This story showed a lot of promise at the start. It got the mind working to figure out just what is going on. But I feel like you're in too much of a hurry to reveal the mystery. It doesn't feel earned. Part of that is that we're just told tons of answers without being given much of a chance to work it out ourselves, part of it is that it's this really dislikable detective OC who showed up out of nowhere and just solves everything. I really don't like him, both for his behavior and for his narrative role. I get that there's a mystery to his identity, too, but I'm afraid this story is losing me and I no longer expect a satisfying resolution to that mystery, either.
The mystery of this story is its strongest aspect and it really feels like you're squandering it. I'm not a writer myself but I'd say a good mystery leaves a breadcrumb trail for the reader, teasing them with hints to a resolution without giving too much of itself away.
11870110 You have a right to your opinions, and I won't argue with it, but you appear to have two chapters left. The point to me was never the mystery but unveiling the story gradually. Yeah, I could have done that in better ways, but the fic was always meant to be multi-genre horror.
But I feel like you're in too much of a hurry to reveal the mystery.
It's less that and more that I always intended to gradually reveal something about the characters. If I wanted to write a full-on mystery, I would rely exclusively on subtext to answer questions. It's with this that I can debate you on what qualifies as "good mystery," but what you interpret as good storytelling is entirely up to yourself, not me. I am satisfied with where the story is right now because it currently sits at its most natural point, and from my personal perspective, it keeps getting better as it slowly unveils its cards and irons out the characters more.
I suggest reading the next two chapters, as you'll get what I'm going for, because you're making this critique before reading what readers and I call the best chapter. And if you're still not with me on it, that's okay! I'm satisfied with what I've written, and I don't expect all readers to be on the same page with me.
I'm really loving this story so far! I can't wait to see what you do next!
11238225
I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!
I legit made an account just to comment how much I love this story!
(Also, I'm a WoF fan as well)
11285180
Really glad that you're enjoying the story! I will get to work on the next chapter soon. I'm caught up in working on something new.
And now an answer to the dilemma is finally brought up.
This story showed a lot of promise at the start. It got the mind working to figure out just what is going on. But I feel like you're in too much of a hurry to reveal the mystery. It doesn't feel earned. Part of that is that we're just told tons of answers without being given much of a chance to work it out ourselves, part of it is that it's this really dislikable detective OC who showed up out of nowhere and just solves everything. I really don't like him, both for his behavior and for his narrative role. I get that there's a mystery to his identity, too, but I'm afraid this story is losing me and I no longer expect a satisfying resolution to that mystery, either.
The mystery of this story is its strongest aspect and it really feels like you're squandering it. I'm not a writer myself but I'd say a good mystery leaves a breadcrumb trail for the reader, teasing them with hints to a resolution without giving too much of itself away.
11870110
You have a right to your opinions, and I won't argue with it, but you appear to have two chapters left. The point to me was never the mystery but unveiling the story gradually. Yeah, I could have done that in better ways, but the fic was always meant to be multi-genre horror.
It's less that and more that I always intended to gradually reveal something about the characters. If I wanted to write a full-on mystery, I would rely exclusively on subtext to answer questions. It's with this that I can debate you on what qualifies as "good mystery," but what you interpret as good storytelling is entirely up to yourself, not me. I am satisfied with where the story is right now because it currently sits at its most natural point, and from my personal perspective, it keeps getting better as it slowly unveils its cards and irons out the characters more.
I suggest reading the next two chapters, as you'll get what I'm going for, because you're making this critique before reading what readers and I call the best chapter. And if you're still not with me on it, that's okay! I'm satisfied with what I've written, and I don't expect all readers to be on the same page with me.