We Need to Make Sure Anon is Still Single
"We'll meet back here at six, okay?"
"I'll be there. Good luck, Shining."
Shining Armor and Cadance share a hug before parting ways. It's Hearts and Hooves Day, and the two have decided to go on a date in Ponyville to celebrate. They do this pretty much every year, and it always makes for a fun time. Unfortunately, their dinner reservation got a bit screwed up, and now Shining has to spend the rest of the afternoon getting that sorted out. In the meantime, Cadance intends to pay the Castle of Friendship a visit.
She has some very important business to attend to there.
With an enthusiastic knock on the castle doors, she is greeted by smiling visage of her sister-in-law, Twilight Sparkle. The two share a brief hug and do their typical "sunshine, sunshine" greeting before Cadance is let inside.
"I'm surprised to see you here, Cadance. Didn't you and Shining Armor have dinner plans?"
"We did, but they got a bit messed up. He's trying to fix that as we speak."
"I'm sorry to hear that. What could have happened to make the restaurant screw up THE princess of love's reservation on Hearts and Hooves Day?"
"I don't really know. Something about a bunch of loitering teenagers and a disorganized mailmare."
"What do those have to do with your reservation?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
The two walk through the castle halls, though to Twilight's surprise, Cadance is the one leading the way.
"Well, it's nice to see you regardless. I thought you'd have more important things to be doing today than visiting little old me."
"You know, I don't actually have any responsibilities tied to the holiday. My title and today's existence are completely unrelated."
"Huh. That seems like a wasted opportunity, if you ask me."
"That's not to say I don't have fun with it anyway. Did you know that there's a rumor going around about me?"
"Oh? What's that?"
"It's apparently quite popular among single stallions to make jokes about how I'm 'not doing my job' by getting them marefriends. Like that makes any sense."
"Wow, that... does sound like a troubling rumor."
"Hmhm. I don't really mind it. I don't think most ponies take it seriously, anyway. Buuuuuuuut, it DID lead to a pretty fun tradition on my end."
"And what's that?"
"Annoying the crap out of Anon every year."
Ah, Anon. Anon is the only human in Equestria. His sudden arrival was due to some freak accident, and ever since then, he's been living with Twilight in the Castle of Friendship. All things considered, he has adjusted to his new life extremely well. However, Cadance has always given him a hard time. It's all in good fun, of course, but she likes to tease him for being a hopeless romantic that has absolutely no luck with the ladies.
"What do you do to him?"
"Oh, nothing too serious. I usually just send him a bunch of letters reminding him that he really needs to get a marefriend. Or I'll cast a spell on him when he's asleep to make him think he's in love with someone that doesn't actually exist. Small stuff like that."
"...That sounds uncharacteristically mean of you."
"I seem to recall him mocking the Crystal Empire every time he visits. Says it's 'too gaudy' or 'an empire made of crystals and subsisting on positive emotions is destined to fail.' This is just me getting even with him."
"I don't know, it seems kind of mean-spirited. I mean, I'M still single too, but you don't make fun of me."
"The difference is that you're single by choice, Twilight. Anon is just a loser."
"..."
"Anyway, I'm going to surprise him by making fun of him in-person this year. Hope you don't mind!"
"Not particularly, I guess? I suppose I am a bit interested to see how this plays out."
The two conveniently arrive at Anon's bedroom at that exact moment. With a cocky grin on her face, Cadance knocks on the door. The two wait for a response for about ten seconds, but they hear nothing on the other side of the door. With a tilt of her head, Cadance knocks again. Once more, there is no response. Finally, she just tries the door handle, and is surprised to find it open.
The bedroom is kept surprisingly clean. Anon doesn't own that much stuff besides the essentials, so other than a half-filled laundry basket and a poorly made bed, there isn't too much to look at. However, what is notable to Cadance is that the lights are off. Oh, and that Anon isn't there.
"Hm? Where is he?"
"I'm... not sure. I don't remember hearing him leave today. And he definitely didn't tell me anything about going somewhere."
"Are you sure he's not in the library?"
"Positive. That's where I was when you knocked on the door."
"...Huh."
"You... you don't think he might have actually-"
"Nope. Impossible. If he had a special somepony, he would have told me. He would jump at the chance to rub it in my face."
"I suppose I probably would have known about it as well."
"...We should investigate."
"Investigate?"
"Right. We have to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Anon is still single this Hearts and Hooves Day!"
"Uhh, I don't know, Cadance. This sounds kind of... really stupid?"
"Excuse me?"
"Anon isn't in his bedroom on Hearts and Hooves Day. This means that he's out and about. He is either doing something with a special somepony we don't know about, or he's doing something completely unrelated. In the former scenario, good for him! In the latter, we just look like fools for searching for him."
"Okay, but counterpoint: I'm really, really bored."
Twilight sighs.
"Fine. Let's go hunt for our missing, potentially still-single human."
"Yes!"
"So, where do we start?"
"I'd say we ask around. Check if anypony has seen him today."
"Who should we ask?"
"How about... her?"
Cadance points to a nearby mare. Her mint-green coat and mane make her stand out among the folks in town, and her ((((((roommate)))))) appears to be busy buying them some sweets from a candy stall. Twilight shrugs, and the two make their way over to the mare.
"Um, excuse me?"
The mare turns around, giving the pair a smile.
"Oh, hello princesses. Can I help you?"
"Er, we were just wondering if you'd seen Anon around today. You know, tall, human, conveniently lacking any sort of defining characteristics for me to describe?"
"Yeah I know who you're talking about. I mean, I am the resident human expert."
"You... are? That exists?"
"Sure does! I know every little thing he does!"
"W-well that's great! Where is he?!"
"The only exception to that is when I'm with Bon Bon here. She's the only thing that could steal my attention away from him."
"...Oh."
"Last I saw, he was heading over to the flower stalls. He bought a bouquet, but it was made up of a really weird assortment of flowers and wasn't very visually appealing at ALL."
"Huh. Well, okay. Thank you for your help!"
"Of course! If you see him, tell him I said I've got my eye on him."
"W-will do."
With that, Cadance and Twilight slink away from the odd mare, exchanging awkward glances as they do so.
"So, he bought flowers? Sounds like he has a date to me."
"Now hold on. Dense though he may be, even Anon would know when a bouquet looks terrible."
"True, not to mention that I doubt Roseluck would let him walk away with a crappy looking bouquet if he said he was giving it to a lady."
"So we're back to square one."
"Not necessarily. For whatever reason, he DID buy flowers. We just have to figure out where he went after that."
"Let's just go ask Rose, then."
"Good afternoon, Rose!"
"Oh! Hey, Princess Twilight! And... oh goodness, hello Princess Cadance!"
Cadance slams a hoof menacingly on the stall. However, the mares on the other side don't even notice. Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily Valley are frantically darting around their flower stall. Before them, a comically long line of ponies wanting to get last-minute flowers for their special someponies wait impatiently for their orders to be fulfilled. Twilight and Cadance stand to the side, trying to find a moment when the mares aren't too busy to speak with them. They're disappointed when that moment doesn't come.
"Think we should try going somewhere else?"
"Hmm... well, this is the only lead we have right now." Twilight clears her throat. "Um, Rose?"
Rose responds, though she never once looks up from her work.
"What is it, Princess Twilight?"
"Did Anon come through here at some point today?"
"He sure did! Wanted the strangest bouquet, too."
"What was strange about it?"
"Well, he wanted an assortment of roses, just like everypony else does on Hearts and Hooves Day. But on top of that, he wanted some dragon sneeze flowers."
"Really? Those, uh, aren't exactly pretty. Also, aren't they not even in season right now?"
The three mares all freeze to glare at Twilight for just a moment.
"Do not doubt our flower power!" They say in unison before returning to their work as if nothing happened.
"Uhh... okay. But, Rose, I thought you had a policy against knowingly giving customers bad-looking bouquets."
"I do, but he said the bouquet wasn't just meant to be a sign of affection. Normally I would've pressed him on that, but as you can see, I'm a bit too busy today to linger on one customer for too long!"
Sure enough, as this conversation has gone on, she has helped no less than twenty desperate ponies with their flowers.
"Yeah, I can see that. O-one more thing, though."
"Yes?"
"Did you see where he went?"
"I think he went over to the jeweler's. Couldn't tell ya what for, though."
"Alright. Thank you for your help, Rose!"
"Have a nice day, princesses!"
Twilight turns around as Rose returns to focusing on her work. Cadance looks at her with a worried look.
"We have to get moving!"
"Why?"
"The jeweler? On HEARTS AND HOOVES DAY?!"
"Cadance, I think you're getting a bit too caught up in-"
"There's no time! Let's go!"
Cadance grabs Twilight by the hoof and literally drags her in the direction of the jeweler, becoming increasingly more desperate to learn Anon's whereabouts.
The little bell above the door to the jeweler's rings as the two alicorns enter the small, well-maintained shop. Unlike the flower stall, the store is lacking any customers. Granted, this is to be expected; most jewelry in Equestria is custom-made, and those take time to make. Ponies trying to get something last-minute are better off getting their significant others something other than jewelry today. However, the older mare that runs the shop is still standing behind the counter regardless, and she greets the two with a smile.
"Why, hello there, princesses. It's a pleasure to see you."
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Stone." Twilight happily greets the mare and walks up to the counter.
"I must say, I am surprised to see you here."
"Don't worry, I know it's too late to get something made in time for the holiday."
"Oh no, I meant because you're still single, hoohoo!"
Twilight blushes and looks at the floor. Cadance speaks up on her behalf.
"Sorry, Mrs. Stone, but we really just wanted to ask you a question. Have you seen Anon come through today?"
"Anon? You mean the tall gentleman wearing the suit?"
"He... was wearing a suit?"
"Sure was. He looked quite dapper, too. He came in here a few hours ago."
"What did he want?"
"Curiously, he didn't want any actual jewelry. Rather, he just wanted the jewels themselves."
"He did?"
The mare nods.
"A few rubies, some sapphires, and even an emerald."
"Wow. That... doesn't sound cheap."
"He actually picked out the smallest ones I had. They weren't even cut, either."
"Uncut gems?" Twilight finally speaks up again, her voice curious.
"Yes, I was confused too. Then he told me he needs them as an ingredient in some potion he's brewing. I didn't even know he made potions, but who am I to turn down a customer?"
"D-did he say where he was going?"
"Not specifically, no."
"Alright, thank you very mu-"
Twilight is cut off by Cadance once again grabbing her and literally dragging her away. Mrs. Stone simply laughs and waves as the two exit the store.
"Cadance, what's the matter?"
"He's brewing a potion! That's a MASSIVE lead!"
"Well, that's true. I also didn't know he knew how to make potions, and I LIVE with him."
"So, he doesn't do it at the castle?"
"Potion making, in my experience, is a smelly process. There wouldn't really be a place in the castle he could hide it."
"Hmm. Where would he go to brew a potion, then? And why do it in the first place?"
Twilight places a hoof to her chin as she thinks.
"...Ah!"
"Did you think of something?"
"Potion making is a difficult skill to train, and for all of his flaws, I know that Anon isn't dumb enough to try to do so without supervision."
"So you think somepony is helping him? Who?"
"Who else would he ask for help with brewing a potion but Zecora?"
"AHA! That would also explain why nopony knows exactly where he is!"
"He's in the Everfree Forest!" They exclaim simultaneously.
The further into the Everfree the pair gets, the more frantic Cadance becomes. By the time they actually reach the outskirts of Zecora's hut, she doesn't even bother knocking, instead choosing to just throw the front door wide open.
"ANON?!"
"Cadance, don't just barge in!"
The two alicorns freeze in the doorway, taking in the scene before them. In the center of the room, Anon and Zecora peer into a large cauldron that is currently placed over a lit flame and gently bubbling. The smell is sickeningly sweet, and whatever concoction is within the cauldron is a deep purple color. Sure enough, Anon is dressed in a suit, though to their surprise, Zecora is also dolled up quite a bit. It's a sight Twilight hasn't seen from Zecora since... ever, really.
"Stop right there!"
Cadance's voice is loud and demanding, though Anon and Zecora had already stopped what they were doing when she threw the door open. They share a confused glance before Anon responds.
"Uhh, hi?"
"What exactly do you think you're doing?!"
"What does it look like? Zecora is teaching me how to brew potions."
"On Hearts and Hooves Day?!"
"Yeah?"
"What are you, a loser?!"
Anon furrows his brow, frustration evident on his face.
"Aren't you the one constantly reminding me that I'm single? What would you prefer I do, wallow in my bedroom all day long?"
"...Yes."
"Well too bad."
Cadance grunts, causing Twilight to pat her on the shoulder.
"I'm sorry about this, you two. She's been... antsy today."
Zecora smiles.
"Worry not, frustrated princess. Anon is quite used to your pettiness."
"Pettiness?!" Cadance glares at Anon. "We've been trying to track you down all afternoon, and you're telling me you STILL don't have a marefriend?!"
"Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Well... that..." Cadance shakes her head in frustration. "Why the flowers, huh?!"
"The... ohhhhh, the bouquet? Roses and dragon sneeze flowers are both ingredients for the potion we're working on."
"And the jewels?"
"Same reason, though I did have to pulverize them before putting them into the cauldron. THAT was an ordeal."
"..." Cadance fumes silently for a moment before finally raising her voice one more time. "Then why the suit?!" She turns to look at Zecora. "And why are you dressed up with him?! (You look incredible by the way.)"
Anon and Zecora share another glance, and they both blush before looking at the ground. Their expressions seem less embarrassed and more... sad.
"...We don't really get a chance to dress up like this very often."
"Being single every year can be... quite disheartening, and going out in public like this is just too embarrassing. We wanted a chance to show somepony our best traits, even if we both lack Hearts and Hooves dates."
"Th-that's...!"
Twilight glares at Cadance. The pink princess looks down at her sister-in-law and sighs. Anon and Zecora are kindred souls, it seems. Even if they're both single, they just wanted a chance to have a nice Hearts and Hooves Day in their own way, without the judgement of others. Then, she practically knocked their door down specifically to judge them.
"...I'm sorry, you two. I-I didn't know."
"I'm sorry as well. I should have tried to talk her out of this."
The embarrassed non-couple behind the cauldron share a confused look before smiling at each other and directing their attention back towards the princesses.
"It's alright. We forgive you."
"Regardless of... whatever all of this is, we shall simply call it water under the bridge."
Cadance and Twilight look back at them bashfully before glancing around the room, unsure of what to say or do next. After a few moments, it's Anon who breaks the silence.
"Jeez, look at the time. It's dark out already. It has to be almost nine at this point."
The alicorns turn and look out the window. Sure enough, the sun has completely set and the moon has taken its place in the sky.
"I guess we'd better get going, huh Cadance?"
"Yes, that would probably be for the best."
"Are you two going to be okay getting home?"
"We can just fly over the forest, Anon. Are YOU going to be okay getting home?"
"We already discussed this when it was still bright; Anon will be staying with me tonight. This potion takes a long time to brew, and Anon wants to remain here to see it through."
"Alright, then. Goodnight Anon. Goodnight Zecora."
"Goodnight, princesses!"
Without another word, Twilight and Cadance leave the hut, feeling incredibly awkward and humbled by the day's events. Meanwhile, within the hut, Zecora watches as they spread their wings and begin to fly off.
"...Are we good?"
"They've taken off, but they're not yet gone. Have patience, my dear Anon."
After a few more seconds, Twilight and Cadance disappear over the horizon. As they do so, Zecora turns towards Anon and nods, her cheeks now a deep shade of crimson. Without missing a beat, Anon embraces her, and the two begin to kiss passionately as their Hearts and Hooves Day comes to a close.
Meanwhile, in Ponyville's fanciest restaurant, Shining Armor sits at a table all alone. A waiter swings by to check on him, but he quickly waves the waiter off. Everypony else has already left the restaurant. He glances at a nearby clock. Cadance is now four hours late.
...Ugh.
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Ah I always love my daily dose of Runic chaos and fluffy romantic fun. (Well it’s not day over here per se, it’s past midnight, but my point still stands).
You have made me actually like Anon. I’ve read stories where I can’t tolerate him, and it’s only because of your way of writing him that I read anything about him at all.
ANON AND ZECORA FIC LET’S GO! Zecora is such an amazing character, and she has to be written well. I honestly think I can be turned away from a fic if Zecora is written poorly. Usually her rhyming or characterization is off in quite a bit of fics. This was short and sweet, but it was good!
I am a huge Zecora fan, love her so much! I’m definitely gonna be waiting for a Zecora romance fic from you Runic!
Cadance is always a hoot, she’s either written to be uhhh salacious as heck, or a total goofball. Fun story, Anon x Zecora isn’t super common and I look forward to that plot thread unraveling in the future
DAMN
Man, Cadance, you are savage today!
once
A secret romantic relationship together, that's so sweet and spicy🔥
Also rhymes, it must have been a challenge for those rappers writers out there.
Damn I felt that
Rare as Hens Teeth, they are.
Holy hell, Cadence you scary.
Looking forward to that Anon/Zecora fic, though.
..................
Now thats actually MEAN.
JESUS, that is unnecessary.
Hard to argue with that. Let's go bully Anon!
Oh jeez Cadey, you didn't...
Dangit, poor Shiney
...
Jeez.
I'm just gonna count my blessings that interdimensional travel is physically impossible and that I'll never meet this version of Cadence.
Boy, wait until Cadence receives the invitation for Anon and Zecora's wedding. She's gonna be furious.
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She's a total loser, truly.
man, Cadance was kinda a bitch to both Anon and Shining XD
Let's all be honest. It's really easy to let a 'hobby' become an 'obsession'. And while some of Cadence's dialogue was meaner than normal... if you were looking forward to something specific for an entire year and it didn't work out... wouldn't you be off your game too?
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Why would they invite her? It would be more like a 'Sorry you couldn't attend our wedding' sent 3 weeks after the event.
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Well, knowing Twilight, she's going to somehow find out and tell Cadence about it leading to Anon having to send the invite. Also, it would be the perfect revenge against Cadence for the pettiness she keeps displaying on Anon to tell her simply, "I didn't need the Alicorn of Love after all."
I do hope the Anon X Zecora fic is a sequel to this story just so Cadence can lose it and take the ultimate L in the end.
IJBOL!
11680786
Or didn't get invited
Wow Cadance is a absolute Cunt in this story. Just..... wow, I am glad I will never meet this version of her.
Loved that ending.
(Also, sorry if Cadance seemed OOC here. She was just... so fun to write like this.)
It's fine. My personal headcanon is that Anon's presence brings out everyponies inner troll/4channer
The subtly and nuance is wonderful in this fic. It's done so perfectly and expertly, like that of a baseball bat through a window.
Crazy Cadance is Best Cadance
Twilight has failed her WIS save and takes 3d12 psychic damage.
Crazed Cadance is a good source of fun. Doubly so if it involves PEETZER!
But... but what did the potion do?
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If I answered that I'd have to raise the rating on this fic
(kidding)
So, the potion was a share activity zecora and Anon just enjoy? and decided that was a good way to pass the day? well that and doing lots other stuff while brewing XD, fit for each other.
I know I should think of Zecora and Anon kissing as something beautiful and serious, but I can't help but think of this dumb image pbs.twimg.com/media/FO8nvtgXwAcVzgy?format=jpg&name=medium
its ingrained into my soul
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Please do.
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Well then until otherwise stated, I'm just going to have to assume it leads to something along these lines:
derpicdn.net/img/2023/8/30/3191844/large.png
Maybe a sequel where Twilight finally works up the courage to ask Anon out, but it's revealed that he's been dating Zecora since forever, but he hides it from Cadance because she's a nutcase. And Twilight really should have known, but was simply too out of touch to understand what was in front of her face.
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My response to her would be:
And as she tries to get me to elaborate, I would just shake my head and walk away, probably with her following me to Zecora’s house.
if i ever meet this cadance i am going to thermonuke her out of existence
It's a crack fic. It's supposed to be a little out of character.
Poor shiny ;-;
Poor shiny, abandondby at the table