• Published 16th Apr 2023
  • 3,097 Views, 193 Comments

Rodeo Rumble - HumanSVD

A nice, honest man name Clyde the Cowboy, has caught Applejack's affections. She wants him as her hubby but so does Arizona. There's only one way to solve this...a fight!

  • ...

The lines are drawn.

The country mare was furious and was out for answers. Her marely dignity was affronted, and all her efforts to please the man she fancied were wasted. He had never bothered to show up, and the food went cold. The only thing Applejack could think of was why Clyde never showed up was Arizona.

“She probably figured out what Ah was up to! That no good hussy hooker heifer!” thought Applejack.

The mare knew the young cow was somehow behind it because there was no other reason she could think of. All Apple Family members looked out for each other, even the extended family members she didn’t see often. Applejack knew Braeburn wouldn’t have bothered introducing the two. Even her cousins Golden Delicious and Apple Fritter, whom she barely got to see anymore, would never introduce a stallion of lousy character to her. Applejack cooking meat made her very uncomfortable, but she did it to see the look of satisfaction on Clyde’s face.

“And what do Ah get for mah troubles? Nothing! Not a darn thing! He’s probably at Daisy-Jo’s house! Ah gotta look for a house that cow would live at.”

Applejack began to search the residential part of Appleloosa, narrowing down the homes based on the mailbox names and other clues. Sure enough, she spotted a house with signs of a Holstein-cow pattern decoration. And to top it off, Applejack saw the man she was searching for. Clyde looked like his clothes were a mess like he had done something hectic. Worries about Clyde having made love were flashing into her mind. And to top it all off, she saw her rival, looking at Clyde with emotion that screamed love.

”Arizona...no, sh-she, Ah mean they couldn’t have!”

“No.” whispered Applejack, “They couldn’t have done what Ah’m thinking.”

To make matters worse, she was clearly dressed up for the evening. She wore a nice red country dress with a red silk ribbon, an Equestria Western region flower in her mane, carefully brushed eyelashes, and light anti-oil power makeup. She looked as if she could rival any pretty mare in all the west of Equestria. Thoughts of the man and the cow rutting hardcore played in her mind and lit her heart in a fire of fury.

Taking her lasso out, Applejack shouted, “CLYDE DALLAS FORD! YOU GOT SOME S’PLAINING TO DO!!!”

Her furious and loud battle cry caught their attention. What happened next angered and confused Applejack. Clyde froze and looked confused, like a cornered critter who knew no better. Seeing Applejack advance with a lasso in her mouth, Arizona took a battle stance between her and Clyde. The mare and the heifer locked eyes with each other, and an unspoken language was exchanged between the two.

And that was, “He’s mine, and you’re going to have to go through me to get him.”

The lines were drawn, and both intentions of the mare and heifer were now known. Any confusion or ignorance between the two disappeared in an instant, and neither country girl was going down without a tumble. Clyde, for his part, looked apologetic and stared at the ground. Before he could say anything, Applejack reached Arizona, which blocked the mare from getting any closer to the man. Applejack put the lasso in her dominant right foreleg and asked, “And just where the hay have you been?! Do you know the hours and effort Ah put into making you the best home-cooked meal Ah could make?! Ah made you chicken for crying out loud! Do you know how expensive and uncomfortable that was for me?!”

The man turned up his head and stared at Applejack. Regret was as clear as the starry night sky, showing through his expressive face that he was sorry. Arizona was shocked to hear that Applejack made Clyde a meat meal for the man. Clyde didn’t get a chance to speak as Arizona jumped in and said, “Hey! He’s been here with my family and me. He’s done nothing wrong to deserve your yellin’! SO BACK OFF!”

Before Applejack could react, Arizona butted heads with the angry mare and started a head-pushing struggle ensure. The mare was very much surprised at the strength the cow was presenting, and Applejack wasn’t sure if she could match the strength of the young heifer. It also did not help the fact that cows had a natural weapon, which was their horns. And the horns were not blunt; they appeared to have been used regularly. Another thing Applejack noticed was the opalescent shine the night sky cast on her horns.

“She even decorated her horns?! She’s out for mah man! Ah knew it!”

Before the situation could escalate, a hand was placed on Applejack’s head. The distance between the two rival country ladies was forcibly increased, making them the mare and heifer confused. Both Applejack and Arizona stopped their standoff and looked at a disappointed but serious man. The level of authority he was exuding stopped both ladies in their tracks. The man looked at Applejack and said, “Miss Applejack, you need to calm down. Ah have a good reason why Ah missed your dinner. But Ah’m gonna need you to calm down and put away that lasso right now.”

His stern, but pleading eyes told exactly what Applejack needed to hear. He wanted a chance and told her with unspoken authority that she better do as told. Such an assertion coming from him was strange but familiar. Applejack wasn’t sure if it was due to him being just as strong as any dominant stallion or if he was some kind of living being naturally dominant to a pony. Regardless of the reason, she heeded his words and nodded before tying her lasso to her side. Once the lasso was tied to a dress loop, a feature unique to a country dress, the mare turned her attention back to the serious stare of Clyde.

Arizona, for her part, was giving Applejack a death stare and was ready for any wrong move made by the country mare. Applejack could tell by the power stance the heifer had taken and knew a wrong move would result in lights out. The country mare sighed and said, “Clyde, please be honest and tell me why you never showed up. Ah really wanted you to have a good meal...for helping me.”

The last part of Applejack’s sentence was a lie, and Arizona saw right through it. Within the corner of Applejack’s vision, the mare could see a blood vessel pulsate in anger on the heifer’s face, along with an angry, teeth-bared expression. Applejack thought, “She knows that Ah knows she wants him. And that Ah knows that she knows that Ah wants him too. My advantage is all gone now.”

Clyde broke the silence and said, “Applejack, Miss Arizona went through the trouble of baking me a dessert to help her prepare for the Rodeo. Ah didn’t think nothin’ of it since Ah’d help anyone for this upcoming competition.”

That made Applejack’s eyes go wide and even gave her more worries about Arizona. The cow had the same idea and baked him a dessert. She could even smell the treat coming from the plate he held in his arms. It looked like a simple bread loaf, but it smelled anything but simple. She had no idea what it could be but was certain her family Apple Pie would beat it.

Clyde continued, “Just as Ah was leaving, her Aunt entered labor. With no Doctor around, Ah stayed and helped deliver her baby. All is well and the little youngin’ is a healthy girl. My clothes are dirty from the birth, but Ah don’t care. Her Aunt and cousin are safe and sound. Ah’m sorry Ah missed your meal, but an innocent baby comes before a meal.”

Applejack’s anger all but evaporated, and shame crept in. The mare sat on her haunches as she took Clyde’s words. Arizona smugly looked at Applejack and relaxed her stance slightly, but not much. Her rival had made herself look like an ignorant fool. The young heifer felt confident she appeared as the reasonable lady of the two. Applejack stared at the ground in shame. She looked at Clyde and said, “Clyde, Ah’m sorry. Ah thought Ah was stood up, but Ah was wrong. Ah’m glad you did the right thing and helped a mother in need. You’ll always have mah respect. Ah should have given you the benefit of the doubt.”

Arizona snorted and said, “Darn right, you should have!’

Applejack ignored the cow and locked eyes with the man. Clyde sighed before saying, “Yeah, you should have, but it’s okay. The youngin’ and her Ma are doing just fine. Ah can come by another time Ah suppose, or Ah can take some home another time. Mighty thoughtful of you to make me chicken. Ah appreciate it.”

Arizona’s smug satisfaction disappeared when Clyde mentioned he appreciated Applejack’s cooking. The mare knew the cow felt threatened to hear that Applejack cooked meat for the man. This gave Applejack hope that she still had some cards in her hooves that Arizona did not. Applejack held back a smug smile before turning her attention back to Clyde.

“Now, with that said, Ah’m gonna hit the hay. If you wanna bring me some of the dinner tomorrow around noon near the Rodeo grounds, Ah’d appreciate it.”

Applejack nodded and said, “Consider it done. Ah’ll bring it tomorrow for your lunch. Ah think you’ll like it.”

The country mare looked smug while the country heifer started to sweat bullets. Arizona started looking back and forth between the mare and the man before saying, “But Clyde, what about having dinner with me tomorrow evening?”

Applejack stared at Arizona, knowing full well her intentions. The young cow confirmed exactly that she had the same plans as Applejack. This made the mare realize she’d have to devise a new plan to win Clyde over. The problem Applejack faced was that her rival was a country girl, and country girls had similar patterns and traditions. The mare secretly wished her friends were with her to help with new ideas to win Clyde over.

Unfortunately, they were not with her, and she’d have to think outside the box. Applejack turned her attention to Clyde as he answered, “Ah’m afraid that’s gonna have to be on the back burner.”

“HA! Take that, you hussy heifer!”

The cow’s ears splayed downward as she frowned before he continued, “Ah really would love to enjoy your cooking, but your Aunt is gonna need all the attention she can get on account of the baby. Ah can’t intrude while your family attends to your Aunt and cousin. It wouldn’t be proper, at least for three days. And the Rodeo begins 4 days from now; you’ll need time to practice and rest. That’s not gonna be easy with a newborn baby under a shared roof an’ all..”

Arizona was now frowning and trying to hide a tear, but Applejack enjoyed it with a small amount of guilt. However, her luck wasn’t all that great either.

“Same goes with you, Applejack. Ah want you to do your best in the Rodeo as Ah hope for Arizona. Ah’m gonna be very busy the next few days since we’re running behind setting up the events. We haven’t even got the little youngins’ playpen set up. We also have to construct the audience stands, and Ah’m one of the folks responsible for making sure it’s sturdy. That’s gonna make me plum-tuckered the next few days. Once the first events you two are signed up for are over, Ah can spend time having dinner with both of y’all, separately, of course. Ah know y’all wanna be good friends with me and are thankful of my help, so y’all just have to wait.”

Applejack and Arizona were now frowning with disappointment, and ears splayed downward. They had heard the dreaded “F” word that nopony or lady creature ever wanted to hear from their desired mate. And that was the “friendship” word. Anyone in their right mind knows friendship isn’t possible if one romantically desires the other.

“F-friends?! Ah’m getting friend-zoned?! Nah, it can’t be! He just doesn’t know how Ah feels yet." thought Applejack as she was in denial.

“Now, with that behind us, Arizona,” said Clyde.

The young heifer turned to look at Clyde, who continued, “If ya wanna cook dinner still, let me know when Daisy-Jo has recovered. If she and Dakota have no objections, and the first round of events are done, Ah’ll be over for supper. Early tomorrow morning at 8 am, Ah’ll be free for the Barrel Weave practice but nothing else, sadly. Ain’t got no time after that since Ah got to set up for the other first-round events.”

The young cow forced a smile before saying, “No problem, Clyde. Let me know how the loaf turned out. See you tomorrow morning.”

The cowboy nodded before turning to Applejack, “And Ah’ll be seeing you tomorrow as well. Braeburn is supposed to meet me in the afternoon with the officials, so you can meet me for lunch and some practice if you want. Same practice as before, just the Barrel Weave."

Applejack frowned but nodded before saying, “Okay, see you tomorrow afternoon. Ah’ll bring you lunch.”

The man tipped his hat to Arizona and Applejack before heading home. As Clyde turned around the corner and left their view, Applejack faced Arizona and said, “Ah know what yer doing! Ah laid eyes on him first, so keep your hooves off mah man!”

The cow’s attention quickly refocused on the mare before she angrily returned words of warning of her own.

“Your man?! You don’t deserve him! You blamed him for a wrong doing simply because he was late to your dinner. And he was wonderful in helping my family in their time of need. I saw what a great man he is; a whorse like you doesn’t deserve him! He’s mine, I tell ya, so back off!”

The cow took her fighting stance again, which prompted Applejack to do the same. The mare narrowed her eyes as she said, “Whorse?! Ah’m a real mare, you hussy heifer! Go back to your stupid Prairie, and search for grass since y’all are too stupid to grow your own!”

A fire was lit in Arizona’s eyes as she snorted hot air from her nostrils. Applejack knew how to fight, and unlike Arizona, she had a lasso to stop her. Applejack knew how to corral critters and had confidence she could immobilize the heifer. As Applejack took a fighting stance, Arizona dished out some insults of her own, “Go back home and search for grass? Nah, I got a better idea. I’m gonna not only beat you in every Rodeo event, but I’m gonna win Clyde’s heart. Then I’m gonna take that prize money, buy myself a cross-breeding potion, and have as many babies with that hunk of a man as possible. We’ll build a home on the Prairie and farm ourselves a nice bit of crops, whatever we can grow with all the soil and equipment we can get our hooves on.”

“She wants his babies!? BUCK THAT! Ah’m carrying his foals! Mah womb is worthy of him!”

Applejack was shocked to hear that statement coming from Arizona’s mouth. She knew that the Cattlefolk of the Foenum Prairie were mostly nomadic and constantly moved around searching for grass. Applejack always assumed it was due to tradition that they were used to moving from place to place in an inhospitable environment and had no experience in terra-forming land. Her cousin Braeburn and other ponies built something on a land similar to the place that Arizona came from.

Excluding the Buffalo Tribe in the lands outside of town, they were the ones who built something out of nothing in a harsh land. Applejack assumed the Cattlefolk were many hoof steps behind the progress of the Equestrian ponies regarding country life. And now she was proven wrong, and her disdain for the Cattlefolk increased. Her kind were the reasons why equipment, soil, and other supplies were rising while her family across Equestria suffered. The Cattlefolk were building their homes and planning to settle on the Prairie instead of roaming it.

Before Applejack could continue, Arizona added, “Yeah, that’s right. I’m taking everything because I can. I didn’t defeat the Predators just to lose to some mare spoiled by the successes of her family’s farm. I saw first hoof what great father he’ll be. I already have my parents blessing to pursue him. I doubt you have yours...Oh wait! You don’t, because you can't!”

It was Applejack’s turn to be as furious as the sun’s burning surface. It was bad enough that the heifer taunted her with her plans to carry Clyde’s babies; it was another to use the fact that her parents were deceased against her. Applejack got into a fighting position and replied, “You...you stinking, lowlife hussy heifer! Ah’m gonna kick yer plot all the way back to Foenum! Then Ah’m gonna take Clyde’s seed and plant it in mah womb! Ah’ll give him more foals than your lame baby maker can spit out!”

Arizona snorted again and pawed the ground, ready to strike. She retaliated by saying, “Please, foals from you would be weak. Us Cattlefolk know how to make ’em strong! If you don’t get outta here, you’re in for a hurtin’!

“That’s it! Ah’m gonna end her right here and now!”

“Hooker Heifer!” shouted Applejack.

Arizona snorted once more and readied herself before saying, “Whorsey Mare!”

“Cattle cunt!” shouted Applejack.

“Broodmare Bitch!” yelled Arizona.

“That’s it! Ah’m stompin’ her fucking face in!”

Before Applejack and Arizona could fight, a lasso was roped around the country mare. She was yanked back and tied up before she could react. Her vision was all over the place before she noticed her cousin Braeburn with a lasso in his mouth. She couldn’t protest very long as he took care of that issue.

“What in tarnation is going-MHMHPF!”, said Applejack before she was cut off with a tied rag to her mouth.

Arizona was seeing red like any bull in a fight and tried to take advantage of Applejack’s restrained state. Before she could charge at the vulnerable mare, she too felt a lasso wrap around her body and was yanked back. And by yanked back, she was yanked back hard...very hard. She practically sailed through the air like a ragdoll and was tied up in no time by her father of all creatures.

“Pa! I had her! She was tryin’ to take Clyde and-MPMHPMHF!”

Her father stuffed a rag into her mouth and tied it so she couldn’t spit it out. While Arizona was a strong heifer for her size, she could not break free from the massive bull. It was almost impossible because Arizona had learned from Texas how to use a lasso. And despite his older age, his memory was as strong as ever.

“Sorry, my little heifer, but you’re seeing red. I can’t let you go for a while, not until you’ve calmed down."

While Applejack and Arizona were restrained, the stallion and the bull looked at each other. Both were embarrassed by their respective family members’ actions and tried to apologize. Braeburn first spoke up, saying, “Mister, Ah’m awfully sorry for how mah cousin acted. She’s taken a fancy to Clyde, and Ah’m afraid she ain’t backing down. Whatever my cousin said, Ah formally apologize.”

The bull was taken aback and surprised at the apology. He was glad that country manners and honor existed, even among the ponies. Texas nodded his head and said, “Thanks, Mister...”

“Braeburn.” said the pony, “Mah name’s Braeburn. Ah’m not the mayor, but Ah’m the mayor’s assistant. Clyde and Ah have been trying to organize the Rodeo and get it going since the beginning. Ah’m the one that introduced mah cousin and him, and Ah didn’t think she’d go to these lengths to court him. Especially slingin’ nasty insults and ruining our family reputation!”

As Braeburn directed his irritation at Applejack, the mare thought, “Mah cousin ain’t supporting me! The nerve! He’s gonna let Arizona take Clyde!”

Applejack’s fears were eased as Texas said, “I can’t accept your apology because you’ve done nothing wrong. My daughter is just as guilty of being UNLADYLIKE as your cousin. She’s also taking a fancy to him, and I’m afraid she ain’t gonna back down, sadly.”

Texas’ reply was clearly directed at Arizona and showed he was just as embarrassed as Braeburn was. The two sighed before Texas asked, “I know the likely answer, but I don’t suppose you can’t convince your cousin to drop her pursuit of Clyde? I really want my daughter to be happy.”

The stallion shook his head before saying, “Ah’m afraid Ah can’t do that. She’s my family, just as Arizona is yours. The only thing Ah can do is keep her under control and stop her from harming your daughter. You hear that, cousin!?”

While Applejack was happy Braeburn wasn’t going to force her to quit her pursuit of the man, she wasn’t thrilled he would stop her from taking out Arizona. Her anger toward the young cow was still burning, and she wanted to get even after being called a “Broodmare Bitch.”

Texas sighed and said, “Then your position is the same as mine. I want my daughter to be happy with Clyde and I will keep her from acting like a buckin’ rumphead towards your cousin. A shame that man doesn’t have a twin. Wouldn’t that solve our problems?”

The stallion and the bull had a hearty chuckle before Braeburn held out a hoof. The large bull took it and returned a solid hoof bump. An agreement was made, and both honorable country folks would keep it. Before Applejack knew it, Little Strongheart threw Applejack on her back and began walking back home with Braeburn following.

Texas did the same with Arizona and walked towards Daisy-Jo’s home. Despite being tied up and carried away, the mare and the heifer clearly viewed each other. The two locked eyes and solidified their resolve. Applejack and Arizona knew the lines were drawn, and the battle for Clyde’s heart had only begun. Before Applejack turned around the corner while being carried on Little Strongheart’s back, and with Arizona just about to enter her Aunt’s house on her father’s back, she thought to herself,

“Ah’m gonna stomp that turf twat's plot into the ground like a spit apple seed. Then Ah’ll rut Clyde in front of her...even if it’s the last thing Ah do.”

The lines for Clyde’s heart were now officially drawn.

Author's Note:

Damn! Things just got real! I did tell you guys it was going to pick up. Leave your comments! I want your thoughts! What are your teams!

Team Applejack or Team Arizona? Did say swearing was possible, dontcha know?