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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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as frank west would say....
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The wait was well worth it, this chapter was great all around.
That twist when AJ is actually Chrysalis.Hinted in there that RD had an 'episode' with Spitfire. Not a fan of DashFire, but I won't give it too much mind.
Also, AppleVerse is best ship.
I wrote a really long comment, then refreshed the fucking page. RAGE.
sigh... here I go again:
I have a few things to say/ask about this chapter:
(** = "Maybe I just shouldn't read you story while I am sleep deprived" (I put that at the end of the first two points, then decided this would be easier))
Was Chrissy (that's what I call her nowadays) actually in the house with Verse? So she actually raped him? And Twi didn't go ape-shit crazy and slice her into 100 pieces? Or was that just more of the dream, I'm not entirely sure. **
What exactly happened to Melody, I think that she cut herself, right? I have no idea, that part could have been a little more clear **
There seems to be some inconsistency about what exactly an essence is, it has been used in different ways with different effects. It would be good if there were some sort of solid definition of what exactly an essence is. **
Your author's notes can sometimes spoil your intentions.
combine this with something you said in an earlier AN, and we already know what's going to happen. Unless, of course, you decide to throw screwball.
Shouldn't Chrissy be able to locate Lily and still have some sort of communication with her if she is still a part of the changeling link. I know that she has always been much more independent than some drone, but the queen should still at least know where she is. Something makes me think that you have accounted for this and it will become evident withing the next few chapters. **
I still don't think that there has been enough character development, we still don't know that much about Melody and Verse's personality. Certainly getting there, but not quite where I think it should be, and much less than I was expecting from you. Again, I'm pretty sure you already know this and there will be character development galore in the next chapter or two. **
Well, you asked us to point out flaws, I think I got all of them. Maybe one or two stragglers.
This comment was originally much longer. I went into fair amount of detail of each flaw, how I think you could fix things, and pointed out specific things I liked. But I do not feel like typing that out again. Sorry, but no, I need sleep.
Aside from that that my response is "Woo, more story!"
1300401
It was a dream,
When Lily shifted into a prime, Melody clung to her, and cut herself open on the claws/spines/pointy thingies,
You're right about the essences, I'm thinking about talking more about them in the next chapter,
Emphasis on the "May not,"
There are millions of changelings. Chrysalis can't kept track of every single one. Not to mention, Lieutenants are completely independent. Therefore, they would not show if/when Lily/Chrysalis searches for them.
I suck at character development. Come for the clop, stay for the story.
And thank you. I think every author wishes they had someone like you to nitpick on these little details.
It may not have technically been applejack..... But it will suffice. For now.
I must admit that when I started reading this series it was pretty much purely for the clop. Pure clop doesn't get you an awesome fanbase. May your masterful melodious malarkey meander on for many moons.
What?!? AJ having cougar sex was a dream? I knew it. I knew it wasn't going to be real. I just prayed to God above your mind wasn't as dirty as me and it wasn't an incest prank. And it wasn't. So I'm glad. So... Does that mean Lily is Melody's queen now?
1300434
thanks for clearing that up, it makes a lot more sense now,
It's called a pre-reader, luckily you almost never need one though.
And I don't get why you're thanking me, you are the one supplying the great story.
1302198
Iroh? Are you offering to be a pre-reader for me?
1302276 (it doesn't matter if he is, you should just make him a pre-reader whether he likes it or not )
1302276
Well... That wasn't the intention, but if you think that you need a pre-reader I can.
personally, I don't think you need one.
1303031
You sadistic bastard.
1303137 I'll take that as a compliment.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-dZyVjAzG-Jk/TdqeHzIeUEI/AAAAAAAAJ1s/2uiRg_-coI8/s1600/gtB.jpg.pagespeed.ce.tuRMzC_on1.jpg
I think it was obvious that Verse will get shipped with Applejack, the word MAY has no meaning here. It WILL happen, if not you, then someone else.
As for the dream, until later reference, it almost seemed as if Melody was the one having a dream about Verse having sex with Applejack, which was even weirder.
Also, i've been thinking about this from the story's start, if it's Melody's Tale, then will it only follow her path? Will you split her up with Verse? And if you even think about killing the only cool male in this entire series, I swear.....
1314184