly mentioned like during the last clash Joey had with Clara before his quiet departure. Good to see them at least doing something in that regard. Real shame there does seem to just be something with the ponies that cause them to always forget Joey though, whether such a thing is real or not.

I'm fairly certain I'm just cynical and always looking for the worst in people but Marble does just seem a little too cheery that Joey got rejected out hand/hoof for the studio. Feels like he knew Joey wouldn't get it but that's probably just me seeing the worst.

[ponyreaper1]

I now the feeling. 3 years overs seas and very rarely hearing from anyone. 3 years alone eventually u start to see the world in a vicious light

[HIEfan]

Poor Joey, he's really got it rough.

[TheAbsoluteRadiance]

Spending Holy days alone is seriously the worst. Hopefully this ends in a Found Family type of situation, and a happily ever after.

[AgentKorpsman]

"If only you all would stop forgetting he existed." Ginger snarked. She seemed extremely annoyed, which was a bit odd since Twilight had never heard her speak about Joey like this before.

I think I have a theory on why she is acting like that besides feeling bad but something a bit more in a certain pink princess field if you know what I mean.

Still though poor Joey glad dusty and marble are there for him or at least part of it but he still ends up alone on the happiest day of the year and still feels like it’s the saddest day of the year

[AHeater]

I can understand feeling cruddy about being alone, but I think it's time to just accept that's the hand he's been dealt. It's not fair, but he completely removed himself from being around those that would have a connection to him (even if they weren't good to him), so it's not like you can expect them to go out of their way to make a connection neither side wants. He may be alone for now, but he's just going to have to take the time to get close to new people if he doesn't want to be alone.

[Skrepka]

Oooh man...

Thanks for the chapter, looking forward to the next one

[Skyblazer9]

I do hope that eventually Joey will catch a break and finally be happy as he badly deserves to be happy as the universe seems to make his life extremely miserable.

[LoserkidUwU]

Holiday Blues always get me in the dumps too. Hope Joey can get some ponies who can keep him high in their list of priorities. :)
Thx for the chapter <3

[Davenfjeld]

Oh, Joey, we'll live. Prejudice is a hell of an insidious beast - here's hoping it becomes an item of the past sooner than later. I know how it feels to be sat, drinking alone on a cold holiday night, but we are all singing with you. You are not wholly forgotten - and nor are you, dear reader, dear author.

[KindaTired]

Wasn't there someone else? She still hadn't gotten gifts for Fluttershy and Spike, but she felt like someone else was missing. She went through the mental list of names and confirmed that she indeed hadn't forgotten anypony.

I just hope the reason for Joeys loneliness isn't magic. Getting that problem Deus ex machinad would ruin alot of what this story means

[Shadow-Dancer]

11836134
I think if magic is involved it is just making what is there worse I imagine he was decently lonely on earth just he had more distractions and the ability to more easily chase his dream and visit his families graves in equestria he has none of that so even if magic made it easier for him to be forgotten the core problem is still there