We can rebuild them we have the technology but we do not want to spend a lot of money

11531743
.

Jacky Brook a broken man wondering what his purpose is. Jacky is a white male but with minor defects he was born with asthma and later when he was six years old, he lost all motion in his right leg making him crippled. Life has been harsh for the poor guy people miss treated him in every school he's been to, so his parent home schooled him. Later on, when he was fifteen Jacky was on a road trip with his family, but a drunk truck driver rammed the car Jacky an his family was in.

Last sentence you said you an instead of and

Jacky sighed and walked through the secret tunnel as he walked further into the tunnel it was getting dark where he can't see anything when suddenly some lights were coming from these crystals that acted like torched helped him see better. As he kept walking, he saw a light at the end of the tunnel and what he saw was something he never seen before. He thought he saw the light from the outside but instead it was a huge crystal inside a massive room that looked like a shrine. for some reason Jacky was drawn to it and as he walked closer to it, he can't help but touch it. When he touched the crystal it felt so warm but as soon as he put his hand on the crystal his hand was stuck to it. Jacky try to pry his hands off the crystal but the more he struggled only making him more stuck. The crystal was growing brighter than before Jacky was getting scared thinking it was a trap all to cache thieves but as Jacky thought it was the end for him, if this was the end for him he would except what his fate. Soon the hole room grow so bright it looked like an explosion was about to appear.

You said Hole I think you meant whole .

Yea that was my mistake but auto corrected always gives ya something else you know how it is.

Another human story in Equestria for my collection, I love it! The first chapter was kind of rushed in my opinion, but it's far from bad.

I'll be following your story, it's interesting and if it's as good as it sounds it will be moved to my favorites.

Interesting... I'll pay attention to the stories progress. And have a like!

This has potential but the writing and sentences could use some polish and clean up.

great story opening. I'm guessing English is not you Native Tongue, no worries i advise you get an English speaking Editor to help you as some of your sentences seem to missing some words to make the context work. For example this sentence:

"As all the Goddesses were thinking they decided to this young man that will change this world forever"

the sentence should be:

"As all the Goddesses were thinking, they decided to transform this young so that he will change this world forever"

See sounds better and it explains the context of the sentence.
You can also the word "change" instead of "Transform" or given the context of the next sentence where the Goddesses heal his cripple leg you can use "Help" instead.

I hope I was helpful. I look forward to your next chapter!

I look forward to seeing more keep up the good work

Want to see more of this.

You really, REALLY need an editor. Or at least to check and double-check your story. The pace is a mess and there's a severe lack of dots and commas.

It kinda sounds like RGRE so I might check this out.

I know but I’ve tried asking around for an editor but no everybody is busy if you know any body let me know.

i would love to read this story, but i just cant enjoy it as its written, looking forward to when you get an editor.

also is this what editors work with usually?

this feels like rough draft number 3.

like you need to rewrite it at least 2-4 more times before its handed over to an editor

I am betting the more productive part is a big dick 😂

Unreadable stream of mind. Dislike in this state.