A Splendid Little Fanfic

by Turdy1

A Semi-Predictable Arrival

Chapter 1: A Semi-Predictable Arrival

"-SHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTT!" Michael screamed as the portal ejected him face down onto the hard-packed ground. After a few moments, he groggily stood up and looked around. It appeared he was in a field somewhere that looked cartoony, and it didn't smell like ass or dust…or black people.

That instantly told him he wasn't in Texas anymore.

He wiped the blood from his nose as he headed down a path not too far from him; he was trying to see WHERE he was. It looked like somewhere in South America, but where was the Amazon River? He hadn't seen a Wal-mart for miles and those things are damn-near everywhere, like one time when he was camping, he ran across a Wal-mart holding off zombies. Nazi zombies, of course, but that's a different story altogether.

As he walked a bit further, he heard a large cracking sound, and looked up

A sonic boom? Oh…shit…I hope I'm not on a missile proving ground… As he kept scanning the sky, he saw a rainbow-colored streak pass by a few times. He assumed it was a gay eagle, and wished he had his MK3A1 to fill it full of holes. A few seconds later, after the blur disappeared, a tomboyish voice behind him said "What in the name of Celestia are you?"

He paused for a moment. He had heard that voice somewhere, and he sure as hell knew who Celestia was. It was coming to him. He turned around and saw a cyan colored pony with a rainbow mane standing there, looking at him in a semi-threatening way.

He wanted to say something profound and amazing, but all he could think of was a quote from Commander Sheppard. He pointed at the pony and said "I'm Commander Blackburn, and Rainbow Dash is my favorite pony in Equestria!"

She gave him a strange look. "Hey," She started, "Who are you really, and how do you know my name!"

Blackburn stopped for a moment. His answer could fuck up somepony's well-being. He looked at her and said "Well…my name's Michael Blackburn, esteemed writer and founder of the "Tali Show Your Face" foundation…I know your Rainbow Dash because…shit…I can't explain, it's a little weird."

Rainbow Dash shook her head and said "A little weird? You're not a pony, that's weird! And it's not like you fell from the sky and landed on your face!" Blackburn's face puckered from the last comment, then said "wellll…I kinda did. Ok, pull up a seat, this'll be a LONG story indeed…"

(Meanwhile, not far away…)

John pulled himself off the ground, adjusting his ever present olive green cap on the way up. He then picked up his glasses to see what else followed him. Lying on the grass was his laptop (Which was still intact, thank GOD!), the remains of an improvised Lego mic-stand, and a bobble-head turtle that always sat on his laptop. He stuck the Legos and turtle in his pockets, picked up his laptop and proceeded to look around.

"Now, where in the hell am I?" he wondered out loud. A quick look revealed an unusual, but familiar structure nearby. It appeared to be the result of a cozy cottage making sweet love to a tree. Covering it were several bird houses, and furry woodland creatures scampered about.

It was fucking Fluttershy's house.

"I'm in fucking Equestria." He clutched his hat in despair. On one hand, his inner fanboy was exploding with joy. Plus, he was within walking distance of the kindest creature to ever exist in any universe. On the other hand, he was a human magically teleported to Equestria. This had "Half-assed fanfic" written all over it.

"Well, I guess I'll visit Fluttershy, He figured, "Don't have any other options." As he approached the front door, furry woodland creatures of various makes and models ran in terror from the lanky, one-hundred fifteen pound, glasses wearing human. He delivered a Shave-and-a-haircut knock to the door.

"Coming!" called a nervous voice from inside.

Holy fuck that was Fluttershy! Was the only thought screaming in his head. In moments, the door opened.

"Um, h-hello?" the yellow Pegasus said. John could barely contain himself. She was just as adorable as he had imagined: her mouth hung agape, her eyes open in terror, her body trembled from fright.

And then she fainted.

"Jeez, I really think this one through did I?" John said to no one in particular, scratching his head with his free hand. He became aware of a thumping sound. Looking though the doorway, he could see Fluttershy's rabbit Angel. The cute little bunny wore a face that showed just how fucking pissed off he was.

"I swear to God, I did NOT mean to do that!" He claimed as he raised his hands (nearly dropping his laptop). Angel didn't seem to buy it. After a stare-off that lasted several seconds, the human broke the silence.

"Should we get her on a couch or something?" Realizing that his owner was still lying unconscious in the doorway, the rabbit decided it was best to work with the human to bring the timid Pegasus in. John handed Angel his laptop, picked up Fluttershy, and carried here in, while Angel closed the door.

Remember how I said I'd wait a week to post a chapter? Well, Fimfiction required a minimum of 1,000 words for something to be published, so I had to add the second chapter. Whatever.
Anyway, we've arrived in Equestria. I honestly couldn't think of a better way to describe Fluttershy's house. I mean, look at it.

Comments

[Crimson ONayl]

Excellent, another Fic that takes the almighty piss out of a genre, I like this. Buuuuuuuuut... every wednesday! That's a whole 6 more days!
And while I could go read it on fanfiction, it wouldn't contribute to my pointless and meaningless 'word count' here on FiMFiction

[Flyingspud]

Bronies in Equestria. Fucking bronies. In fucking Equestria.

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4gg7sZx2j1ru5991o2_1280.jpg

You don't send bronies to Equestria and immediately make them spit out the fact that they know everything. That's just stupid. If they do, it should result in the characters thinking them to be either insane, which I think you're going for here, or just being creeped out. It wouldn't make sense if something you'd never seen were to show up and know everything about you, would it. This better not just blow over in one chapter.

[ozpakko]

Uhm... Those two guys are going to be banished on the moon, I can feel it!

[Turdy1]

1186566
Well, if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, That's the work of Michael. We write parts dealing with us separately. So, if you have a complaint dealing with him, I'll pass it along to him.