What do you do when you wake up in an unknown city, as an unknown creature? What do you do when said city is undergoing an unnatural disaster? Neil chose to live off the streets, hidden, while gathering information. But how long can he remain hidden?
I'm glad your still holding onto his desire to leave and go home. EVERY single other story like this just has the MC say "Oh my life was ripped away from me and now I have to live a completely new one where everything is ass-backwords from how it's supposed to be? Neat!" (I know you'll probably do exactly that eventually, I'm just holding onto the glorious part where he still hates this world and everything in it).
Comment posted by KarmaSentinal deleted Nov 1st, 2023
"Obviously. Twilight's still normal sized, but you're a little taller than Big Mac is," She explained. He didn't know who Big Mac was, but he didn't care as he felt Rainbow's eyes tracing over his body. His tail unconsciously pressed into his rump.
Chapter Looks perfect to me, perhaps The reason why it looks wrong to you is it doesn’t follow convention? the ending is not how a lot of bar scenes in other story’s(they usually end with the Dude leaving the pub) Maybe that’s why you think it’s wrong?
this is purely guesswork because nothing looks wrong to me.
I say the chapter was perfect, and even got a red hare with his escape where I though Eris was finally giving him a hand, but the reality of things was good.
And it because the obstacle is so well done that with this and the other chapters that I really wish for Celestia get her just deserts or finally understand how much damage she is causing before it too late, seriously she just keep making things worse and worse for Neil, so I bet you have something big plan so for when it boils over it will feel just right.
Now to top it off, that blabber mouth decided to expose his secret to not only to all the royal guard but retired guards too? NO! I don't care if they sigh an agreement of silence or not, you DON'T do that, he has the cape for a reason you freaking moron! You are doing the exact opposite of helping, you are just one mistake away from Neil to learn Anger and his eyes to turn green
Seriously where is Eris? Where is her lop holes on deals, where is her trickery waiting to meet Neil one way or another?
I just want the freaking goddess of chaos to make her appearance already and give poor Neil something, right now he is on the frog of Celestia hoof, he can't escape, he has to summit to everything she says, and can't say a word about it. She is no different that Starlight and her cult wanting to make everyone equals, and that is just plain mess up!
Please please, PLEASE I beg you, Neil had more than enough, give the poor stallion freedom already! This is just plain cruel.
P.S: Didn't Celestia start looking for his home town some chapters back? Please tell she drop it or discover that it doesn't exist
It's official, this is my favourite story on this site right now; when a new chapter drops it will be read by the end of the day. Thanks a lot for the chapter, dear author :)
Edit: As for the 'something is off part' it's probably due to a small deviation from the other chapters which have a direct ending, in other words, you can guess what the next chapter will start with. Neil in the room, Neil going to train. Here it can either cut to Neil in his room, on the way back or more shenanigans.
Don't let that tibit drag you down, I quite liked this development of the story, and certainly with Neil's interaction towards new ponies, aware of the difference but not to shy to just ask. And don't forget, you are your own harshest critic.
I know at least in my case I'll be there when the next chapter drops.
Espero que el protagonista aun mantenga su objetivo de querer regresar a casa, ya estoy cansado de los mismos fics en el que al final acaban aceptando su destino. Ninguna persona querría eso, no cuando tienen un hogar al que regresar
11737710 Todo depende de como progrese la historia, pero considerando todo lo que esta pasando. En serio necesitara una muy buena razon de querer gobernar, y hey seria entretenido pensar en la idea de un Alicornio solo ganandose la vida de forma honesta como bombero o lo que hacia su papa...si tiene q quedarse en Equestria claro esta
Neil quickly followed but couldn't help but notice Bulk's emblem as he strolled by. In reality, ponies called them cutie marks, but Neil couldn't get past how juvenile that made them sound. Either way, emblems tended to match the pony's name. How or why that happened, he couldn't figure out. Donut Joe, for example, had a donut. Simple.
I'm reminded of a line from Princess Luna in The Twilight Prince: "On a mare, tis a cutie mark, on a stallion, tis an emblem"
One thing I enjoy about the story so far is that I'm not sure which direction it's going in. The wings working on desire more than conscious thought is an interesting twist. I wonder how magic will work for him. On top of it all he hasn't been able to mourn his previous life. That song was just the top of the iceberg.
Now to top it off, that blabber mouth decided to expose his secret to not only to all the royal guard but retired guards too? NO! I don't care if they sigh an agreement of silence or not, you DON'T do that, he has the cape for a reason you freaking moron! You are doing the exact opposite of helping, you are just one mistake away from Neil to learn Anger and his eyes to turn green
Yes, booze can be a great tool for loosening someone's tongue. Funny thing is though, given how much he's sloshed with before spilling anything, and more importantly, since they have absolutely no clue as to what he was talking about either at the table or on stage, they'll all more likely dismiss everything as just the random ramblings of a wild stupid crazy fuck-- The best part of it though is that Celestia will most likely be the one most interested in every detail and will grill the entire lot of them for every single little tidbit, no matter how insignificant. And after Celestia gets done, they'll swear the Spanish Lipizzan were a bunch of amateurs.
11737888 Why I'm fearing she would be particularly interest on knowing that Neil likes "fluff"
It will be funny if later he explain that, that was just an assumption and he doesn't have a clue of what they mean, right after she try to give more puff of her chest
I didn't read the song (nothing personal, my brain just doesn't wrap around lyrics or poems), but my imagination had him diving straight into thrash metal.
11737932 Me too like he is stress or tired, Celestia wants to cheer him up, and go visit his room and Neil is like "ah Celestia did...did you paste a pillow on your chest?"
"No silly this is my natural fluff, I decided to try a fashion style, do you like it?"
"I think you are asking the wrong guy here Celestia, like I say, you look like you just pasted a pillow under your fur" And walks away all chill and relax
I hope that bulk and ice Fang get to spend more time together I wonder if if Queen Chrysalis has any spies inside the castle and they tell her about the male alicorn
I feel like Celestia really isn't making her case very well in this fic. She makes an off hand comment about other nations wanting marriage alliances, but that's really sugarcoating things. I believe that Princess Celestia thinks that if Neil leaves, some nation is going to kidnap him and put him in a r*** factory to make super babies. Does this justify all the shit she has done? No. She really should be respecting his privacy a bit more, and work a LOT harder on keeping his secret if this is the case.
However, she can't really let him go out into the world un5il he can at least defend himself, which he currently is incapable of doing. She also either needs to make her case for him becom8ng a prince more convincing, or accept that he really does not want to stick around. He doesn't even know what he would be the prince of, for crying out loud!
When I fall asleep, I see it in my dreams, The answer of it all. ~
~ Just blend into the crowd, but I'm compelled to stand out, And answer to the call. But everything is changing, the winds that I've been chasing, got me suffocating, To live up to the name. But what did I get into? I can't seem to break through, playing by the old rules, But you changed the game. There's so much I can prove. And I don't wanna lose! ~
~ All the songs have been sung, but I don't hear a sound. All the noise is the same. All the air in my lungs, I'll finally let it out. Let the wind show the way; the wind will show the way. ~
~ Lying wide awake, everything is changed, A stranger in my skin. Broken from my past, fallen from my path, A poison deep within. But what if it all breaks down, struggling for air now, need to find a way out, Fighting through the pain. But what did I get into? I can't seem to break through, playing by the old rules, But you changed the gaaame~ ~
~ There's so much I can prove. And I don't wanna looose~ ~
~ All the songs have been sung, but I don't hear a sound. All the noise is the same. All the air in my lungs, I'll finally let it out. Let the wind show the way; the wind will show the way. Oh-oh-oh-oh, The wind will show the way, Oh-oh-oh-oh. The bridge might burn down, But my spirit won't burn out...
Pretty sure this is the entire song without story bits inbetween, your welcome
i really find this equestria causal cultural acceptance of sex really interesting, i wonder if it comes from herd instincts and what other things a human would find bizarre that ponies think are normal
Roshi, I've gotta hand it to you, this was your best chapter, to date. It feels as if you've pushed through the more logical/formulaic writing method to something a little ... rawer. Personal. Intuitive. We really get a look at Neil in a more relaxed—and far less paranoid—state. The song at the end was honestly beautiful. I really, actually felt for his predicament right there. So, BZ, mate. You are a talented writer, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how this flawed, yet fascinating character develops.
Also, Bulk is officially B.G.B.F.F.—Best Guard Bro Friend Forever™!
And good luck with Nano! Something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the courage to pull off; good for you!
Just looked into this story, and. . . It's funky. I'm having trouble squaring this well-written, well-crafted prose with the awk-weird, hormone-soaked, RGRE society and the paranoid, depressed, hateful, potty-mouth protagonist. I just don't know where it's going or what we're trying to accomplish here.
11733034 He tried just walking out the door in an earlier chapter, and got stuck in a perception maze. So he's a touch more paranoid now... <.<
11732963 *Goes to the bed, and points at the large, realistic looking tent being pitched from the pony underneath the blanket. "He even got the length right," She teased, before pulling the sheet aside to reveal a broom handle sticking up, out of the mattress, with a shampoo bottle placed on top to emulate a flatter, more equine tip. "Quite the smart little Boy-Toy, isn't he?"
11737557 As the lovebug commands! *All the feels.*
11737572 I can understand that point of view, if they don't see any chance of getting home. Or accept the chance is infinitesimally small, and give up. Neil doesn't know the exact odds of finding a way home, but knows there's a chance since he somehow showed up in Equestria. Thus he's focusing on his goal of getting home.
11737589 Oh? Do we have someone throwing in their hat into the Waifu Wars for Neil/Rainbow? :P
11737611 11737662 There was a slightly different ending to the chapter planned(still inside the bar), that was a little more comedy focused, instead of sappy. In the end after the emotional unload, I decided to stay with that theme and end the chapter with the sappy hug. But it's... not that? I think. I dunno. ... Instead of having Neil trip and fall into the cuddle pit after his song, which would prompt Squall to announce an emergency cuddle session to the entire bar.
11737638 Yep. Neil does not like the fact that Celestia is blabbing on him, either.
Eris? She's sitting back with a bag of popcorn, obviously, and watching the show. ;P After all, she's still in hot water after her recent escapades with Tirek. If the Neil situation explodes in Celestia's face, she can tell the alicorn with a straight face that she had nothing to do with it while laughing at the chaos created... And maybe swoop in to release some of that pent up sexual tension Neil is obviously suffering from. Probably.
As for Neil's home, yep. She fell into her typical Celestia behaviour, and delegated that task to another pony.
11737654 Yep, they should. Thankfully the drinking, and the singing helped relieve some of that tension... I think. Hopefully?
11737710 11737730 Unfortunately I don't speak Spanish, so I had to run it through the google translator.
But as stated earlier, Neil's main goal is to get home... The thought of Neil pulling a chariot between hospitals would be pretty funny though.
11737775 You mean Moonshine and Moon Shine? Moonshine is the earth drink with the drug smuggling/prohibition mythos surrounding it. Moon Shine on the other hand is a milder Equestrian drink that looks like literal liquid moonlight in a bottle.
11737863 I actually stumbled on that idea after the scene was already written. Pegasi feel like their more ambitious, goal driven, and instinctual. And far more likely to do something without thinking, compared to the other tribes. As for the unicorns and Earth Ponies, we'll have to see. :D
11737888 11737892 *A week after his trip to the bar, Neil walks into the throne room once more with Bulk by his side, answering yet another summons from Celestia... Except the throne room is empty. Confused, he looks around. The usual amount of guards are there, and none of them seem to be perturbed by their missing ruler. Just as he's about to sit down, a flash of light erupts from her throne to reveal...
What looked to be a giant cotton ball, but wearing an enormous, poofy looking tri-coloured afro that matched Celestia's normal colouration. Was she... having a bad hair day? Perhaps she used the wrong shampoo, or her hair dryer was on the fritz?
"Oh, hello Neil. I didn't see you there," She greeted in an unusually sensual manner.*
Mini-omake, just for you two. XD
11737957 Ooooooo. Some OC shipping in the Waifu Wars! But don't count out Corporal Hearth from chapter one. ;D
As for changeling spies.... They take time to reestablish. And an extra helping of caution, now that Changelings have been exposed to the world.
11738047 Let The Wind Show The Way. I also embedded it into the Authors note at the end of the chapter. ^^
11738114 It does seem like that at the moment, doesn't it? But even I don't know who he's going to end up with. If he ends up with anyone.
11738135 She hasn't had much of a chance to interact with Neil, after her first few attempts went poorly. She's sent multiple, optional invitations after all. But only an official summons(with the help of Bulk) managed to draw him out recently. She's quickly learning that she shouldn't treat him like a normal pony. <.<
11738357 It's an RGRE staple, though not to the extreme of Sissified stallions having every little woe and sexual need taken care of by an overprotective herd of mares, whether in public or not. I just equate the stallions flashing the goods to something similar in our world, like a little black dress that reveals allll the cleavage. Or wearing a tube top that is too small, and barely containing certain things. As for mare bits? That's like an average dude walking around without a shirt on.
Heck, just picture all of the under-tail or butt shots you get in the actual show, and just imagine if the ponies were anatomically correct. Equestria is basically a nudist paradise on it's own, without interference. XD
11738374 Ohhhh. That might be what's throwing me off, actually. I like logical. XD
As for Nano, it's only the second day. Plenty of time to jump in still! The only hard part about it is capturing, and eviscerating that pesky inner-editor in your mind, before finally throwing all the little bits into an imaginary volcano! :D
11738458 You and I are in the same boat then. But that's the interesting aspect, as well! Where's the story going to go? What major, and minor altercations will happen between the characters? Will Neil cave to the pressure of royalty? Will he join Eris, and wag war against Equestria like some of the commentators want? Will he collect a herd of mares to snuggle with, and do disgusting, cutesy things like hold each other's wings? Find the answer to all of these questions, and more, in the next episode of Dragonball- Er, AAA.
11737957 Ooooooo. Some OC shipping in the Waifu Wars! But don't count out Corporal Hearth from chapter one. ;D As for changeling spies.... They take time to reestablish. And an extra helping of caution, now that Changelings have been exposed to the world.
Hopefully, for Chrysalis, she's got several unconnected networks out there in various levels of of the castle's staff who are completely unaware of anylings not part of their team. So, that even if one groups gets compromised, they don't ALL get compromised. Some big questions: now that you ponies have discovered them, can you repeat that discovery? And can you repeat discovering them reliably? And can you do so under every one of the innumerable various conditions that may pop up? If the answer is ever "no" to any one of those, you're pretty much fucked!! <--guess which one is the changeling. The biggest danger that Equestria faces is that changelings are a completely unknown quantity. Even within canon, they've barely got a handle on their capabilities, so there's still plenty of wiggle room for authors to exploit any unknown factors to give plausible encounters with them.
Neil still couldn't wrap his head around the concept of Alicorn-sized meals. Sure, an Alicorn was slightly larger than the average pony, but not to an insane degree. But, thinking about the sheer volume Celestia put away that first night? The image of Celestia as the Ghostbuster marshmallow monster strolled through his head, and he couldn't help but snicker.
Oh my gosh my sides.
After his time in the castle, with maids, nurses, and guardsmares? Frozen memories he'd rather not see flashed unbidden into his head. Others were not so still. Even Mousey's soft-looking rump joined the mix before shifting into the largest-looking backside of them all- Celestia herself, when he was forced to walk behind her.
HAHA HE LIKES EM BIG! He likes em chunky.(Watch that cake ass wobble Neil. You know you like to.)
Also that bar scene makes me wanna give him a hug!
The deception about earth ponies is amusing but I think he shouldn't keep up with it. But when has he ever been logical?
Also hype for the Omakes! This story is definitely one of my favorites for sure!
Edit: honestly I'm hoping for cakeflanks to get under Neil at some point. I'm a fan of the whole lotta mares for one stallion setup too.
.... now I'm thinking about Neil cumflating her over the course of the night via hatefuck with her saying she's a bad girl. (She's regretful of a bunch of things she's done and blames herself for. Like NMM) Complete with apology cuddles the next morning. (Was because he found out about the delegation and it not happening soon, and he feels bad about taking it out on her. Possibly with a "maybe I'll actually get pregnant this time")
11738545 I mean moonshine. earth drink. It's just that, where I live, they call it "Samogon" and if you sort it out a little, it becomes obvious why exactly.
That extra 3% you are missing? might be ye olde fashioned thestral mare (that follows the better parts of chivalry?) to help reign in the thirst of the night guards keeping watch of Neil. or atleast a little something to differentiate the thestrals from each other.
11739154 Hey i get you dont like his charicter and how he acts but you saying that kinda just makes me think you just skimmed the chapter where luna punished him and he did not back down.
11738545 Do you have an outline for how you want the story to go or are you just "winging it"?
All I really see about Neil is that 1. he reacts to being forced to do things with as much resistance as he thinks he can get away with, even when that is possibly counter productive to getting more freedom. Also is impulsivd 2. He likes to fly, and his dad was a hospital airlift pilot. Given that, I figure he will never go along with being a prince, would do max sabotage if they forced him to be a prince, and I feel like he might end up working as a weatherpony or something related to flying.
Neil, that was a good impromptu attempt at escape, but it was rather obvious. You’re going to have to get clever. Those princesses don’t want you to get away, but they’re not going all out to keep you in quite yet, I think; it’s because you can’t magic or fly, though. Maybe you can make use of that neglect or maybe you just have to play opossum.
Rainbow is definitely going to tell Twilight in case she doesn’t already know. I’m almost more curious about how Cadence will treat him, but maybe Twilight won’t be as troublesome as the Diarchs?
School of Friendship isn’t built yet, right? So there is an invasion in the future. Lots of chaos opportunities in that.
I am a little surprised that he allowed Bulk to do his mane. Also, I thought Bulk was Bulk Biceps for some strange reason. I had that all wrong in my head. Whoops.
11738559 There are a few options that may come into play, some sooner, some later. :P
11738572 After the giant love dome expelled them from Canterlot, not all of the changelings returned to the hive, or reported in(Like Thorax, for example). Queen Chrysalis doesn't know if they're dead, or if they landed in pony controlled lands and were captured. Now that ponies know of their existence, have they created counter-measures with, or even without those presumed captured changelings? Current agents are under orders to take things really slow, gather intelligence about changeling counter-measures, but still focus on the main objective.
11738660 I mean, I could tell you what he likes in human women, but where's the fun in that?
And with her ability to pack food away, what makes you think Neil could pump her full enough to add an extra inch to her barrel width, let alone make her look preggers? But who knows what I'll write for Nanowrimo this month? Currently working on a Canterlot 'threesome', ;D
11738815 Ah, don't know anything about that. Occasionally I see my Dad watching a TV show based on Moonshiners.
11739158 Thanks! Here's hoping I keep walking the tightrope, and don't jump the shark! XP
11739438 Old fashioned thestral mare? Let's just say the thestrals are old fashioned, compared to the average pony. And only the more... modern mares are allowed to work in Canterlot under Luna.
As for salt, yes and no. Yes it does effect ponies, similar to alcohol, but not as hard. Calm was drinking a Saltini. In fact, most of the stallion drinks had salt in them, but Neil doesn't know about that, and glossed over that tidbit in the drink menu.
It's also easier/faster to mitigate the aftereffects. Have a couple glasses of water before you leave the bar, and the tipsyness will already be disappearing by the time you get home. And no hangover in the morning.
11739678 Yep, I do! Sort of. I have a firm macro-picture of the timeline- up to a certain event, which the title of the story revolves around. This has major plot points firmly in place, and happening. But the micro plot points, and the character interactions within the scene itself? Nope!
I've tried in multiple (Nanowrimo)stories to micro-manage every detail in a scene, but it never really works. Sometimes, when the vehicle is pointed towards Mount Doom, the characters just take the wheel and goes, "Nope! Screw that, we're going to Disneyland!" Derailing the entire scene. XD
It keeps me surprised as well, while writing a scene, which is part of the fun. I have a general idea, but then a sudden thought pops up that makes sense, and twists the conversation into a new, odd direction. :P
1. Yep, that sounds about right. He has no control or agency at the moment, and is reacting to changes as best he can while trying to retain what little of his autonomy he has left.
2. Yep! Pretty much- if he ends up working as a pony. His current goal is getting home, afterall.
11739745 We'll see how much, or how little oversight Neil has placed upon him as his relationship with the Princesses evolves. But yeah, right now it's a little lax with his inability to fly or use magic of any kind(including Earth Pony).
Would Rainbow tell Twilight and the girls, if the missive sent to summon her asked for complete discretion and silence on the matter? <.<
No school yet. I think I've dropped enough hints that this is shortly after Tirek's invasion.
Second person to mention Bulk Order and Bulk Biceps being the same pony. :P And the first person wanted some Bulk on Bulk interactions, like mud wrestling, if they ever met. XD
But yeah, while I can see Rainbow helping out her friends/coworkers during estrus season, I can't see Rainbow settling down... Until she achieves her dream of being a Wonderbolt. She's currently a reservist, so who knows?
And Celestia? We all know how much friction is between them currently. :P
11740254 Ah nice Neil can still turn things around. And glad to hear he has a destination, the castle of the two sisters, good place. As long as nobody knows it and he can dodge the wild life, it could be a safe heaven.
For now, it the waiting game, but in chapter and in story. And hey in the meanwhile he could ask for darts, a dart board, a picture of Princess Celestia and some maskin tap to bent some anger.
Not sure how Celestia could react to a picture of her on a dart board with some darts in her eye but hey, if it helps, right?
feels!
I'm glad your still holding onto his desire to leave and go home. EVERY single other story like this just has the MC say "Oh my life was ripped away from me and now I have to live a completely new one where everything is ass-backwords from how it's supposed to be? Neat!" (I know you'll probably do exactly that eventually, I'm just holding onto the glorious part where he still hates this world and everything in it).
Now this is poggers.
Chapter Looks perfect to me, perhaps The reason why it looks wrong to you is it doesn’t follow convention?
the ending is not how a lot of bar scenes in other story’s(they usually end with the Dude leaving the pub) Maybe that’s why you think it’s wrong?
this is purely guesswork because nothing looks wrong to me.
I say the chapter was perfect, and even got a red hare with his escape where I though Eris was finally giving him a hand, but the reality of things was good.
And it because the obstacle is so well done that with this and the other chapters that I really wish for Celestia get her just deserts or finally understand how much damage she is causing before it too late, seriously she just keep making things worse and worse for Neil, so I bet you have something big plan so for when it boils over it will feel just right.
Now to top it off, that blabber mouth decided to expose his secret to not only to all the royal guard but retired guards too? NO! I don't care if they sigh an agreement of silence or not, you DON'T do that, he has the cape for a reason you freaking moron! You are doing the exact opposite of helping, you are just one mistake away from Neil to learn Anger and his eyes to turn green
Seriously where is Eris? Where is her lop holes on deals, where is her trickery waiting to meet Neil one way or another?
I just want the freaking goddess of chaos to make her appearance already and give poor Neil something, right now he is on the frog of Celestia hoof, he can't escape, he has to summit to everything she says, and can't say a word about it.
She is no different that Starlight and her cult wanting to make everyone equals, and that is just plain mess up!
Please please, PLEASE I beg you, Neil had more than enough, give the poor stallion freedom already! This is just plain cruel.
P.S: Didn't Celestia start looking for his home town some chapters back? Please tell she drop it or discover that it doesn't exist
Feels like he's about to explode, Neil should have a heart-to-heart talk with Celestia before he kills somepony, I certainly would.
11737654
Me too to be honest, I try to be patient but come on! I feel Celestia is going to extremes to "keep Neil save"
It's official, this is my favourite story on this site right now; when a new chapter drops it will be read by the end of the day. Thanks a lot for the chapter, dear author :)
Edit: As for the 'something is off part' it's probably due to a small deviation from the other chapters which have a direct ending, in other words, you can guess what the next chapter will start with. Neil in the room, Neil going to train. Here it can either cut to Neil in his room, on the way back or more shenanigans.
Don't let that tibit drag you down, I quite liked this development of the story, and certainly with Neil's interaction towards new ponies, aware of the difference but not to shy to just ask. And don't forget, you are your own harshest critic.
I know at least in my case I'll be there when the next chapter drops.
Espero que el protagonista aun mantenga su objetivo de querer regresar a casa, ya estoy cansado de los mismos fics en el que al final acaban aceptando su destino. Ninguna persona querría eso, no cuando tienen un hogar al que regresar
11737710
Todo depende de como progrese la historia, pero considerando todo lo que esta pasando. En serio necesitara una muy buena razon de querer gobernar, y hey seria entretenido pensar en la idea de un Alicornio solo ganandose la vida de forma honesta como bombero o lo que hacia su papa...si tiene q quedarse en Equestria claro esta
Love the chapter, even the 3% you don't like Hope to se more!
I'm reminded of a line from Princess Luna in The Twilight Prince: "On a mare, tis a cutie mark, on a stallion, tis an emblem"
it's nice that at least alcohol has allowed Neil to reveal his soul.... although tomorrow such disclosure will greatly affect him.
Please explain to me why moonshine is called that way? I know its other name, but I'm too lazy to explain a rather complex word formation.
Request: Some form of comeuppance, even if petty, for Celestia for putting our poor protagonist through this nonsense
One thing I enjoy about the story so far is that I'm not sure which direction it's going in. The wings working on desire more than conscious thought is an interesting twist. I wonder how magic will work for him. On top of it all he hasn't been able to mourn his previous life. That song was just the top of the iceberg.
11737638
Yes, booze can be a great tool for loosening someone's tongue. Funny thing is though, given how much he's sloshed with before spilling anything, and more importantly, since they have absolutely no clue as to what he was talking about either at the table or on stage, they'll all more likely dismiss everything as just the random ramblings of a wild stupid crazy fuck--
The best part of it though is that Celestia will most likely be the one most interested in every detail and will grill the entire lot of them for every single little tidbit, no matter how insignificant. And after Celestia gets done, they'll swear the Spanish Lipizzan were a bunch of amateurs.
11737888
Why I'm fearing she would be particularly interest on knowing that Neil likes "fluff"
It will be funny if later he explain that, that was just an assumption and he doesn't have a clue of what they mean, right after she try to give more puff of her chest
I didn't read the song (nothing personal, my brain just doesn't wrap around lyrics or poems), but my imagination had him diving straight into thrash metal.
11737892
Oh, I can definitely see THAT happening! LOL!! Awesome!!!
11737932
Me too like he is stress or tired, Celestia wants to cheer him up, and go visit his room and Neil is like "ah Celestia did...did you paste a pillow on your chest?"
"No silly this is my natural fluff, I decided to try a fashion style, do you like it?"
"I think you are asking the wrong guy here Celestia, like I say, you look like you just pasted a pillow under your fur" And walks away all chill and relax
I hope that bulk and ice Fang get to spend more time together I wonder if if Queen Chrysalis has any spies inside the castle and they tell her about the male alicorn
Song name?
Nicely done! Definitely one of my favorite stories on this site and glad to see it updated :)
I feel like Celestia really isn't making her case very well in this fic. She makes an off hand comment about other nations wanting marriage alliances, but that's really sugarcoating things. I believe that Princess Celestia thinks that if Neil leaves, some nation is going to kidnap him and put him in a r*** factory to make super babies. Does this justify all the shit she has done? No. She really should be respecting his privacy a bit more, and work a LOT harder on keeping his secret if this is the case.
However, she can't really let him go out into the world un5il he can at least defend himself, which he currently is incapable of doing. She also either needs to make her case for him becom8ng a prince more convincing, or accept that he really does not want to stick around. He doesn't even know what he would be the prince of, for crying out loud!
When I fall asleep, I see it in my dreams,
The answer of it all.
~
~
Just blend into the crowd, but I'm compelled to stand out,
And answer to the call.
But everything is changing, the winds that I've been chasing, got me suffocating,
To live up to the name.
But what did I get into? I can't seem to break through, playing by the old rules,
But you changed the game.
There's so much I can prove.
And I don't wanna lose!
~
~
All the songs have been sung, but I don't hear a sound.
All the noise is the same.
All the air in my lungs, I'll finally let it out.
Let the wind show the way; the wind will show the way.
~
~
Lying wide awake, everything is changed,
A stranger in my skin.
Broken from my past, fallen from my path,
A poison deep within.
But what if it all breaks down, struggling for air now, need to find a way out,
Fighting through the pain.
But what did I get into? I can't seem to break through, playing by the old rules,
But you changed the gaaame~
~
~
There's so much I can prove.
And I don't wanna looose~
~
~
All the songs have been sung, but I don't hear a sound.
All the noise is the same.
All the air in my lungs, I'll finally let it out.
Let the wind show the way; the wind will show the way.
Oh-oh-oh-oh,
The wind will show the way,
Oh-oh-oh-oh.
The bridge might burn down,
But my spirit won't burn out...
Pretty sure this is the entire song without story bits inbetween, your welcome
i really find this equestria causal cultural acceptance of sex really interesting, i wonder if it comes from herd instincts and what other things a human would find bizarre that ponies think are normal
Roshi, I've gotta hand it to you, this was your best chapter, to date. It feels as if you've pushed through the more logical/formulaic writing method to something a little ... rawer. Personal. Intuitive. We really get a look at Neil in a more relaxed—and far less paranoid—state. The song at the end was honestly beautiful. I really, actually felt for his predicament right there. So, BZ, mate. You are a talented writer, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how this flawed, yet fascinating character develops.
Also, Bulk is officially B.G.B.F.F.—Best Guard Bro Friend Forever™!
And good luck with Nano! Something I've always wanted to do, but have never had the courage to pull off; good for you!
Eh? He makes a big song and dance refusing to take lessons with Rainbow then just goes ahead and starts lessons anyway?
Eh? MC be channeling that babyman energy
Just looked into this story, and. . . It's funky. I'm having trouble squaring this well-written, well-crafted prose with the awk-weird, hormone-soaked, RGRE society and the paranoid, depressed, hateful, potty-mouth protagonist. I just don't know where it's going or what we're trying to accomplish here.
This story has been really fun so far. I can’t wait to see where it goes next.
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He tried just walking out the door in an earlier chapter, and got stuck in a perception maze. So he's a touch more paranoid now... <.<
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*Goes to the bed, and points at the large, realistic looking tent being pitched from the pony underneath the blanket. "He even got the length right," She teased, before pulling the sheet aside to reveal a broom handle sticking up, out of the mattress, with a shampoo bottle placed on top to emulate a flatter, more equine tip. "Quite the smart little Boy-Toy, isn't he?"
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As the lovebug commands! *All the feels.*
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I can understand that point of view, if they don't see any chance of getting home. Or accept the chance is infinitesimally small, and give up. Neil doesn't know the exact odds of finding a way home, but knows there's a chance since he somehow showed up in Equestria. Thus he's focusing on his goal of getting home.
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Oh? Do we have someone throwing in their hat into the Waifu Wars for Neil/Rainbow? :P
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There was a slightly different ending to the chapter planned(still inside the bar), that was a little more comedy focused, instead of sappy. In the end after the emotional unload, I decided to stay with that theme and end the chapter with the sappy hug.
But it's... not that? I think. I dunno.
... Instead of having Neil trip and fall into the cuddle pit after his song, which would prompt Squall to announce an emergency cuddle session to the entire bar.
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Yep. Neil does not like the fact that Celestia is blabbing on him, either.
Eris? She's sitting back with a bag of popcorn, obviously, and watching the show. ;P
After all, she's still in hot water after her recent escapades with Tirek. If the Neil situation explodes in Celestia's face, she can tell the alicorn with a straight face that she had nothing to do with it while laughing at the chaos created... And maybe swoop in to release some of that pent up sexual tension Neil is obviously suffering from. Probably.
As for Neil's home, yep. She fell into her typical Celestia behaviour, and delegated that task to another pony.
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Yep, they should. Thankfully the drinking, and the singing helped relieve some of that tension... I think. Hopefully?
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O.o...
High praise does not compute.
Rebooting Rat.exe
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Unfortunately I don't speak Spanish, so I had to run it through the google translator.
But as stated earlier, Neil's main goal is to get home...
The thought of Neil pulling a chariot between hospitals would be pretty funny though.
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You mean Moonshine and Moon Shine?
Moonshine is the earth drink with the drug smuggling/prohibition mythos surrounding it.
Moon Shine on the other hand is a milder Equestrian drink that looks like literal liquid moonlight in a bottle.
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I actually stumbled on that idea after the scene was already written. Pegasi feel like their more ambitious, goal driven, and instinctual. And far more likely to do something without thinking, compared to the other tribes. As for the unicorns and Earth Ponies, we'll have to see. :D
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*A week after his trip to the bar, Neil walks into the throne room once more with Bulk by his side, answering yet another summons from Celestia... Except the throne room is empty. Confused, he looks around. The usual amount of guards are there, and none of them seem to be perturbed by their missing ruler. Just as he's about to sit down, a flash of light erupts from her throne to reveal...
What looked to be a giant cotton ball, but wearing an enormous, poofy looking tri-coloured afro that matched Celestia's normal colouration. Was she... having a bad hair day? Perhaps she used the wrong shampoo, or her hair dryer was on the fritz?
"Oh, hello Neil. I didn't see you there," She greeted in an unusually sensual manner.*
Mini-omake, just for you two. XD
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Ooooooo. Some OC shipping in the Waifu Wars!
But don't count out Corporal Hearth from chapter one. ;D
As for changeling spies.... They take time to reestablish. And an extra helping of caution, now that Changelings have been exposed to the world.
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Let The Wind Show The Way.
I also embedded it into the Authors note at the end of the chapter. ^^
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It does seem like that at the moment, doesn't it?
But even I don't know who he's going to end up with. If he ends up with anyone.
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She hasn't had much of a chance to interact with Neil, after her first few attempts went poorly. She's sent multiple, optional invitations after all. But only an official summons(with the help of Bulk) managed to draw him out recently. She's quickly learning that she shouldn't treat him like a normal pony. <.<
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It's an RGRE staple, though not to the extreme of Sissified stallions having every little woe and sexual need taken care of by an overprotective herd of mares, whether in public or not. I just equate the stallions flashing the goods to something similar in our world, like a little black dress that reveals allll the cleavage. Or wearing a tube top that is too small, and barely containing certain things. As for mare bits? That's like an average dude walking around without a shirt on.
Heck, just picture all of the under-tail or butt shots you get in the actual show, and just imagine if the ponies were anatomically correct. Equestria is basically a nudist paradise on it's own, without interference. XD
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Ohhhh. That might be what's throwing me off, actually. I like logical. XD
As for Nano, it's only the second day. Plenty of time to jump in still!
The only hard part about it is capturing, and eviscerating that pesky inner-editor in your mind, before finally throwing all the little bits into an imaginary volcano! :D
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You and I are in the same boat then. But that's the interesting aspect, as well!
Where's the story going to go? What major, and minor altercations will happen between the characters? Will Neil cave to the pressure of royalty? Will he join Eris, and wag war against Equestria like some of the commentators want? Will he collect a herd of mares to snuggle with, and do disgusting, cutesy things like hold each other's wings?
Find the answer to all of these questions, and more, in the next episode of Dragonball- Er, AAA.
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That is fair, still hope Eris and Neil meet soon. Or he creates a chaos emergency that force Celestia to call her
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Love it!
Hopefully, for Chrysalis, she's got several unconnected networks out there in various levels of of the castle's staff who are completely unaware of anylings not part of their team. So, that even if one groups gets compromised, they don't ALL get compromised.
Some big questions: now that you ponies have discovered them, can you repeat that discovery? And can you repeat discovering them reliably? And can you do so under every one of the innumerable various conditions that may pop up? If the answer is ever "no" to any one of those, you're pretty much fucked!! <--guess which one is the changeling.
The biggest danger that Equestria faces is that changelings are a completely unknown quantity. Even within canon, they've barely got a handle on their capabilities, so there's still plenty of wiggle room for authors to exploit any unknown factors to give plausible encounters with them.
Oh my gosh my sides.
HAHA HE LIKES EM BIG! He likes em chunky.(Watch that cake ass wobble Neil. You know you like to.)
Also that bar scene makes me wanna give him a hug!
The deception about earth ponies is amusing but I think he shouldn't keep up with it. But when has he ever been logical?
Also hype for the Omakes! This story is definitely one of my favorites for sure!
Edit: honestly I'm hoping for cakeflanks to get under Neil at some point. I'm a fan of the whole lotta mares for one stallion setup too.
.... now I'm thinking about Neil cumflating her over the course of the night via hatefuck with her saying she's a bad girl. (She's regretful of a bunch of things she's done and blames herself for. Like NMM) Complete with apology cuddles the next morning. (Was because he found out about the delegation and it not happening soon, and he feels bad about taking it out on her. Possibly with a "maybe I'll actually get pregnant this time")
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I mean moonshine. earth drink. It's just that, where I live, they call it "Samogon" and if you sort it out a little, it becomes obvious why exactly.
Must have been getting pretty tipsy if he thought they wouldn’t think to check other exits.
Actually? I reckon this is the best chapter so far. Considering that I liked and enjoyed the previous chapters that means something.
That extra 3% you are missing? might be ye olde fashioned thestral mare (that follows the better parts of chivalry?) to help reign in the thirst of the night guards keeping watch of Neil.
or atleast a little something to differentiate the thestrals from each other.
forgot to ask, but does salt have any effect on your ponies like it does on real life equines?
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Hey i get you dont like his charicter and how he acts but you saying that kinda just makes me think you just skimmed the chapter where luna punished him and he did not back down.
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Do you have an outline for how you want the story to go or are you just "winging it"?
All I really see about Neil is that
1. he reacts to being forced to do things with as much resistance as he thinks he can get away with, even when that is possibly counter productive to getting more freedom. Also is impulsivd
2. He likes to fly, and his dad was a hospital airlift pilot.
Given that, I figure he will never go along with being a prince, would do max sabotage if they forced him to be a prince, and I feel like he might end up working as a weatherpony or something related to flying.
Neil, that was a good impromptu attempt at escape, but it was rather obvious. You’re going to have to get clever. Those princesses don’t want you to get away, but they’re not going all out to keep you in quite yet, I think; it’s because you can’t magic or fly, though. Maybe you can make use of that neglect or maybe you just have to play opossum.
Rainbow is definitely going to tell Twilight in case she doesn’t already know. I’m almost more curious about how Cadence will treat him, but maybe Twilight won’t be as troublesome as the Diarchs?
School of Friendship isn’t built yet, right? So there is an invasion in the future. Lots of chaos opportunities in that.
I am a little surprised that he allowed Bulk to do his mane. Also, I thought Bulk was Bulk Biceps for some strange reason. I had that all wrong in my head. Whoops.
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I somehow only just realized that this is making me ship him and celestia harder.
Edit: Oddly enough I don't see rainbow as the type of girl to settle down. Sleep around yes, but settle down no.
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Hell yeah I am!
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The Narrator: Indeed, he was not ready.
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There are a few options that may come into play, some sooner, some later. :P
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After the giant love dome expelled them from Canterlot, not all of the changelings returned to the hive, or reported in(Like Thorax, for example). Queen Chrysalis doesn't know if they're dead, or if they landed in pony controlled lands and were captured. Now that ponies know of their existence, have they created counter-measures with, or even without those presumed captured changelings? Current agents are under orders to take things really slow, gather intelligence about changeling counter-measures, but still focus on the main objective.
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I mean, I could tell you what he likes in human women, but where's the fun in that?
And with her ability to pack food away, what makes you think Neil could pump her full enough to add an extra inch to her barrel width, let alone make her look preggers?
But who knows what I'll write for Nanowrimo this month? Currently working on a Canterlot 'threesome', ;D
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Ah, don't know anything about that. Occasionally I see my Dad watching a TV show based on Moonshiners.
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Thanks! Here's hoping I keep walking the tightrope, and don't jump the shark! XP
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Old fashioned thestral mare? Let's just say the thestrals are old fashioned, compared to the average pony. And only the more... modern mares are allowed to work in Canterlot under Luna.
As for salt, yes and no. Yes it does effect ponies, similar to alcohol, but not as hard. Calm was drinking a Saltini. In fact, most of the stallion drinks had salt in them, but Neil doesn't know about that, and glossed over that tidbit in the drink menu.
It's also easier/faster to mitigate the aftereffects. Have a couple glasses of water before you leave the bar, and the tipsyness will already be disappearing by the time you get home. And no hangover in the morning.
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Yep, I do! Sort of.
I have a firm macro-picture of the timeline- up to a certain event, which the title of the story revolves around. This has major plot points firmly in place, and happening.
But the micro plot points, and the character interactions within the scene itself? Nope!
I've tried in multiple (Nanowrimo)stories to micro-manage every detail in a scene, but it never really works. Sometimes, when the vehicle is pointed towards Mount Doom, the characters just take the wheel and goes, "Nope! Screw that, we're going to Disneyland!" Derailing the entire scene. XD
It keeps me surprised as well, while writing a scene, which is part of the fun. I have a general idea, but then a sudden thought pops up that makes sense, and twists the conversation into a new, odd direction. :P
1. Yep, that sounds about right. He has no control or agency at the moment, and is reacting to changes as best he can while trying to retain what little of his autonomy he has left.
2. Yep! Pretty much- if he ends up working as a pony. His current goal is getting home, afterall.
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We'll see how much, or how little oversight Neil has placed upon him as his relationship with the Princesses evolves. But yeah, right now it's a little lax with his inability to fly or use magic of any kind(including Earth Pony).
Would Rainbow tell Twilight and the girls, if the missive sent to summon her asked for complete discretion and silence on the matter? <.<
No school yet. I think I've dropped enough hints that this is shortly after Tirek's invasion.
Second person to mention Bulk Order and Bulk Biceps being the same pony. :P
And the first person wanted some Bulk on Bulk interactions, like mud wrestling, if they ever met. XD
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Rainbow vs Celestia- FIGHT!
But yeah, while I can see Rainbow helping out her friends/coworkers during estrus season, I can't see Rainbow settling down... Until she achieves her dream of being a Wonderbolt. She's currently a reservist, so who knows?
And Celestia? We all know how much friction is between them currently. :P
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Got it, thanks.
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Ah nice Neil can still turn things around. And glad to hear he has a destination, the castle of the two sisters, good place. As long as nobody knows it and he can dodge the wild life, it could be a safe heaven.
For now, it the waiting game, but in chapter and in story. And hey in the meanwhile he could ask for darts, a dart board, a picture of Princess Celestia and some maskin tap to bent some anger.
Not sure how Celestia could react to a picture of her on a dart board with some darts in her eye but hey, if it helps, right?
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I mean the idea was that it's in a different hole so the compression effect doesn't apply. Also alicorns are just built different.
.... plus I might like cumflation a bit too much.
Tbf I don't mind the whole rainbow dash thing, but I'm just biased to alicorns with alicorns because size difference.
Edit: I'm going to laugh if he's attracted to personality or bad girls or something. Also woot three way!