The Amazingly Fantastic Adventures Of Deadpool
Well hi there you poor excuses for human beings! Deadpool here, and I was just curious, what is it about this show that actual adult males get a hard on when they see giant rainbow lasers shoot out of a little horse's ass?
Aw, come on Wade. I think it's awesome that anyone can find enjoyment in our show, even though it ended a few years ago.
Yeah, I gotta ask. What the fuck was that final season? I'd actually rather watch anything else than that.
Blame the writers.
I hate my life.
Don't say that author. Besides, when you put Wade and I in the same story, this was kinda bound to happen.
Yeah you brought this on yourself, chief.
I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that you two know each other. Which, by the way, how the fuck do you two know each other?
Author I think it's pretty obvious.
(Did you even see their Death Battle?)
(I would hardly call it a Death Battle. There wasn't any blood or death of the sort.)
Plus, that's not even canon to this universe! So, how is it possible that you two know each other when that Death Battle isn't canon?!
Bitch, I'm Deadpool. I can make anything canon if I want to.
Go to hell, Wade.
No thanks, do I look like the type of guy who would want to get ass raped by the devil? It's bat-shit insane down there. He uses a Pitchfork, without Lube.
EW! EW, GROSS AND WEIRD!!!
That's the price you pay for adding him in, author.
Pinkie, not helping!
By the way, where's Discord? He would love this!
Vacation, he'll be here later.
You know it's pretty lazy that you're using this banter to fill up the chapter! I'm not some device for you to use when you're out of ideas!
CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY PLEASE!!!
Thought you'd never ask! Ahem! To all the Bronies who still live in their mother's basement and still haven't gotten laid yet! I present to you..... The Amazingly Fantastic Adventures Of Deadpool!!!
Kill me.
As Deadpool and Pinkie ran over to each other and fist/hoof bumped one another, Applejack and the others were beyond confused, for a variety of reasons.
"Pinkie, just how do ya know this fella?" AJ asked the random Pony.
Pinkie giggled at her friend, "We're not explaining it again, silly."
Applejack tilted her head in confusion, "What do ya mean 'again'?"
While those two were conversing, Logan stomped over towards Deadpool with an angry snarl on his face, "What the FUCK are you doing here, Wade?!"
Deadpool blinked his eyes a few times in an attempt to look cute.
He failed.
"Aw, Logey, you still mad that MY movies are better than the majority of yours?" Deadpool said in a voice that almost resembled a little girls.
"I don't even know what the fuck you are talking about!!!"
Deadpool then proceeded to pull out a rubber chicken from out of nowhere and threw it at Logan's face, pissing him off even more.
"I just came by to see if I could fly the Blackbird again." Deadpool said as he used his teleported over to Wolverine's side thanks to the teleporter on his belt. He then leaned on Logan's shoulder and continued, "Plus, I wanted to piss the author off, which is always fun."
Wolverine then proceeded to shove Wade off of him and stabbed him in the chest with his claws.
Deadpool looked down at his impaled chest before looking back up at Logan and giving him a deadpanned expression.
"You dick."
Logan removed his claws from Wade's chest and walked away from him--
HEY AUTHOR!!!
Oh for fuck sake, WHAT?!!!
This is MY chapter, so I'm making some changes since, y'know, this is kinda boring.
Wade, I swear to God if you-- ARGH!!!
Welp, I just kicked the author in the nadz, so let's get started. HEY PINKS!!! PASS ME THE SCRIPT!!!
Okie dokie loki
THANK YOU!!! Now, let's look over this piece of shit. Hmmm, awe come on, there was a chapter with Jim Carrey in it? Wait, he was in an entire Arc?! As if I missed that!!! Let's look further, shall we?
D-Don't.....you....fuckin'.....dare....
HEY!!! QUIET DOWN THERE!!! Anyway, let's get to editing.
(Are you seriously using crayon?)
Yeah. So what? Shut up and let me do my magic! Hmm, get rid of that! Oooh, Latveria Arc? Alright I'll keep that in. Now, let's see--- Oh wow. Woooow this get's fuckin' dark man. Jesus, how many are you planning to kill?! Oooh, that's either gonna make people super pissed at you or make people cry. Hell, even I'm starting to get the feels, and I'm a sociopath.
W-Wade.....
Hang on a second! How come there is no action scene here?! That won't do at all!!! Let's see, how about five Sentinels, a massive bazooka, and a rainbow Unicorn with a Deadpool mask on its face who shits out rainbows whenever we fly!!!
Wade, you fucking--
Well, it's been fun readers! I gotta quickly get back into the chapter and make sure that the author uses my ultimate action sequence! Cya!!!
WADE, GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE!!! WADE!!! Aw fuck it. What's this action scene he wrote? Hmmmm, you know what, this is meant to be the random chapter, so it fits.
Fuck it.
Deadpool clapped his hands together as five more Sentinels landed in front of the group of heroes.
Logan groaned as he unsheathed his claws, "You've gotta be shittin' me."
Black Widow aimed her two pistols at the massive robots, "Just how many of these things did Ultron's attack awaken?!"
"From the looks of it.....a lot." Knuckles replied as he smashed his fists together.
Wade then whipped around and pointed a finger at the group of heroes, "HEY! This is MY chapter!" Wade then turned to face the group of Sentinels, "I got this." He then pointed at Pinkie without looking at her, "PINKS!!! BRING THE NOISE!!!"
Pinkie, who was at a DJ Table for some reason...where did that come from?
Don't ask questions, author. Just roll with it! Go fucking nuts!
Pinkie then used the turntable to play some music, which confused the hell out of everyone present.
As the music started playing, a sudden explosion of red and black went off behind the group of Sentinels. Everyone looked on in utter confusion as a white, flying Unicorn wearing a Deadpool mask flew over the school while crapping out rainbows.
"What in tarnation?" AJ uttered in disbelief.
Suddenly Deadpool appeared behind her and whispered in her ear, "We're about to blow your fucking minds."
As all of this was going on, the Sentinels just stood there, watching as the scene before them began to unfold. Then all of a sudden, much to everyone's dismay--
HEY!!!
Deadpool began to rap to the song.
"They call me Deadpool, I'm hella fast
Came to merc the bad guys and get some ass
Got blades for days, got guns galore
Got combo moves, evades and more"
As he rapped, he suddenly popped up behind a Sentinel's head, gaining the other Sentinel's attention. The second Sentinel fired an eyebeam at the Merc with a Mouth, but Wade quickly zipped away as the eyebeam blew off the Sentinel's head.
"With bear traps and hand grenades
Pull the pistol like a maniac, right in your face
Poppin' off caps, leave a trail of guts
Sittin' on ma chair, scratching ma nuts"
Wade then appeared on top of another Sentinel's head all of a sudden, thrusting his pelvis back and forth as he continued to rap. Then, out of nowhere, he pulled out a bazooka and fired a rocket which destroyed the head of the Sentinel standing beside the Sentinel he was on. Wade tossed the bazooka aside before jumping off the Sentinel's head.
"Don't stop when I shoot, Full auto is on
Your ass is grass and I'm mowin' the lawn
Hot lead to the head and I won't stop
What 'cha crew gonna do, when I hack and chop?
All these bitches are pre-madonnas
I stuff my face with Chimichangas
Tacos and beers, always keepin' it loose
Hang on for a minute while I'm droppin' a deuce"
Deadpool flipped through the air a few times before landing on the ground perfectly, his rapping not showing signs of stopping anytime soon. The remaining three Sentinels aimed their hands at the Regenerative Degenerate, readying to fire lasers from the palm of their hands. Wade wasn't fazed in the slightest as he moonwalked back and forth, somehow avoiding the lasers coming his way.
As the scene went on before them, everyone present had a look of either disbelief, confusion, or in Logan's case, complete and utter annoyance.
Logan covered his face with his hand, "What the fuck am I watching?"
"I.....have no words to describe what I am seeing right now." Hawkeye stated as he watched the sight before him.
"Captain Deadpool
Nah, just Deadpool"
Pinkie, who was now wearing a rocket costume, slammed her Party Cannon in front of Wade and hopped in as Deadpool took out a match and lit the fuse on the back of the cannon.
"Merc with a mouth, I can't die
One foot in the grave, but I'm still alive
Try to kill me, I'll just revive
Then I'll put another bullet right between your eyes
I'm dangerous, feelin' reckless, squeeze your neck like I was a necklace
Jump, flip and leave 'em headless
I like my guns all big like Texas"
The Party Cannon fired, which launched Pinkie right into the chest of a Sentinel.
"Hey goons, thugs and bosses
Guess what, I brought Colossus!"
Wade pulled out a picture of Colossus as the Sentinel fell to the ground.
"Times up, better count your losses
Kickin' that ass as my girlfriend watches
Run away, you know that I'll chase
Every bad guy, but 'em right in their place
Revenge, I'm gonna give you a taste
I'm sexy as hell, but I cover ma face"
As Pinkie popped her head up from the Sentinel's chest, the final two fired their chest lasers to finally shut Wade up.
"About to take you all to school, with guns and knives
Deadpool
Tellin' jokes and breaking the rules
I came for the tacos
Deadpool
Playin' with the ladies and the family jewels to bust a nut
Deadpool
'Bout to throw down with all these fools
So come an' get some"
Deadpool used his Teleporter Belt to continuously teleport away from the lasers directed at him. Either giving the Sentinel's the bird or air thrusting as he appeared and disappeared each time.
"Bring the noise, I'll bring the pain, ha!
Kickin' ass and taking names
Payback time, I'm not playin' games
These superpowers are feelin' strange
I move like a freaking ninja
Hand to hand, you know I'll end ya
Got two swords, now I'll avenge ya
I don't care if I offend ya"
As he continued to rap, Deadpool took out his swords and dashed forward towards the Sentinel. The massive Mutant killer fired eyebeams at the mercenary, but Wade simply teleported away. He then appeared in front of the Sentinel's face and stabbed the robot in the eyes, blinding it. Wade then backflipped away as he pulled out a grenade from his back pocket.
"Listen up, I got somethin' to say
That's right, I run ma mouth all day
Step up, take a blood bath
Now you're tryna run and it's makin' me laugh
Ha, ha, ha!
Where you gonna go to?
Try to hide, but you know that I'll find you
Tippy toe, sneakin' up behind you
I'm Deadpool, do I have to remind you?"
As Wade threw the grenade, the white Unicorn wearing Deadpool's mask flew beneath him. Wade landed on the Unicorn's back as the Sentinel's head exploded in a blaze of glory.
"Regenerate, because it's cool
When I fall off a ledge
Deadpool
The crazy ass guards all lookin' to duel
So click, click, boom!
Deadpool
I don't believe in the golden rule
I came to get laid
Deadpool
Note to the ladies, I'm not a tool
I'm a sexy motherfucker"
Wade flew on the back of his Unicorn, still rapping his song as the Unicorn flew towards the final Sentinel and aimed its horn directly at it. The Unicorn fired a massive laser from its horn and hit the Sentinel right in the chest, blowing it to smithereens.
"Sexy motherfucker
Sexy motherfucker
Sexy motherfucker
Sexy motherfucker
Deadpool
Deadpool
Deadpool
Deadpool"
As the song came to an end, Wade jumped off his Unicorn and landed in front of the group of heroes. Pinkie quickly popped up beside him and handed him his two swords. As an explosion went off behind him, Wade took out one of his many SMG's and got into a cool pose as the song ended. Before the Unicorn flew away, it crapped out a rainbow right over Wade's head as multiple explosions went off behind him.
Everyone stared at the Merc with a Mouth with their mouths gaping, sans for Cap, Natasha, and Logan, although they were just as confused as everyone else.
Deadpool smirked underneath his mask and said in a deep voice, "Excelsior, motherfucker."
(R.I.P Stan Lee. Miss you daddy)
(There had to be a better way to word that)
There was silence between all of the heroes, each of them trying to process what just happened.
The silence was then broken by none other than Applejack, "Ah.....Ah don't..."
"Yeah, no, I'm just as confused as you are." Knuckles said out of nowhere.
Hell yeah! Did you see that?! Fucking awesome, right?
I hate it when you're right.
I always am.
I hate you.
Say, author?
I swear this had better be important, cause if it isn't, I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't worry, it's super important.
Fine. What is it?
You think you could add a sex scene between me and Death?
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"What in the goddamn fuck did I just read?"
Regardless, very good.
Also, you have me worried with this...
11273964
Agreed!
What are you planning, Battwell!?
Battwell what in the actual hell do you have intended for us you sick mother fucker?!
Ha Deadpool you degenerate fuckup you always make me cringe in the funniest ways.
Let's recap:
After screwing our beloved author several times, the teamwork of Pinkie Pie and Deadpool manages to defeat the Sentinels that were attacking them, leaving our heroes with their mouths open.
Have I forgotten something?
My house doesn’t hav a basement 😝