• Published 16th Apr 2023
  • 3,457 Views, 195 Comments

Rodeo Rumble - HumanSVD

A nice, honest man name Clyde the Cowboy, has caught Applejack's affections. She wants him as her hubby but so does Arizona. There's only one way to solve this...a fight!

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Cooling down with the ZZZs

Arizona was carried into her Aunt and Uncle’s house and fumed while tied up. Using his left rear leg, Texas carefully closed the door behind him. Daisy-Jo and Dakota looked confused as their niece was hogtied while gagged. Before either could ask a question, Texas said, “Some pony took a fancy to Clyde and almost got into a fight with Arizona. Had to stop her from making a bad decision. She’s fuming now and needs to cool her head in the guest room.”

In a surprised tone, Daisy-Jo and Dakota said, “Oh!” before returning their attention to the baby. Once Minnesota saw her daughter and heard her husband’s explanation, the motherly cow shook her head. She said, “I’m disappointed in you, my little heifer. There’s a time and a place to give ‘em the horns. But fighting over a Gent ain’t one of them, dontcha know? You gotta act like a lady if you’re gonna be dressed as one.”

The young cow snorted in anger, hearing her mother’s words, and thought, ”It’s not fair! They ain’t supporting me! It was that stupid whorse that came at me!”

As Arizona huffed some more, Minnesota asked, “What happened to the pony? I’m surprised our daughter didn’t kick and stomp the poor but foolish mare.”

Texas replied, “That mare honestly looked like she could have stood a chance against Arizona. She came armed with a lasso too. Good thing her cousin, Mr. Braeburn, tied her up as well. He apologized for her behavior but said she ain’t gonna let go of Clyde. He said he’ll keep her in check, but it’ll be up to Clyde to choose. I agreed to keep Arizona reigned in but nothing further.”

Dakota turned his head towards Texas, surprised to hear Braeburn’s name.

“Mr. Braeburn? His cousin acting out? Dang, that’s a surprise. Braeburn is a stand-up stallion, and I believe he’s tellin’ the truth. His family helped with founding the town, and he’s organizing the Rodeo with Clyde. He probably introduced the two, and that mare, Applejack, is known for being pretty stubborn. He’s complained about her stubbornness before when he came in our dairy supply store.”

Dakota nuzzled his wife and baby before walking over to the fridge. He pulled out a milk bottle that was no ordinary bottle. It was a deep blue glass milk bottle with a paper label. The label had several “ZZZ” letters scribbled on it, and Arizona became anxious as she knew what it was.

”They’re gonna give me sleepin' blue milk?! I don’t wanna get put to bed! I wanna kick Applejack’s rump!”

Still seeing red, she tried to squirm her way out of the rope but failed. Texas scolded his daughter, “Woah there, missy. You need to calm down for tomorrow. I know you’re still mad, but it won’t do you any good if you can’t get some sleep. You’re gonna see Clyde tomorrow morning, right?”

Arizona’s ears perked up hearing Clyde’s name, and she realized her father was right. She still had a chance to see Clyde in the morning for Rodeo practice. That meant she could spend time with him and win him over. The young cow had the advantage of meeting him before Applejack and found the prospect of taking blue milk not so bad. Swallowing her pride, Arizona relaxed as the rag was taken off. Her uncle said, “I know this makes you feel like you’re a little calf again, but it’s for your own good.”

She didn’t say anything but nodded before taking a full dose from the liquid syringe. The blue milk was swallowed, and the young cow felt its effects already working. Her heartbeat started to calm, and her eyelids closed, causing the heifer to relax. Satisfied Arizona took enough blue milk, Texas said to Dakota, “Thanks, she needed that.”

The bull nodded and said, “Don’t we all? This has been one heck of a night.”

Daisy-Jo gently shook her baby and said, “I think we all need to get some sleep. I certainly do.”

As Minnesota helped her sister and niece get to their room, Dakota began to pick up the place. Texas began walking to Arizona’s room and placed her on the bed. His daughter was already asleep, and satisfied his daughter wasn’t faking it, he untied her and put the covers over her. He kissed his daughter’s forehead and said, “As long as you fight for what you want right, you’ll come out on top. I love you and believe in you, Arizona. Goodnight, my little heifer.”

The fatherly bull turned the oil lamp off as he took the lasso and roped it back into a bundle. He carefully closed the door and left her to sleep. Arizona opened one eyelid before letting sleep take her to a dream rest.

“Love you too, Pa.” whispered Arizona, “I’ll win your heart Clyde Dallas Ford, and be the best wife you deserve.”

The young heifer let her worries go and slowly drifted off to sleep. She dreamt of holding Clyde in a loving embrace as they lay on the Prairie grass together. Only time would tell if that dream would become a reality.

Arizona never had a more peaceful night of sleep.

Applejack tried to break free of Braeburn’s hogtie and failed. His lasso skills were sadly on par with her own, and she could not escape. As she continued to squirm in vain, Braeburn scolded his cousin, “Dangit, Applejack! Ah know he didn’t show up for supper, but that was uncalled for! You’re lucky Clyde didn’t see what you tried to do. It would’ve disgusted him, Ah tell you what!”

The mare ignored his scolding and thought to herself, ”Stop wasting mah time, Braeburn, and let me go! Ah got a cow to beat the snot out of!”

Little Strongheart held Applejack steady on her back before the two made it home. As the stallion opened the door, the young buffalo said, “Braeburn, she’s not calming down. We must try something, or else we can’t untie her.”

As Little Strongheart closed the door behind her with her back leg, Braeburn thought up an idea. Whenever he was stressed out, his fiancée would make a bowl of some incense. He asked, “Do you have any more of that calming hay? If so, can you burn it? It might do her some good.”

Little Strongheart smiled and said, “Certainly! I have just enough for the occasion. Take her upstairs, and I’ll prepare it.”

”What in tarnation are they talking about? Burning grass when the only thing that needs a burning is that stinkin’ heifer! thought Applejack.

Braeburn set the pair of lassos on the hook and took his cousin upstairs to bed. She still stirred to squirm but failed. Braeburn sighed and said, “What a mess have you gotten yourself in! Look, if you wanna have a shot at Clyde, you must be on your best behavior. Don’t worry about that rival of yours; worry about how you’re gonna win Clyde’s heart. That’s your real obstacle, but for now, you need a good night’s rest.”

His cousin snorted defiantly as she was set down on the bed. A few minutes later, Little Strongheart entered the room with a bowl of burning hay. It was emitting a strange but calming smell. As she was bound up, Applejack had no choice but to smell the strange smoke. A few minutes later, she felt her body relaxing and her eyelids lowering. Another 4 minutes and Applejack began to drift off to sleep. Satisfied she wasn’t going anywhere, Braeburn untied his cousin and put her to bed. With the covers warming her up, Braeburn sighed and sat on a chair near the bed.

He took his hat off and began to talk to Applejack. Braeburn said, “Applejack, Ah know you’re upset and worried about a lot of things. But Ah promise no matter what, it’ll all work out. Ah heard some of the things that heifer said, and it went a mite too far. I know your Ma and Pa ain’t around, but they’re watchin’ over you and love you. No matter how near or far we might be, we’re always family, and Ah wanna see you happy as much they do. So get some sleep and tomorrow morning, be yourself and show Clyde what a great mare you are.”

As he took his hat off the nightstand, Braeburn made his way to the door. He opened it, and just before leaving the room, he turned around and said, “Goodnight, Applejack. Love you always, Cousin.”

The door made an audible click as it closed, letting Applejack know she was alone. His words were ringing in her head, and she took them to heart. A few small tears fell from her eyes as she drifted off to sleep.

Before falling asleep, she whispered, ”Ma, Pa, Ah dun goofed and acted really bad tonight. Ah’m sorry for actin’ shameful an’ all. Ah’m missing ya’ll a lot right now and wish you were here. Ah found a nice feller, and think you’d approve of him. Ah love y’all and hope Ah’m making you proud.”

A few sniffles, a light sobbing, and more tears escaped from the mare before sleep finally took hold. The room was now silent and peaceful, with no more sounds of sadness emanating from the sleeping mare. Applejack dreamt of being on a peaceful and bright Apple farm holding Clyde’s hand while introducing him to her parents. She never felt more at peace than ever before and hoped her dream would come true.

Time would be the true judge of her dreams, and the clock had just begun.

Clyde’s walk home was uneventful, and he was grateful for it. He felt very guilty for missing Applejack’s supper and was surprised she made him chicken. The past few years of being placed in this strange new world were stressful for the former cattle rancher. One minute he was out in the western fields of Oklahoma with other ranch hands, and the next minute he awoke in the field. He didn’t even remember falling asleep and couldn’t recall what had happened to the others or the cattle he was watching.

He wandered the fields until finding a strange town he’d never heard of. Clyde was equally alarmed at how 19th century it looked, with many people dressed in different attire. Fortunately, most of them spoke English, and after talking to a random woman, he got answers.

He was taken to a Police Station and was told he wasn’t in trouble but that they needed to ask questions about where he was from. Clyde told them the truth, and who in return told him the bad news after an hour. Humans from North America and Europe were taken randomly and placed in an unknown world. A small settlement formed over time with all humans working together. The news shook Clyde and made him want to get “drunker than a skunk.”

The best explanation his fellow humans could think of was an unknown phenomenon was responsible. It was theorized random portal pockets naturally formed on Earth and were linked to another planet. It was dubbed “The Bermuda Effect” by a British Professor who disappeared sailing off the coast of Bermuda on his holiday. He was enjoying his afternoon sailing in the Atlantic, only to wake up on his boat with lost time and bearings.

The poor guy eventually realized he was off the coast of “Not Bermuda” and was surprised when another boat told him to dock immediately. He too, had a “bit of a tizzy” before trying to get drunk at any pub he could find. Upon learning who he was, the settlement chose him to educate the newly displaced humans. He had a dark but very good sense of humor that British people were known for, or at least on television or in movies.

When Clyde took the Professor’s “Welcome to the New World” class, the cowboy said he wished he was taken by Aliens instead. Clyde’s reasoning was that at least he’d see face-to-face who or what was responsible for taking him away from home. The Professor quickly quipped, “Well, no, your arsehole would be facing the Aliens. Literally and figuratively, I’m afraid. "

The classroom erupted in laughter, and while Clyde was far from home, he was happy to know he wasn’t the only person with his problem. Unfortunately, talking species eventually discovered the small continent when a ship of talking colorful ponies came to the shore. After a mass hysteria, a channel between the leaders was made. The next few years of learning about the new races of living beings and interacting with them forced Clyde to reshape his sense of reality.

Eventually, he made peace that he would never go back to Earth and sought to find his own place on the planet Equis. During his visit to Equestria, the man had to hold in fits of anger, frustration, and laughter. The names of the towns alone made him want to be drunk 24/7. After doing a few odd jobs in Fillydelphia and getting stared at by ponies in public, Clyde learned about Appleloosa. Seeing a job offer in a local newspaper, the man packed his small amount of belongings and left for the frontier town.

He wasn’t disappointed as he fit right in. It was just pure luck that he found Braeburn; the rest was history. Clyde’s experience of being a cowboy paid off in many ways, and he quickly rose to prominence with the ponies. Their similar American Western attitudes made him feel at home and no longer a stranger. When the Buffalo Tribe needed help with thieves and squatters, the human cowboy joined Sheriff Silverstar’s posse without hesitation. The lowlife creatures were gone in a matter of days, and Clyde won newfound respect amongst the Ponies and Buffalo.

Never in his life did Clyde ever think he’d be in a fantasy world, but life always threw a curveball. And tonight’s curveball was helping a cow give birth to a baby. While the act wasn’t new to him, having done it many times on Earth, it was the fact a walking, talking sapient cow was the one giving birth. And the cows, both in size and faces, were completely different and looked better than Earth cows. Clyde simply shrugged and reasoned that they were just people in different bodies.

But unlike the cattle on Earth, he liked the Cattlefolk of Equis and saw them as decent folk. A sense of accomplishment and pride was felt helping a little baby cow come into the world. It was as if it were no different than any other baby on Earth, and he was happy to have been in the right place to help Daisy-Jo and Dakota.

Halfway down the street, Clyde looked at the Dessert Loaf and smelled the good scent of the treat. He still found it amusing that it looked like a simple bread loaf with butter and salt, but he couldn’t wait to try it. Never had a woman on Earth offered to make him dinner or bake him a dessert, which made this day special. He considered himself lucky that a Mare and Cow made him food, a sign that his efforts in helping others were appreciated.

With the Rodeo coming up and the competition expected to be fierce, he figured the young ladies were just happy someone took the time to help them. It was clear both Arizona and Applejack were raised with good manners like any respectable country, or western woman would be. He wasn’t surprised that Applejack would be upset he was late, but surprised she would hunt him down over it.

Clyde made a mental note to keep his manners in check whenever around the ladies, as Equestria was not modern-day America. He couldn’t just simply get into a car and let things blow over. Actions have consequences, and Equis had funny ways of reminding him. He was equally surprised that Arizona would defend him from a perceived threat. He was also amused that the young heifer lady was like cow defending her calf from a predator back on Earth.

Spotting the similarities of animal traits in the native beings of Equis was amusing and weird at the same time. Ultimately, he was glad a misunderstanding was stopped, and that a fight between the two ladies was avoided. He respected the Mare and the Heifer more than many other women he met on Earth, aside from his mother, sisters, and other female family members. As Clyde walked near the Salt Block bar, he frowned as he was reminded there weren’t many women in Equis. Most were taken or married back on the small settlement, and the dating scene was insanely fierce.

While the cowboy was used to being alone, Clyde knew he would want a companion eventually. He long ago resigned that he may have to give a non-human a chance. Clyde prayed to God for forgiveness if dating a talking, non-human girl was a sin. He had faith that, in the end, all would be sorted out, and he’d live the best life possible. As Clyde thought about teaching Applejack and Arizona some new tips and tricks for the Rodeo, he bumped into a creature.

“Whoa! Sorry about that partner,” said Clyde in an apologetic tone.

As Clyde regained his bearings, a large gray bull with shiny black longhorns and fierce, angry eyes stared at Clyde. The male bull turned around and gave the man a death glare. This put Clyde on edge as his instincts were shouting that something was wrong. Clyde had been around angry bulls before back on Earth, and while they looked different and essentially were people, some similarities were universal. Clyde could tell the bull was debating whether to fight, challenge the man to something, or simply walk away.

Just as he had dealt with bulls back on Earth, Clyde stood his ground and stared back at the bull. For another few seconds, the stranger snorted before chuckling. The bull had decided not to start a fight, and while Clyde was glad, he still wasn’t letting his guard down.

The bull said, “No harm done, human. I’m just going to get booze and salt before hitting the hay. I suggest you get some rest too. Gonna be a big day tomorrow.”

Confused at what the cow was talking about, Clyde thought, ”Is he gonna join the Rodeo? Is he gonna be one of those braggers and put on a pre-Rodeo show or something? Ah need to keep an eye on this one, he’s trouble. Ah can just tell he is.”

The man asked, "Big day? You gonna join the Rodeo? Or put up a pre-Rodeo show?"

The bull licked his lips and replied in a ominous tone, "Something like that. You'll see."

"Ah gotta get away from this guy. Ain't got my weapons on me."

Clyde nodded before walking away and could feel the staring from the bull behind his back. Just as he was about to turn the corner, the bull shouted, “I hope yer woman don’t know you’ve been deep in Cattle Coochie! She might hit ya with a skillet if she found out you had a bastard calf with a hooker heifer and brought her loaf back home to boot! AHAHAHAHAHA!”

Clyde turned around and gave him a death glare to the bull. The male cow apparently could tell the scent of a heifer giving birth and chose to be a jerk toward the man. As Clyde held the loaf, he used his free right to flip off the bull. The gray bull grinned at the man before walking into the Salt Block. As the bull disappeared, Clyde muttered several swear words from Earth before returning home. He was lucky most ponies and visiting creatures were asleep, as he didn’t want to make a scene.

Whether it was Ponies, Cows, or Griffons, Clyde was reminded that bad apples existed in Equis, just as they did on Earth. The man made a mental note to carry his buck knife, brass knuckles, and steel boots with him for the next few days. He also had another special weapon if needed, but he prayed it wouldn’t come to that. He needed to speak quickly with Sheriff Silverstar in the morning before meeting Arizona for practice.

Taking another sigh, the man made it to his small one-bedroom home and took his clothes off. He set Arizona's Dessert Loaf aside and covered it up for the morning. Clyde went to bed wearing only his boxers and relaxed as the day ended. Just as sleep hit him, he wondered, ”This is gonna be a long week; hope nothing else goes wrong.”

As Clyde fell asleep, he dreamt that two strange ladies stood before him. He couldn’t determine what they looked like or if they were human. As he walked forward, the two ladies disappeared. The dream was strange but otherwise harmless. He slept well, which was a good thing for Clyde, as the week had just begun, and it wouldn’t give him mercy until it was over.

Author's Note:

Well now, the feelings are all over the place! The man is reflecting on his life, and a bad news bull has arrived. Who is that guy?! Our Cowboy Clyde certainly had a bad feeling about that jerk. Stay tuned for the next update! I know I've asked you folks whose team are y'all on, but what's your reasoning? I'd more than to love to hear it!