Thanks for the chapter! I really liked it, Jacky's reactions were very good, as well as the conversations he had with Sunset and Luna.
Some questions, Is there a goddess for every race that exists on the planet Equus? Or just some? Is Eris already renovated here? Does the school of friendship already exist? Are the creatures here completely naked? Or just the bare minimum of clothes?
No problem it took a while to make and for your questions.
There are many goddesses for each race some are ascended to a higher existence while some are still on Equus. Eris is around but she’s just doing her own thing ya know. The school of friendship is around for later chapters. And the last question everyone is a nudist but there are some that do wear cloths but some just have loincloths on an that’s about it.
Hay good story but, you may won't to play this chapter on audio reading. You will hear the problem of your work. But don't give up "it's A easy fixes" . Other than that looks good 😊.
These types of stories are the reason people hate HiE. Why are your characters so weirdly portrayed? Especially the protagonist, he has absolutely no idea of who he is and is insanely inconsistent. Usually the worst in these types of stories is the dialogue, so let's go to the most plot important part, the moment he gets out of the crystal. Okay... Why are all the ponies doing a power rangers entry telling him who each one is? And does he has a crystal ball that remained up in his insides? Because he instantly figures out that Fluttershy is supposed to be caring? And kind? What? How even? Is this that japanese anime stuff where people feel the aura around a person and instantly figure out their personalities? Yeah, no. Even if there is a plot explanation for why he could feel that it doesn't explain his reaction, he gets baffled, to quote the story; "Jacky felt his heart skip a beat from this beautiful kindred pony before him. He felt flustered just by looking at her but also comfortable around her like she was made to be a caretaker.". ?!?!?!? How id that even supposed to work?! Does that happen to people in real life when they see the red cross or something? He then proceeds to assume that they eat plants and will thus stop eating plants... Okay? What does that has to do with anything? You're just going to assume they eat exclusively greens anand will give up a central part of human diet, You're not a pony, and even herbivores routinely eat leftover bones or other animal product to better satisfy certain dietary deficiencies.
Then he starts harping on about how terrible humans are and woe is me and my suffering. The problem isn't that he talks as if he was the victim of society (he was, don't get me wrong) the problem is that he feels like he has the right to moralize and generalize all of humanity 'becuse tey figt uwu'. And the ponies are like 'do u wanna talk about it?' Ohh yes, let me talk about how crap my life was in the middle of almost two dozen ponies so I can farm those pity points. Dude you learned his name 30 seconds ago, why are you suddenly playing therapist? It was Fluttershy too you know, the one with 'shy' in the name,
"My species is advance race called humanity or technical term would be homo sapiens by some but we once lived in caves but later on we evolved with knowledge and inventing things to improve our lives for example we once send a man to the moon to prove we can achieve impossible but that was some time ago we still send probes to space but we aren't exactly the most friendliest of race we fight and bicker with each other of how we should be but humanity will always remain divide because of ideology, race, religion, resources, or many other things but there are a view good people in my world its just hard to find then at times." said Jacky. When he said those things about his race are divided this made the girls look a with pity like he hasn't been treated very well in his world and by the look on his face he been living a lonely life in his world as well.
Look at the way this is written "remain divide because of ideology, race, religion [...]" Yeah, because pony people from another galaxy will surely get all of the nuance that comes with those words, he talks about it as if they will immediately understand all the context. Dear lord this was badly written. The main character itself, as I said previously, is just a blank slate, of all the things he mentioned none of those define him, no cool unique (or even normal really, just anything) ideology, no religion so we can carve out his beliefs, no desires besides his personal integrity, no wants beside stability, he is nothing. The only think we know about him is; 'uwu, I suffered' and 'guyys, make peace not war'. I don't know if it's so people can self insert, don't know if it's on purpose and he is being 'mysterious, dandandaan' or if it's an oversight, I just know it's bad, and the reason I find it such os because other stories made with similar ideas manage to make way more gripping plots and compelling characters, than these cookie cutter ones.
Just felt like I had to say this so that people can actually see where errors were made, with hope the author will get better with time as he writes and improve his skills, after all writing is legitimately one of the hardest things to do in high quality, be they Shakespeare or Luís Vaz de Camoens. I don't blame anyone for making any errors, but hopefully the author improves later on in life
11788774 That's because most people who right fanfiction are the same people who think underwater basket weaving and liberal arts are good college degrees and believe their feelings dictate reality.
And herbivores don't really eat things like bones to make up for dietary deficiencies. They straight up eat other animals when available. Be it baby birds (the popcorn of the wild), snakes, rabbits, or whatever else. There are extremely few animals that only eat plants or only eat meat. Koalas and cats, respectively, are a couple examples. The vast majority of herbivores and carnivores are more like "whatever is available"-vores with a leaning towards either plants or prey. Even manatees are known to steal fish caught by fisher's nets and eat it for themselves.
Thanks for the chapter! I really liked it, Jacky's reactions were very good, as well as the conversations he had with Sunset and Luna.
Some questions,
Is there a goddess for every race that exists on the planet Equus? Or just some?
Is Eris already renovated here?
Does the school of friendship already exist?
Are the creatures here completely naked? Or just the bare minimum of clothes?
No problem it took a while to make and for your questions.
There are many goddesses for each race some are ascended to a higher existence while some are still on Equus. Eris is around but she’s just doing her own thing ya know. The school of friendship is around for later chapters. And the last question everyone is a nudist but there are some that do wear cloths but some just have loincloths on an that’s about it.
Wonderful chapter, keep it up.
Good so far.
Good chapter. Looking forward to more.
I really hope there is an update to this story. I and other people really want to see how this story continues.
Hay good story but, you may won't to play this chapter on audio reading. You will hear the problem of your work. But don't give up "it's A easy fixes" . Other than that looks good 😊.
These types of stories are the reason people hate HiE. Why are your characters so weirdly portrayed? Especially the protagonist, he has absolutely no idea of who he is and is insanely inconsistent. Usually the worst in these types of stories is the dialogue, so let's go to the most plot important part, the moment he gets out of the crystal. Okay... Why are all the ponies doing a power rangers entry telling him who each one is? And does he has a crystal ball that remained up in his insides? Because he instantly figures out that Fluttershy is supposed to be caring? And kind? What? How even? Is this that japanese anime stuff where people feel the aura around a person and instantly figure out their personalities? Yeah, no. Even if there is a plot explanation for why he could feel that it doesn't explain his reaction, he gets baffled, to quote the story; "Jacky felt his heart skip a beat from this beautiful kindred pony before him. He felt flustered just by looking at her but also comfortable around her like she was made to be a caretaker.". ?!?!?!? How id that even supposed to work?! Does that happen to people in real life when they see the red cross or something? He then proceeds to assume that they eat plants and will thus stop eating plants... Okay? What does that has to do with anything? You're just going to assume they eat exclusively greens anand will give up a central part of human diet, You're not a pony, and even herbivores routinely eat leftover bones or other animal product to better satisfy certain dietary deficiencies.
Then he starts harping on about how terrible humans are and woe is me and my suffering. The problem isn't that he talks as if he was the victim of society (he was, don't get me wrong) the problem is that he feels like he has the right to moralize and generalize all of humanity 'becuse tey figt uwu'. And the ponies are like 'do u wanna talk about it?' Ohh yes, let me talk about how crap my life was in the middle of almost two dozen ponies so I can farm those pity points. Dude you learned his name 30 seconds ago, why are you suddenly playing therapist? It was Fluttershy too you know, the one with 'shy' in the name,
Look at the way this is written "remain divide because of ideology, race, religion [...]" Yeah, because pony people from another galaxy will surely get all of the nuance that comes with those words, he talks about it as if they will immediately understand all the context. Dear lord this was badly written. The main character itself, as I said previously, is just a blank slate, of all the things he mentioned none of those define him, no cool unique (or even normal really, just anything) ideology, no religion so we can carve out his beliefs, no desires besides his personal integrity, no wants beside stability, he is nothing. The only think we know about him is; 'uwu, I suffered' and 'guyys, make peace not war'. I don't know if it's so people can self insert, don't know if it's on purpose and he is being 'mysterious, dandandaan' or if it's an oversight, I just know it's bad, and the reason I find it such os because other stories made with similar ideas manage to make way more gripping plots and compelling characters, than these cookie cutter ones.
Just felt like I had to say this so that people can actually see where errors were made, with hope the author will get better with time as he writes and improve his skills, after all writing is legitimately one of the hardest things to do in high quality, be they Shakespeare or Luís Vaz de Camoens. I don't blame anyone for making any errors, but hopefully the author improves later on in life
Holy punctuation, Batman!
11788774
That's because most people who right fanfiction are the same people who think underwater basket weaving and liberal arts are good college degrees and believe their feelings dictate reality.
And herbivores don't really eat things like bones to make up for dietary deficiencies. They straight up eat other animals when available. Be it baby birds (the popcorn of the wild), snakes, rabbits, or whatever else. There are extremely few animals that only eat plants or only eat meat. Koalas and cats, respectively, are a couple examples. The vast majority of herbivores and carnivores are more like "whatever is available"-vores with a leaning towards either plants or prey. Even manatees are known to steal fish caught by fisher's nets and eat it for themselves.