Firstly, I want to start off saying I've enjoyed this series and always look forward to more. That said, there are a few things I would like to add, some criticism some hopeful request more toward the end. Apologies if this results in wall text.
Honestly? The ending left kind of a bad taste in my mouth. These two weren't kids, manipulated by magic, forced into anything, or acting on centuries long survival instinct. They were fully grown and fully aware of what they were doing. They lied, killed (however indirectly), , enslaved, plotted to kill more and looked forward to doing it again so they could wallow in self-pity, luxury, and personal pleasure. Basically, they were small time Hitlers. And the way the heroes 'solved' it? I get they can't stand the idea of torture or an execution, however well earned, but this felt way too far in the other direction. They risked a war with the coven, interfered with the only legitimate authority in the area, and basically told the victims they just had to deal and move on so they could...what? Add these two to Spike's harem where they would spend their life being protected, pampered and horny in a lifestyle they may have pursued on their own anyway?!? Give them to Ahui as concubines having to enjoy their little pleasures by some else's rules and their own expense for a change. Have them spend their days serving the tribe in penance. Please, just something, anything, other than being given a get out of trouble free card and an easy life while the victims are expected to grit their teeth to the side, shrug and say 'Oh, well,' because the heroes didn't 'believe' something was right or didn't want to risk a guilty conscience. If you wanted to show mercy/justice winning out over mob rule, you could have at least had the heroes demand that the crowd wait for tempers to cool, then question the two and make a decision after. That's the most you could/should expect from this situation in real-life at the least.
Sorry if that came off angry or preachy but...I've seen a lot of newstories lately where real life monsters were given an easy out and victims were brushed aside because some politicians, academics, and crowd pleasers could demonstrate some 'pseudo justice' for the cameras. It kind of hits a sore spot for me when I see it in a fantasy.
Now for the hopeful stuff. That bit you showed between Beatrix and Ahuitzotl? That really interested me. Part of it was that I always favored the beauty and the beast dynamic. I love the idea of a relationship where Ahui embraces a more gentle side as Beatrix discovers a more masochistic and/or sub side to her private life. Really love the idea of them leading to a future settling down on the island, him teaching ancient magic, combat and tales while she keeps him company with stories of adventure and travel. Really, really love the idea of showing the future where Ahuitzotl is aided in his duties by a whole caste of temple dwellers...who happen to have a lot of talent with magic and some catlike attributes.
10818536 Thank you! No worries, the criticism is appreciated. I was afraid something darker like Diamond Tiara/Silver Spoon being executed or raped would completely take the fun out of this series, but I agree they got off easy. I figure Spike and Beatrix sense they can be redeemed, much like Lightning Dust was. (As one reader put it, this Spike has more of a villain harem!)
Beatrix sadly fears settling down, although I could see her and Ahuizotl having an effect on each other, with her returning much later to share more tales as she goes on more adventures and him seeking a similar mate from the tribe. (I'd say Zecora, but she might be too fierce for him?)
I do plan a short epilogue and another sequel down the line, so hopefully I can better address some of this.
10818555 Figured actual execution and rape would be off the table as that would push the heroes too far. Though, the story already got pretty dark imho when you consider Diamond and Silver had people killed by a magically enslaved Ahui. If your worry about including rape was based on my give em to Ahui comment, I was thinking more they would serve as handmaidens before eventually working into it. At worst, them being given the option to appease him the same way they had him with Spike instead of a worse fate and Ahui would be willing to give them a chance at the temple after.
And on the Beatrix idea, I wasn't thinking her settledown with him immediately. Maybe end this with them flirting playfully, insinuating she'll be making visits later and maybe have her do her 'settling down' a few years later explained down the line in the series?
10818605 I was considering Diamond and Silver starting at the bottom of Spike's harem and having to 'earn' their way over time, although I also think like when Dragon Lord Spike took in Rainbow Dash it's kind of a way to start over with the slate clean, albeit it's true they haven't earned it.
Possible spoilers ahead for the premise of this story's sequel which will go into this; Basically on the trip home, the airship is forced to travel by sea and runs into a ghost ship, downed by the Dazzlings as the ghosts inside force them to confront their past crimes. DiamondTiara/Silver Spoon may experience a similar encounter...
In Beatrix's case her timeline is unfortunately kind of set here (In later fics involving her she's settled down of sorts with a female sheep OC, although they have an open relationship) so a permanent relationship with Ahuizotl is a no go. I do like the idea of her returning to share more tales, though! Plus she's kind of Spike's sidekick here, as they're both displaced outsiders, Beatrix by choice as she feels sympathy for his plight, as does Dragon Lord Spike.
10818790 Well, that at least leaves some room for closure, though maybe consider something that has them make peace with the tribe. Help deal with how Zecora and the Tribe seemed a little too easily pushed aside.
Really sad about the nix on Beazotal. You really set up an awesome dynamic with that scene. Maybe later you could show he got with another member of the coven who came by later to check on Zecora after getting word on what happened? Maybe even Twilight as she'd love to have access to a witness with that much history. Not to mention all sorts of Dejavu and confused feelings for poor Spike 2.0 on meeting with her in this world. On that open relationship idea, maybe show Beatrix and her partner pay a visit someday? Guess I'm just still really attached to the idea of that attachment between the two...and maybe cute little magical cat girls.
10818875 I'll try to revisit this in the sequel! Diamond and Silver lack the wisdom and maturity to make any real amends with the tribe yet, but hopefully down the line...
In Beatrix's case she's also infertile (Mentioned in Spike the Dragon Lord: A New Generation), although Ahuizotl getting together with someone with the tribe or coven and having some children is certainly possible. I'd certainly like to have future Beatrix and her partner drop in, but since I consider her a guest here, as the series troughline is young Spike, I tend to focus on what's best for his narrative and worry that might sideline him in his own story. Maybe after a time skip further into the series?
Well that seemed to go well for the two!
10798061
Yep!
Splendid! Glad to see things are wrapping up without too much conflict![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
awesome chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
10798096
Thank you! Glad I could finally get this out!
10798099
Thanks, next chapter will just be the epilogue.
Great chapter!
10798186
Thanks!
10798188
You’re welcome!
To think it only took a single round to break Diamond and Silver. Spike's well on his way to becoming the next Dragon Lord after his counterpart!
Always nice to find a win-win solution.
10798260![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Well, they had warmed each other up!
10798292![:raritywink:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritywink.png)
Yep, a bloodless revolution!
Spike solving problems with rutting females? Sounds like a story that could be made.
10798856![:raritywink:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritywink.png)
That's pretty much been this series!
10798865
I mean in a different series unrelated to this.
10798872![:twilightblush:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png)
We'll see, nothing planned for the moment.
Firstly, I want to start off saying I've enjoyed this series and always look forward to more
.
.
That said, there are a few things I would like to add, some criticism some hopeful request more toward the end. Apologies if this results in wall text
Honestly? The ending left kind of a bad taste in my mouth. These two weren't kids, manipulated by magic, forced into anything, or acting on centuries long survival instinct. They were fully grown and fully aware of what they were doing. They lied, killed (however indirectly), , enslaved, plotted to kill more and looked forward to doing it again so they could wallow in self-pity, luxury, and personal pleasure. Basically, they were small time Hitlers. And the way the heroes 'solved' it? I get they can't stand the idea of torture or an execution, however well earned, but this felt way too far in the other direction. They risked a war with the coven, interfered with the only legitimate authority in the area, and basically told the victims they just had to deal and move on so they could...what? Add these two to Spike's harem where they would spend their life being protected, pampered and horny in a lifestyle they may have pursued on their own anyway?!? Give them to Ahui as concubines having to enjoy their little pleasures by some else's rules and their own expense for a change. Have them spend their days serving the tribe in penance. Please, just something, anything, other than being given a get out of trouble free card and an easy life while the victims are expected to grit their teeth to the side, shrug and say 'Oh, well,' because the heroes didn't 'believe' something was right or didn't want to risk a guilty conscience. If you wanted to show mercy/justice winning out over mob rule, you could have at least had the heroes demand that the crowd wait for tempers to cool, then question the two and make a decision after. That's the most you could/should expect from this situation in real-life at the least.
Sorry if that came off angry or preachy but...I've seen a lot of newstories lately where real life monsters were given an easy out and victims were brushed aside because some politicians, academics, and crowd pleasers could demonstrate some 'pseudo justice' for the cameras. It kind of hits a sore spot for me when I see it in a fantasy
.
Now for the hopeful stuff. That bit you showed between Beatrix and Ahuitzotl? That really interested me. Part of it was that I always favored the beauty and the beast dynamic. I love the idea of a relationship where Ahui embraces a more gentle side as Beatrix discovers a more masochistic and/or sub side to her private life
. Really love the idea of them leading to a future settling down on the island, him teaching ancient magic, combat and tales while she keeps him company with stories of adventure and travel
. Really, really love the idea of showing the future where Ahuitzotl is aided in his duties by a whole caste of temple dwellers...who happen to have a lot of talent with magic and some catlike attributes
.
10818536
Thank you! No worries, the criticism is appreciated. I was afraid something darker like Diamond Tiara/Silver Spoon being executed or raped would completely take the fun out of this series, but I agree they got off easy. I figure Spike and Beatrix sense they can be redeemed, much like Lightning Dust was. (As one reader put it, this Spike has more of a villain harem!)
Beatrix sadly fears settling down, although I could see her and Ahuizotl having an effect on each other, with her returning much later to share more tales as she goes on more adventures and him seeking a similar mate from the tribe. (I'd say Zecora, but she might be too fierce for him?
)
I do plan a short epilogue and another sequel down the line, so hopefully I can better address some of this.![:twilightblush:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png)
10818555
Figured actual execution and rape would be off the table as that would push the heroes too far. Though, the story already got pretty dark imho when you consider Diamond and Silver had people killed by a magically enslaved Ahui. If your worry about including rape was based on my give em to Ahui comment, I was thinking more they would serve as handmaidens before eventually working into it. At worst, them being given the option to appease him the same way they had him with Spike instead of a worse fate and Ahui would be willing to give them a chance at the temple after.
And on the Beatrix idea, I wasn't thinking her settledown with him immediately. Maybe end this with them flirting playfully, insinuating she'll be making visits later and maybe have her do her 'settling down' a few years later explained down the line in the series
?
10818605
I was considering Diamond and Silver starting at the bottom of Spike's harem and having to 'earn' their way over time, although I also think like when Dragon Lord Spike took in Rainbow Dash it's kind of a way to start over with the slate clean, albeit it's true they haven't earned it.
Possible spoilers ahead for the premise of this story's sequel which will go into this; Basically on the trip home, the airship is forced to travel by sea and runs into a ghost ship, downed by the Dazzlings as the ghosts inside force them to confront their past crimes. DiamondTiara/Silver Spoon may experience a similar encounter...
In Beatrix's case her timeline is unfortunately kind of set here (In later fics involving her she's settled down of sorts with a female sheep OC, although they have an open relationship) so a permanent relationship with Ahuizotl is a no go. I do like the idea of her returning to share more tales, though! Plus she's kind of Spike's sidekick here, as they're both displaced outsiders, Beatrix by choice as she feels sympathy for his plight, as does Dragon Lord Spike.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
10818790
Well, that at least leaves some room for closure, though maybe consider something that has them make peace with the tribe. Help deal with how Zecora and the Tribe seemed a little too easily pushed aside.
Really sad about the nix on Beazotal
. You really set up an awesome dynamic with that scene. Maybe later you could show he got with another member of the coven who came by later to check on Zecora after getting word on what happened? Maybe even Twilight as she'd love to have access to a witness with that much history
. Not to mention all sorts of Dejavu and confused feelings for poor Spike 2.0 on meeting with her in this world. On that open relationship idea, maybe show Beatrix and her partner pay a visit someday? Guess I'm just still really attached to the idea of that attachment between the two...and maybe cute little magical cat girls![:raritystarry:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/raritystarry.png)
.
10818875
I'll try to revisit this in the sequel! Diamond and Silver lack the wisdom and maturity to make any real amends with the tribe yet, but hopefully down the line...
In Beatrix's case she's also infertile (Mentioned in Spike the Dragon Lord: A New Generation), although Ahuizotl getting together with someone with the tribe or coven and having some children is certainly possible.
I'd certainly like to have future Beatrix and her partner drop in, but since I consider her a guest here, as the series troughline is young Spike, I tend to focus on what's best for his narrative and worry that might sideline him in his own story. Maybe after a time skip further into the series?