As long as star bits and star crystal aren't brands or unique products like, idk, Twix or Starbursts, I don't think they need to be capitalised. Although I could be wrong.
Italics for magical items? I don't see why you couldn't do that; it'd be a nice way for readers to identify objects in the world that may be of importance.
She could suddenly smell something tantalising, cold and sweet.
Ah yes, the smell of fear. Seems like Alex has received a buff.
Alexander actually liked her job as well. As strange as it sounds she felt her new body would make fiddling around with machines more fun.
Oh, yes, yes, yes! I love seeing others also feel like Luna/Nightmare would make for the perfect tinkerer.
What started as barely being able to lift a pen had turned into managing to lift a wooden chair with some effort.
Don't worry, Alex... in a few years, you'll be able to throw the moon around like it's nothing. :P
They had to be kept together to work but it allowed her to pick up a small pile of stones or a cup's worth of water.
They had to be kept together for it to work but it allowed her to pick up a small pile of stones or a cup's worth of water.
Seemed to me like that was missing. I'm not sure whether or not it worked as is, but that's a lot smoother to read like that.
Despite this, dealing with work still crept towards her. Not only that, any other thing that required leaving the house would need to be addressed at some point. How her family would react was also another thing to consider. She doubted she could ovoid them forever.
Can't imagine keeping something like that from my parents, but I understand the fear. I'm glad my parents are understanding of pretty much everything I bring up to them. :3
Rime took her designated Robe, slipping it on before entering the ritual chamber.
You know, now that you're getting the names right, I'm honestly surprised you're starting with... that. C'mon, I know you can do it right.
“Is this the last of us Speaker?” a voice spoke up.
Comma missing there before Speaker.
Rime Rose began chanting, quickly joined by everyone else. She could feel the hum of magic fill the air, the veil between their realm and others beyond beginning to open.
One does have to wonder whether they are geniuses or stupid beyond belief. Heck, with a ritual like that, you are just as likely to invite an eldritch horror into your home. xD
It was going to be a lonely path in the end, she was sure of it. The best she could do now was give her friend good memories to look back on in the future once life inevitably became more hectic. Especially when the rest of them were gone for one reason or another.
Wow, again with the morbid thoughts. It's nice to see Alex's friends so concerned for her. Those are the types of friends one can keep for life (even if one might outlive them).
Did Alexander somehow relate to her? She could not imagine it. This seemed like something that would have been more appropriate to happen to Niles.
Personally, Nicole related more to Shining Armour than any of the others from the show; probably because of her profession. His willingness to be the shield for his friends and family was an appealing quality.
Nicole had to admit however she would be more willing to go on the offensive if needed. She did not think her friends truly realised what horrors reside in the world.
I'm getting massive reincarnation vibes here. So far, I'm thinking Niles -> Luna, Isaac -> Celestia, Jennifer -> Maybe Fluttershy(?), and now Nicole -> Shining Armor or potentially Twilight Sparkle...
Not to mention she also had personal flight; a dream that man had dreamt about for as long as they had been on planet earth.
Earth is a big place. And places deserve to be capitalized. :3
“Hell yeah, we are getting our goddess back!” Niles almost yelled. He almost seemed angry for the first Nicole could remember.
Nice to see that determination, even though I have no idea how he thinks they could accomplish that. Short of, you know, magic.
As she spoke the name of their new mistress the souls of the surrounding town’s folk rushed into the room from all sides. Orbs of cold glowing light all rushing towards the dream viewer like moths to a flame.
Am I right in assuming that they just... sacrificed... a lot of souls for that ritual? Wow.
The other two unicorns pulled down their hoods as well, both looked male. Mister Dare had beige fur with blond hair combed back on his head and orange eyes. He smiled and bowed again, “It is a pleasure to finally meet you mistress. We have long awaited your arrival.”
Personally, I would write mistress capitalized since he is addressing Alex with that. Would be different if you put it like my mistress, then it's usually without.
“D-did we do something to displease you Mistress?” Rime asked a little nervously.
Rime bowed. “Of course mistress, follow me and I will lead you to someplace you can rest.” She then walked around Alexander towards the door on the opposite side of the room. The sweet smell that had appeared a few seconds ago faded away.
“I hope this is satisfactory to your liking Mistress,” Rime said. She stayed in the doorway.
Alexander looked back to watch the unicorn bow. Night Ray stood outside the room and to the side watching. “If you need anything Mistress Nightmare please feel free to call us. I will now leave you to your rest.” She then closed the door, leaving Alexander on her own.
It is a pleasure to finally meet you, mistress. D-did we do something to displease you, Mistress? Of course, mistress. Follow me and I will lead you to someplace you can rest If you need anything, Mistress Nightmare, please feel free to call us.
Her eyes began to feel a bit wet, so she started to rub them as she closed them. “I barely flinch when turned into a mythical creature, but start crying when sucked away to a different world? I suppose one is easier to deal with than the other, but still…”
Alexander took a few deep breaths in and out to calm herself. She did her best to just fall asleep then and there, trying to put everything out of her mind. Eventually managing to drift off to sleep late into the night.
Aww, poor Alex. It's okay to feel sad and angry, never ever bottle feelings up. *comforting hug*
Bit of a question, should star bits and star crystal be capitalised? I don’t feel like they should since it’s like saying gold and silver as a material, but just wondering if anyone thought differently.
Not if you want to put extra importance on them. Something that is essential to the overall story, like a recurring theme and so on... I suppose then I would consider doing so.
Anyway, very nice chapter. Certainly made me excited just reading it, and I'm looking very much forward to what happens next. I really want to know what happens with her friends on Earth, as well. Would be a waste to just establish characters and throw them in the bin the next moment, wouldn't it?
She smiled before bowing deeper for a second and standing straight. “We have brought you here in the hope you would lead us into a new age of glory, and strike down the tyrants of our world.”
Wait... what about this world's Luna? Does she exist at all? I mean, if she does, it would mean she is still on the moon as Nightmare Moon, right? Doe these morons know or not know this world Nightmare is still on the moon?
Question, when the ritual said something about sacrificing the souls, was that just a bunch of souls they collected on hand from... somewhere, or were those the souls of roughly the large portion of the town apart of this cult?
Bit of a question, should star bits and star crystal be capitalised? I don’t feel like they should since it’s like saying gold and silver as a material, but just wondering if anyone thought differently.
I think your good. If they were the name of a single item like “The Star Crystal” as some kind of super special space crystal it would be capitalized but just talking about a rare gem is fine not being capitalized
I was also thinking about the same thing with the names of magic items, more importantly, should they be put in Italics?
Oy, don't forget to underline them for the good measure. -_-
There are no strict rules on when to use italics unless you are writing an academic paper and even there no strict rules for every possible use of it. And you are not doing this here, so don't worry about that. It's better to use italics when you want to emphasize specific word to indicate that character spoke it with a different intonation. Essentially, it's an art. You just draw your painting with words instead of paint. I'd advice against using colours, though. That may work in a physical book, but not in a digital one. Some (like me) prefer to use dark theme for the site and black text on dark background doesn't look good.
Now the rule of thumb for using capital letters in the names of items is really simple: is it a name of this specific item or just type of items in general? When you say "ship" that could be literally any ship and there are plenty, but when you say Titanic it's quite clear which one you are referring to. Same with The Elements of Harmony, but a phial of toad eyes should be left at that dark obscure shelf in the corner unless it's a powerful magical artifact which can grant you endless supply of the toad eyes. You wouldn't be addressing it with "a", though, in such case. It will be The Phial of Toad Eyes and hopefully the only one in existence. One infinite source of that is one too many.
Actually, using "a" and "the" is more important. Imagine you enter a room and see the book on the table. The problem is you haven't been looking for any books or tables, but just saw the book and the table. They are so book and table that became the very definition of themselves and can't be addressed in any other way. However, if you remember that you left your copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on the oak table in that specific room then there's no problem with the book and the table.
Minor tip, but try to repeat certain words and phrases less. Using the same adjetive in the same paragraph or even in the previous paragraph should be avoided. If you get stuck on a word then try googling "another word for x".
10910130 yea they did sacrifice a lot of souls. I'm loosely running it a bit like a D&D game in some aspects. so having a lot of people killed because of cultist and monsters is not that uncommon in D&D.
also yea I'm aware establishing characters that much and then ditching them is usually not the best idea. It might be a while until they become more relevant again though, since it will be mostly focusing on Alexander and whats happening in Equestria.
10910651 Establishing that they're 'bad guys' from the start, at least ;) New! Nightmare is going to be PISSED when she finds out. On that topic. the sudden disappearance of the town is sure to draw attention from the authorities. That's gonna be a rough greeting...
10910669 I usually work around something like that by translating something from my mother tongue to English and seeing what words are available, but I guess that wouldn't work quite as well if your native language is English already... I would probably go for a website dedicated to synonyms instead of purely relying on 'Another word for XYZ' on Google. More sources, better options. :3
10910651 I wouldn't know how to handle that, either. I worked around that little hurdle by establishing a time gap between Earth and the Twin Suns Equestria from when they left Earth and reincarnated as cute cuddly ponies. Don't know if you can do something similar here with the ritual happening seemingly at the same time they were plucked from Earth, but... timey wimey stuff and all that. Another option would be an interlude of Alex's friends doing crazy stuff to try to summon her back, which would actually be a funny thing, now that I think about it. Whether they are successful is another thing entirely and... well... doing such rituals isn't completely without risks, you know. Who knows what could happen with a botched ritual. Food for thought, if anything.
10911091 i already know what I'm going to do with them next time they each pop up (not sure how much i can say that's not spoilers). just saying it might be a while before they start popping up again, depending on how long the first 'ark' takes.
10911086 another thing to consider is not changing words simply for the sake of changing them. so its a tricky balance
10911147 Hmmm... cryptic, cryptic. I'm interested to see what you thought up. Can only get better than 'Let's try to summon Alex back and get an eldritch horror instead'. xD
another thing to consider is not changing words simply for the sake of changing them. so its a tricky balance
It's one thing to balance and another to use it as a stylistic device. From time to time, it can be quite fun to repeat specific words or make alliterations. :3
thanks you two! i feel like I'm a bit of a slow writer but I'm am slowly chipping away at it. as of right now i have written about 2840 words for chapter 5.
10912992 Oh no it's perfectly fine bud, as long as you don't burn/hurt yourself is good, please don't ever feel rushed to write, let me tell ya we are more then happy to wait for a chapter, then a rushed one or a burnt out author. Take your time and please have a good day/night bud
She knew there was an otherworldly audience watching from beyond the veil. Many were too weak for their purposes, others uninterested in passing through onto their plane. Some were too twisted even for her tastes. It would not do to get slaughtered to the last mare after everything they had achieved so far.
As long as star bits and star crystal aren't brands or unique products like, idk, Twix or Starbursts, I don't think they need to be capitalised. Although I could be wrong.
Italics for magical items? I don't see why you couldn't do that; it'd be a nice way for readers to identify objects in the world that may be of importance.
Ah yes, the smell of fear. Seems like Alex has received a buff.
Aw. Now I sad. YAY FOR UPDATES
10910074
ah, ok. was kind of thinking that but just making sure.
mhm~
Oh, yes, yes, yes! I love seeing others also feel like Luna/Nightmare would make for the perfect tinkerer.
Don't worry, Alex... in a few years, you'll be able to throw the moon around like it's nothing. :P
They had to be kept together for it to work but it allowed her to pick up a small pile of stones or a cup's worth of water.
Seemed to me like that was missing. I'm not sure whether or not it worked as is, but that's a lot smoother to read like that.
Can't imagine keeping something like that from my parents, but I understand the fear. I'm glad my parents are understanding of pretty much everything I bring up to them. :3
You know, now that you're getting the names right, I'm honestly surprised you're starting with... that. C'mon, I know you can do it right.
Comma missing there before Speaker.
One does have to wonder whether they are geniuses or stupid beyond belief. Heck, with a ritual like that, you are just as likely to invite an eldritch horror into your home. xD
Wow, again with the morbid thoughts. It's nice to see Alex's friends so concerned for her. Those are the types of friends one can keep for life (even if one might outlive them).
I'm getting massive reincarnation vibes here.
So far, I'm thinking Niles -> Luna, Isaac -> Celestia, Jennifer -> Maybe Fluttershy(?), and now Nicole -> Shining Armor or potentially Twilight Sparkle...
Earth is a big place. And places deserve to be capitalized. :3
Nice to see that determination, even though I have no idea how he thinks they could accomplish that. Short of, you know, magic.
Am I right in assuming that they just... sacrificed... a lot of souls for that ritual? Wow.
Personally, I would write mistress capitalized since he is addressing Alex with that. Would be different if you put it like my mistress, then it's usually without.
It is a pleasure to finally meet you, mistress.
D-did we do something to displease you, Mistress?
Of course, mistress. Follow me and I will lead you to someplace you can rest
If you need anything, Mistress Nightmare, please feel free to call us.
Aww, poor Alex. It's okay to feel sad and angry, never ever bottle feelings up. *comforting hug*
Not if you want to put extra importance on them. Something that is essential to the overall story, like a recurring theme and so on... I suppose then I would consider doing so.
Anyway, very nice chapter. Certainly made me excited just reading it, and I'm looking very much forward to what happens next. I really want to know what happens with her friends on Earth, as well. Would be a waste to just establish characters and throw them in the bin the next moment, wouldn't it?
I hope the lad reestablishes contact with his friends again. Maybe he can force the cultists to do that
Wait... what about this world's Luna? Does she exist at all? I mean, if she does, it would mean she is still on the moon as Nightmare Moon, right? Doe these morons know or not know this world Nightmare is still on the moon?
Question, when the ritual said something about sacrificing the souls, was that just a bunch of souls they collected on hand from... somewhere, or were those the souls of roughly the large portion of the town apart of this cult?
I think your good. If they were the name of a single item like “The Star Crystal” as some kind of super special space crystal it would be capitalized but just talking about a rare gem is fine not being capitalized
10910138
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/023/397/C-658VsXoAo3ovC.jpg
Oy, don't forget to underline them for the good measure. -_-
There are no strict rules on when to use italics unless you are writing an academic paper and even there no strict rules for every possible use of it. And you are not doing this here, so don't worry about that. It's better to use italics when you want to emphasize specific word to indicate that character spoke it with a different intonation. Essentially, it's an art. You just draw your painting with words instead of paint. I'd advice against using colours, though. That may work in a physical book, but not in a digital one. Some (like me) prefer to use dark theme for the site and black text on dark background doesn't look good.
Now the rule of thumb for using capital letters in the names of items is really simple: is it a name of this specific item or just type of items in general? When you say "ship" that could be literally any ship and there are plenty, but when you say Titanic it's quite clear which one you are referring to. Same with The Elements of Harmony, but a phial of toad eyes should be left at that dark obscure shelf in the corner unless it's a powerful magical artifact which can grant you endless supply of the toad eyes. You wouldn't be addressing it with "a", though, in such case. It will be The Phial of Toad Eyes and hopefully the only one in existence. One infinite source of that is one too many.
Actually, using "a" and "the" is more important. Imagine you enter a room and see the book on the table. The problem is you haven't been looking for any books or tables, but just saw the book and the table. They are so book and table that became the very definition of themselves and can't be addressed in any other way. However, if you remember that you left your copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on the oak table in that specific room then there's no problem with the book and the table.
10910349
Beware the might of The Phial of Toad Eyes!
10910357
No, seriously, beware. You can make a literal black hole if you accidentally that many eyes out of it.
It will be quite ironic to create the event horizon with that.
Minor tip, but try to repeat certain words and phrases less. Using the same adjetive in the same paragraph or even in the previous paragraph should be avoided. If you get stuck on a word then try googling "another word for x".
Keep it up.
10910138
NM(1).pone
10910171
its implied to be everyone from the surrounding town yeah.
10910614
So basically everyone in the town that wasn’t apart of this cult was basically killed to summon their goddess correct?
10910130
yea they did sacrifice a lot of souls.
I'm loosely running it a bit like a D&D game in some aspects.
so having a lot of people killed because of cultist and monsters is not that uncommon in D&D.
also yea I'm aware establishing characters that much and then ditching them is usually not the best idea. It might be a while until they become more relevant again though, since it will be mostly focusing on Alexander and whats happening in Equestria.
10910349
Ok, interesting. I'll try to keep that in mind.
thanks!
10910470
I'll try, but it may not be easy at times.
thanks!
10910669
Try not to, is what I meant to say.
10910651
Establishing that they're 'bad guys' from the start, at least ;)
New! Nightmare is going to be PISSED when she finds out. On that topic. the sudden disappearance of the town is sure to draw attention from the authorities. That's gonna be a rough greeting...
10910669
I usually work around something like that by translating something from my mother tongue to English and seeing what words are available, but I guess that wouldn't work quite as well if your native language is English already... I would probably go for a website dedicated to synonyms instead of purely relying on 'Another word for XYZ' on Google. More sources, better options. :3
10910651
I wouldn't know how to handle that, either. I worked around that little hurdle by establishing a time gap between Earth and the Twin Suns Equestria from when they left Earth and reincarnated as cute cuddly ponies. Don't know if you can do something similar here with the ritual happening seemingly at the same time they were plucked from Earth, but... timey wimey stuff and all that. Another option would be an interlude of Alex's friends doing crazy stuff to try to summon her back, which would actually be a funny thing, now that I think about it. Whether they are successful is another thing entirely and... well... doing such rituals isn't completely without risks, you know. Who knows what could happen with a botched ritual. Food for thought, if anything.
10911091
i already know what I'm going to do with them next time they each pop up (not sure how much i can say that's not spoilers). just saying it might be a while before they start popping up again, depending on how long the first 'ark' takes.
10911086
another thing to consider is not changing words simply for the sake of changing them. so its a tricky balance
10911147
Hmmm... cryptic, cryptic. I'm interested to see what you thought up. Can only get better than 'Let's try to summon Alex back and get an eldritch horror instead'. xD
It's one thing to balance and another to use it as a stylistic device. From time to time, it can be quite fun to repeat specific words or make alliterations. :3
For the love that is that is holy, please continue this and update frequently!! I love this so far!
Damn this was good dude, please keep up the good work but please don't burn yourself out.
10912457
10911969
thanks you two!
i feel like I'm a bit of a slow writer but I'm am slowly chipping away at it.
as of right now i have written about 2840 words for chapter 5.
10912992
Oh no it's perfectly fine bud, as long as you don't burn/hurt yourself is good, please don't ever feel rushed to write, let me tell ya we are more then happy to wait for a chapter, then a rushed one or a burnt out author.
Take your time and please have a good day/night bud
10911969
I am looking forward to it!
10912992
Looking forward to it
You are more right than you realize
How much is everything?