10912411 Speaking out of honest truth I feel if there ever was a 3rd installment of this series your probably gonna go down as a lenegdary writer for this successful work of art there really isn't enough words in the world to describe this work of art and you as a whole
10912423 There's likely to be four or five story arcs. I could have kept them all on one book, but I wanted to make the story more easily digestible for everyone instead of flooding them with a daunting amount of chapters.
As for your comment on my writing....I uh ...heh thank you for the kind words....
I wonder how Orion will feel when he finds out Celestia and co. were dropping ponies out of the cave he jumped from in an attempt to replicate his escape and/or find his body. Granted they were “rapist, murderers and thieves” but if their justice system is still as fucked up as it was a month ago when Orion was accused and prosecuted - how many of those rapists and murderers were innocent but still convicted because the judge was bribed, or other stupidity. The thieves probably stole bread from a rich church member to stop themselves from starving, and got thrown over a waterfall for their efforts.
Though I guess it may be wrong of me to judge medieval-tier royalty based on modern ethics against “cruel and unusual punishment.”
10912715 Unfortunately your correct at the last. It was a very different time and world then. We have the morals and judgements we have now because of those times. We look at them as lessons of history and try and understand the decisions that led to those moments of tragedy so we can be better.
For the ponies, they are learning those lessons now.
10912500 Left is also known as the larboard side, which actually fits your 'left vs right word length' mnemonic better than port does with the one letter difference.
He wondered if it might actually be genetic. That ponies were just naturally more forgiving than anyone else. It was a weird concept to accept, kindness as a genetic trait.
Meanwhile in Forgiving Equestria...
"We ran the tests. The moment a pony hit a body of water from as high up as he dropped, the body's internal organs would have suffered massive trauma leading quickly to death."
The tests involved dropping murders, rapists, and thieves from the mouth of the cave. None survived the fall and all were easily found.
Well it didn't take long for Celestia to find out about Orion's survival. It explains why she mobilized such a large force in Prance to capture him. With how many times Orion has bested Celestia's agents over the years. I can only imagine how frustrated she is at this point.
It should be "He retched." As retch is a verb meaning to vomit or to make the sound and movements of vomiting. While wretched is an adjective (and wretch is a noun) which are different from the meaning you were trying to convey there.
10913424 Lol the problem was I spoke that word for text to voice, determined to make sure it was right.....and I forgot. I will be correcting that tomorrow and make mental not of it in the future. I thank all of you guys that do find the mistakes I make in the story. Y'all make me better.
10913430 Happens, no one is perfect. You're already a skilled writer as it is. I'm sure there is something I myself glossed over but that one stood out to me as fairly glaring. I would write as well but I lack in motivation, alas.
10913438 Some days, some days it's hard to find that motivation. It's those moments I come back and read the comments everyone here left for me and smile. Even the criticisms are helpful, and I suddenly find myself with a little idea that I hadn't thought of for the next chapter, or a better way to write the current chapter.
I can never say how much it means to me to have you all reading my story and making these comments. It really does make me try harder.
It might just be me, but I'm having a little bit of a hard time trying to follow the timeline of each chapter. In some chapters, I know exactly where we are and in some, I have absolutely no clue.
So do I. I believe right now, Orion is re-telling the pirate kids how he met their parents while he is recovering from forcing his way outside Prance's anti-teleport barrier. We still don't now when exactly the events of the desert caravan happened, or when and why did he return to Ponyville to help the Six against NM.
"Could he have been added by…..Him?" Raven Inkwell gulped audibly. The name was known but never spoken. He had been imprisoned since long before the three tribes came together as one.
That ancient menace.
"No. He is still bound in his prison." His was one of stone and darkness. Trapped at the center of the vast labyrinth at the base of the castle. It had been the masterpiece of the last ambassador of Minos, and she thought it brilliant to move His prison there in the center, where nopony could ever reach.
10913745 The idea for Orion telling about the caravan scene was to distract the two mares so he could figure out why he was getting that odd sensation between his enchantments and his paranoia. But it does actually happen later in the story.
The NM incident happens towards the end as well, so that is one too look forward to.
10913991 Hahahahaha seriously I actually haven't played D&D.
Years ago when I was a kid I tried to get into it, but I could find no groups in my small town. Plus my parents were heavy christians and would have thrown out anything I brought home as 'satanic'.
10912069
Not sure how I feel about this XD
Breaking updates records I see
This just gets better and better!
10912368
Not out of effort I promise. Just.... yeah brain be outta control like that.
10912411
Speaking out of honest truth I feel if there ever was a 3rd installment of this series your probably gonna go down as a lenegdary writer for this successful work of art there really isn't enough words in the world to describe this work of art and you as a whole
10912423
There's likely to be four or five story arcs. I could have kept them all on one book, but I wanted to make the story more easily digestible for everyone instead of flooding them with a daunting amount of chapters.
As for your comment on my writing....I uh ...heh thank you for the kind words....
Only four days have gone by and you’ve given us 12,000 words.
An absolute unit
LMAO - Celestia is one dark, fucked up person.
I wonder how Orion will feel when he finds out Celestia and co. were dropping ponies out of the cave he jumped from in an attempt to replicate his escape and/or find his body. Granted they were “rapist, murderers and thieves” but if their justice system is still as fucked up as it was a month ago when Orion was accused and prosecuted - how many of those rapists and murderers were innocent but still convicted because the judge was bribed, or other stupidity. The thieves probably stole bread from a rich church member to stop themselves from starving, and got thrown over a waterfall for their efforts.
Though I guess it may be wrong of me to judge medieval-tier royalty based on modern ethics against “cruel and unusual punishment.”
Oh, and before I forget:
I'll never see this scene the same way.
You missed a chance to introduce the Dazzlings in the story. Maybe Grenola just wanted Orion as a present for her daughters.
10912715
Unfortunately your correct at the last. It was a very different time and world then. We have the morals and judgements we have now because of those times. We look at them as lessons of history and try and understand the decisions that led to those moments of tragedy so we can be better.
For the ponies, they are learning those lessons now.
10912767
Grenola is beautiful. You must love her!
10912500
Left is also known as the larboard side, which actually fits your 'left vs right word length' mnemonic better than port does with the one letter difference.
10912777
Yeah that's my bad, I'll correct it when I can get to a computer I thank ya both for spotting that.
Meanwhile in Forgiving Equestria...
10912881
Equestria is such a kind and gentle place...
ya know what? if you were to publish this series id definitely buy it
10912929
I.....uh....wow. I have no idea what to say.....
Thanks for yet another awesome chapter!
Well it didn't take long for Celestia to find out about Orion's survival. It explains why she mobilized such a large force in Prance to capture him. With how many times Orion has bested Celestia's agents over the years. I can only imagine how frustrated she is at this point.
Also, Grenola was some serious nightmare fuel. Out of curiosity, does she pray to Mother Hydra and Father Dagon?
th.bing.com/th/id/R.008b8b65d3d530acbcabd6e59e749d3c?rik=JDZEoE%2b7Gu4x%2fA&pid=ImgRaw
I love the multiple POV, it gives a great sense of awe when it comes to how Orion’s actions are perceived
It should be "He retched." As retch is a verb meaning to vomit or to make the sound and movements of vomiting. While wretched is an adjective (and wretch is a noun) which are different from the meaning you were trying to convey there.
10912929
I concur.
10913424
Lol the problem was I spoke that word for text to voice, determined to make sure it was right.....and I forgot. I will be correcting that tomorrow and make mental not of it in the future. I thank all of you guys that do find the mistakes I make in the story. Y'all make me better.
10913430
Happens, no one is perfect. You're already a skilled writer as it is. I'm sure there is something I myself glossed over but that one stood out to me as fairly glaring. I would write as well but I lack in motivation, alas.
10913438
Some days, some days it's hard to find that motivation. It's those moments I come back and read the comments everyone here left for me and smile. Even the criticisms are helpful, and I suddenly find myself with a little idea that I hadn't thought of for the next chapter, or a better way to write the current chapter.
I can never say how much it means to me to have you all reading my story and making these comments. It really does make me try harder.
10912952
Agreed, I would too.
It might just be me, but I'm having a little bit of a hard time trying to follow the timeline of each chapter. In some chapters, I know exactly where we are and in some, I have absolutely no clue.
10913486
So do I. I believe right now, Orion is re-telling the pirate kids how he met their parents while he is recovering from forcing his way outside Prance's anti-teleport barrier.
We still don't now when exactly the events of the desert caravan happened, or when and why did he return to Ponyville to help the Six against NM.
A reference to the Tomb of Horrors for D&D? Or maybe the Tomb of Iuchiban for Legends of the Five Rings?
10913745
The idea for Orion telling about the caravan scene was to distract the two mares so he could figure out why he was getting that odd sensation between his enchantments and his paranoia. But it does actually happen later in the story.
The NM incident happens towards the end as well, so that is one too look forward to.
10913833
I....I don't know if I should admit this, but I've never played D&D. So....maybe? I don't know hahaha.
10913917
media.tenor.com/images/7ef831a2d6c9f754dccec932e61fc66c/tenor.gif
10913991
Hahahahaha seriously I actually haven't played D&D.
Years ago when I was a kid I tried to get into it, but I could find no groups in my small town. Plus my parents were heavy christians and would have thrown out anything I brought home as 'satanic'.
10909665
The fact Celestia herself is being manipulated ..by no other but her own split personality, is irony at its finest.
Who is this pony that Raven Inkwell is to scared mention his name?
10919928
Sombra, I suspect.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HqPVigNCkY
10920114
My bet is that Him could only be...
pbs.twimg.com/media/Ewy9PT7XEAMdmKP.jpg:large
only for the mention of a prison, Sombra isn't in a prison... well, more like a trap?
Personally I like the way you structure your story. In general it's very good. And I'm still enjoying it.