Me and You, You and Me
After days upon days of heat, clouds were finally beginning to emerge in the sky as Sunset and Wallflower stepped out the back exit of Canterlot High, bringing the promise of the light rain that had been forecasted for that night. However, said rain was still some hours away, and the temperature was still very high as they stepped out into the near-empty parking lot.
"There's still a lot of shade in the garden, right?" Sunset asked.
"Yeah," Wallflower replied. They crossed over towards the gap in the gate leading to the garden path. As they reached the edge of the lot, Wallflower slowed, her eyes drawn yet again to the all too familiar space in the parking lot.
Wallflower could feel the disappointment Roseluck would have had in her performance in the yearbook room. Don't just sit there feeling sorry for yourself... be strong, her friend's voice had whispered, but it had fallen on deaf ears. She'd crumbled, her grief over the person she'd been swallowing any hope of projecting the person she'd become. Weak. Cowardly. It was pure luck Sunset hadn't torn her apart in there.
Yet somehow, Sunset had managed to peer through the tears and self-pitying and see something new in Wallflower. Maybe just a glimpse, but it must have been something meaningful; Wallflower knew this conversation wouldn't still be going otherwise. But she had no idea where things would go from here. And staring woefully at the scene of the crime probably wasn't helping.
"Y'know," Sunset said (bringing Wallflower back to earth in the process), "I can point to the exact spot where I landed at the Fall Formal, over on the other side of the building. I still try to walk around and avoid it, sometimes."
"I fell into that crater, once," Wallflower replied, without turning her head. "It was dumb. Like that one doofy guy on the park services show. I didn't get hurt or anything, it was just embarrassing. Well, it would've been embarrassing if anyone had cared."
"Oh, yikes. I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's okay," Wallflower replied, exhaling. "That was kinda the first time I realized people just weren't noticing me anymore. I was never popular or anything, but I used to at least feel normal. Every now and then someone would say hi or I'd get called on in class. But I just never really tried to make friends, and soon I was no one. Even you mostly left me alone those first years at school.
"For a little while," she went on, "there was a part of me that enjoyed it. Feeling hidden, never really having to mind myself because no one seemed to care. But another part of me was furious and bitter. And when I found the stone, those two parts of me teamed up. I figured if people were going to ignore me now, then it was my right to pick and choose how I was remembered. To be in charge of who I was to everyone around me. At least that was how it started. Soon it just became a reflex, a thoughtless action, without a single moment to consider the consequences. I was stuck at the bottom of a pit and somehow thought I could dig my way up. Or at least drag someone else down with me."
She groaned and laid her face into her hands. "I'm sorry, I'm just making excuses for myself. Again."
"No, that's okay. If it helps to say it, then you should say it." Sunset put her hand on Wallflower's shoulder again, causing her to finally swivel her head around. "But maybe we shouldn't linger here," Sunset said, and Wallflower nodded. They continued past the gate into the shade of the trees.
Soon they reached the garden, and Wallflower held back to let Sunset look around the new setting. True to the yearbook, the three tall stones were nowhere in sight, and the lavish, almost ethereal design of the original location was gone. The new garden was much simpler in aesthetics, with plants that could perform better in the hot climate of summer without an especially high need for constant attention. The colors weren't as striking, but they were still vibrant, and the raised beds for some plants added some visual variety as well.
"I love what you've done with the place," Sunset said. "It's less ornate, but it still stands out."
"Thanks," she replied, grinning modestly. "We worked hard to make this something that was our own. A lot of the design was actually Muffins' idea. I mostly figured out what plants should go where."
Another new addition to the garden was a small bench, around where one of the rocks had been, and the two of them sat down on it. The trees were casting a shadow over it, so it was nicely shaded.
"How come you stayed in yearbook, even with everything else?" Sunset asked.
"College applications, mostly," Wallflower replied. "It was the only established club I'd been part of last year, and my counselor told me it'd look good if I was able to show I was a member of something long-term. She didn't think gardening would count since I was the only member for most of it."
"Oh. What are your plans for college?"
"Canterlot State. They have a really great horticulture program. I'm pretty excited, honestly. What about you?"
"CrysArts. Graphic design."
"Yearbook must have left a bigger impact than I thought," Wallflower laughed a bit. "I always thought you were more of a science type."
"Field research, maybe. But I can't sit still long enough to read or write those huge scientific papers. I'm no Twilight."
"There's nothing wrong with graphic design, or anything," Wallflower said. "It's just odd to me, knowing, like, who you are and where you're from and stuff. To think of you in a regular old job like that."
"That's humanity for you, I guess," Sunset chuckled. The two of them fell into silence, which started to grow a bit uncomfortable.
"You know..." Sunset started, then hesitated. "Maybe not."
Wallflower turned and made eye contact with Sunset. "Hey, ummm... whatever you want to say, I'll listen."
"Well..." Sunset said after a moment, "I try not to really talk about, uh, who I used to be very much. Even to my friends. And... a lot of that is because I feel afraid that I'm going to try and make up excuses for that person, for how I behaved. I hurt a lot of people, and I don't want to trivialize that hurt by writing a sob story for myself.
"But the truth," she said, finally facing Wallflower head on, "is that I really do know what it's like to just not think about the ways you're hurting people, the way you described. How the idea of consequence can just never manifest, until you've gone past what seems like the point of no return."
"In... in what way?" Wallflower asked, nervous but also curious to see where this line of thought was going.
"When I first came from... the other world," Sunset continued, "there was a moment where I genuinely thought I had died. That I was in some kind of personal, ironic purgatory. I think it's mostly because I started seeing all these counterparts of people I knew from my homeworld, but in these strange bodies I didn't recognize. Especially Principal Celestia. That was what really made me think this was some kind of punishment; even in this other realm, I couldn't escape the image of the mentor I'd deserted."
"Your mentor?"
"Where I come from, Celestia is basically the ruler of the world. She can even move the sun. And I was her personal pupil."
"That is weird..."
"It's even weirder when that's the version of her you know. But anyway, I... what it meant was that, for a long time, I never understood most of the students here to really be people. Betwen the alien bodies, the uncanny familiarities and this world without magic, something that had been such a huge part of who I was... even when I figured out that no, this wasn't some hell dimension, I never saw anyone here as truly my equal, or even the same species as me. I don't say that as an excuse; everything I did was wrong, regardless of what I thought of the people I was doing it to. It was thoughtless, mindless cruelty. But I started to define myself through that perception. I didn't really think of how I was hurting anyone, because they weren't fully real to me. And, well, you know how that ended."
"The Fall Formal," Wallflower replied.
Sunset nodded. "When I took over everyone's minds... I saw everything. I felt everything. I felt screams, I felt pleading, I felt fear. So much fear. As far as I can tell, no one really remembers being under my control. And I'm so grateful. Because if they hadn't forgotten, I don't think they'd ever have forgiven me, no matter what. It was a nightmare. It was horror beyond anything I ever expected... and it broke my mind apart. I finally realized what my ambitions had done to me, what a monster I'd become in every possible way. A part of me was frozen in my mind, pleading with myself to stop, to let go of everyone and end the pain, but all it could do was watch as I kept crossing every line I could think of. And when I wound up in that crater, I was shattered, left with nothing but what I'd done. And the only way to push past that was to become someone new. To redefine who I was and who I could be.
"I've heard that some people think that what Princess Twilight and my friends did erased the old me," she continued. "That I'm literally a completely different person who happens to have her memories and body. But it's not true. Changing took effort. Serious, conscious effort. I just tried my best to never show what I was going through, because that was when I was first starting to become really sensitive to other people's emotions as a human. And I knew that one slip could destroy everything I was trying to rebuild." She paused to take a few deep breaths before going on.
"It's true that, like I said earlier, I became so angry and resentful toward you because the Memory Stone deleted all of what I'd done to build a new life for myself. That it was something I truly didn't deserve. But saying all this out loud, I think there's something else to what I felt. Because the more I think about it, the more the version of you that I raged against in my mind looks a whole lot like my old self. And the fact is I've never forgiven myself for who I used to be. I've focused so heavily on repentance and maintaining who I am now that I still don't think I've truly moved on from that part of my life. I've just pushed it aside and said it doesn't matter, it's not today. But forgiving you... that would mean that I could forgive myself, if I allowed it. And I'm still not sure I'm ready for that."
Wallflower was trying to process this huge volume of information. And slowly coming to the realization that she was now being situationally pressed into the position of the comforter, not the comfortee. But that wasn't a role she could really handle. She steeled herself as she tried to form words in response.
"Sunset... I really appreciate that you were able to say this stuff. I can't imagine it was easy. I'm glad we're being honest together, really. But I'm really not sure how much I can agree with you thinking we were similar. I mean... yeah, I was blind to a lot of the damage I was doing to people like my parents. But I wasn't under any delusion when I attacked you. I didn't think you were incapable of suffering—I knew you would suffer. And that was why I did it." She sighed. "I really am sorry. Truly. For everything. But you have every right in the world to hate me, regardless of what I've done since then or what I want.
"I just figured, knowing you," she went on, "that that’s probably not what you want to feel."
Sunset shook her head. "No. I don't want to hate you. I don't want to ever hate anyone. It's just such a horrible feeling to have; it makes me sick if I dwell on it too long." A lone tear rolled down her face, and a few friends followed behind closely.
Now it was Wallflower's turn to reach out. "Well... the thing is, I'm not a therapist. And I don't know much about therapy; my parents tried to get me some after the summer, but money got a bit too tight for that and, honestly, I have no idea how I would explain the Memory Stone to a therapist without sounding crazy." She smiled as Sunset giggled a bit at the thought. "But you said earlier that you really started to change when you stopped seeing other people as weird hell beasts and started to feel what they really are. So maybe, if it's a monster you've been seeing when you look at me..."
She grasped Sunset's hand and placed it on her own forehead. "Maybe you should feel me, instead. Feel who I am."
"But..." Sunset gasped. "You were so afraid before... do you really want me to look inside you?"
Wallflower nodded. "I didn't think it would help, then. I do now."
Sunset swallowed. "Okay."
Wallflower watched as Sunset focused. Her eyes went bright white, like an ethereal light had switched on behind them. Then, just as suddenly, they returned to normal, and she was looking right at her.
"Wallflower..."
And she leaned forward and embraced the green girl in a tight hug.
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Ok, I'm really liking this. Not only addressing the mind control Sunset did to the students, but also the disconnection of Sunset and the students, which is something I feel not many stories really address. There's a big difference between the two worlds despite the inhabitants being mirrors of each other, and Sunset thinking she was in hell is also a very reasonable conclusion to make.
I'll need to check your other and future works because you seem to have a good grasp on these things and it isn't very common.
Also very curious to see what Sunset saw in Wally. Definitely reading ti tomorrow!
11175519
You respond to these so quickly! Really glad to hear you’re enjoying this. Of my other stories, “Sunset & Twilight’s Winter Holidate” (which is in the same continuity) is the closest in spirit to this series; the other two are moreso me goofing off. (If you’ve noticed the half-dozen+ Simpsons references sprinkled in this story, it probably won’t surprise you to learn I made a story that’s an EqG riff on “Steamed Hams”.)
I’ve read a few of yours (“Balloon to the Moon” is adorable) and I’ll have to check out more; the problem is I tend to write more than I read here.
11175592
No worries, I'm in a similar situation myself (mostly because I pre-read for a lot of people) unless a story really interests me. And I'm glad you liked it, I would suggest The Cutest Deliverer since it's in a similar style to that one.
And I respond quickly because I'm waiting for them to be published. It's been a while since I've read something like this.
11175609
I generally post right about 4pm PT, so you know when to look. Also, idk how much people respond to endorsements on this website, but if you want to promote this at all please do. I’m relatively new to the MLP fandom (I got sucked into EqG - and eventually binged FiM - after watching A New Generation on a lark) and I’m not sure how to get readership to take off.
11175615
Sadly it's a matter of content and time, but I'll share it around once it's completed.
Best of luck!
She'd probably think she's a lunatic.
Why don't we see who is better?
We don't have to be one and the same thing…
Wait, wrong characters.
I know the fic has been edited and there probably weren't these open quotations previously, but seeing the "missing end quotation" to signal that the speech is still going on, but later on an insert being used to remind who is speaking, threw me of the reading flow several times. I guess it still works when action tags are being used, but in cases like these where the sentence is being interrupted, it's kind of a hinderance
Mainly how Princi… Princess Celestia was supposed to move the sun. How was that supposed to work? Oh, right, the emotional talk…
That's somehow beautiful. Still creepy, but beautiful nonetheless
very Wallflower event and thoughts
so true actually, that is how i feel as well
very reasonable conclusion actually. that must have really been a trip for a literal child to go through!