She had had trouble sleeping the past semester. She tried several methods at first, but eventually, her mind would get clogged with various thoughts that weren’t exactly kosher; not a lot of them were. She tried thinking of happy things at first, things that she enjoyed. Tea parties, for example. However, something about them suddenly felt… pitiful.
This doesn't work well as an expression in a pony story because even the common usage of it derives from the very specific, distinct religious usage of the word. Unless you have some kind of cultural equivalent already set up, it becomes as out of place as seeing ponies say "Oh my God" and it doesn't contribute to any pun that works for the story.
Other than that, this continues to be a gripping and creepy tale -- don't drop the bits that make it immersive in the first place.
Personally I think it's hard to write and read when people go crazy over pony terms, read a fic recently where instead of saying "handle" all the ponies were saying "hoofle" and it was just so ridiculous.
This doesn't work well as an expression in a pony story because even the common usage of it derives from the very specific, distinct religious usage of the word. Unless you have some kind of cultural equivalent already set up, it becomes as out of place as seeing ponies say "Oh my God" and it doesn't contribute to any pun that works for the story.
Other than that, this continues to be a gripping and creepy tale -- don't drop the bits that make it immersive in the first place.
Personally I think it's hard to write and read when people go crazy over pony terms, read a fic recently where instead of saying "handle" all the ponies were saying "hoofle" and it was just so ridiculous.