Analemma, or A Year in the Sunlight

by Dubs Rewatcher

THURSDAY, JUNE 22, 7:51 AM

I’m watching TV, and Pinkie Pie is dancing naked on the screen. She’s naked, then she’s got clothes, then she’s naked again.

Does watching this make me a bad person? I don’t want to be a creep.

I look away. I turn to Twilight and try to explain why Pinkie is nude on my TV, but she’s not paying attention. She’s looking straight up at the sky, so I look up too, even though I’m horrendously dizzy.

The sun is passing overhead. It’s moving faster than I’ve ever seen, even though it’s in the same spot.

“Is that your mom?” Twilight asks.

I shake my head. “Not anymore. I finally talked to her, though.”

Twilight grabs the sun out of the sky. “You can still have it,” she says, handing me the butter-and-jelly sandwich.

“I need to eat fast.” I sound like I’m twelve beers deep, my words sloshing and slurring around. I can barely hear myself. “My Statistics exam is in an hour.”

“That was yesterday,” Pinkie says.

“What?” I scream, shooting up out of bed. Drool is still dripping down my chin as I snatch my phone off the nightstand and check the time.

7:51 AM. Nine minutes before my alarm is set to go off. I didn’t miss my Statistics exam, and I haven’t flunked out of high school.

Sighing, I collapse back into my pillow. That’s the third stress dream I’ve had this morning, and the fourth time I’ve woken up. Why in Celestia’s name is my brain torturing me with these weird ass fantasies?

That seals it: No more raw cauliflower before bed.

Sunlight is already peeking through the blinds, and I hear the familiar thud of steel-toed boots against the floor as my upstairs neighbor gets ready for work. No point in going back to sleep.

Instead I grab my phone again and swipe it open. The first thing I see are two text messages from Twilight.

One to the Rainbooms group chat:

Happy first day of exams, everyone! Here’s a joke to get us in the testing mood:

Q - Why does Shakespeare hate standardized tests?

A - He can never figure out what kind of pencil to use: 2B or not 2B

And one just to me:

Good morning! How are you feeling? Want to meet up for a quick study session before the test? I’ll be in the library! Usual spot by the staghorn fern?

I smile and rub my eyes. If anything’s gonna motivate me to get up this morning, it’s a private tutoring session from CHS’ coolest nerd.

A frame from my dream flashes in my mind: Twilight sitting next to me, holding something. For a moment I consider telling her about it, but the more I try to remember the dream, the less I recall. Pinkie was there, I think? And we were staring at the sun?

Nope, it’s gone. So I just yawn and text back:

Def

Getting up now

Lemme text you when I get on the bus

Sun shining, temperatures rising, days as long as they can be. A week of exams is all that stands between me and the freedom of summer vacation. Two months of no school, no homework. Just junk food, trips to the beach, loitering at the mall, waking up at noon, and hanging out with my best friends.

I haul myself out of bed and slip out of my pajamas. Standing buck naked at the top of the ladder, I ball up my fists, look up at the ceiling, and whisper, “Let’s rock this shit.”

Then it hits me.

“Oh!” I slap myself on the forehead. “2B — like ‘to be!’”

Comments

[ScisetShimmerEvan]

7:51 AM. Nine minutes before my alarm is set to go off. I didn’t miss my Statistics exam, and I haven’t flunked out of high school.

That sure must've been 1 hell of a weird dream.

[Avery Day]

Such a specific thing, but I love the way you wrote the dream here. It's wacky enough that I can tell it's a dream right away, but you capture that kind of weird dream logic very smoothly. Great work!

[Hobbestc]

Poor Sunset. Looks like that was a joke grenade for her, lol.

[FanOfMostEverything]

slow clap

There’s a joke about the last horse to cross the finish line in there. Though in Sunset’s defense, she won’t necessarily have the assumed familiarity with this world’s culture that the joke relies on.

And yes, excellent dream. It’s rare that I see such an accurate depiction of the surreality of dream logic.

[Posh]

Dream’s fine, but I’m upset you omitted the part where Sunset is in the tiny Italian car with Twilight and Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash hands her a roll of toilet paper, and they drive away.

[Lupin]

“Is that your mom?” Twilight asks.

I shake my head. “Not anymore.

[Revel Montaro]

Sunset sleeping naked makes sense. Saves on AC and pony girl. Twi puns heeeeheee. I loved that at the end of the series in Holiday Unwrapped how playful and pun ready Twi was with her friends. It was great writing.

[The Voice in the Water]

Little slow on the uptake there, eh Sunny buns?