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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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YOU SUCK!!! IT"S 3 AM!!!
Excallent Beginings!
i notice you keep saying lily instead of Melody in may instances in this chapter.
I dunno. Maybe this should just be a serious story with clop scenes put separately. Like University Days and University Nights by Dawn Fade. Maybe it doesn't even need clop. I mean, common, we got almost two paperback stories worth of shameless smut.
I feel like I would enjoy a serious story from you about the adventures of Melody with some adult jokes like Lily walking in on Verse hinted at here and there. Just a thought. Doubt many would agree with me though.![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
1246389
That's almost exactly what I'm aiming for, though. When I say "Sex when it fits the story" I REALLY mean ONLY When it's fitting. We'll go maybe six or seven chapters before Melody gets a chance.
Liked and favorited before I even started reading.![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
celestia damn it why did i allready have AJ in my head how she seduce Verse and Melodie ... and teach them the one or other thing. luna i'm so bad![:applejackunsure:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackunsure.png)
I'm interested to see who Melody hooks up with. I know there's no Romance tag, but there'll probably be something relating to that eventually, I'm guessing. Knowing how you write, you're probably going to make her lesbian or something since that seems to be appealing to guys (I'll never understand it
), but I guess it's not the end of the world.
Also, Verse seems pretty cool. Hope he finds a girl at some point.
fantastic chapter mate cant wait for more!
1246946
awesome. I like the sound of that alot.
"At least I don't get caught yanking my meat to a picture of Applejack."![:ajsmug:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajsmug.png)
![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
I almost woke up my neighbors laughing. Especially since she'd be about the same age as Twi and Lily.... Seems like he has a thing for older women
I can see it now-'Ho ho there lover boy!' Keep up the good work; I expect great things.... no, greatER things from you to come
I know this may seem unfair, but you need to deal.
I NEED
cdn.overclock.net/2/28/287d2b5d_1298305804533_MOAR_LOLZ-s450x516-143512-580.jpeg
I'm pretty sure you're confusing Lily and Melody a lot in this story. 'Cause I'm really confused.
"Lily wasn't angry or resentful... She just wished Lily and Twilight trusted the two of them more.."
Wat?
And again, in the beginning, when you're first describing her.
On another note, I was really, really worried about how you would write their relationship with their parents. I'm happy to say it was totally unjustified and I am super excited for more.
1253031
I read through the story twice looking for errors like this... I suppose it's time I take a closer look, eh? Still trying to get these errors fixed since your first comment...
1253031
Managed to find two errors overall. The one you quoted at the end where Lily and Verse were talking under the tree, and one near the beginning when I was describing Melody's eyes. Aside from that, I couldn't find a single error.
Excellent start loyal. look forward to the next installment![:yay:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/yay.png)