All Downhill
The day had begun pleasantly enough for Princess Platinum. After an adequate breakfast given the circumstances, she toured the new mountain retreat near the cave where she had helped thwart the vile windigoes.
Yes, it was true that Clover and the other aides began the process, but she was invaluable help once they thawed her out. Indisputably true. Just ask anypony.
“Clover?” she said for completely unrelated reasons as they walked along the ramparts of Fort Canterlot, “We were invaluable help with the windigoes, were we not?”
He looked her, confused for some reason. Doubtless contemplating a dozen other things, the poor soul.
Before she could repeat the question, one of the watchponies gasped and shouted, “Ach! Your Highness, run! It’s the lhurgoyf!”
Platinum blinked. “The what?”
“The reason we came here, Your Highness," said Clover, tugging on the royal person. "Please follow me.”
Platinum pulled back, pouting. “We would very much like to know what a… whatever that mare said is first.”
Clover's eyes darted between his princess and something behind her. “Our lives depend on your haste, Your Highness.”
Platinum deigned to look back. The dust cloud did admittedly look rather frightful. “Oh, very well." And, with the unwilling but practiced ease of ponies who had carved a new nation out of the wilderness, they ran for their lives. "But what precisely is a…”
“Lhurgoyf," Clover said for her. "It’s a yak word.”
The familiar mental ground was a comfort for Platinum. “Beastly things, yaks. No sense of proper decorum." A spark of concern flashed in her mind. "Do you think the watchponies will be alright? We suppose if that one survived meeting a yak, she’ll manage a larder well enough.”
“Lhurgoyf, Your Highness. They’re scavengers, but very aggressive ones." Clover gulped as they galloped down the spiralling stairs to ground level. "Proactive, you might say.”
“We see,” Platinum said in a tone that made it clear that she saw because she had other ponies to see for her, and the closest one was named Clover the Clever.
“In the sense that they’ve been known to make corpses when none prove readily available.”
“Ah. Well then. See that we avoid that today.”
“Of course, Your Highness," Clover said by rote. "The better fed a lhurgoyf is, the more dangerous it becomes. And diets vary from breed to breed.”
They emerged from the stairwell and made for the main doors of the fort. Burly earth ponies wrenched open the stone sheets like an ornamental garden gate as they approached. “That’s all well and good, but surely good, solid stone can stand up to one." Once they were out past the guards and in the courtyard, Platinum added, "What are we keeping the earth ponies around for otherwise?”
“Many ponies enjoy having the opportunity to eat, Your Highness.”
“Ah." Platinum thought back to the migration. She didn't remember much; a princess struggled with her people, and so she had always taken the least and the last of their meager supplies. But she remembered the hunger as much as the cold. "True.”
“Also, this particular breed of lhurgoyf eats magic.”
Platinum nearly stumbled. “Wait, what?”
At that point, the beast burst through the outer wall, a great hulking brute three times the size of a pony perched on two bulging hind legs. Four front limbs waved lengthy claws as teeth gnashed in far too many mouths. It didn't have a head so much as a bulge on its hunched-over shoulders where all those mouths sat, with no room for eyes or ears or even much of a neck. Yet it still looked directly at Platinum, new mouths working their way out to the surface teeth first even as she watched.
Platinum shrieked, reared up, and ran like the wind. With royal dignity and grace.
“Now you understand why I wanted to make greater haste, Your Highness,” said Clover.
“Kill it!" Platinum shrieked with all the poise of her bloodline. "Why isn’t somepony killing it!?”
“I told you, Your Highness, it eats magic. We’ve had just as many unicorns as earth ponies building Fort Canterlot; the mountain’s lousy with excess thaums.” Clover's horn flashed, and tingling magic enveloped their hooves. They ran headlong down a slope that goats would struggle to manage, clinging to the surface regardless. "Though I fear it's grown too powerful for pure muscle to overcome."
“Well why is it here in the middle of the kingdom and not skulking on the borders somewhere?”
“I suspect it always was here. It just hibernated through the freeze in some other cave on the mountain. But now it’s awake and..." A dissonant blend of roars sounded from far too close behind them, making Clover wince. "Well, rampaging.”
Scree tumbled down past them to the sound of claws scraping against stone. “It’s still following us,” Platinum said, somewhat breathless after the last few shrieks. “Clover, why is it still following us?” Her eyes slid up to his horn, still glowing. "Why are you still casting something?"
His eyes were still on the path ahead. “I need it to follow us for my other plan to work.”
“There’s another plan?”
Clover allowed himself a slight grin. “This is me we’re talking about, Your Highness. There’s always another plan.”
Platinum considered her advisor's years of loyal service. “Is it a good plan?”
“We’re in the process of finding out.”
In any other circumstances, she would have stopped there and then. "You're one of the most brilliant wizards in all of history and a far better pony than Star Swirl, and your plan is 'run and see what happens'!?"
"There's a bit more to it than that," Clover said with a pout.
"And you dragged us into this farce?"
"All due respect, Your Highness, but you invited yourself. As is your royal prerogative, of course."
"Of course." Platinum scowled as the warm glow of a stoked ego passed far too swiftly. "But you never mentioned a monster."
"I did say I was investigating a threat to Equestria."
"We assumed it was shoddy workponyship."
"Ah." Clover said nothing for a few moments. "You know, you could try thrashing it with your crown. Telekinesis is simple enough that you would damage it more than empower it."
"We were not in our right mind at the time. Besides, we fear the fiend may bite our poor crown in half." Platinum glanced up at the gilded wood on her brow. "And this one was a gift."
"As you like, Your Highness."
Platinum's eyes widened as she looked back at the path ahead. "Clover? Clover, we are rapidly running out of mountain. Please tell us you have the next phase of the plan ready."
"I cannot say I do, Your Highness," he said with infuriating calm.
"Then we demand you prepare it at once! We will not spend our final moments on some fool's errand only to be devoured by some unpronounceable bother from the unplumbed depths of the earth."
"There may be some complications there, Your Highness."
"We do not care what complications there may be. As your princess, we order you to enact whatever it is you planned on doing after we exhausted the—"
Clover obeyed her orders with commendable swiftness, if dubious execution. Platinum certainly could have done without getting tackled and tumbling across the hard, dusty ground. But, to his credit, the monster couldn't stop nearly as easily. Trying to turn to face the morsels just left it tumbling the rest of the way down to the flat grassland around the river that flowed from the Canterfalls.
"My apologies, Your Highness," Clover said around panting breaths. "I needed you to keep moving for that to work, and you consistently achieve your top speed when pursuing willful servants."
"You are forgiven, Clover. This time." Platinum heaved herself to her hooves, grimacing at the blend of sweat and dust caked on her coat. "While we cannot deny a modicum of malicious satisfaction at seeing that horror roll down the slopes, we cannot believe that this will finish it."
"It won't, Your Highness."
"Then—"
"The pegasi will."
Platinum blinked. "The pegasi?" She looked up. Only now did she register the thick cloud cover over the river flats, clouds that terminated scarcely any distance in front of her.
Then the downpour started, hours of rain coming down in seconds, countless gallons rushing towards the stunned beast and sweeping it into the river.
"Very difficult for the creature to eat weatherworking," Clover said conversationally. "All the magic's in the sky. At ground level, it's just water."
"Oh." Platinum beamed and stomped out a round of applause. "Oh, good show! And this takes care of it?"
Clover nodded. "Lhurgoyfs come in many breeds, Your Highness, but they're all terrible swimmers."
"Excellent!"
A familiar face flew down to them from the clouds, the very picture of concern as she looked them over. "Are you both alright?"
"Better than alright, dearest Pansy!" Platinum wrapped her forelegs around her friend in an admittedly undignified embrace, but this was a time for celebration. "We are overjoyed! Another threat to our fair kingdom eliminated through cunning cooperation!"
"O... kay?"
Clover walked up to them, a smile on his muzzle. "I believe Her Highness is experiencing what Star Swirl described as a 'galloper's high.' Also realizing that she's still alive."
Pansy nodded. "That can be a rush. You're okay, too?" She held out a hoof.
He bumped it in the style of the peasantry. No helping that, sadly. "I am now. Thank you again."
And Pansy smiled as wide as Puddinghead. "Of course. That's what friends are for."
This was an interesting one. Magic eaters are especially nasty in Equestria... but there are several different forms of magic at work, some more readily digestible than others.
Sapphire Arrowsdotter managed to buck tradition. Those were not her last words. Mostly because the magnivore Kool-Aid Manned its way through the fortifications without bothering the ponies within them.
For more on the martial applications of the Platinum crown, see Carabas's Noblesse.
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clover : oh no!
platinum : oh no !
magnivore: oh yeah!
Bursts through fort wall
starswirl : can we PLEASE stop saying ''oh no'' ? or else the bucking magnivore is go through the fort wall again!!
if you get the ref you get a foal trixie
10274530
Given the author's note, it's not hard. but foal trixie! Woo!
...
Clover is female, in Noblesse... Unless this is your own twist, FOME, because otherwise, their cuddling would bring very different improprieties to mind...
Great story, though!
...
Indeed!
...
Typo:
grown to powerful > grown too powerful
Clover had a plan. Clover always had a plan. Of course, that doesn't necessarily inspire confidence when one's in the middle of said plan.
*Drop of liquid pride* He has learned so well.
Remember everyone: Tarmogoyf is only considered the best of them because of mana efficiency, which is only relevant in the context of gameplay. Once you're already staring them down it's the only one with a ceiling.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Magnivore dies instantly if there are no sorceries in the graveyards, and there are cards that can exile entire graveyards at once. Tormod's Crypt is one of the more notable for being completely free, and it's getting reprinted soon. (Given that said crypt is explicitly empty, I hope they print Tormod soon)
I love Clover. We need more good stories with him.
I played a Magnivore deck back in the day.
It's the only deck that would want Eye of Nowhere over Boomerang and Volcanic Hammer over Lightning Bolt.
10274557
I like to think that, after years of being apprenticed to Star Swirl, Clover became not so much gender fluid as gender puréed. Their identity used to be a lot more solid, but now it's hard to tell what it even used to be.
10274591
Star Swirl also always had a plan, and they always ended well... for Star Swirl. Clover's usually had better track records for other ponies, but not always.
10274592
He strives to make his teacher proud. No telling when the old stallion might show up again, after all.
10274635
Strictly speaking, the other 'goyfs are limited by the number of cards in all libraries, but that's less ceiling and more skybox.
10274765
The founders represent some great opportunities to play with historical fiction in this setting. I do need to use them more often.
10276197
That's what we call a "soft cap" rather than the hard cap of Tarmogoyf. Naturally, it's Momir Vig's Simic who remove that limit.
10276197
Experimentation is a noble pursuit
10276197
"I'm pretty sure I was born a unicorn, at least."
New phrase found for the Urban Dictionary
Was scanning Carabas stories for this after rereading Noblesse.
Thankfully, a search of "Noblesse Carabas Fanofmosteverything site:fimfiction.net card" revealed this "sequel" which I was searching for!
So good!
----
Typo:
undiginified > undignified