Page generated in 0.034 seconds
Total duration
686 users online
801,231 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
another good chapter
Interesting fact: even at depths of over 300 meters, the risks of diving is not in the water pressure, but in the air pressure. So, say, bodies dumped out of a Stable at 80 fathoms wouldn't turn up on the surface crushed. Of course, if a living being were to try free diving at that depth, the bends would be the least of their troubles.
A memory orb that only Jib and Boom can view that contains the abridged history of Equestria? Sounds like a convenient way to introduce backstory to me.
And I must ask, that mysterious magical compound that poisoned the orchard, is it taint? Because it sounds like taint to me.
Well here I am again.
There was a place during the memory orb scene where you used 'then' at least four times in rapid succession. It was off putting to say the least.
I think my biggest hang up right now is that I haven't connected with Fran. Right now I feel nothing for her. If she died in the next chapter I would shrug and move on. This is not a good thing for the lead character and it is all too common. I feel more for Tungsten right now and I am actively wondering why he isn't the POV character. I don't have enough knowledge or experience to tell you, with certainty, what the problem is, but I can give it a shot.
We haven't really seen Fran interacting with the other ponies directly. What we have seen has been very limited in scope and weak in delivery. All we know is that she has odd fetishes and can cast a large number of spells at once, but that's about it. It is essential that the reader connect with the character early on or we won't keep reading. This is doubly true with chapters over 10k because that is a big time investment that most won't devote to a character they don't care about.
-Cheers
Edit: I would like to say that it is nice to see an actual large plot being hinted at, which is one thing that has been deeply hidden in my own story. I'm mostly curious about this mention of 'Nightmare' and the need to build a Stable in that exact location.
Great chapter, reads much more fluently than the first one maybe because there's more going on. Kinda agree with Honey Mead though, not sure why but Fran is kinda distant. I'll give it some more thought as I read.
Every time a character says "mum" I automatically give them a British accent.
Helix is alive? Oh thank fuck for that. So glad to see.
Seriously, I was thinking it would go straight to 'and so we went to the surface, no home to return to...' and that Helix would be dead.
So happy to see that, as silly as it sounds.
"I best start pack-" Helix kissed me - could use a '(and) With that, Helix kissed me' or something to the same effect.
"What did you packed in yours." - 1. what did you *pack* and 2. ? not .
Interesting handling of the whole issue behind 'do we kill them all or not?'. By shooting Helix you've essentially made it so the decision should be a lot easier to make now.
Reading on to see if my theory that they'll just go ahead and do it now understanding the dire situation they're in is too much.
...Then I read two lines on and yup. I got it right.
where everyone else had gone.“ - no need for the " at the end.
Perhaps a week of we ration. - if we ration
ministry’s - ministaries.
My Host pushed - no caps needed on the host.
Damn good chapter so far, but I'm extremely tired at this point and need to go to sleep. For both yours and my own reference, I'm up to the part where I just corrected you about the host thing.
Damn good fun reading it up to this point. Wish I had gotten myself to do so a lot sooner.
Finished this chapter, finally. Sorry it took me so long, I've had other things that took my attention away and shitty schedules at work making reading at night not all that possible. (Which is when I like to do my reading or any activity that I don't know how long it'll take.)
Great chapter. I liked the Bioshock reference with the rapture hydrostable bit, made me smile. That's a reference done right - something subtle that if you don't know it, you aren't really missing out while if you do know it, you can appreciate it and not feel that it was heavy handed.
The rest of the memory orb was also better than I expected. After reading 58 chapters of Project Horizons I've grown very, very tired of pre-war memory orbs though I'm not to the point I can't stand them - so yeah, you did it just right because it managed to feel interesting and not out of place for me.
The bodies floating to the surface was something I took a smirk out of. I'm not a psychopath or even a sociopath, but in literature, it's a lot easier to appreciate these sorts of things and yeah.
I'm also glad to see that it wasn't a case of fifteen ponies immediately put their hooves up to volunteer from the first second, and that it took Helix to do so before Fran did. Just makes it all feel a little more real feeling to know they're afraid but will slowly overcome it.
will we ever see a point of view on what happen to the stable?
Another chapter I really enjoyed reading. There's tension, there is a pinch of mystery, and something I really enjoy in FoE fics: lore! Very nice work, I am starting to get hooked to this story!
Also, Rapture class Hydrostable. Nice reference!
I am so sorry but, I can't help myself...
Do you believe in the word of the Helix fossil?
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/066/c/1/helix_fossil_button_by_twarda8-d79cqz2.png
Interesting story, but a lot of run ons and comma splices.
2561983 I read it as Australian...
Feels a little cliche so far. I mean, I guess the events have to be pretty drastic to drive ponies out of a fairly safe spot, but ponies seem so universally fallible at times that it's downright insane. Most of the other fics seem to make Kkat's original seem tame and reasonable at times. Why would the overmare order the others shot? Did she want everyone to die?
6578478
I would assume panic combined with fear is the cause of the overmares decisions
every time she says "inner pony", this video comes to mind:
9019783
Never seen that before, that's awesome! Just another 1000 pages to and we will have the whole book!