When life gives you EXP

by FanOfSun

Chapter 1: Spawn Point (edited July 18)

Another perfect day in Equestria. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming and sun is shining.

Suddenly, something fell near to the path, making birds fly away. For a few moments, nothing was happening. Then, muffled groans could be heard from the crater. Human has managed to climb out of the small hole and sat at it's edge, holding his head.

Vlad exhaled some air "Damn...I didn't know that appearing in another world by becoming a meteorite was canon! Argh..." his head was aching a bit, so he decided to wait untill effect wears off.

After headache stopped, he dusted himself off. It took him just a few moments to noticed a conveniently placed path near to his 'spawn'. He shrugged and started walking walking. Vlad was stretching his arms, when he noticed a weird looking dot on his left hand.

Human raised his eyebrow "Eh? What is that supposed to mean..?" he clipped his eyes and touched it.

Light blue light appeared out of it for a moment. When Vlad opened his eyes, light blue panel was before him. It had his name, stats and even health bar!

First, human wanted to scream, not from the terror, but from the excitement "HOLY SHIMATA!" he had so many thoughts in his head.

Though first, he calmed himself down and started thinking. He didn't know how much time he had before he started starving. It was weird that Panel didn't have anything like food bar. Vlad also started thinking about what could happen to him. Even though he has some kind of power, human didn't know what would he do if something attacked him.

Vlad didn't even notice that he ended up on the hill. Human looked up and noticed some buildings. They looked...Childish to him. Though there was one thing that caught his attention...

Vlad strained his eyes, because didn't believe what he saw "Is that an actual house in a tree?" Vlad wondered, "And are those...Horses...No, COLORFUL PONIES WALKING ON STREETS?! No, I probably hit myself TOO hard. And where are my glasses?"

Vlad was so busy with talking that didn't notice quiet sound coming from his dot. And so didn't he hear that someone, more precisely, somepony approached him from behind...

---

Lyra Heartstring was going back to Ponyville after having good walk in the forest "Ahh! What can be better than smelling the forest every morning!" she said with closed eyes. But when she opened one, she quietly gasped. Real, alive human was standing in front of her, looking forward.

Human didn't expect someone to approach from behind, and jumped away...However, Vlad forgot that he was standing on a hill. Unable to balance, he rolled right into the Ponyville. Without any possibilities to stop himself, Vlad ended up by hitting his head on the wall of the house, which made him fall in the dark.

Last thing that he remembers before completely passing out, was that one pony who scared him, running towards his body.

---

It wasn't so bad at all...He was sitting in white room with a lot of sofas. It also had red door.

Vlad sighed "Well...I guess I will wait for my body to wake up..." he looked at his palm where was blue dot, "I saw some stats inside...Perhaps I'm able to...Level up?" Vlad shrugged and noticed that door had opened. Human sighed and said "I just hope that I hit myself to hard. There is no way that it was real..." after that being said, Vlad stood up and exited the room.

---

Twilight Sparkle was in library, writing to Celestia about this...creature, that rolled inside of a Ponyville? She was so excited, that her letter contained some mistakes. Twilight made bed for creature next to her room , so she thought that visiting him would be a good idea.

After finishing her letter, she called Spike "SPIKE! I need your help here!"

Dragon appeared at the entrance of her room "Your #1 assistant is here!"

Twilight giggled a bit and gave Spike the letter "I need you to send this to Princess Celestia"

Spike nodded his head and took her letter "Sure thing!", he made it go on green fire and paper disspeared.

Twilight watched her letter vanish and, after standing up from her table, she said, "What about we visit our guest?" she walked near Spike.

Spike looked away, sweating a bit "Uhh...Twilight I have chores to do...You know..."

Twilight looked back at dragon with her mocking face "No way! The great Spike is...Afraid?!"

Spike looked at Twilight with serious face "OK look, we've encountered a lot of enemies...But, this...Guy is something else. I watched a lot of films where bad guys looked JUST LIKE HIM! And-"

Twilight booped his nose and giggled "Oh, silly Spike! Didn't you see his face? He is harmless!"

Spike sighed "I just never saw something like this before..."

They heard knocking behind the door.

Twilight tilted her head "Come in!"

Lyra Heartstrings showed her head and waved to Twilight "Uhh...Hello there! How is human doing?"

Twilight answered "Oh! He is fi-" she suddenly made confused face, "What did you say?"

Lyra entered the house and answered "Oh! They are called 'humans'! I was studying them for a while, but nopony believed me..." she sighed.

Twilight and Spike met each others eyes.

Twilight calmed down and said "That's great! We wanted to look how he is do-"

Twilight was interrupted by falling sound from human's room. Everypony looked at the door.

They heard groaning. Twilight and Lyra approached the door, while Spike was hiding behind them. Carefully, without any noises, Twilight opened the door.

---

Vlad woke up in someone's house. He didn't expect to wake up in a bed and accidentally fell on the floor. Luckily, he didn't get hurt.

Vlad groaned "Yaaarn...Dammit..." he stood up and stretched his legs, arms and other body parts.

He looked around. The room wasn't so big. It had old table, decent bed and two windows. Vlad tried to open them and he succeeded. However, human was too big to go through it...

Vlad made confused face "Wait why am I trying to run away? Whoever helped me must be a good guy..." he put arm to his chin "I gotta at least thank them."

He turned around to see the door that was opened a bit. Two unicorns were peeking through it, and Vlad recognized one of them.

He rubbed his eyes,turned around, inhaled a lot of air and exhaled it slowly. He thought 'Alright, since they helped me I have to thank them ..After that I will-`

His thoughts were interupted by Lyra's happy scream "AS I THOUGHT! Humans are GORGEOUS!"

Vlad turned around with confused and scared face "W-Wha?"

Lyra with sparks in eyes started to approach human. She tried to touch it, but Vlad backed off.

With fear in voice he said "P-Please! Keep distance!"

Twilight put her hoof on Lyra's shoulder "Lyra, you are scaring him! Calm down!"

Lyra looked at Twilight and then back on Vlad and realized it. She lowered her face and apologized "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to scare you, its just..."

Vlad calmed down a bit and sighed "It's ok...Just, please, don't approach so suddenly..." human stood up and dusted himself off

Lyra looked at Vlad. He had brown hair and dark eyes. Human looked strange in those clothes. White T-shirt and dark blue sport pants were a bit dirty. However, his sneakers were in a good condition.

Spike looked from Twilight's back "Hey, you are not bad!"

Twilight looked at Spike with grumpy face "Spike! It was rude!"

Spike sighed "OK ok! Sorry, I just never saw...Uhh, how is he called again?"

Vlad looked at dragon with curiosity "Wha..? We are called humans" he crossed arms on his chest,",but I actually have a name you know?"

Lyra asked, but calmly "And...What is your name?"

Vlad looked at Lyra again and answered "I'm Vlad"

Everyone looked at Vlad confused.

Spike asked "That's it?.. Just Vlad?"

Vlad shrugged "Some of us prefer short names"

Twilight approached Vlad and stopped in 2 meters in front of him" My name is Twilight Sparkle, but I prefer just Twilight," she nodded her head and pointed at Spike, ", and here is my #1 assistant, Spike!"

Spike smiled a bit "Nice to meet ya!"

Lyra jumped a bit closer, scaring Vlad a bit "O-oh sorry...My name is Lyra Heartstrings, but everypony calls me Lyra"

Vlad sighed in relief "Happy to know we are not enemies...And thank you for taking care of me" he bowed a bit.

Twilight waved her hoof a bit "Oh its nothing!.."

Vlad turned around to window...To see blue pegasus with rainbow mane and shocked face. Vlad fell on his back with surprised face.

Twilight looked at the window and gasped "Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here?"

Vlad sighed 'Why do they have those strange names...'

Lyra helped Vlad to stand up with magic "Are you ok?"

Vlad answered "Yeah...I am"

Spike asked "Why didn't you get scared with magic?"

Vlad sighed "It was obvious...I mean, she has horn and other stuff..."

Spike shrugged "Good point"

Twilight ran down the stairs to the door "Spike, try to hide Vlad!"

Spike raised his brow "Wha? Why? Dash is-"

Twilight sighed "She thought he is one of monsters from Daring Doo books..."

Spike gulped "Vlad! Follow me! Lyra, cover us!" he grabbed Vlad's palm and dragged him to another room.

Lyra nodded and ran after human and dragon. They entered Twilight's room.

Spike pointed at Twilight's bed "Hide under it!"

Vlad didn't understand anything, but still hid under the bed.'Wow, why is it so comfy under it?'

He heard a lot noises coming out of the door.

Spike looked at Lyra "OK uhh...Just try to look confused!"

Lyra shrugged "I am already!"

---

Rainbow Dash couldn't belive what she saw "That's flesh golem!" she shouted after landing near Rarity, AppleJack, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.

AppleJack gasped "Is he dangerous?!"

Rainbow Dash answered "Dangerous as hay!"

Rarity gasped "We have to do something!"

Rainbow Dash shouted "CHAAAARGE!"

All of them except Fluttershy rammed the door and ran upstairs.

Fluttershy slowly entered library "G-girls calm down...Can't we talk with this golem?"

But nopony heard her, they entered the empty room with old furniture.

Rainbow Dash looked back at Twilight and asked "Twi, are you ok?!"

Twilight tilted her head "Uhh, yes why?"

AppleJack looked around "Ya sure 'bout it shugarcube?"

Twilight nodded "Yes, Defenetly sure!"

Lyra came out of Twilight's bedroom "Uhh, I memorized that I have to go now!" she nervously giggled and tried to go past everypony.

Rainbow Dash blocked the way "I saw YOU in room near the golem!"

Vlad could hear Twilight and Lyra arguing with other ponies, Spike already left to meet them..."Hm...Why am I hiding?"

Suddenly, another joyful voice answered his question "Maybe because you are playing hide and seek?", said Pinkie.

Vlad shouted and tried to escape, but hit bed and made a lot of noice.

Rainbow Dash heard that and flew into Twilight's room. After she looked under bed, she found the 'Golem' behind Pinkie

Vlad looked at Dash with wide open eyes.

Rainbow Dash shouted "DONT YOU DARE TO HURT OUR FRIEND!"

Vlad ran from down the bed and tried to open window, but AppleJack pounced on him and made him fall on ground "Yer not gettin' away!" she didn't really hold back and Vlad something cracked in his body...It didn't hurt so bad and Vlad just groaned. Still, one eye teared.

Lyra ran into the room hearing that and shouting "YOU JUST BROKE HIS BONE!"

Fluttershy heard that and gasped "AppleJack! Please get off him!"

Rainbow Dash looked confused "B-But flesh golems are-"

AppleJack removed her hoofes, gasping. Vlad's arm got broken, and skin around bone was becoming dark "W-What have ah-"

Twilight looked at Dash furiously "It's because he is NOT a golem at all!"

Vlad crawled to the wall.

Fluttershy tried to calm him down "W-we are s-sorry...P-please let us help you" she didn't approach him.

Vlad looked at pegasus who said it...Even though he was heavily breathing, he answered "Alright..But PLEASE stay back"

Twilight looked at Lyra with hope "Lyra, please tell me you know how to help him!"

Lyra nodded and asked everypony to bring needed items.

Pinkie Pie looked from under the bed...She noticed human's tear and became sad "H-hey, are you-" her hair turned into a darker tone.

Lyra looked at Pinkie "Please, let him rest."

Pinkie Pie went back under the bed, still looking at Vlad.

Fluttershy carefully approached Vlad "W-What is your name?"

Vlad looked at her, arm didn't hurt so much now "I'm Vlad..." something about this pony made him calm down. He wiped tear and tried to smile...Didn't work out pretty well.

Rainbow Dash looked away "I...I'm sorry .."

Apple Jack looked at Rainbow Dash "Ya made meh hurt innocent guy! And ya'r tellin' sorry?"

"You were protecting someone close to you" said Vlad. Everypony looked at him confused, "I will be ok, just calm down.."

'What the hell am I saying?!'

Twilight and Spike brought needed things.

Lyra nodded, and grabbed everething with magic "Are you ready?" After Vlad nodded, she tried to take his shirt off with magic.

Vlad looked confused and grabbed his shirt with healthy hand "What do you think you are doing?"

Lyra tilted her head "I can't bandage you without getting your clothes off!"

Vlad wanted to say something when he noticed that dot on his palm started to glow. Everypony noticed this too, ESPECIALLY Twilight

Twilight said confused "Uhh...Is this supposed to happen?"

Lyra looked even more confused "But humans don't have anything like that nor the magic!"

Vlad pressed the button and everypony gasped after they saw panel. He noticed notification icon and it automatically opened.

Vlad read something "Notification...Location Marked on map: Ponyville...What?.." he also noticed another Message icon. After he pressed and read it for himself, he sighed,"Phew...Alright!" seems like he forgot that he wasn't alone. After doing combination of buttons, Vlad's arm cracked and healed...

Everypony gasped, and Spike just looked at it with opened jaw...

"Fast Heal used : 1... Fast Heals remaining: 0" panel said and dissapeared.

Lyra made grumpy face "Oh come on! I wanted to help human!" she put items on the table, sat and crossed her hoofs "..not like it's a bad thing he is ok though"

Vlad sighed and looked at everyone "What about we start it all over again? My name is Vlad, a human that got...Lucky"

Spike looked at human with wide opened eyes "How are you calm?!"

Vlad looked back at dragon and said "I don't know" he really didn't know.

Twilight coughed "Ahem! Girls!"

AppleJack looked at Vlad with her smile "Ah'm AppleJack! AJ for friends!" she tilted her hat "Sorry for uh..."

Vlad nodded "Happy to know ya" he then flexed his fingers "And it's totally fine"

Rarity finally said something "My name is Rarity, and OH darling! Your clothes are so boring!"

Vlad shrugged "Just like I am"

Pinkie Pie appeared behind Vlad "Oh! I'm Pinkie Pie! The best party thrower in the whole Equestria! And I will throw a party for you too!"

Vlad turned around a bit confused "Y-yeah...Sure why not?"

Pinkie dissapeared and ran off somewhere else.

Fluttershy covered her face by mane and said quietly "M-my name is Fluttershy..."

Vlad looked at her calmly and nodded "Happy to meet you"

Fluttershy blushed a little "Eeep!"

Vlad looked at Rainbow Dash. She was looking away. Vlad stood up, showing his full growth and approached her.

Rainbow Dash looked at him, feeling guilty "Sorry...I just..."

Vlad nodded "As I said, you were protecting someone close to you. It's ok, I'm fine."

Rainbow Dash smiled and flew up "Well! In this case, my name is Rainbow Dash! The fastest pegasus in the whole Equestria"

Vlad smirked "But what about humans?"

Rainbow Dash gasped "You dare to challenge ME?!"

Vlad realized what he said and started to shake his hands "No no no! Not with a single atom of my body"

Rainbow Dash smirked "Not sure what atom is, but yeah!"

Lyra was looking at human with wide eyes and whispered "Humans are truly awesome..."

Vlad turned at Lyra and asked "Did you say anything?"

Lyra gasped and looked in window "Nothing! What a nice weather for a walk!"

Twilight suddenly came up with an idea "Why don't we show Vlad Ponyville?"

Lyra answered "Oh, that's a GREAT idea!" she grabbed Vlad's hand with magic and dragged him out, "You all can rest!"

Everypony looked at Lyra confused. Vlad didn't really understand what was happening, but still followed mare.

Rainbow Dash tilted her head "What happened to her?"

Twilight turned around and smirked "She was learning something that didn't exist in our world after all"

AppleJack suddenly asked "Aight, but where is he gonn' live?"

Twilight answered "Oh, I made him room! He will live with me"

Spike suddenly made strange face "Oooh~ Why is so Twilight? Isn't it better to let him live with Lyra?"

Twilight looked at Spike "Well Lyra is living with BonBon. And besides I want to make some researches!"

Spike made one of eyebrows to go up "But why don't we find him house?"

Twilight tilted her head "Spike where is this conversation going? And besides, it will be hard for him to live alone"

Rainbow Dash understood what Spike meant and with evil giggles approached dragon "What about we talk about it?"

Spike answered "With pleasure..."

They left room, leaving other mares confused.

---

Meanwhile, Lyra was walking around with human, drawing everyponies attention "And that's where I live!" she pointed at one of the houses.

Vlad nodded "Oh, I see. Thank you for showing me everething here"

Lyra smiled "Oh, its nothing!"

Vlad heard vibration from his palm. He opened his right palm and Panel grew out of it.

Lyra tried to see what is written on it, but Vlad was too high.

Vlad read for himself 'Level 3 reached! 2 points acquired! Skill Tree unlocked!'

Vlad wanted to see the skill tree, but he felt that someone climbed his back. Human turned head with confused face to see Lyra crawling his spine.

Lyra looked at Vlad "What? I was curious about what is written the~ Hey! What are you doing?" she blushed a bit.

Vlad carefully grabbed Lyra with both of his arms, put her down and lowered his face on her level, keeping small distance "Next time you want something, PLEASE, ask me, deal?"

Lyra snorted, hiding her blushing "Yeah, whatever..."

Vlad stood up and put his hands in pockets, looking around.

Suddenly, Lyra turned away completely "Uhh, Vlad? Can I ask you to do me a favor?"

Vlad looke at her with calm face "What can I do for you?"

Lyra calmed down and turned back at human "Coud you come sometimes? I want to learn more about humans!"

Vlad shrugged "Of course, I will try to visit you regularly"

Lyra sighed "Well then...Goodbye!"

Lyra just opened the door when Vlad coughed several times "Uhm...Could you...Help me get back at Twilight's place? I'm bad at memorizing some things"

Lyra turned back confused "But humans are supp-"

Vlad sighed "Not all humans are alike, Lyra. I will tell you more about it later..."

Lyra wanted to say something, but after hearing last sentence she remained calm "Ahem, so let's go, shall we?"

After showing Vlad way back, Lyra sighed "Well...I guess THAT'S where we say goodbye?"

Vlad smiled so purely, that Lyra thought that she saw light coming out of human's face "Thank you again Lyra! I hope to see you soon!"

Lyra looked got confused because of that smile "Y-yeah ..See you around..."

She walked away and after going out of human's sight, she blushed a bit and said "Humans are even cutier than I thought!"

---

Vlad looked at Lyra Heartstrings for the last time and came near the door. Suddenly, he stopped, hearing giggling.

'Something is not right...' He thought.

Vlad sighed, and came inside.

Everypony jumped out of their shelters and shouted "SURPRISE!"

Vlad didn't expect it and covered his ears.

Spike noticed this and approached human "You good man?"

Vlad put hands away from ears "Yeah...I'm just not used to loud noices. Thanks for asking"

Spike sighed "We have more in common than I thought..."

Uncomfortable silence filled the house...

Vlad placed one hand behind his head "Uhm...What about we just have a peaceful talk?"

Everypony, but Pinkie agreed "Oh come on! But I prepared a lot of things!"

Vlad giggled nervously "Well...As you see I'm a fun breaker!" he shrugged his shoulders.

Still, they had good time by just talking. Nothing serious though. They told human about what they were doing for living and about the Ponyville itself.

Suddenly, Twilight asked a question "But how did you get here?"

After human heard question, he nervously smiled and averted his eyes "I'd like to not answer this question yet..."

Spike tilted his head "But why? Was it painfull? Or gross?"

Vlad crossed his arms on chest "Let's say I woke up here?"

Ponies laughed, and Vlad looked in a window.

Suddenly, Rarity looked at Vlad clothes "Ahem...Your clothes are...Not in the best condition"

Vlad looked at his shirt and pants "Yeah, I guessed as much" he inspected his slightly dirty shirt.

Pinkie Pie appeared behind Vlad "OH! I know! What about Rarity makes new one for our new friend?!"

Rarity sighed "I was just about to say it..."

Twilight looked on her clock "Girls! Look at that time!"

Everypony and not so pony looked at devise. It was indeed late. They sighed and started to go home.

"It was the most silent party I have ever threw!" Pinkie Pie jumped out of library.

Flutter shy slowly walked near Vlad "Good luck here" she whispered and left the house.

AppleJack smirked "Hope to see ya 'round!"

Rarity looked at Vlad's clothes for the last time "You defenetly need to visit my shop!"

Vlad sighed "Alright, alright, I will try to..."

The last one to leave was Rainbow Dash. She flew behind Vlad and pushed him weakly "Are you really ok about what happened?"

Vlad shrugged "Oh well, I don't know! You made someone hurt me and they didn't like it.." he noticed how Dash was becoming sad and sighed," Aw come on! I'm joking!"

Rainbow Dash snorted and flew out of library "I will remember that!" she shouted.

Vlad waved them all and then looked back "Oh well, guess we will have to clean all this mess"

Spike sighed in relief "You just don't understand how much you helped me...If Pinkie DID throw her party.. I just don't want to imagine this" he exhaled "..I don't need though...I still remember the last time"

Vlad smirked and put one of his palm on face standing in a strange pose, pointing into nowhere "That was my plan all along!"

Twilight tilted her head and giggled "You humans are really funny!"

Vlad came back to his previous state and started to help Spike "Not all of us are like that...Grown up humans are mostly...Silent I'd say"

Twilight made interested face "Well, I have a lot things to ask you!" she smiled softly, "But it will wait. Alright, bring dishes over here and rubbish near the door"

After short amount of time, they cleaned the whole house. Spike fell on couch. Vlad sat near to him and sighed. Suddenly, he felt some vibrations, and after opening panel noticed notification about new level "How does it even work?"

Spike looked at panel "Maybe when you are doing activities you are gaining EXP?"

Twilight looked at Spike curiously "How would you know that?"

Spike shrugged "Video Games!"

Twilight then looked at Spike suspiciously "And what were you talking about with Rainbow Dash hmm?"

Spike sweated a bit "Oh, ya know uhh...I will go to sleep!" he ran upstairs, leaving Twilight and human confused.

Unicor sighed "Well, anyway, one question, ok?" she turned around to face Vlad.

Vlad nodded "Sure, I will try to answer it"

Twilight looked at his dot "I suppose there is no magic in your world, right?"

Vlad nodded "Mhm", he then looked at his palm ", I'd call this thing...Rather technology. Since in my world there are this kind of things...It's hard to explain so don't ask!" He said the last thing after seeing some sparks in Twilight's eyes, "But sure it's not THAT futuristic. We use this kind of technology to do surgery and stuff...Like, mini robots...Ok forget what I said...It's VERY hard to explain"

If Vlad was the one to describe Twilight's face, he would show you slow computer "Ahm...That's A LOT to think about..." she averted her eyes, "So uhm...I guess it's time to go sleeping. Luna will rise the moon soon."

Vlad raised one of his eyebrows "Excuse me?"

Twilight sighed "It's...Well, we have two Princesses..." she then explained the whole thing to Vlad...

Now Vlad took the role of slow thinker. He calmed down and said "I just hope that I won't dissapoint the one who is walking in dreams..."

Twilight giggled "Dont say so! Luna sure is...Not as loyal as Celestia, but she is a Princess! Just make sure you don't act evil. You know, she won't understand you right"

Vlad made a thumb up "Sure thing!..And well...Thank you again...I will try to repay you somehow!"

Twilight shaked her hoof "Oh, its nothing! Perhaps my researches could help to find something out!"

They went to the rooms. Vlad waved his hand "Nighty night, I guess?"

Twilight giggled "Sure thing, sleep well!"

Vlad closed door and sat on bed "Well, guess I will leave upgrades for tomorrow..." he took off shoes and layed on a bed.

...

Vlad sighed and thought 'Who am I lying to, at least imma look at the Skill tree'

He opened Panel under blanket and noticed that there were two icons Vlad smirked and closed his Panel.

'Now I'm interested...'

Human was able to fall asleep quite fast.

Author's Note:

Hello there! If you are down here, I suppose you got interested in this story...Or did you?

Anyway, hope to see ya 'round.

Farewell

Comments

[TR]

You don't know English, do you?

[WindigogoGadget]

I wonder how EXP will be handled.

You'll need an editor, you seem to be missing a lot of transition words, and some words are in the wrong tense.

[FanOfSun]

11200320Yeah...I will need to correct everething soon...

[FanOfSun]

11200392
Yeah, I'm having troubles finding needed words sometimes...Thank you for mentioning it!

[Sweetblue]

The writing is a bit disjointed and story feels rushed since there is lack of detail. I am no writer but my advice would be to take your time with the scenes and characters. What happens in a story in my mind is less important than the who and why.

PS:
Also do not worry, i have been told only way to get better at writing is to write more.

[FanOfSun]

11200550
Thank you for mentioning my mistakes! Imma try to do better in next chapter

[Orderly Disassembly]

11200572
specifically, tenses are off, sometimes you forget to put in the subject, and a couple o times you mixed up the plural + the singular versions of a word

[FanOfSun]

11200715
Yeah...I need to work on my grammar...Thank you for mentioning!

[FanOfSun]

11237490
I guess you have the point here

[FanOfSun]

11237494
He forgor 💀

[Moon_Fire]

If you had better grammar and a more coherent way to switch viewpoints I'd read this, but until then sorry.

[FanOfSun]

11272979
I can understand it. I think that in future I will try to correct my grammar. Though with switching...This one is kinda hard for me. Thank you for mentioning it anyway!

[Divan1229]

11273267
Lad, not to insult you or anything but the first chapter looks more linear and too convenient to interact with or read. Forced is the word I would use. Your Idea of doing a story with a side focus of a system is normal and can be appreciated, however, it is actually a minefield for your story.
The interest of people varies a lot with everything one can put inside a story. you brought a system but it lacks body, you brought a character but lacks his own story. He just poofed in the first chapter and accepts everything or remains calm by the oh-so-called "gamers mind".

That trope is a sociopath maker when you use it. The first chapters are the basics of everything, the foundation of the story is here.
You do your stories however you want to do them. I want to just make a point to everyone: Try to do it and look for perfection by your own decision, be sure that you can enjoy it and everybody too so does.

A self-insert is a good way to practice impersonation, make a Perfil of your characters, and try to act and think like them. What you write is shown over here, what you thought is put to practice by your characters.

I am going all over the place with my words because I am eager to speak to others, that is a fact and an observation of myself. that can be an opinion of others about me.
NOW, onto what you did positively good: you did mention a "Skill tree" which is something people tend to forget is a common ground among many games and generalized lots of skills inside a group. It calls for the imagination to think of each skill, perk, or talent and could be dependent on their own actual desires. If one wants to be stealthy and sturdy, they could raise their perception-dexterity and vitality and practice a lot on crouching, making less sound when moving, and blending in with the environment. Up vitality and the perk could actually be regeneration if it is the desire, mimic of texture or colors if combined with stealth, and even partial polymorphosis at the extreme end of things.
You got magic, it is esoteric in the extreme, and conceptualization of things is important to all.

If I were there, I will freak the fuck out and barely move, talk or react. Not just shock, I will possibly try to prove to myself it is not actually real and could possibly harm myself or others to prove it.
I would start touching even the ground and comparing to my memories, grasping for some sense of familiarity, even though I know myself well enough to say that my doubt is greater than my sense of logic and rationality.
Desperation is an emotion that does not need to be logical, rational, or even makes sense to feel it.

[FanOfSun]

11310036
Holy moly...

I...I literally have nothing to say...

Thank you for your criticism. I think I will try to rewrite the whole chapter after I have time.

[Probus Vir Mendax]

Vlad sighed, and came inside.

whoa bucko, slow down!

[FanOfSun]

11791765
NO NO NO THAT IS OUT OF CONTE-

[OPMew]

Another perfect day in Equestria. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming and sun is shining.

On days like these...