19. Interlude II – Torn from the Headlines
The Canterer
Equestria’s #1 Newspaper
25 October, ALW 998
Still 1 bit!
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NOBILITY SHAKE-UP FROM THE SOUTH-WEST
Recent developments in the Las Pegasus embezzlement scandal have prompted the Office of the Celestial Diarchy to finally take action, launching an official investigation into the alleged misconduct of Lord High Roller, current councillor of the Shallow Shade community in Las Pegasus.
The accusations were first launched against Lord Roller by one Nocked Fur, who is a bureaucrat for the Las Pegasus treasury department. The allegations include bribery, embezzlement, and money laundering, though Lord Roller has denied the accusations. All involved parties have been temporarily suspended, pending the investigation.
There is considerable evidence levied against Lord High Roller, which has been described as ‘damning’ and ‘incontrovertible proof’ by those involved. If convicted, Lord High Roller could face penalties as severe as banishment from Equestria.
The recent developments have caused some to believe that a major reshuffle of the House of Lords may be inbound. One concerned citizen stated, “There’s no way he walks onto a stand, in front of the Princess, and doesn’t get plucked clean. He’s not coming back – and he’s going to take an awful lot of others with him.”
It is an open secret that Prince Blueblood has coveted an official position in the House of Lords for some time, though no official statement has yet been made by the Diarchy. Prince Blueblood himself was not available for comment. Other candidates for the prospective open position include Lord Jet Set, Dame Fanned Muzzle, and Lady Crimson.
[more. p.4]
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RECORD MIGRATION NUMBERS THROUGHOUT EQUESTRIA
Recent census data shows that a record amount of ponies have changed their residential address throughout Equestria. The wave of migrations is the biggest seen in Equestria for two hundred years, though no exact cause has been yet found. The Chancellery of Domestic Affairs has declined to comment on the wave, though an anonymous source within the Chancellery has stated that “such waves are a fact of society, even if they are uncommon…”
[cont. p.9]
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DIARCHY MULLS EXTRAORDINARY POWERS ACT
Rumours abound from the Office of the Celestial Diarchy that Princess Celestia, Diarch of Equestria, may be considering activating the Extraordinary Powers of the Crown Act. The rumour comes from a source within the Equestrian government, who remains anonymous.
The Extraordinary Powers Act would allow Princess Celestia to suspend most functions of civilian governance, instead administering large portions of Equestria directly from the throne, as well as being given carte blanche to re-organise the government in what manner she may see fit, to most effectively safeguard Equestria. The Extraordinary Powers Act has only ever been activated once before, at the outbreak of the Long Night.
No reason has yet been given for the consideration, and the Diarchy has not yet confirmed nor denied the rumours. However, the atmosphere in government nevertheless remains one of disquiet. “Her Highness is keeping her cards close to her chest,” remarked one official, who remains anonymous. “If we don’t need to know, we won’t – but ponies will still speculate.”
[more p.15]
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MANEHATTAN DEVELOPMENT RECORD SUCCESS
A recent residential housing project in Manehattan has made headlines in the region, for coming out ahead of schedule and under budget. The project, a high-density residential district intended to create housing for 8,600 ponies, has come up half a million bits under its budget, and eighteen weeks ahead of schedule. This is the first time a development project in the region has exceeded its goals in sixty-five years.
The success has been credited to the ‘revolutionary new techniques’ introduced by the company holding the contract, Stonehoof Architectural Solutions. The manager of the project, Hammer Strike, was reportedly pleased by the success of the innovative techniques. “Stonehoof Architectural Solutions has always been known for doing more with less,” he said, “and that shall not change now.”
However, the speed has left some local residents wary of the new developments. “Shoddy business is what it sounds like to me,” said a concerned resident. “I’d bet my bottom bit that half a million went to line the pockets of some manager in an office somewhere.” The public records released by Stonehoof Architectural Solutions appear to have put much of the suspicions to rest, however…
[cont. p.16]
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FREE STATE EMBOLDENS DEVOLUTION PROPONENTS
Recent polling numbers indicate that the Devolution policy is gaining ground across all of Equestria. The previous regional elections saw two former conservative strongholds flip to Devolution, with the mayorships of Las Pegasus and Dodge City going to Brown Nose and Leading Edge, respectively.
However, despite rocky starts to their incumbencies, approval ratings for the two are as high as 81%, levels not seen in a hundred and thirty years. Across the rest of Equestria, support for Devolution appears to only be increasing. It is theorised that of the fourteen seats up for election next year, all but three will be taken by devolutionaries, including that of Detrot and Birminghoof.
The sudden upswing in support has been thought to be caused by the recent ascent of the Free State of the White Tail Woods, to the north of Las Pegasus. Proponents point to the explosive growth of its population as proof of its popularity, as well as the input their citizens are allowed to make to policy. Having obtained the tacit continued approval of the Diarchy, they claim, there is no reason this system, which bears similarities to Devolution, could not work for Equestria.
However, critics have pointed out the youth and inexperience of the First Minister, and claim that the differing circumstances make the comparison fallacious. In addition, they claim that the success of the Free State has been overstated, in an attempt to obfuscate the policy’s failings – with rumours of the Free State suffering famine and housing shortages lending credence to their words…
[cont. p.20]
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45 ARTIFACTS SEIZED IN UNICORN RANGE RAID
The Royal Guard has released a statement regarding the recent raid on a warehouse in Alicorn Valley, located in the Unicorn Mountain Range. The Guard has confirmed the seizure of forty-five dangerous magical artifacts stored inside. No arrests were made, and the perpetrators are assumed to remain at large. The artifacts appear to have been primarily hand-crafted, though five have been confirmed to be stolen.
“These artifacts are incredibly potent weapons of thaumaturgical destruction. With their seizure, criminal organisations that may have wished to harness their power have been dealt a blow. Equestria is now a safer place.”
[more p.22]
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NEW ‘ANTHROPOLOGY’ THESIS PUBLISHED
A controversial new thesis has been published in Thauma, the CSGU’s native multidisciplinary academic journal. The thesis, titled ‘The anthropology of pre-celestial history,’ published by Winter Rose et al, claims that ancient equine development has been guided by a race of previously-unknown beings. The thesis claims that these beings are, in fact, humans, such as Adam Inns, who appeared in mysterious circumstances just under three years ago.
Despite considerable criticism levied at it, the thesis appears to present some credible evidence, such as the existence of ancient musical instruments, recently unearthed in the south of Zebrica, that have apparently ‘clearly not been designed for hooved use,’ according to Winter Rose. Whether the thesis is credible or not remains a topic of intense debate among archaeological and historical communities. Adam Inns has not yet been reached for comment…
[cont. p.25]
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Was the Devolution policy mentioned before? Whatever it is, seems the Free State is already making waves in Equestria.
How do you come up with these newspaper articles that seem random and irrelevant to the plot? I say "seem" because a part of me can't help but feel that all of these are actually building up to something major that will pit the Free State against Equestria, not like a war but something that will threaten Adam and Celestia's friendship.
Celestia holding her cards is most likely cake 🎂
Ooooh items gone… I wonder who done that?
Well. In theory, at least. Just gotta follow through and actually bother the guy in charge.
meanwhile in Canterlot...
pbs.twimg.com/media/EMZ21B8WoAAQNz3.jpg
Will inns become god emperor of ponykinds in the end?
Will inns introduce Guillotine to ponies?
See you next time in: building commie afghanistan with my waifu lyra!