Aggressive Recruiting
Tempest wasn’t sure what to make of the Storm King, and he clearly wanted to keep it that way. Ever since signing on with him a few months ago, any attempt she made to understand where he came from or why he swept across the world sowing havoc got shut down the moment he noticed.
“A past is a weakness,” he told her during one particularly dull overseas flight. “If you have a beginning, it means that one day, you’re gonna have an end. But if you just are, you can keep being for who knows how long."
"I see." Tempest didn't, but this was the most the Storm King had ever said about himself, even obliquely, and she wasn't going to spoil it.
"Plus, knowing your history give your enemies all kinds of dirt they can use against you." He turned away from looking out over the ocean and pointed at her horn-stump. "Like that thing that did a number on your forehead, that Canis Major.”
Tempest clenched her jaw. “Ursa Minor, sir,” she said through her teeth.
The Storm King shrugged. “Whatever, never said I was a botanist. That thing makes for a five-star traumatic backstory, really drawing in the crowds for the sympathy angle. But it also means that someone who knows about it can use it against you. You’re probably not a fan of teddy bears, for example.”
He was probably trying a different tactic, aggravating Tempest until she didn't want to figure out who he was. It was working, but at least she recognized the ploy. She turned to the waves, noting a growing spot of land on the horizon. “I believe I see your point, sir.”
A hand pressed down on her withers. There was no sense of affection or threat, not that she'd really be able to feel either through the new armor. It was just a reminder that the Storm King was there. “You only need to know three things about me, Tempest: There’s power out there, I want it, and it’s your job to help me get it.”
“Understood, sir." Tempest pointed towards the approaching landmass, gloomy, barren mountains coming into view. "May I ask where we’re headed? it seems like this leg of the journey has taken much longer than usual.” Tempest’s eyes widened just a fraction before she got a hold of herself, and before she turned to face the Storm King. “You said you knew where to find the Staff of Sacanas. Are we—?”
He shook his head. “No, not yet, but trust me, that’s on the agenda. How much do you know about goblins, Tempest?”
“Goblins?" Tempest took a few moments to answer, first to get past the non sequitur, then to review anything she could think of. "I can recall a few mentions in some folk tales, sir, but other than that, I can’t say I know anything about them.”
His eyebrows rose. “Really? Huh. Hard to imagine a place without them. We’re approaching the Storm Forces’ homeland." The coast drew closer. Tempest could make out a small plume of smoke above a ring of small structures. "Place is lousy with the little guys. Probably would’ve died out long ago if they didn’t bump their numbers back up even faster. And their memory’s even shorter than their lifespan." The Storm King slammed a fist into his open palm. "Got to remind them who’s in charge.”
Tempest cracked her neck. “I take it I’ll be doing some reminding?”
“Of course! Got to put the fear of my right-hand… uh…" The Storm King cleared his throat. "Help me out here. ‘Female’ seems so impersonal.”
“Mare, sir.”
“My right-hand mare!" He grinned. "Oh yeah, rolls right off the tongue. You and me, Tempest, we’re gonna take the world by storm.”
Tempest managed to avoid rolling her eyes. Someone had to be professional in this arrangement. “Very droll, sir.”
“You like it? I’ve been workshopping a few catchphrases during the trip. Something punchy that’ll put fear in the hearts of my enemies and look good on the merch.”
She kept her focus on the village. The ship had gotten close enough that she could see small figures milling about below. Somehow, they hadn't noticed the massive airship yet. “With all due respect, sir, I’m your force commander, not your head of marketing.”
“That’s fair. Knowing your limits and your place. I respect that. In that case, Force Commander Shadow, you’ll be pleased to know we’ve arrived at our destination.” Then the Storm King lifted Tempest with a single hand. “This is your stop.”
Tempest kept her reaction down to a small gasp. It was far too easy to forget the Storm King's monstrous strength. “Sir?”
He chuckled. “Come on. Anyone who can’t handle something as simple as getting dropped in the middle of a goblin village is hardly commander material. Good luck!”
And with that, he tossed her off the side of the ship.
In time, Tempest would see that as the warning sign it was. At the moment, she was preoccupied with not shattering every bone in her body. She stabilized her tumbling descent, pointing herself horn-stump-down.
Then she unleashed Tartarus on the approaching ground. She might struggle to get her horn to do anything but send gouts of raw mana everywhere, but the thing about only having a hammer was that there were still a number of ways to use one. For example, using the shockwave of a ground-level explosion to cushion her fall.
(Twilight Sparkle would, upon hearing about this, decide that Tempest’s special talent was just giving the middle finger to physics. Which, as a pony, meant shoving her hoof into its poor, undeserving face.)
Between the recoil and another midair twist, Tempest managed to land on her hooves, if at the bottom of a shallow crater. Judging by the smoldering wreckage around her, she'd hit the communal fire pit. A promising start, especially with several of the goblins already peering down at her. They looked similar to the Storm King's army, with the same dark grey fur, shock-white manes, and blue eyes, only shorter than her and as squat as dragon hatchlings. These particular ones didn't look frightened so much as trying to figure out what was going on.
Tempest cleared her throat. This was edging uncomfortably close to social interaction. "Greetings. I come on behalf of the Storm King. Would you say you're sufficiently subjugated yet?"
More goblins gathered around the edge of the crater. Tempest kept her head on a swivel, trying to keep an eye on as many as possible. After an uncomfortable stretch, one of the locals finally spoke. "What?"
"Excuse me?"
"Excuse me," said the goblin. "I didn't get half of what you just said."
"Oh." Tempest considered that for a few moments, then pointed up at the Storm King's flagship. "You see that?"
They all followed her hoof, then looked back. "Yeah?" said the apparent spokesgoblin, who seemed as impressed as if Tempest had pointed out an interestingly shaped cloud.
"I'm with the guy in charge of it."
"Neat. Whaddaya want? And why'd you have to blow up the middle of town?"
She took a deep breath. This made conversation in the average Klugetown bar seem like high tea among the scholars of Canterlot. "I'm here to blow up stuff until you're scared of him."
"Wait," said another goblin. "If you're blowing up stuff, why should we be scared of him?" This got a number of agreeing murmurs from the crowd.
Tempest didn't massage her temples, if only because the Storm King had helped her develop a tolerance for this sort of thing. "Because he's the one who told me to. And if you're not scared of him, he may tell me to do it again."
More muttering followed. Then another goblin piped up. "So... we just gotta get rid of you, and then we don't need to be scared of him."
"Ah." Tempest's ears folded back despite herself. "Tactical error on my part."
"It's talkin' nonsense again!"
"Get it!"
What seemed like every resident of the village ran into the crater. Tempest squatted, waited for them to overcommit—and a few to start tumbling down the steepest part of the descent—and vaulted over them. She flipped as she went, washing the horde with raw energy. Shouts filled the air as twitching bodies rolled into the pit.
Tempest landed on the surface and permitted herself a moment to preen.
"Get it!" said the same goblin, its voice amplified by pain. The rest of the horde roared in response. They weren't very deep roars, but they got the point across.
Tempest cursed her laxity, lowered her head, and pawed at the ground. "Come on, then."
Goblins peeked over the lip of the crater. She sent out a warning shot, making them duck. "Is that the best you got?" one shouted without reappearing.
"Come up and find out."
"YAAAAA!"
Tempest's eyes widened. That hadn't come from the crater. One of the goblins had actually lain in wait. It had even waited until it was midcharge to deliver a battle cry. By the time she turned, it was already moments away from driving a pointed stick between the plates of her armor.
The stick didn't go far enough to actually puncture anything, but it definitely got wedged in there. The would-be speargoblin actually dangled from its end for a moment before the stick snapped in half.
The two of them stared at one another for a few moments, Tempest keeping an eye on their audience. None of the others seemed eager to take advantage of the opportunity. Finally, she spoke. "You know, if that had an actual head, it could've done some damage." She tugged out the remains of the stick with her mouth, dropped it, and stomped it in half. "Now what?"
The goblin shrugged. "I hadn't thought this far."
"I see." Tempest let energy course through the remains of her horn, hot and crackling.
The goblin stood his ground, just waiting for it. After a few seconds, he said, "Well?"
"Aren't you afraid?"
He shrugged again. "Does it matter?"
"Hmm." A thought occurred to Tempest. She glanced back at the crater. The only signs of life were a few retreating backs. She recalled the blast and made for the airship. "Come with me."
"Why?" Despite the question, the goblin obeyed.
"You may not have much in the way of strategy, cunning, or foresight, but I have a soft spot for someone who charges the monster so no one else has to."
"Um, okay?"
Tempest huffed out a breath. "It was a compliment. Don't expect a lot of them."
He scratched his head. "I'm not sure what that is either, so no problem."
"I'm Tempest, by the way."
"Grubber."
"A pleasure, given the company I've been keeping."
As if on cue, the Storm King peered over the edge of the airship, which had lowered down enough that he could audibly shout at them. "Tempest! What's that pest doing next to you and not charred to a crisp?"
"You can't expect me to oversee your army without a few adjutants, sir," she called back.
"'Adjutant?'" The Storm King threw his hands into the air. "That's a goblin. He probably thinks an adjutant is a dessert!"
"It isn't?" said Grubber, blinking gormlessly.
"You can learn vocabulary, sir," said Tempest. "You can't learn guts. And he has it in spades."
The Storm King facepalmed even as one of the soldiers tossed down a rope ladder. "So basically, what you're telling me is that it followed you home, and now you want to keep it."
"I'll feed him, water him, take him for walks."
That got a low whistle. "Well, if he has you making jokes, I'll allow it just to see what happens."
"Thank you, sir." Tempest saluted once she was back on deck. "You won't regret it."
"I'd better not." The Storm King looked to the horizon, the matter settled in his mind and thus discarded. "Now, we'll be casting off after we resupply. That Staff of Sycamore won't retrieve itself."
"Sacanas, sir."
"Same difference."
Admittedly, Tempest is more about electromancy than pyromancy, but the point stands. Do not taunt Angry Spark Horse.
As for Grubber, the topic of goblins in Equestria is an interesting one. One could argue that Diamond Dogs qualify, being a bumbling rabble obsessed with shiny objects who probably need to learn which end of the stick is the pointy one. But sizewise, they span the goblin-orc-ogre spectrum of comic-relief red species, only stopping shy of cyclopes. Whereas Grubber, small and sycophantic servant to a more serious villain that he is, makes for a perfect goblin.
(All I ask is that you ignore how, according to the comics, Grubber was part of the Storm King’s forces before Tempest joined. 
)
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I might need to watch the movie. I thought the Storm King was a planeswalker trying to conquer the world for lols, what with not caring about terminology and stuff.
...
(Twilight Sparkle would, upon hearing about this, decide that Tempest’s special talent was just giving the middle finger to physics. Which, as a pony, meant shoving her hoof into its poor, undeserving face.)
HA! Nice translation of terms, too!
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Nice look at Tempest's headspace!
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Typo:
one shouted without reappearing[.]
Not difficult even for people who are actually aware of them, and that's already a small minority of the fandom. Seriously, while there are continuity errors when the two are taken individually, things get much worse when you try to integrate both into a coherent whole.
Yea, the explosion to cushion fall thing always bugged me. I'm pretty sure the Mythbusters did that one, and it doesn't work. Well, it works in that you don't have to worry about the impact on the ground killing you.
Considering that the Magic goblins seemed to be portrayed as brilliant engineers (and idiots at everything else), I was expecting this to be more about them gaining the petrification orbs instead of "My Pet Grubber."
Best line. Actually made me laugh out loud.
New favorite pairing: Sparkle and the Spark.
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As valid an interpretation of his motives as any other I've seen.
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Fair enough. I still felt the need to give full disclosure.
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If we ever got a good look at Tempest's flanks, we'd be able to know what the Rule of Cool looks like.
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You know, it's funny you should mention those...
And yes, I am very happy with the anatomy joke.
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"Gee, Tempest, what are we going to do tonight?"
"The same thing we do every night, Your Highness. Try to take over the world! ... With friendship, of course."
I'm willing to ignore slight chronology hiccups in Equestria. I fully recognize that the ETSAB has their hands/hooves full with all the shenanigans at work there.
I also accept Grubber as a goblin, in the storied tradition of having a pet expendable (yet impossible to get rid of) goblin on an airship. Aren't there also occasionally goblins in the comics? (Or were those gremlins that were fouling the weather to ruin Dash's day?)
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Those fellows were indeed identified as "cloud gremlins," and they've shown up just about every time Tony Fleecs has drawn the comic since, including EqG annuals. The closest Equestria's come to goblins in canon is Twilight and Shining bonding over a monster encyclopedia in a different comic line.
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ETSAB?
What was the first card for this chapter?