A Splendid Little Fanfic

by Turdy1

Fresh Princes of Equestria

Chapter 6: Fresh Princes of Equestria

Blackburn laughed to Luna. "In my world, we send people to the moon to do research. If I ever see that place, I can do some MAJOR research to make medicine, ordinance, and fuel sources! I still have some knowledge from what I read."

Luna nodded and said "So…the moon is hope in your world?"

He shook his head and said "Hell no! It's hard work, labor, and national rivalries! But it's a treat to learn, regardless." "It could symbolize the hope that NASA gets the damn funding it deserves." John interjected.

Before Luna could reply, the humans saw the table packed with all sorts of food.

"Is…that…CARROT CAKE!?" asked/demanded Michael.

Luna nodded. "The best food we had was prepared to show peace between us."

Michael laughed and said "Hey John! You shouldn't have eaten earlier!" he sat down and said "You fellas serve first. I'll eyeball the selection first"

John looked over the assortment of food arrayed over the enormous table. Then he looked at the two alicorns, other human, unicorn, and baby dragon sitting at one end.

"Is all this food for us?" He asked. Celestia offered an explanation.

"While we ponies are herbivorous, we weren't sure of what to expect from a human. We had our chefs prepare a wide variety of food to be sure there was something for you to eat."

"Well," John began, "Just so you know, humans are omnivores, so we'll eat just about anything. Some don't eat meat, while others, like Mike, prefer meat. I myself will eat almost anything." The princess raised an eyebrow.

"That's…good to know. I'll inform chef Ram-Sea…" She said as the human grabbed a red bell pepper and began to chow down.

Meanwhile, Michael had grown tired of waiting for them to eat, served himself the entire selection of carrot cake, and quickly began eating. Celestia noticed this and said "My, you eat rather…fast. Is this your normal set of manners?"

He looked up for a second. "Sorry, I eat really fast. I usually have a timeframe, and I am on the go a lot." He finished his cake and said, "I am sorry, but it's who I am."

"Well, we are also on a timeframe ourselves," Luna added, "We will be leaving soon to meet leaders of neighboring countries to re-establish relations lost over the past few centuries." She glanced at her sister, who smiled nervously. "I shall speak with the leaders of the Griffon Kingdom, Glascow, Canida, Prance, and the Hundesrepublik, while Celestia will speak with the leaders of Cervidas, Camelu, and Zebrica."

Twilight wiped her mouth "Who will be in control while you are away?" the unicorn asked.

Celestia thought for a few seconds.

"The humans will."

"WHAT!" Twilight, John, and Michael simultaneously yelled.

Twilight was sputtering about the reasons we shouldn't be doing this, John began to do his impression of "every single evil villain in history", and Michael was now mulling on this idea, with fire in his eyes.

He spoke up, asking the all-important question: "Why us? We just met you! Not but 5 minutes ago!"

Celestia stood up and said "Because from what I remember about humans, you were wise and just beings. I figure you haven't changed too much in the time you've been gone. Plus, I need to keep Prince Blueblood away from the throne, no matter what."

"Well, she's got a point." said John, "I mean, I already had plans to start my own nation." The two princesses stood up.

"Then it is settled." Declared Celestia, "Twilight, Spike, if you would excuse us, we would like to give these two a tour of the castle."

"Of course," Replied her pupil, "Come on, Spike we should get going, it's getting late." As they left, the princesses led the humans to the throne room.

"This is the throne room," said Luna, "This where we meet citizens during the days they are allowed to openly meet us with their problems."

"Let me guess," Said John, "The little throne next to the big, ornate throne, the one that looks like it was tacked on as an afterthought, is yours?"

"Yes it is. I like my little throne." Luna said, becoming surprisingly defensive of her throne.

"Let's continue our tour, shall we?" Celestia interjected. As they left, Luna glanced at her throne.

Maybe I'll glue some rhinestones to it later.

The next room they came to was an immense library. Ponies milled about, reading, organizing, and checking-out books. "This is the Canterlot Library. It is the largest Library in Equestria. In addition to thousands of books, it has an area next to it for artists, with sculpting tables, kilns, easels and drafting tables." Blackburn chuckled and said "Do you have lots of paper? And a ruler?"

"You will have access to all the paper you'll need." Said Celestia as they left. They headed deep into the castle, then up an enormous spiral staircase. As they reached the top, Luna began to speak.

"This is the tower we watch over Equestria from" John, last in the procession, emerged from the doorway, seemingly exhausted.

"Who the hell…puts a watch tower…up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?" He looked up.

"Someone who likes sniping, or people who have 4 legs to help them up." Answered Michael. Sadly, no one picked up on John's Left 4 Dead 2 reference. Luna continued, "We also raise and lower the sun and moon from here." They then traveled back down the stairs and through a hallway.

"And these are your quarters," Said Celestia, "Now, I have to pack for our respective trips and Luna needs to raise the moon, so you can explore about the castle later. Those were the more important rooms you will be using."

John nodded and said "We'll definitely explore later, princess. Probably check out the city as well."

Blackburn looked at Luna and said "Maybe we can check out the skies later…I'm gonna sit back for a while. Also, one question: Are we going to have helpers for our new jobs?"

Luna nodded and said "Yes, you will each receive an advisor tomorrow to guide you about. If you need the help, you may pick another."

The humans nodded as they headed off to their rooms.

Blackburn shook his head and said "Well buddy, I think we are rulers now! I am LORD BLACKBURN!" he declared, causing John to roll his eyes. Undaunted, he continued, "Well, after they leave, remind me to build some military might. We'll talk later."

He entered his room turned out the light and hummed Fortunate Son as he slipped off to sleep.

John, meanwhile had other ideas. He surveyed his room. For a guest room, it was incredibly large.

Well, this is a castle. He reminded himself. There was a large bed, some dressers, and a door leading to a large bathroom.

I'll steal the soaps and shit later. After much thought, he came up with a truly brilliant plan. He ran into the hallway and approached one of the night guards.

"Is there any chance you could send about seventeen mattresses to my room?" He asked. The guard stared at him.

"Well, it beats standing in this hall all night." The guard commented as he walked away. John giggled like a school girl as he ran back to his room.

This is going to be Brilliant!

Just so everyone knows, Chef Ram-Sea was borrowed from the story A Slice of Life by Dawnscroll. There is a slim chance he may make another appearance.

And I don't usually eat peppers. Once in the drama club the kid tasked with bringing in food brought bananas, apples, oranges, and...peppers. They weren't that bad.

Oh, and i'll put this here before I forget: this is the map of Equestria we will be using.

Comments

[ozpakko]

They're the biggest idiot ever, and they put them at the head of the whole nation.
*slow clap*
The princesses are genius.

[Turdy1]

1212669
Well, Humans were truly great beings. But we used to pride ourselves in the creation of things like the steam engine and the assembly line. Now, we pride ourselves in the creation of lolcats. Needless to say, things have changed since the last records of humans in Equestrian history.

[ozpakko]

1212761 Yup.
Also, I think you didn't get the Portal 2 reference.

[Turdy1]

1213007
Yeah, I didn't notice it at first, but it's a good thing your slow clap processor works. So you have that.

[ozpakko]

1213146 At least...