A Splendid Little Fanfic

by Turdy1

The Gang's Mostly Here

Chapter 7: The Gang's Mostly Here

Blackburn was pleasantly sleeping as a loud thump followed by some muffled words filled the air. He blinked a few times as he fell out of bed and headed over to the door connecting his room to John's. As he opened the door, he bumped into a mattress lying on its side. There were actually quite a few mattresses.

He was about to mutter some cuss words and kick it over as John's head appeared over the mattress. "So, what do you think of Fort Touch-Rustrod?"

He opened his eyes fully and nodded. At least 20 mattresses and 40 pillows were put into its surprisingly elaborate construction. It consisted of an outer wall supported by pillows and some furniture, while in the middle was a sort of building where John's bed was. There were three entrances: one facing the door to the hall, one facing the door to Blackburn's room, and a third facing the bathroom, and each was covered with a large blanket. Near the door to the hall stood the guard who helped him construct it.

Blackburn shrugged, put his underwear on and said "Anywho, get your ass up, we got a country to fuck around with! Where's my 90 proof vodka?"

The guard approached the human and spoke "Excuse me, but that's a pillowcase, not your undershorts. They are over there." Blackburn threw the case off and said "Just hand me my jeans, I'll go commando until I find a washing machine."

The guard hoofed him his pants, then proceeded to return to his post. Michael put his drawers on while John continued to speak. "By the way, I'm not sure exactly what you were dreaming about, but I did hear you say, and I quote: "Oh Tali, that suit looks better when it's not on you." Blackburn rolled his eyes and said "As long as you ignored the kinky commentary and mention of Garrus being the ultimate third wheel, yes…yes I did. Don't judge me, Quarians rock."

John laughed "Well, I'll agree with you on that last part, but it was a bit hard to ignore the whole thing. Also, I'm now a bit terrified of you getting your hands on that 'omni-vacuum' you mentioned."

Blackburn looked at him and said "Shut up. We never heard that. EVER."

Blackburn headed out of the room, motioning his hands like he was cycling a MK3A1 as he shut the door.

John, meanwhile, ventured into the center of Fort Big-McLargehuge. He desperately tried to get the crap Blackburn said last night out of his head. God, it was stuff he'd rather not delve into. He really hoped Mike was actually asleep when he said that stuff.

Please Kobayashi, help me! He thought as he hummed "First Flight" from Ace Combat 5. He proceeded to put his clothes on; some cargo shorts, his military museum T-shirt, a jacket, and of course his slippers and cap. He then looked over all the stuff he had in his pockets, now sitting on an end table next to his bed. For reasons even he didn't understand, he always had some of his Lego models on his person. With him was a P-26 Peashooter, a P-39Q Airacobra, an F4U-5N Corsair, an FM-2 Wildcat, and an FR-1 Fireball. Why would the author rattle on for so long about trivial details? Because he's fucking proud of his models, that's why! He grabbed the Peashooter, stuffed it in his pocket and left. As he passed the guard in front of the door, he gave him some instructions:

"Uh, I'm not sure exactly what your plans are for today, but when your shift's over you're free to chill in Fort Splint-Chesthair."

John stepped out of the room and caught up with Blackburn as the breakfast bells rang.

The two humans sat in the dining hall. Blackburn had managed to special order a breakfast beforehand, leaving John to eat whatever looked fit for human consumption. As Blackburn cut up his charred potatoes he had ordered, the princesses came in. Luna piped up and said "hello again! How was your sleep?" john stuffed an orange slice in his mouth and said "It was pretty good, building a mattress fort is pretty tiring." The princesses both raised an eyebrow as Celestia spoke.

"And how was your night, Michael?" Michael leaned back and said "I was sweating in my sleep about Quarians, apparently. Also, my I would wash those sheets, I sleep naked."

Celestia nodded, slightly confused, slightly uncomfortable, and said "Well…we discovered there is still a slight problem. He two of you still need a more permanent place to stay." John was the first to speak.

"There's that castle in the Everfree forest. It's far enough that you won't need to worry about introducing your citizens to a new sentient species, while close enough to Canterlot to allow us to come here when needed. We could probably fix it up while you're gone."

"How do you know of that castle?" Luna asked. "Trust me, it would take too long to explain." Was his reply. Ignoring John's technically impossible knowledge, Celestia smiled.

"Excellent! Now that that is settled, we would like to let you know we have your advisors ready. John, you shall have Smart Orderly, and Michael, you shall have Pony Joe." She pointed over to a pair of ponies, and Joe spoke up. "I didn't pick this…it sucks."

Both John and Mike shook their heads and said "No…we want to pick our advisors, someone we can relate with."

Just as Blackburn was about to explain his reasons, two guards holding a brown pony with an explosion cutie mark came in. the lead guard said "princess, we have captured this troublemaker near the castle walls. He was digging under it and trying to blow it down with charges."

Blackburn watched and muttered "Sapping…I haven't seen anyone try that in years…that would be explosives making—I'll have it." The guards (and everyone else) were surprised.

"But, when we tried to capture him, he fired a tube full of powder and rocks at us, hurting a few of the guards. We are going to throw him in the dungeon."

The princess was about to agree when Blackburn interrupted. "WAIT! I have an idea: let me talk to this troubled young loner for a second. Maybe I can help him."

The princesses gave him a strange look as Luna said "Do as you must, but he could be dangerous."

The human rolled his eyes as he took the pony aside and said "What is your name, punk?"

The pony looked at him and said "my name is Buckshot Smiles, I tear shit up, just like I am going to do to yo—" Blackburn put his hand over smile's mouth and whispered "Shut the fuck up! I am trying to save your ass, and I like your style. I need someone who is dangerous like me helping out. You know how to sap, make explosives and crude guns. If I am going to make this country into something powerful, I need someone like you. Just, one question: do you like potatoes and bitches who got hot accents?"

Smiles nodded and said "Of course, what do you think I am, gay?"

Blackburn patted him on the shoulder and said "We're gonna be best buds!"

He turned to the princess and said "This pony, I could rehabilitate him! He seems sorta like me when I was young, and he knows how to cook potatoes the right way! Can I have him be my assistant, because I could care for him and keep an eye on him, you know?"

Before Celestia could object, Luna intervened, saying "Blackburn is a good colt, I think he could do it. He seems to like this one more than your suggestion."

Celestia grumbled and said "Fine. Guards, uncuff this…Buckshot Smiles...And put him in custody of Blackburn."

John had a much easier time deciding who would be his advisor.

"There's that guard, Peashooter was his name, he did a pretty good job of guarding Fort Buff-Drinklots last night. He's already used to me, so he'd be prefect." Celestia smiled.

"Well, it looks like we are no longer needed here. Come Luna, we need to catch our airships."

"We wish you good luck." Said Luna as the two princesses left the room, of to travel the world for the next month, leaving the others in the room.

"So now what?" asked John.

Yeah, we got a bit lazy with the end there.
Those Lego models are the tip of the Lego iceberg that is well over a hundred unique models I've made on the computer. They're tiny, but that means I can fit more on my dresser.

If you've never heard First Flight, I think you should start at least one day with it, especially if you things look like they'll be intense.

And millions of points to whoever gets them name(s) of my fort. Seriously, it'll means you have a good head on your shoulders.