• Published 16th Apr 2023
  • 3,115 Views, 193 Comments

Rodeo Rumble - HumanSVD

A nice, honest man name Clyde the Cowboy, has caught Applejack's affections. She wants him as her hubby but so does Arizona. There's only one way to solve this...a fight!

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Gettin' ready for the man.

The kitchen was busy with Arizona and Minnesota cooking dinner and Clyde’s dessert present. For the past two hours, Arizona had learned a lot from her mother about cooking. Temperature times, recipes, and meals fit for humans were taught by her mother. When knowledge of humans being omnivores was known, it rubbed many herbivores the wrong way.

But with the existence of Griffons and other hybrid diet-eating creatures, most Cattlefolk got over it. Arizona was surprised to learn from her mother that humans couldn’t eat hay and was sad she couldn’t make him hay hash. The family hay hash was a family favorite made on the skillet with cooking oil and many other tasty ingredients any creature would enjoy. Fortunately, potatoes were a good substitute for humans, and Arizona modified the recipe for making Clyde dinner tomorrow. With a few scrambled eggs and homemade biscuits, she figured he wouldn’t be able to resist her meal, even if it lacked meat.

She was pleased to hear that many vegetables were safe for humans. She made a mental note for bell peppers, onions for the skillet hash, and homemade cheese. After successfully making a hay hash for the family, Arizona beamed with happiness at the skills she had learned from her mother. Aunt Daisy-Jo still felt rough under the weather and sat on the large couch built for Cattlefolk. Dakota was by her side, comforting her and getting anything she required, like a proper dutiful husband.

Arizona briefly looked at her extended family and saw the love and care for her Aunt and Uncle. Some of her wished she would get the same thing with a guy worthy of her. She briefly imagined that she and Clyde were together on the couch before returning her attention to making cornbread batter. The young cow blushed at the small daydream and continued to focus on making dinner for the family.

” It might be a small silly dream, but it’s mine. I hope he’ll notice my special gift for him.”

Her devotion to her task did not go unnoticed as her mother watched her calf continue cooking. The older cow was proud to see her daughter embrace her more feminine side and was proud of her work ethic. Arizona didn’t complain and paid attention to every step taught to her. The food she made showed she was a natural, and Minnesota had no doubt the food would be great. As Arizona finished putting the cornbread batter in the skillet, her mother said, “Okay, dearie, just put it in the oven for 30 minutes. It’s already pre-heated, and the timer clock is on the counter.”

Arizona saw the timer and properly set it to 30 minutes. Once dinner was mostly finished, she turned to her mother and said, “Okay, Ma. I’m ready to make Clyde’s dessert.”

Minnesota giggled, which confused Arizona. The young cow asked, “Ma, what’s so funny?”

The motherly cow waved a hoof dismissively and said, “Oh nothing, my little heifer; it’s just you’re so focused on baking Clyde a dessert. This must be really important for you.”

Her mother sported a grin that sent a chill down Arizona’s spine. The young cow feared that her intentions toward Clyde were discovered, and she didn’t know how to respond.

”Oh no! She knows...what do I say? What gave me away?!”

The young cow’s fear was put at ease when Minnesota continued, “Don’t worry, it’s alright, Arizona. Neither I nor your Pa mind that you’ve fancied Clyde. We just want to make sure you’re treated right since he’s trying to court you.”

While Arizona was relieved to hear her mother’s reassurance, she was a little embarrassed her feelings were that transparent. Curious about how her parents knew, she asked, “I’m happy to hear that, Ma. But how’d y’all figure out my feelings for Clyde?”

Her mother laughed hearing the question, which made Arizona annoyed. Once she was done laughing, Minnesota answered, “Oh, my little sugar booger! Your Pa and I aren’t new to this game. You did exactly the same thing I did when I took a liking to your Pa. I watched his every move, smiling a little too much, offered him food for the most minor help. Plus, neither you nor your Pa is the subtle kind. He never picked up on my feelings until I just plain went over and told him how I felt. I baked him a mighty nice treat, and he was hooked on me ever since.”

The young cow was surprised to hear what her mother told her. She never knew how they got together and was amazed at how simple it was for her mother. She took charge and went for the bull that she wanted. And more importantly, she succeeded.

“Dang.” said Arizona, “I guess I’m too transparent for my own good.”

Arizona pawed the kitchen floor in embarrassment before receiving a nuzzle from her mother.

“And that’s a good thing. It means you’re not a liar or a deceiver. Just poor at hiding your cards, like me when I play Poker with your Pa!”

Both cows laughed as Minnesota was a terrible card player. Whenever they played card games, her mother was always the first to lose, especially if it was social Poker. She was too easy to read and couldn’t bluff to save her life. As the two stopped laughing, Arizona revealed, “Well, he ain’t the one trying to court me. I’m the one trying to court him. I figured a nice dessert and dressing up for him would get him to notice me.”

The motherly cow froze before backing up. She looked at her daughter and asked, “Wait, you mean to tell me he hasn’t noticed you? And that you’re the one trying to get his attention?”

She nodded and gave a sheepish smile before saying, “Yes, Ma. I was gonna hoof over his desert gift and dress all nice for him. And if possible, offer him dinner while we’re here. That’s if Aunt Daisy-Jo, Uncle Dakota, and of course, Pa doesn’t mind.”

Her mother froze once again as if she was busy thinking. After a few seconds, Minnesota said, “And so history repeats.”

As the mother gave her daughter a wink, Minnesota walked over to the oven. She pulled out a new baking pan, mixing bowl, and ingredients needed for Clyde’s special gift. She motioned for Arizona to watch and said, “I’m certain your Aunt and Uncle won’t mind having him over dinner tomorrow. Your Pa won’t be happy you’re growing up, but if he can get over you being Champion of the Prairie, he’ll get over you courtin’ Clyde. Now pay attention, my little heifer, we’re going to make a desert loaf.”

”Dessert Loaf? What in Foenum is that?”

As her mother started preparing the ingredients, Arizona asked, “Ma, what’s dessert loaf? Is it some kind of bread?”

Her mother laughed as she said, “It is what it is, dearie. It’s a bread loaf that looks plain, but it’s loaded with sweet fixins’, a little bit of milk cream in the batter, plus a small amount of cinnamon. And when it’s done baking, it’ll be topped off with a salted butter coating. That’ll make any creature drool over it, human or not. It’s just an honest-to-goodness treat any country folk would love. Clyde will be begging to join you for dinner once he gets a taste of it.”

Arizona beamed with happiness and sported a large smile. She daydreamed of Clyde taking a bite of the Dessert Loaf and singing praises to her. Clyde would then pick her up off her hooves and give her a kiss. It was an absurd and silly dream, but Arizona didn’t care. She wanted to see him happy, and she wasn’t going give anything but her best in baking the treat. After Minnesota finished organizing everything, the mother cow stepped out of the way and pointed to where she was previously standing.

Her mother commanded, “Okay now, just follow my directions to the letter, and you’ll be baking a delicious loaf for your man in no time.”

As Arizona walked toward the counter, she turned to her mother and said, “Thanks Ma, thank you very much.”

Minnesota smiled and said, “You’re welcome. Now, grab the flour and the water.”

For the next hour, Arizona did exactly as her mother told her. Her progress was steady, and when the loaf batter was just right, it was put in the pan and into the oven. With the time set, the mother and daughter checked up on Daisy-Jo, who was still feeling under the weather. After reassurances from Dakota that everything was fine, the two continued to the bathroom. Minnesota helped brush and style Arizona’s hair. Her horns were also polished and coated with a thin clear pearl gloss enamel.

Her mother pulled out from her saddle bag a stronger, more pleasant perfume called “Sunset Surprise.” It was better than the standard Desert Rose she used earlier in the day. A simple white powder to prevent her facial coat from oiling up was gently applied to her face. Her eyelashes were brushed, and once completed, it was time to get her dressed up. Arizona showed her Ma the clothes she purchased, which elicited some questions about how she bought the clothes.

Arizona blushed and merely told her that Texas lent her some money. Minnesota knew there was more to the story but let it go as the money was spent for a good purpose. After getting her dress ready, she put a small flower in her hair, and a ribbon to her tail. Arizona looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was very happy with how she looked and felt truly feminine.

She quickly danced with excitement before hugging her Ma. The mother cow was very happy to see her daughter grow up into a fine cow and hoped she was successful in getting Clyde’s attention. With only a few minutes left for the loaf, the mother and daughter walked back into the living room. Daisy-Jo and Dakota spotted Arizona all dressed up. The Aunt and Uncle gave praise to how Arizona looked.

“Boy, howdy!” said Dakota, “Now, what got you all motivated to get dressed up? You’re gonna turn some bull’s head being dressed like that.”

Daisy-Jo cheered at how Arizona was dressed up and said, “Now that’s what I call a nice get-up. You’re a model heifer! Reminds me back to our old days, doesn’t it, honey?”

Dakota nuzzled his wife and said, “Sure does; I still remember how pretty you looked in that dress. Now you’re carryin’ my calf and prettier than ever before.”

Daisy-Jo kissed Dakota and said, “Aw shucks, mister. Getting me all worked up.”

After the married couple stopped giving each other affection, Daisy-Jo asked, “So, who’s the lucky guy you’re trying to attract? Your mother didn’t mention you were courtin’ anyone.”

Minnesota turned to Arizona and said, “Well, why dontcha tell them? Who’s the lucky guy you fancy.”

Arizona blushed beet red and innocently smiled before answering, “Well...you all know him, and he’s a fine feller.”

The Aunt and Uncle looked at each other and asked, “Who?”

“Don’t be a shy girl! Just tell ’em already! You can’t be afraid to tell them you fancy Clyde but have no problem fighting them Predator jerks.”

Before Arizona could answer, a new voice spoke up.

“Yes.” said the voice. “Do tell. I wanna know who this feller is you want to court.”

Arizona froze before slowly turning to face her father. The massive fatherly bull was standing in the living room and eyeing up his daughter’s new appearance. He was not amused at her fancy, pretty get-up despite having an idea what she was going to buy. Arizona nervously laughed before saying, “Umm...hi, Pa!”

“Arizona...” said Texas with a stern voice. “Who are you dressin’ up for? I want to know his name...NOW!”

Minnesota gave Texas a stern look but the bull wasn’t phased at all. This worried Arizona as her mother usually kept him in check, but her father apparently was seeing red. That meant he wasn’t going to back down, and every Cattlefolk knew an alpha like Texas was not to be messed with.

“Stand up to him, girl! Fight for the man you wanna court!”

Resolving herself, Arizona took a deep breath and stared at her father, and answered, “Pa, I’ve taken a liking to Clyde. He’s a good man, a gentleman at that, and he’s as honest as the grass we grow. He hasn’t mistreated me, nor has he made a move on me without your permission. He’s not even aware I fancy him! And I would never go off disrespecting you without getting your permission to go to court. But I’m growing into a lady, Pa; I want to start searching for my husband. I can’t be your little calf forever.”

It took a lot of willpower for Arizona to stand up to Texas, but the cowgirl managed to do it. She stared at her father with conviction and said, “Pa, I want to pursue Clyde. I know he’s not a cow, but he has what I’m looking for. And that’s the truth.”

Texas stared back at her as the father and daughter were locked into a star down. For 10 long seconds, the room was silent. Not even Minnesota dared to interrupt and tread over her husband’s territory. It was a father’s duty to make sure his daughter wasn’t pursuing not only an idiot but a character with a bad heart. Once the 10 seconds were over, Texas broke the stare and looked at the floor.

“Alright, my little heifer. If you want to pursue Clyde, I won’t get in the way unless he mistreats you.”

The tension in the room melted and was replaced with joy as Minnesota, Dakota, and Daisy-Jo cheered, “YEE-HAW!”. Arizona teared up and hugged Texas, who returned the hug and nuzzled his daughter. Feeling his daughter tremble with happiness, Texas said, “It’s okay, Arizona. I’m just glad you came clean to me and told me you were taking this seriously. Now that I know you really do want Clyde, he’d be a fool not to take your hoof and court you.”

Arizona’s eyes widened when she realized what her father had said.

“Wait, he already KNOWS I wanted him?!”

She broke her father’s hug and saw that Minnesota, Dakota, and Daisy-Jo had the same reaction. All were shocked that he knew from the very beginning that Arizona fancied Clyde. Texas, noticing all eyes were on him, simply shrugged and asked, “What? What did I say?”

“Dad...” said Arizona, “You said that you were glad I “came clean.” Now just how in all of Foenum did you know? I literally just told Mom an hour ago.”

The large bull realized he had given himself away and sheepishly smiled before saying, “Well, it was obvious the moment Clyde arrived this morning that you were all excited to see him. I’ve never seen you do that before. So I followed you and watched you from afar while you were practicing with Clyde.”

Arizona huffed and pouted before saying, “You were FOLLOWING me?! But Pa, I did what I said I was gonna do and-”

The bull held up a hoof to his daughter and to Minnesota, who was ready to give him an earful of her own.

“Let me finish. I might have been oblivious when I was younger, but your Ma straightened me out. I learned about how heifers show their emotions the hard way. I’m just lucky that all the stars over the Praire lined up and guided your mother to just say it to my face. After you were born, I knew I had to pay attention to when you grew up in a proper cow to make sure you courted the right way. And just as I suspected, you were fancying him during the ropin’ practice.”

The blood on Arizona’s face started to drain and made her look almost like a ghost. She was mortified to learn that someone was watching her giggle, stare, and sniff Clyde like a pervy cow. The cow wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and not come out due to shame. Now it was Minnesota’s turn to look at Arizona and ask, “Fancying him during practice? What’s your father talking about, missy?”

Daisy-Jo and Dakota just sat on the couch and enjoyed the spectacle a little too much. Texas raised an eyebrow at his daughter, who lowered her head in embarrassment and said, “She was sniffing him while he wasn’t noticing. She took in his scent, and she’s placed her sights on him.”

Arizona, with her head, lowered, whispered, “Please kill me.”

Minnesota was shocked at her daughter’s action of sniffing Clyde. It was unladylike for a cow to sniff a potential mate up close, especially out in public. That type of action was reserved for cows in a proper, official relationship. It was acceptable from a distance, but doing so upclose was a no-no.

Minnesota stared at her daughter and said, “Well, it’s a good thing Clyde didn’t notice, and only your father saw it. The last thing we need is gossip spreading and poor gentlemen being caught unaware. You best control your urges a little better, ya hear?”

Arizona nodded as her head was lowered in shame, but a fire stirred in her chest. She wasn’t going to be the only one getting caught and smirked when she raised her head up. She turned to her mother and revealed, “Well, it’s true I did that, and I’m sorry for not behavin’ properly. But I’m not the only one who's been misbehavin'.”

“Sorry, Pa, but you sold me out.”

Arizona pointed a hoof at Texas and said, “He was at the Salt Block! Eeyup, caught him red-hoofed. So he gave me money to go buy the dress and ribbon.”

It was now Texas’ turn to sweat bullets as Minnesota turned her disapproving stare at her husband. The bull sighed and confessed, “Yeah, I did do that. After I saw how Arizona was acting, I was depressed that my little heifer had grown up. So I went to the watering hole, got a few shots of whiskey, had some salt, and went to head home. But Arizona bumped into me and caught me. So I gave her some Bits so she could go shopping. I damn well knew what she was planning, so I wanted her to get what she needed, and I’m glad she had good taste in clothes.”

Arizona teared up hearing what Texas was confessing. Her father easily could have just yelled at her and told her to go home. But in the end, he didn’t and respected what his daughter wanted.

“After she went shopping, I got another shot of whiskey, a sarsaparilla drink, and played some gamblin’ free poker to pass the time. I didn’t expect you to get all dressed up tonight though, much less bake something that smells so good.”

Just as Texas finished his confession, the time went off and Minnesota went and got the special treat. Once she pulled out the dinner and Clyde’s dessert loaf, Minnesota added, “Needs some time to cool off. Now...”

The mother cow turned to her husband and scolded him for his drinking.

“I’m disappointed you chose to drink instead of coming to me. If you’re upset, I’m here to listen to you. You don’t need to always put up a tough front, bucko. I know opening up your feelings is hard but we've been through a lot together, you should trust me. But I am happy you gave Arizona the chance to pursue Clyde. Now that we’re all on the same patch of grass, let’s get dinner ready, get Clyde’s dessert prepared, and help Arizona win her man over."

The entire family, except Arizona, cheered once again by shouting, “YEE-HAW!” before getting ready for supper. The young cow wiped a tear and said, “Thanks, Ma and Pa. I just hope he’ll like what I baked, and I hope he’ll give me a chance.”

Daisy-Jo gave her some words of encouragement and said, “Even if he doesn’t give you a chance, there’s plenty of others all over Equis. It won’t mean you ain’t good enough for him; it just means he wasn’t right for you. It took me a while before I found Dakota, so don’t let it bring you down. Even if it might hurt for a short time.”

Dakota gave his wife a kiss and a nuzzle before Arizona nodded to her Aunt. Texas couldn’t help but take a peak at the smell coming from the kitchen. The sight of the Dessert Loaf took him by surprise, as he hadn’t seen the delicious dessert in many years. He turned back to Arizona and asked, “Did you bake that?”

Arizona happily nodded while wiping away another tear from being overwhelmed with emotion. Texas smiled and gave his daughter a compliment by saying, “Arizona, that’s a fine treat any real bull would love. If Clyde doesn’t like what you baked, then he has a crappy taste and you’d best forget about him. He’s a fool if he don’t appreciate what you’re doing and a bigger loser for not wanting you.”

Arizona laughed before saying, “Thanks Pa, I really appreciate it.”

Minnesota then added, “Well, it’s time for supper and time to finish the loaf. Just put the sweet butter on top and finish it with a few salt sprinkles. And when Clyde answers the door, you tell him to wait outside. Then you’ll bring it to him and present it. Once he has a taste, then make your move! Be blunt with him if he doesn’t get the hint.”

Texas chuckled and said, “Believe me, bluntness works when all else fails.”

“I’m so happy my family loves me. I just hope Clyde will like what he sees. Okay, girl, time to get ready.”

Arizona replied, “Got it, Pa. Be blunt if he don’t catch on.”

She took a deep breath to calm down before putting the final touches on Clyde’s dessert. It was put on a nicely decorated cake plate that Daisy-Jo had in a China cabinet. After the final touches were made, the family sat down for dinner. They talked about random things and old memories as time went by. They even talked about the upcoming Rodeo and how they hoped Arizona would show the other competitors a thing or two.

While the meal was great and the company was wonderful, all Arizona could think about was Clyde. It wouldn’t be too long after dinner until a knock on the door was heard. The entire room fell silent before all eyes focused on Arizona. The young heifer took a deep breath and said, “Wish me luck, folks.”

“It’s okay, girl, you got this.”

As she walked into the kitchen and grabbed Clyde’s Dessert Loaf, she quickly inspected it. It was perfect, exactly how her mother described it. She could even smell the wonderful, enticing scent emanating from the golden brown sweet loaf. She had to resist her cow urges and avoid licking the bread. As she held the dish with one hoof, she carefully walked with her free three legs and made it to the door.

She took one more deep breath before opening it and was greeted by the sight of Clyde. He had changed shirts to a clean, homespun red plaid shirt with a large brass belt buckle. Even his pants were clean and appeared to be brand new with a deeper shade of blue denim. He was also sporting brand-new cowboy boots with a clean mirror shine. His hat was clean, and instead of being pressed in, it was immaculately displayed with a clean red ribbon wrapped around the crown. He was wearing a bolo tie with a golden polished brass bit holding the ropes together.

And to top it off, his face was perfectly clean with a musky scent that shouted, “I am male; hear me roar!” Arizona wasn’t sure what cologne it was, only that she wanted to grab the man and sniff him until the end of time. It took all of her willpower to not throw the dessert on the ground and pounce on him. Instead, she looked into his eyes and said in her best feminine voice, “Good evening, Clyde.”

He tipped his hat and smiled back at her before saying, “Good evening to you, too, Arizona. Ah have to confess, you’re looking mighty pretty tonight. I like the dress, and those horns look nice and shiny.”

“He noticed my horns?! EEEEEE!! He thinks I’m pretty! Okay, girl, calm down.”

She blushed and said, “Th-thank you, Clyde. That means a lot to me.”

Before she could say anything, she heard her mother whisper, “Pst! Go outside! Get a-movin’!”

Clyde’s attention turned down the hallway, but he couldn’t tell what the voice was saying or even what he heard.

“Did you hear something? Is someone there?” asked Clyde.

Arizona quickly took her mother’s advice and said, “It's nothing; let’s talk for a minute.”

Clyde shrugged his shoulders before stepping away from the doorway and letting Arizona come outside with the loaf in the hoof. Once the door was closed, Arizona turned her attention back to Clyde. It took even more willpower to collect herself as she stood closer to the man. Taking a deep breath, the cow said, “I...I uh made you this. It’s a dessert, and it’s...umm sweet and nice?”

“Dangit!! C’mon, girl! Have some backbone!”

The man chuckled and said, “Ah can see that. It almost looks like a simple bread loaf...Is that salt and butter?”

Arizona was now starting to worry that the man might now like such a simple dessert. Her fear of rejection was rising before he continued, “Well, Ah’ll be, it certainly is. That’s a weakness of mine, and there’s no way Ah can turn this down. It even smells so dang good.”

The man took the dish and appreciated its presentation. He smiled and said, “Arizona, this looks mighty delicious, and Ah’m gonna have a hard time NOT eating this in one sitting. Thank you very much. Ah really like this. Damn, it looks so good!”

It was Clyde’s turn to blush as he said, “Pardon my language, Ma’am. That was ungentlemanly of me.”

Arizona held a hoof to her muzzle and stifled a laugh. She then gave Clyde a fake look of indignation and said, “Hmpf, yes, it was, and I’m offended. You’ll have to make it up to me.”

The cowboy raised an eyebrow before grinning and asked, “Oh really? How can Ah make it up to a wonderful lady like yourself?”

“Here it is! This is your chance Arizona! GO FOR IT!”

Taking a deep breath, Arizona asked, “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow? I was planning on making-”

She didn’t get a chance as a scream came from the living room. It was loud enough that the thick wooden door failed to muffle its sound. Arizona and Clyde were alarmed at the sound before the man asked, “Who is that?! What’s going on in there?”

The cow was shocked as it was Daisy-Jo’s voice, and it sounded like she was in great pain. Arizona exclaimed, “That’s my Aunt! She must be hurt!”

Without delay, Clyde opened the door and ran inside to help her Aunt. Arizona followed close behind and met Clyde and the rest of her family in the living room. Her Aunt was on the floor and crying, “AAAAAAAHHH! It hurts! Make it stop!”

“What’s going on?!” asked Clyde.

Dakota noticed Clyde and shouted, “It’s the baby! It’s coming now! Someone go get the Doctor!”

Texas didn’t waste time and said, “I’ll go get the Doctor! I was playing Poker with him earlier. Arizona, you stay with your mother.”

The massive bull said nothing else and ran out the front door, leaving it wide open. As Arizona stood by, scared and worried about her Aunt and unborn cousin, Clyde rolled his sleeves, set his hat aside, and said, “Ma’am, your baby is coming, and Ah ain’t got no faith the Doctor will get here in time. You’re having this baby NOW! Dakota, go get towels from the bathroom. Minnesota, help her get into position, we don’t have much room for mistakes.”

“AAAAAAAHHHHHH!! Please help! AAHHHHH!” screamed Daisy-Jo.

“Arizona!” shouted Clyde, “Follow mah instructions and do as Ah say.”

The young cow turned to the man and nodded, with resolve replacing her worries. With Clyde by her side, Arizona felt confident they would tackle anything that stood before them. Setting the dessert loaf on a table, she got close to Clyde and was ready to help in any way she would.

The night was far from over and had only just begun.

Author's Note:

Uh oh! The baby is coming! Arizona's cousin is a comin'! Can Clyde step up and help Daisy-Jo? Will he make it to Applejack's dinner? Stay tuned!