Proof of life
Baker had not gotten more then 5 steps outside the library before he heard a bubbly voice from behind him.
“Yay! Mr. Secret is back. That is great, now we can have a party I’ve got everything all planned out and ready, there is going to so much fun. Why did you have go all the way to Canterlot, did you get everything you needed? Where is your nephew? Oh there he is smelling those flowers; I like flowers they are fun to roll in. This party is going to be so much fun, I’ve never done a not a secret agent party before and now we can do one, lets go to Sugar Cube Corner and have a ‘we can have a not a secret agent party’ party! To celebrate” said Pinkie bouncing around Baker with a big smile.
“Hello Pink one” said Baker smiling at Pinkie’s antics “Yes I am back from Canterlot but sorry I can’t go to a party right now, I have stuff to do before Celestia brings down the sun”
“But we can still have the normal not a secret agent party?” said Pinkie halting in mid jump.
Baker thought for a moment then shrugged his shoulders “Can’t think of any reason not to have one, after I’m done I’ll be going back to the library so set up everything there. But don’t mess up the books, I just finished cleaning those”
Pinkie let out a loud cheer then ran back to Sugar cube corner, no doubt to get party supplies.
Baker laughed. Got to admire her enthusiasm, I may have been pulled here against my will but at least I get to experience an official Pinkie Pie Party, as the guest of honour no less!
Baker and Light walked down the road, Baker waving and smiling at all the ponies while Light looked around with a big smile on his face. Soon they arrived at Healing Hooves Hospital and Light tried to run away. Baker picked up the little zebra and put him in the carrying case, ignoring the crying as he pushed his way through the door.
The building was not what he expected; there were no long lines of sick ponies, no unfeeling receptionist staring down everypony, no ponies on beds in the hall moaning in pain, not smell of antiseptic wash and sweat poisoning the air and no general feeling of hopelessness. The hospital didn’t seem any different then any other building other then everything was white. Baker looked down the hall but didn’t see anyone, there was no bell for service or a desk to sign in, he was about to walk around when he heard a voice from behind.
“Can I help you?”
Baker almost jumped out of his fur, he turned around and saw Dr. Stable standing there with a face that was both reassuring and no-nonsense. Has he been taking lessons from Pinkie? How did he get behind me? Oh no matter. “Hello Doctor, I don’t know if you heard about me, but I just moved to Ponyville and I was hoping I could get a check up, unless you are too busy then I would like to schedule an appointment.” Said Baker with a smile and a respectful nod of his head.
“You actually want a check up? Usually we have to chase patients down it get them to come” said Stable checking his clipboard and raising an eyebrow.
“I’ve been told I am not usual, so do you have the time or should we come back?” said Baker.
“Of course we have free slot, go down to room 4, a nurse will be with you shortly” said Stable pointing down the hall.
“Thank you very much” said Baker before turning around and walking down the hall. The hospital hallway was just as cheery and the front area, Bright drawings adorned the wall and pictures or nature where hung all around. When he got to room 4, Baker found a typical examination room, a table to lie on, a chair, a scale and countertop; nothing out of the ordinary. He took Light out of his case and put him on the floor then he hopped up on the table and waited. He hadn’t even had time to get comfortable before a nurse walked in holding a clipboard in her mouth.
She took the clipboard in her hooves “Hello sir, I am Nurse Sweetheart, It says here you came here for a check up, I just need some information before we can get started. Name?” she said with a cheerful smile.
“Bright Baker. B-A-K-E-R”
“Age?”
“24”
“Address?”
“Book and Branches Public Library, 23 Croup Crescent, Ponyville, Equestria, PVA-93.”
“Last Exam?”
“Umm…never” said Baker slightly sheepishly.
Sweetheart paused “Do you have any previous conditions?”
“Not that I am aware of”
Sweetheart put her clipboard on the table “What kind of exam do you want?”
“All of them I guess, well I am hoping you don’t find the need for a prostate exam, but you’re the medical professional, so I trust you to do what is right. Basically I want to get a medical baseline now; so I can be ready for when I get sick. My nephew Bright Light will need one as well” pointing to hew nephew who had wrap himself up in a blanket somehow.
Sweetheart blushed a little from Baker’s comments then said “I’ll have Dr. Horse check him after we are done. So if I understand you correctly you want to the examination to start your medical records?”
“That is correct madam” said Baker with a nod “How much will all of this cost? I don’t have much money, but I promise I…”
“Wow you really are from far way aren’t you? For your information sir, all health care is provided for free. It paid for by taxes, education too so don’t worry about paying” Said Sweetheart with a reassuring smile.
“Thank you very much ma'am, can we get started right away?” said Baker lying down on the table.
“Usually they try to stall, I think I’m going to like you” said Sweetheart.
Over the next hour, Baker was prodded and probed. Sweetheart started the examination with by checking his airway and reactions, His blood was drawn and sent to be tested, He had a full set of X-rays taken and stored. Sweetheart left with forms and Dr. Stable came in. To Baker displeasure it turned out he was going to have to get a prostate exam, after it was over Stable checked him over with a magical scan, examined skin elasticity, gave him a physical examination and collected more samples for testing. After all the examination were done, came the shots, Baker lost count of how many time he as stuck, but whatever the number he would not be sitting down for a while. Luckily he got a lollipop at the end so he was smiling.
After Baker was done, it was Light’s turn to get examined. Dr. Horse came into the room with a smile on his face. “Widdul guy not feewing too good? Who's a brave widdul boy, huh?”
“Umm Doctor, you might not want to do that Light…” said Baker with a note of worry.
Light kicked Dr.Horse in the nose.
“…does not like being talked down to” continued Baker with a sigh.
Dr.Horse rubbed his nose a little “Sorry little guy, let see if you are healthy huh?” Gently grabbing Light’s hoof and giving it a little squeeze. Light’s examination was nowhere near as bad a Baker’s. Instead of shots in the cutie mark, Light got medical cookies, his physical was more gentle and involves less jerking, the little guy even laugh at being ticked. His magical scan and X-rays where done at the same time. All along the way Dr. Horse get cheerful words of encouragement.
No pony gave me nice words while they checked me pouted Baker.
When it came time to collect sample for further testing, Light didn’t even cry once, he just got a mane cut and the mouth scraping. At the end, Light got a big lollipop, a plush dragon and a kiss from all the nurses.
Again the little guy upstages me! Next time he can be the adult and I can get all the love
“So how did it all turn out?” asked Baker slightly tiredly.
“Neither you nor your nephew show any signs of being ill”
“That’s good. Thank you all for helping us so much. Come little guy we’ve got more too do” said Baker bowing to the medical staff and motioning to Light.
After they left the hospital, Baker and Light cut through the park and went to there next destination, Within a few minutes they were standing in front of Shining Smiles dentistry clinic. When the two walked in, Light went over to the fish tank to stare while Baker went up to the receptionist.
“Hello madam, my name is Baker. My nephew and I need our teeth examined as soon as possible”
“Names?”
“Bright Baker and Bright Light” responded Baker with a smile.
The receptionist flipped through the files and looked up “You names do not appear to be in our records, where do you think they are?”
“I don’t have any records, that’s why we’re here, we both need a full work up, with x-rays and whatever else is needed”
“Umm OK sit down; Dr. Colgate will be right with you”
“Before I go, could I trouble you for your name?”
“I’m Silverspeed Mr. Baker, please sit down”
Baker went over to the magazine table picked up the latest copy of “Ponies” at waited to be served. He was just getting into an article naming Soarin’ the sexiest stallion alive when he heard his name being called. He whistled to call Light and they followed Silverspeed to a room with a nice dentist chair. Not knowing who was going first they waited until Colgate came in dressed in her scrubs with a mask hanging around her neck.
“Hello Mr. Baker, I was told you need a full check up, can you tell me when you last saw your dentist”
“I’ve never seen a dentist, Dr. Colgate so both me and my nephew need everything done to us”
“OK why don’t we do you first, then you can help me with your son” said Colgate motioning to the chair.
“He is my nephew” corrected Baker climbing up on the chair and lying down on his back, his hooves folded nicely on his lap his mouth open as wide as he could.
Light sat on the floor at rolled his trusty ball on the floor while Colgate pulled her mask over her mouth and peering into Baker’s mouth. She took her dental hook and mirror and began to poke at each of Baker’s teeth. She checked around the gums, poked at the enamel, examined the gaps between the teeth and checked the edges for rasping.
“Are you sure, you’ve never been to the dentist before? Your teeth are suspiciously perfect. Bite down on this.”
“I’m going to take that as a complement” said Baker through the dental equipment.
Colgate put some film into Baker’s mouth until his whole set. She picked up Light and gently floated him outside of the room. Baker waited a second and felt a pulse vibrate his teeth, then Colgate and Light came back in. Colgate pulled out the film to be processed finished off Baker with a polishing, washing, rasping and a fluoride treatment.
Once Baker was done, He and Light were taken to a different room, this one was much brighter and had toys and a smaller chair. Baker lifted Light into the chair while Colgate changed into scrubs that made her look like a clown.
“OK Light I need you to open your mouth as wide as you can” said Colgate in a sing song voice. Light smiled and made a kissy face so Baker opened his mouth to demonstrate. Light giggled and mimicked his uncle. Colgate levitated a dental mouth prop to keep his mouth open. Light cried a little but didn’t spit out the prop. Colgate swiftly checked over Lights mouth and gave him a wash and polish. The prop came out, the X-rays were taken and the fluoride treated. Light cried when it was over but Colgate gave him a tooth brush and a squeaky tooth to play with.
“Thank you very much Colgate and give my thanks to Silverspeed” said Baker rubbing his mouth and lifting Light into his travel bags.
The last part of the trip was to Star Gazer’s Sights and Sounds center. Baker walked right in at lifted Light up onto the countertop. Looking at the name plate he smiled.
“Hello Mr. Pokey, I’m Baker and I was hoping Dr. Star Gazer could give me and Bright Light a check up”
“Pokey looked down at his schedule “Sit down the doctor will be right with you”
Before either one could even get to the sitting area, Star Gazer walked up and told them to follow him. Light was the first one to be put in the chair. Gazer peered into Light’s eyes with his ophthalmoscope, shined a light to test pupils, moved a feather around, and buzzed a beeper.
“Mr. Baker, there are no signs on trauma to Light’s eyes or ears. His visual acuity and perceptual vision is great” said Star Gazer lifting Light out of the chair and giving him an eyeball to play with. “Please stand on the X”
Baker walked over and a letters appeared on a screen.
“Please read the letters as far down as you can”
“G, L, O, Z, M, R, T, D, F, M, E, T, O, C, X, T, Q…”
“Stop that is enough” said Star Gazer, writing on his chart, then he performed the same tests on Baker telling him to answer questions as he examined. The last test was a standard colour blindness examination.
“Baker you have great visual acuity and small bit of colour blindness in the yellow-green area”
With all the needed medical exams done Baker realized that he would need to get a job soon before he gets the title vagabond, He knew he really didn’t have any skills he could market so that only option was hard labour. Assuming that farms are always in need of farm hands he headed to the farming section of town.
The first farm he stopped at was the largest and the most prosperous. Sweet Apple Acres stretched across his field of vision and smelled like delicious apple cider. Walking up the path to the barn, Baker came across a red stallion stacking empty baskets. Putting on a big smile and a friendly wave he stalked to the big guy. Light ran up and down the road laughing.
“Hey Big Macintosh, Are you enjoying the day?”
“Eeyup” replied the stallion not stopping his work.
“Is everything on the farm going well?”
“Eeyup”
“Lots of good honest work to do?”
“Eeyup”
“Well Big Macintosh, I don’t know if you know me, but I just moved to Ponyville and I was hoping I could get some work to do while I get settled. Would it be possible to get a job working here?”
Big Macintosh put down his basket, looked up for a moment and then relied “Nnnope”
“Well thank you for your time sir, if anything changes, I am staying at the Books and Branches Library” said Baker with a polite bow.
Big Macintosh went back to his stacking and Baker called for Light to follow him. The two walked back down the path and continued to the next farmstead on the road. This one was smaller then Sweet Apple Acres but was less impressive. The sign said ‘Amber Waves Farms’
and appeared to be mostly a wheat farm. Keeping Light close to him so the little guy would not get lost, Baker walked up the winding path to the barn in the center of the field. Standing there was Golden Harvest watching him with eagle eyes.
Baker smiled as he came out to Golden Harvest.
“Hello Ms. Golden Harvest are you having a pleasant day?”
“Who are you, how do you know my name and what do you want?” replied Golden Harvest in a business-like manner.
“Oh I’m sorry I should have introduced myself first, my name is Bright Baker, I just moved to Ponyville and when I heard of the powerful agricultural power here and thought I would come over and enquire about work opportunities.”
Golden Harvest eyes narrowed a little “I see, you want a job? Have you ever worked on a farm before?”
“No” answered Baker.
“Have you ever worked outdoors?”
“No”
“Ever lived on a farm?”
“Not a working one”
“We have a lot of skilled workers; can you give me any reason why I should hire you?”
Baker looked up and thought hard “No” he answered slowly
“Then I am truly sorry Mr. Baker but I will not be able to hire you. This farm has a lot of delicate systems on it and I can’t afford to train somepony who has never even worked outdoors before. Maybe later in the season during harvest time”
“Thank you very much for your consideration Ms. Harvest.” said Baker with a bow before turning back down the road and onto the street. That was the last large farm in Ponyville so Baker started to head to the smaller farms, two had signs saying they were not accepting workers so Baker head up the door to a farm with a green barn and no sign. The fields were filled with dark green plants and gave of a savoury smell that made Baker’s mouth water a little. The mare in charge was a dark green coat and a bright red mane hanging loose around her head. Not knowing who this pony was Baker greeted her as warmly as he could.
“Hello Madam how is your day”
The mare looked up, shook the hairs away from her eyes and smirked “Madam was my mother, you can call me Ms. Pots, now what can I do for you sir?”
“Well Ms. Pots, I just moved to Ponyville and I was looking for a job, I don’t have many skills, so I thought I would try my luck on one of the farms. Would you happen to be hiring?”
“I’m always on the look out for workers, most don’t stay more then a few days before leaving, half don’t even make it all the way out to the field. Do you think you can handle it hot stuff?”
“I won’t know until I try Ms. Pots”
“All right then, if you’re so confident, we can put it to the test” said Ms. Pots before whistling loudly. Within a minute, 3 other ponies came running out the fields, each was were a green apron and a straw hat. They lined up beside Ms. Pots and had slight smiles on their faces.
“Well friends, this stallion here want to work for us; do you think we should give him a chance?”
The workers looked Baker up and down a smiled “YAH!” they cheered
Ms. Pots pulled out a green plant and handed it to Baker. “Put this in your mouth and start chewing, the longer you can keep it in the better”
Baker shrugged and tossed the green thing in to his mouth; he bit down and was instant attacked by a burst of flavour and heat. He knew exactly what he was eating and began to slowly chew closing his eyes and savouring each burst of heat. Light walked over to take a Light from one of the plants but Baker lifted him away before he could do it. When he looked at the workers they had slight looks of anticipation on there faces and large grins. Baker swallowed the last traces of the fruit before licking his lips and smiling. The workers smiles began to drop and their eyes bulged out.
“Not bad, Green jalapeño right? Nice and savoury, probably picked this morning. Quite delicious, whoever grew it has talent”
The worker faces went from shock and joy and Ms. Pots smiled “Well well well, usually the recruits can’t even keep them in for five seconds and you managed to eat all of it.”
“Well it’s not the first time I’ve had a jalapeño. Sure they are spicy but it’s not as a Habanero or a Bonney”
“You eaten a habanero?” asked one of the workers, her eyes wide as can be.
“Only a tiny sliver and I was not fun” admitted Baker.
“So what, you don’t like jalapeños?” asked another worker his eyes now narrow.
“On the contrary, I love jalapeños, they got a great kick to them, but not enough to knock you out. I put them on my food whenever the opportunity rises. That and cayenne pepper”
Ms. Pots had a big smile on her face “So you’re telling me you actually like spicy food?”
Baker nodded.
“That is great! Most of out works can handle picking the stuff, so we only get the desperate. If you can handle them, then you can definitely work here. I afraid we cant hire you full time, but you are so going to be our on call guy from now on.”
“That works perfectly for me” said Baker with a smile.
“Are you free right now? We need all of these plants checked on before sundown”
“Hmm, well I have my nephew with me right now…”
Ms. Pots looked down at the zebra that was smelling some of the flowers before stepping back and rubbing his nose “That’s your nephew? Well don’t worry he can stay in the house, my kids love to spoil foals”
‘Thank you Ms. Pots, I get right to work”
“Hey called me Pepper, Pepper Pots” said Pepper with a friendly pat on the back.
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yay for good health.....
But I have to ask... how does one pony check another ponies prostate?
They have hooves! Not fingers!
(I could not find Rainbow blitz of this so Rainbow will have to stand in)
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Now you know why Baker really didn't want to get a prostate exam
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You're saying that Equestria has a National Health Service?!?
That's better than I expected. Reading the word 'diapers' in earlier chapters suggested that this was written by an American but to portray Equestria as having a proper welfare system suggests it was written by a Brit. At best I thought that only essential healthcare would be free and the rest would have to be paid for, just not for profit (refer The Ticket Master).
Smart kid!!
What’s this PVA-93 mean?
Oh big tough guy are we!?
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Most likely a postal system of some kind.