A Splendid Little Fanfic

by Turdy1

Off to see the Princesses

Chapter 5: Off to see the Princesses

John headed back to Twilight's tree-library-house. This time, he took note of various buildings he passed. He knew he would come back to Ponyville sometime after his trip to Canterlot, that's how these things usually work, so he should get used to the setup of the town. As he passed The Sofa and Quills store, an idea popped into his head, one that would make George Carlin proud. He ran into the store and screamed at the pony behind the counter:

"ARE YOU OPEN ON THURSDAYS?"

"Y-yes." The pony nervously responded.

"THANK YOU!" The human screamed and ran out the door, leaving the clerk to figure out what the hell just happened.

I might have to go back there, depending on how long I'm stuck here.He thought. He figured a fainting couch like Fluttershy's or Rarity's would be perfect: It could double as a bed without having to be turned inside out. He soon arrived at Twilight's place. Out front, there was a chariot, with two guards. One was one of Celestia's guards, all white and adorned in golden armor. The other was one of Luna's Bat-Outta-Hell guards, complete with freaky bat wings.

"Ugh, where is Michael?" asked Twilight, who was waiting for them.

"God knows where." He shrugged, "Say, how long is the trip to Canterlot?"

"On a good day, fifteen minutes." "Really? Seem's like a much longer trip."

"We're very fast, mind you!" Said the not-demonic guard. "We were hoof-picked by the princesses." Said the other one.

"Well, who am I to argue with a deity?" John said as he boarded the chariot. Note to self: argue with a deity He thought. It was at that moment Spike arrived with the other human.

Blackburn slouched into the chariot, with Spike pushing him; frankly, the purple dragon didn't like how hard it was to move him, or the fact that he was asking about meat so much, but he wasn't a bad guy. He hoped.

As Blackburn sat down near John, he asked "So, what'd you see while I was explorin'?"

"Well," John began, taking a deep breath, "I went to Sugarcube corner, sang a song, ate cake, learned some Equestrian history, and made a store clerk shit his proverbial pants." He paused, "Or was it literally?"

"Oh? That's pretty cool…I talked with Dash for a bit, drew sketches of the M.A.R.V (scale, of course) in this book Twilight handed me."

"Uh, the what?" John interrupted.

Michael stopped and smiled for a second as he began "Oh, lemme explain. The M.A.R.V is a GDI superweapon that is in form of an ultra-heavy tank. It has 3 massive cannons, and 4 spots to load up troops that can also work weapons. I actually made it to scale in this drawing."

John looked at the drawing, nodded, and said "Not bad. I ate cake."

Twilight, who had been listening to them spoke up, "You two are really different. How do you guys know each other exactly?"

John answered her question. "Well, it all started when I read one of the stories he wrote. It was Fight For Eque-er, uh, well, the title doesn't matter. Anyway, he ended up responding to a review I made and read my stories. He asked for opinions and asked how I was doing. Stuff like that. We went back and forth with ideas for a new story as well." Twilight turned to Blackburn and asked "What kind of genre do you write? Non-fiction? Drama?"

He laughed and said "Parody and humor! The best kind, I get a kick outta writin' them, and I get a kick outta readin' em'!" Twilight interjected "So, he read your book?"

He shook his head and said "No…it was technically fan-fiction. We talked via the internet." He remembered they didn't have computers in Equestria, "It's like mail, except its instant and anyone with a computer can see it if they know where to look. If you ever use a computer, do not look up "internet fudge" Larry the Cable Guy was right when he said it was bad."

Before she could reply, one of the Pegasai guards said, "We'll be landing in a moment! Get your baggage, and prepare to meet the princesses!"

As the chariot landed, the humans noticed the princesses were tall enough to be eye-to-eye with Michael. It appeared the humans were so special, they came out to see them. He extended his hand.

"Hello, Princess Celestia. And Luna as well. It is an honor to meet you." Princess nodded.

"It is truly an honor likewise. Humans have not been seen since the days when I was just rising the sun. From what I remember, you were part of a wise and powerful race. Those thumbs they had could hold food quite well. Not to say I don't want to talk, but my associate wants to see you as well."

"Yes…sandwiches are a great invention, aren't they?" Michael affirmed. He got out of the way so John could speak with Celestia. He then walked up to Luna.

"It…it is a rare treat to meet someone who likes the cool breeze of the night, and be in a world where that can happen and not worry about a black guy robbing you." He said. The princess blushed.

"I saw your letter. It's nice to see you wanted to meet me, most ponies are afraid of me because I was Nightmare Moon at one point."

Blackburn shrugged. "I was a troubled loner too! Not many people liked me. But as my mentor, the late (and catholic) leader John F. Kennedy once said, "Those who look to the past, OR the present, are certain to miss the future!"

"Aww, I could've done my JFK impression!" yelled John, who immediately continued his own conversation.

The princess nodded and said "A wise quote. You humans truly are quite wise. Perhaps we can speak more inside, where the food and drink is. Much better to relax." Blackburn nodded at the open area and said "Yeah…a sniper could take your head off here! Lemme go get Paul, he appears to be speaking to your sister…"

Mere moments ago...

As Michael stepped aside to speak to Luna, John approached Celestia.

"John Paul," He said, tipping his hat and extending his hand, "A pleasure to meet you, princess." She shook his hand. "Likewise." She thought for a moment.

"Wait, were you the one that wrote that letter?" John nervously smiled.

"What letter?" asked Twilight. "Oh, uh, the letter I wrote for you. She could tell it was someone else by the hand writing, right?" he said, subtly winking at the princess several times.

"Why, yes. Twilight, could you go inside for a moment? There's food and drinks in the dining hall. You too, Spike."

As the two walked away, she leaned closer to John, "Was that letter really necessary?" she asked.

"Well, I'm not too good with first impressions," The human replied, "Plus, I bet you got a laugh out of it. I mean, the message was correct."

"Well, it was different compared to the letters I usually get." At this moment, John heard Michael say a John F. Kennedy quote.

"Aww, I could've done my JFK impression!" John called. "I really do a very good impression of him." He told the princess, using said impression to make a point.

"I suppose I would need to hear him to compare." Celestia said, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, you probably would.' The human noticed Luna and Michael walking away. "It looks like everyone's running away. I think we should follow them." The princess turned to see her sister and Michael walking away.

"Ugh, Lulu…" she turned back to John, "I was hoping on staying out here a little longer, but we did have food inside. I suppose we can continue our conversation in the dining hall." The two followed the others into the castle.

Damn, ratings are dropping! Quick, what do they do on TV? Kill someone off? No, that won't work, too early. Celebrity guest star? We already have 5 of the mane six, plus two princesses. Eh, we'll think of something later.

Anyway, I now need to run into a bakery and ask someone for a cake in the shape of a penis. How can you not love George Carlin?

And in addition to JFK, I can also do Christopher Walken, Dr. Zoidberg, Isaiah Mustafa, Oogie Boogie, and George Takei (Oh my!), among (many) others. Plus, there's the various accents I tend to use.

Comments

[Crimson ONayl]

A liker has turned into a hater! The BOUNDER!