“H-how may?” she asked in a whispered voice, hardly realising she had said anything.
“The town’s population was last recorded to be just over two thousand. Quite a good population size for a simple farming town.”
Yikes. Just... yikes.
“Why me? What did I do to deserve this?” All she did was drop something meant for someone else. Adventures in stories were almost always entertaining, but no one ever seemed to put much thought into what it would actually be like to be in them.
“Why would anyone want to go through this?” Alexander could not understand why this had to happen to her. Why her out over everyone that could have been summoned? Weren’t they're demons that should have come through more eagerly instead?
The sad reality is... that those 'entertaining adventures' in wondrous worlds are, in the simplest words, just other worlds. They aren't going to be perfect, definitely not when there are such things as actual monsters. Heck, Earth actually seems like a paradise if one thinks about it. Sure, it's anything but perfect, but most people have rather comfy lives in comparison to what I suspect pre-unification era Equis must have been like.
As for the other demons thing... I would like to know, as well. For all intents and purposes, it seems rather strange that nothing would have tried forcing their way in, instead. Even if only with a fraction of their power. *shrug*
There were too many questions and not any answers.
There are indeed many questions, but I would say 'not enough answers'.
Rime hummed. “I suppose. I did not react well to seeing my father run through with a sword.”
I smell manipulation.
Rime hummed in acknowledgement and nuzzled into Alexander's starry mane. “Of course Mistress. I am all yours after all~”
I'm used to teasing words, but... damn. Knowing there aren't going to be any explicit scenes makes this so much worse. You're evil.
I am confused by the juxtaposition of the cultist leader's actions and apparent personality. I have zero ability to predict any scene that involves her. Conclusion? I have no conclusion. She confuses me too much. I guess I both do and do not trust her?
10918479 If nothing else a cult leader needs to know how to manipulate otherwise a cult wouldn’t form in the first place. And Alexander being very inexperienced at this whole situation is ripe for manipulation of some kind.
10918822 I would expect some form of manipulation from a cult leader, yes. The confusion about personality and actions mostly comes from the upbeat and accepting internal thoughts she has rather than the kind conversations with others. It would be strange to pretend to be accepting in your own private thoughts if the rest was just an act.
10917788 10918479 10918822 (just putting all these together to talk about Rime) first of first off as ppg1998 said charisma is the most important part of being able to organise a cult, or any group relay. you can be extremely dumb, but as long as you can convince people you know what your doing you can get quite far. though Rime in this case is also supposed to be smart. if its a bit confusing i can try clarifying more as stuff goes on. i suppose I'm going for a kind of grey area. not in the sense that all their actions could be considered morally grey, but more in the sense that their not always senselessly evil and that there are conditions where they can be properly nice to people. like yes you are willing to kill a lot of people if you think the ends justify the means. but that does not mean you would not help someone if need, as along as that does not get in the way of your goals. (hope i explained that well enough)
10918884 That's pretty much the direction I figured you were going with her. I did not mean that it was confusing because it was poorly explained or wrong or anything along those lines. More that she is confusing because we do not know her or her motives yet, and she does not act in a stereotypical manner. I am more curious as to why she is the way she is than actually confused. But that is for future chapters to reveal!
10917761 yeah, dream twilight is a proper pony. Just because they became although does not mean their default perception of characters from the show change after all.
honestly i was going to just let the candle burn out. As for the point, curiosity largely about how it would work with her vision. also everything in grey is a little spooky and light stops that.
for comma and the name i was more going off how i imagine its said. some times yeah it would be there; but if there is no pause when they say it should it really still be there?
whats the saying, look but don't touch? yea sadly it will mostly be lewd teasing. did not relay think most people would want explicit scenes. also thought they might be a bit to distracting from everything else. if something ever ends up happening, it will be more 'they snuggled, the end' rather than writing it out. who knows how the future will go over all.
Pretty sure that the cultists desires for a strong leader that is ‘better’ than their current rulers might have had something to do with this… She did say she was specifically looking for a nightmare that wasn’t so ‘twisted’, which could mean this was always going to be along the lines of what they got.
Well, aside from this being a story and all, so something had to happen!
honestly i was going to just let the candle burn out. As for the point, curiosity largely about how it would work with her vision. also everything in grey is a little spooky and light stops that.
If you aren't in a cave or somewhere along those lines where fires don't spread too easily, never let a candle burn out without supervision. :P
for comma and the name i was more going off how i imagine its said. some times yeah it would be there; but if there is no pause when they say it should it really still be there?
I'm pretty sure there was some rule for it, but you're asking a non-native English speaker here, dear. I would have asked my previous English teacher if I had his email in that case, but Google might just have the answer, anyway. I just fell out of bed, so I'll give it a look later (or you do, whatever). Edit: this should help, I think (please, don't eat Grandpa).
whats the saying, look but don't touch? yea sadly it will mostly be lewd teasing. did not relay think most people would want explicit scenes. also thought they might be a bit to distracting from everything else. if something ever ends up happening, it will be more 'they snuggled, the end' rather than writing it out. who knows how the future will go over all.
I'm always of the opinion that you should only use explicit scenes in a story revolving around an overarching plot when it makes sense. Writing porn for the sake of porn can and will ruin a story if it isn't meant as 'just' a porn story (in my opinion, at least). I suppose there is also the type of story where there are equal amounts of both, but so far, I've only ever seen changeling stories do it any justice (c'mon, they're changelings... changelings = succubi, change my mind :P). I suppose what I'm trying to say here is... don't write explicit stuff if you don't think it would benefit the story overall. Nice fluffy scenes of snuggling and so on are going to easily satisfy my need for 'Awww, how cute', too.
I would have been so paranoid with that hug that she was intending to use a dagger to kill me, take the collected souls and try again xD Manipulative cult leader tactics bingo: Love bombing. Check!
Celestia and Luna are probably around right now. I wonder what this cult of the sun they are fighting thinks of Luna at this point! We'll see, I suppose...
She did not grab him, simply slamming her fist into the door frame, heavily cracking the wood. “You fucking murdered all of them!” Alexander did not notice the air slightly cool and frost around them.
Mister Dare stumbled back in shock. “I-I- But Mis-”
“I don’t care about what you have to say! You took me away from everything I ever knew and killed over a thousand innocent people to do it! On top of that, you stuffed them all inside me!” she practically yelled, looking right into the cultist's eyes.
You know, Personally, I would be asking myself why people were so desperate for a hero on their side that they would murder a village. That's beyond "Cult trying to take over the world" That's fear and helplessness.
I bet my last cookie that this isn't a nice world at all.
Finding the blacksmith and getting that info wouldn't have made me angry, It would have worried the hell out of me. Rather than hit the wall, I would have turned around and said. "Tell me everything you can about this world, right the buck now!"
I love it it's a very good story I hope you continue because I love this This whole idea it's amazing and it's amazing and let me give you a tip for writing so you don't burn yourself out make a few chapters in advance and release one at a time like once per week or something that it helped a friend of mine once and hes still making a story right now hes on book 2 of 5
10922423 No problem Burnout is the main reason why good stories do not get finished and again just do something like that and it will help you keep calm and You won't feel as stressed out that you have Posted a chapter in quite a while so I recommend doing something like that something like that it will help let me know if you want more advice I can help you if you want PS i have a discord if you want you can deem it to me you don't have to just an afterthought if you want some more help
That's more of a double-edged sword, there. It can lead to burnout just as much as not stockpiling chapters, actually. In my case, it has led to a lot of procrastination (and sometimes panic when I was running out of chapters). It does give you (or your editor) plenty of time to edit your chapters, though.
Good story so far. I'm guessing every pony in this story is of the anthro type? It would be interesting if Alexander was the only bipedal for a nice change of pace, the scenarios would be hilarious. Explicit are scenes are good in the right context and buildup. Your story so far fits perfectly, so it's a shame your not putting anything beyond teasing in this story.
If it was up to me, I'd order those cultists to bury each and every individual that was used as a sacrifice, and hold a large funeral. Make them clean up after themselves at least. As for the town, for each item stolen from any one building, remove one limb from the thief.
11000948 while the punishemnt for stealing is good it would be detremental so maby she could have them need to bury all the dead after putting them in their place for both how messed up what they did was and what they actualy brought to help them
Great story thus far, I hope to beable to read more when you get around to writing it! I loved the dream she had in that one chapter, and Twilight waving, lol, that was good! And this Rose sounds like a cutie! I like the emotions you put into the story, its well done.
11232292 yea, i still need to stop procrastinating and get back to this. glad you seem to have enjoyed it so far! i have wrote the next chapter, though its not properly edited yet. part of it actually got moved to the chapter after than original. thinking if i should just try posting it when checked properly and the minor edits to some earlier chapters, just so people have something after so long instead of doing it when i have a lot more backlogged.
"So first off mistress, we will practice infusing everyday items with magic. It'll help with finer control."
"Okay, so what do I do?"
"Well first you'll try to infuse it in this small furnace so it can light up."
"Okay, here we go!"
"Good work mistress, it lit up!... huh... mistress, you can stop now, the furnace is o- MISTRESS STO-"
Master Spark ensues
"...Oops."
10917744
((burns the mansion down))
Me pregunto que tan mal debe de estar él mundo para tomar la decisión de sacrificar miles de almas ?
Yikes. Just... yikes.
The sad reality is... that those 'entertaining adventures' in wondrous worlds are, in the simplest words, just other worlds. They aren't going to be perfect, definitely not when there are such things as actual monsters. Heck, Earth actually seems like a paradise if one thinks about it. Sure, it's anything but perfect, but most people have rather comfy lives in comparison to what I suspect pre-unification era Equis must have been like.
As for the other demons thing... I would like to know, as well. For all intents and purposes, it seems rather strange that nothing would have tried forcing their way in, instead. Even if only with a fraction of their power. *shrug*
There are indeed many questions, but I would say 'not enough answers'.
I smell manipulation.
I'm used to teasing words, but... damn. Knowing there aren't going to be any explicit scenes makes this so much worse. You're evil.
Excellent work
I am confused by the juxtaposition of the cultist leader's actions and apparent personality. I have zero ability to predict any scene that involves her. Conclusion? I have no conclusion. She confuses me too much. I guess I both do and do not trust her?
10918479
If nothing else a cult leader needs to know how to manipulate otherwise a cult wouldn’t form in the first place. And Alexander being very inexperienced at this whole situation is ripe for manipulation of some kind.
10918822
I would expect some form of manipulation from a cult leader, yes. The confusion about personality and actions mostly comes from the upbeat and accepting internal thoughts she has rather than the kind conversations with others. It would be strange to pretend to be accepting in your own private thoughts if the rest was just an act.
10917788
10918479
10918822
(just putting all these together to talk about Rime)
first of first off as ppg1998 said charisma is the most important part of being able to organise a cult, or any group relay. you can be extremely dumb, but as long as you can convince people you know what your doing you can get quite far. though Rime in this case is also supposed to be smart.
if its a bit confusing i can try clarifying more as stuff goes on.
i suppose I'm going for a kind of grey area. not in the sense that all their actions could be considered morally grey, but more in the sense that their not always senselessly evil and that there are conditions where they can be properly nice to people. like yes you are willing to kill a lot of people if you think the ends justify the means. but that does not mean you would not help someone if need, as along as that does not get in the way of your goals. (hope i explained that well enough)
10918884
That's pretty much the direction I figured you were going with her. I did not mean that it was confusing because it was poorly explained or wrong or anything along those lines. More that she is confusing because we do not know her or her motives yet, and she does not act in a stereotypical manner. I am more curious as to why she is the way she is than actually confused. But that is for future chapters to reveal!
10917761
yeah, dream twilight is a proper pony. Just because they became although does not mean their default perception of characters from the show change after all.
honestly i was going to just let the candle burn out. As for the point, curiosity largely about how it would work with her vision. also everything in grey is a little spooky and light stops that.
for comma and the name i was more going off how i imagine its said. some times yeah it would be there; but if there is no pause when they say it should it really still be there?
10917788
whats the saying, look but don't touch? yea sadly it will mostly be lewd teasing. did not relay think most people would want explicit scenes. also thought they might be a bit to distracting from everything else. if something ever ends up happening, it will be more 'they snuggled, the end' rather than writing it out. who knows how the future will go over all.
Pretty sure that the cultists desires for a strong leader that is ‘better’ than their current rulers might have had something to do with this… She did say she was specifically looking for a nightmare that wasn’t so ‘twisted’, which could mean this was always going to be along the lines of what they got.
Well, aside from this being a story and all, so something had to happen!
10918905
If you aren't in a cave or somewhere along those lines where fires don't spread too easily, never let a candle burn out without supervision. :P
I'm pretty sure there was some rule for it, but you're asking a non-native English speaker here, dear. I would have asked my previous English teacher if I had his email in that case, but Google might just have the answer, anyway. I just fell out of bed, so I'll give it a look later (or you do, whatever).
Edit: this should help, I think (please, don't eat Grandpa).
I'm always of the opinion that you should only use explicit scenes in a story revolving around an overarching plot when it makes sense. Writing porn for the sake of porn can and will ruin a story if it isn't meant as 'just' a porn story (in my opinion, at least). I suppose there is also the type of story where there are equal amounts of both, but so far, I've only ever seen changeling stories do it any justice (c'mon, they're changelings... changelings = succubi, change my mind :P).
I suppose what I'm trying to say here is... don't write explicit stuff if you don't think it would benefit the story overall. Nice fluffy scenes of snuggling and so on are going to easily satisfy my need for 'Awww, how cute', too.
I would have been so paranoid with that hug that she was intending to use a dagger to kill me, take the collected souls and try again xD
Manipulative cult leader tactics bingo: Love bombing. Check!
Celestia and Luna are probably around right now. I wonder what this cult of the sun they are fighting thinks of Luna at this point! We'll see, I suppose...
You know, Personally, I would be asking myself why people were so desperate for a hero on their side that they would murder a village. That's beyond "Cult trying to take over the world" That's fear and helplessness.
I bet my last cookie that this isn't a nice world at all.
Finding the blacksmith and getting that info wouldn't have made me angry, It would have worried the hell out of me. Rather than hit the wall, I would have turned around and said. "Tell me everything you can about this world, right the buck now!"
Monk
I love it it's a very good story I hope you continue because I love this This whole idea it's amazing and it's amazing and let me give you a tip for writing so you don't burn yourself out make a few chapters in advance and release one at a time like once per week or something that it helped a friend of mine once and hes still making a story right now hes on book 2
of 5
10921660
glad your enjoying it. thanks for the advice!
10922423
No problem Burnout is the main reason why good stories do not get finished and again just do something like that and it will help you keep calm and You won't feel as stressed out that you have Posted a chapter in quite a while so I recommend doing something like that something like that it will help let me know if you want more advice I can help you if you want PS i have a discord if you want you can deem it to me you don't have to just an afterthought if you want some more help
10922423
10922455
That's more of a double-edged sword, there. It can lead to burnout just as much as not stockpiling chapters, actually. In my case, it has led to a lot of procrastination (and sometimes panic when I was running out of chapters). It does give you (or your editor) plenty of time to edit your chapters, though.
Good story so far. I'm guessing every pony in this story is of the anthro type? It would be interesting if Alexander was the only bipedal for a nice change of pace, the scenarios would be hilarious. Explicit are scenes are good in the right context and buildup. Your story so far fits perfectly, so it's a shame your not putting anything beyond teasing in this story.
If it was up to me, I'd order those cultists to bury each and every individual that was used as a sacrifice, and hold a large funeral. Make them clean up after themselves at least. As for the town, for each item stolen from any one building, remove one limb from the thief.
11000948
while the punishemnt for stealing is good it would be detremental so maby she could have them need to bury all the dead after putting them in their place for both how messed up what they did was and what they actualy brought to help them
I'm definitely keeping an eye on this story.
Please continue I am interested
Moar please if you don't mind
Well this is an interesting story so far hope to read more of it eventually
Great story thus far, I hope to beable to read more when you get around to writing it! I loved the dream she had in that one chapter, and Twilight waving, lol, that was good! And this Rose sounds like a cutie! I like the emotions you put into the story, its well done.
Really hope this story hasn’t been shelved, I know you were taking a break, but it has been quite a while, just hoping you haven’t given up on this.
11232292
yea, i still need to stop procrastinating and get back to this. glad you seem to have enjoyed it so far!
i have wrote the next chapter, though its not properly edited yet. part of it actually got moved to the chapter after than original.
thinking if i should just try posting it when checked properly and the minor edits to some earlier chapters, just so people have something after so long instead of doing it when i have a lot more backlogged.
11234128
If you do post it I'm sure the readers and I will love it
11234128
I still want more moonie
11234128
Still waiting for more of your moon chapters
11310203
as i said. bad procrastination.
sorry!
11306379
all the materials used in the ritual.