The Search for Detective jakkid166

by jakkid166

The Coldest Land and the Landest Cold

"Phew," said Dick Americana. "Like tony Soprano says, thats-a spicy ball of meat."

"I am in agreement," said Applejack. "Partner. Also wheres twilight?"

"I think she went to go hide in the Poop Chamber," said Dick and he open the toilet door.

"HEY!" said twilight. "Do you mind knocking??? I am committing a shitting!"

"Twilight just go poopin on the ground like I do," said Appeljack. "It fertilizes my trees!"

"First off Wow Okay I am never eating your apples again. Second off none of these is your trees!"

"Yeah but all trees eat poop. Unless theyre vegan."

"Stop argumentating you two," said Dickles. "We need to figur out where we are and how to get to Coldland!"

"Wait," said Twilight. "This didnt get mentioned before but it is true. There is snow everywhere. Is this coldland?"

"Shit!" said Dick. "Yea it has to be! Because it is cold! And land!"

"Sweet partner," said Apple. "It cant be though cause I dont see jakkid anywhere."

"Yes but he could be hiding or running away or dead and buried in the snow," said Twilight.

"Oh true"

~ THE MEANWHILE ~

"What do you MEAN setback??" boomed the voice of Father over the phone.

"Not to worry sir," said Admiral Tran Station. "we only suffer a minor inconvenience, which was when the plane we was on crashed and blew up and stranded us all and possibly make us die of starvings and other deathmaking things. We will be on track in NO time!"

"you idiot planes dont use tracks!" said Father cause he misunderstand english because he is silly. "You all beter get to finding jakkid or else im gonna log into all your social media account and post lots of bad swear word and get you banned from online!"

"Hmmm...." said Tran as he eye the others in the plane. "dont worry.... I have a plan."

~ ALSO MEAN WHILE ~

Dick look at his phone and open the "Detective jakkid166 Radar locationator app" to try and find where I might not be, but I wasn't not wasn't there. "Curses I got nothing," he said. "not even Something. If we had something we wold not have nothing! Does ANYONE who is not me and does not have nothing have something?"

"I have nothing!" said a voice. "I mean something." Everyone turn their eyes 180 degrees to look at the who the voice was, and it was..

"Hello my name is General Tran Station," said the pony making up a fake name. "I am Detective jakkid166s biggest fan!"

"Everyone is Detective jakkid166s biggest fan," said Dick. "He live in all of our hearts, just like Jesus and also blood."

"That maybe true," said Tran, "But I bought copy of his book!" and he hold up a copy of my awesom Detective jakkid166 Detective Story Bookization Book that sold an ENTIRE 2 million copies in Equestria and also an ENTIRE like 20 copies in the real world.

"Damn that do prove your true dedication!" said Dick (except EVERYONE who read is true dedicated jakkid fan you do not need to buy the book to do that.) "But what ar you doing here talking to us? We are cautious because of Stranger Dangers."

"I want to help you figure out where jakkid has jakked away to," said Tran.

"hmmmm" said Dick. "What is your qualifications?"

"Here is my resume", said Tran and he hoofed it over and Dick tooksee a looksee at it.

"Hmmm," said Twilight "can you explain this gap in you employment?"

"no" said Tran.

Twilight start to get mad but Dick said "Ok thats fine we respect all applicant privacy. Welcome to the SAD team! Feel free to acompany us on our next plan of wandering around and hoping we dont freezes to death."

"None you will freeze to death with my special hot chocolat recipe!" said Tran and he gave them all mugs full of it. "The secret to my hot chocolate is that I make it hot."

"Genius" said Dick and he took a sip. "Damn this is a good heat chocolate. It doesnt even taste that much like cyanide."

"I agree partner," said Applejack. "Im allergic to cyanide so that would suck."

"Wait a mimute," said Dick and he look at the steam comin from his cup and compare it to a thing he saw in the distances... "Hey guys do you see that?"

"Woah theres steam comin from the mountain!" said Twilight.

"That isnt steam!" said Tran. "Its smoke! And its comin from that mountain log cabin house place!"

"Sweet we can go in there and ask for direction," said Dick and he took another chocolate sipp. "True good detectives like me are never too pride to ask for help in a stincky situation."

Everyone trugg up the mountain, exept the snow was so deep so they have to tie Badminton Rackets to their feet to not fall in the snow and suffocate from breathing in the snow and filling their lungs with snow. But they dident have enough so Applejack have to tie ping pong paddles to her hoofs instead.

Eventualy Dick and Twilight and Tran made it to the front door of the house. Dick said a "phew" and knocked on the front door.... but the one who answered... was NOBODY!

"Dammit" said Dick and he knocked harder. "I hope whoever live here will lettuce in, not because we are vampires and have to be invite in, but because we are law abiding citizens and do not break into houses without permission."

"I agree we are not vampires," said Twilight. "But it is WAY too colds out here! As princess of Equestria that make me princess of all the doors in equestria too, so I hereby demand the door open right now or else it wil face execution by wood chippers!"

"Twilight you cant threaten doors," said Dick "They have legal pro tection and might sue you."

"Then YOU open the door! It is legal becaus it is princess decree."

"Oh fine but only because it is desperate measure!" said Dick and he used his GHOST powers to posess the door. BUT the door had strong resolve, becaus it was made of expensive monogamy wood instead of cheap dried wall. "Damn this is hard! HRRRRRRGH" Dick said while he struggle to make door open. "Open in the name of LAW!"

"Hey wait" said Tran and he look under the rug. "Theres a key here!"

"Oh" said Dick and he get outta the door. "I mean I coulda opend it in like a week but I guess we can use that"

"Sweet!" said Tran and he use the key to bash the door down and it finally open itself to reveal the insideses of the cabin.

The cabin was a mass of wood and cabin, fill with remote cabin stuff like fireplaces and kitchens and a big 85 inch flat screen TV. They cold tell whoever live in this cabin was the sort of person who live in a cabin. The walls was ornately decorated with paint and lead paint and chipped off paint, and the faint smell of silence fill the air.

"Wow..." say Twilight and she collapsed on couch and sigh of reliefs. "Its so WARM in here i could even fall asleep or die of heat stroke!"

Tran went to go warm his hoofs at one of the 7 fireplaces and meanwhile Dick goed to the bathroom to take a ghost pees. Meanwhile twilight got up and looked arond to see if the person who live here had a Nintendo 64 or somethin to keep her from getting bored. But as she looked around, she catch her eye on a thing that surprise her...

"Hey this compute is on!" said Twilight lookin at the desk. "Damn this a high end game computer it must have at least 3 RAMs in it." (twilight does not know computer very well.) "But wait... the screemsaver is set to 15 minutes, but it hasent come on yet!" and she start to use the detectife skills she learn over the years working with me. "Could this mean..."

Just then Dick come outta the bathroom and said "Guys I think whoever live here is still neerby!" he said and he brought the toilet with him to show everyone. "See the ice water in this toilet bowl isnt even melted yet!"

"Shoot that aint good!" said Tran. "What if they legally shoot us to death for breaking in?? We wont even be able to defend ourselfs in court."

"Well thats only a problem for you alive people," said Dick. "Wait Twilight what are you doin get off the computer, this is run away time not change the calendar to the month of May time!"

"No wait!" said Twilight as she open the internets to see that a certain web site was open. "guys... I think I know who live here."

"What" said Tran but then they all heard a sounds, a creak, a woddy CNRRRK sound. Everyone turn their head to the sounding place... the stairs, where a figure step down and yawn with a detectively sound.

Twilight gasp.

"Aha... so this where you been this whole time," said Dick.

Tran didnt say anythin cause he forgot how to say words without not saying words.

I stopped walking down the stairscase and looked down at everyone.

"wait. what the FUCK?" said me.

"WOOOO!" said Twilight. "we did it! We found Detective jakkid166 the greatest detecive in the world! Take THAT Rarity you owe me 5 bucks."

"Hell yea," said Dick and he floated over to Twilight and high fived her (exept she has no fingers so its a high zero). "The mission is accomplish. Good job everyone you all get honorary Detectives Medals for your hard work."

"I cant believe it," sais Tran. "I finally get to meet my greatest person i am a fan of!" but he secretly pressed a button in him pocket without anyone seeing.

"This call for a celebration," said Dick as he gather with Twilight and Tran. "We will now sing the oficial song, "We found Detective jakkid166 after he was missing for a lot of time which sucked a lot", now availble on the official My Little Pony soundtrack. And a one and a two and a-"

"STOP!" louded the voice of me and everyone stop and looked at me. I shake my head in shock and confusions. "What the HELL are you all doin here?!"

"Huh? said Twilight. "We follow your clue!"

"what clue"

"The one on your wiki! To find jakkid166, you grab your jacket166."

"Yeah so we went to coldland just like your clue lead us to!" said Dick.

i stare at them for a minute. "this is not coldland."

"Wait what" said Tran.

"This is WARMland! You was supposed to go to Coldland and NOT find me, not go to warmland and YES find me!"

"Oh that. Well we WERE going to coldland," said Dick. "But the plane crash here and we find you here instead."

I faced my palm. "So let me understand this into my head. You all misinterpret my clue, exept you misinterpret it the WRONG way and you found me here on accident anyway?????!"

Dick and Twilight look at each other. "Yeah somethin like that."

"God DAMMIT" i say and I went downstairs and sat on couch. "I put ALL the hours of work into that sentence and it is down the drains now. thanks a lot Celestia. i dont know how but this probably her fault."

"But jakkid" said Twilight "Why didnt you want us to find you?"

"BECAUSE" I snappd. "I know you all itching to see me again and have me solve mystery with lots of exciting backflips and gun shooting and taxes doing. But... after all this time, jakkid166 still have not found the Detective in himself."

"What do you mean Detective jakkid166 the Greatest Detective in the World?" said Tran.

"I am not a detective anymore remember?" said me. "I threw me badge away... I have not solve a crime in over a years." I layed back in the couch and sunk my jakkidness into it. "The truth be... I not sure I want to continue being detective."

"GASP" gasped EVERONE. "How can you say this??" they said shockedly.

"Its true" I said as I reflected on the past time of the past. "Somthin about my last caszes... something just dont feel right about it, you know? And I will not return to that until I figure it out for reals, and become TRULY frothy of my detective title."

"i see..." said Twilight and she sadded.

"I get you jakkid" said Dick. "maybe we shouldnt have intrude."

"Well," said me. "it is still nice to see you all after all such times. Mountain life get lonely for a Undetective such as meself. You want some classic Detective recipe coffee before you leave?'

"Sure that sound good!" said Twilight and they all sat downat the coffee table.

I started to pour the coffee outta the table and said to them "So who this new guy? I never met him before."

"Im General Tran Station," said General Tran Station. "I am you biggest fan and smallest enemy! Can I have you autograph?"

"Sure thing dude" I said and I pull out me old trusty detective pen and sign his eye.

"Hell yeah I will never wash this eye as long as I live even if I spill toxic chemicals into it," said Tran crying tears of glee. i think it was glee

"So," I say to Twilight. "Just you three come to visit me?"

"HUh?" said Twi. "No theres four of us. Me, Dick, Tran, and Applejack."

"Applejack?" I say and I looked around. "where is she then"

"Wait what." said Dick "Oh shit"

~ OUTWHILE ~

"Stupid fuckin idiots partners who give me ping pong paddles to walk with" said Applejack as she clumb her way through the snows of the mountais. "Ill show them! I will rip their eyes out and play ping pong with them!"

Finally she made it to the patio of the cabin and climb onto and colapse in tiredness. "Phew what a workout" she sayed thankful for the Cardio. She lay on her back and look forward at the beootiful skies...

"Wait." said her. "What in the tootnation cownope is that?" and she peered into the distances to see somethin heading RIGHT for the cabin...

it was a MISSILE!

"Who the tarnations ordered missile delivery?!" said Applejacks and she SPRUNG into action. She grabbed her lasso and wait for the right moment... and then she LASSO the missle as it get close and pull HARD!

but that didnt work because it worked too well cause it made the missile go to the same place faster.

"Dammit partner Im outta ideas!" she say. but then she eyed at the ping pong paddles from her hoofs... "or... maybe NOT!"

Applejack grabed the 4 pong ping pongles and used her lasso to ties them up together to make a big pong paddle! She winded up and waited for JUST the right moments... and JUST as the missile get to her she SLAP it away with the pong paddles and it veers off into the snow and explode. Applejack colapse to the floor in exhaust.

"Holy SHIT!" said me as I opened the font door. "What on hell was that?!" I say and I look down at the floor. "Oh hey applejack. why are you exploding?"

"Oh hey partner166. Ther was a missile headin to us!" and she pointed to the crater of snows. "There was a missel coming to the house so I knock it away like a sasparilla tumbleweed."

"Oh hell!" I said. "Damn good job Applejack you deserve detective medal." and everyone else nodded in agreements.

"But wait the hell," said Dick. "Why would missile come to us?!"

"hmmmm" I said as I thinked hard on posible suspects. I think hard to who could do such thing, but Nothing come to mind... but I have no time to think, because the snows that was knocked into the air by the missle were comin back down!

"Oh hell were gonna get snowed up!" I said as the snow was fallin onto the house hard! "EVERYONE INSIDE!" and we all RAN back into tha front door and shut it just before the whole house got bury in the snow of crime.

Comments

[Thought Prism]

Dang, must have been a big key.