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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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lol
DEAD I-POD???
images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/9/9/087bb53c-1199-4793-baff-2d17bba2718c.jpg
Looking forward to more chapters! :)
1180285
Ohmygod it actualy is! It's like going out without makeup on, or... without clothes. It truly makes me feel naked... And then people will do nasty things to me. And I don't want that. Not one bit. Nuh-uh. No way.
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i.imgur.com/oqjwZ.gif
all this happy sound off to me... but then again I'm pretty paranoid.
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You think there's too much 'happy'? Surely that's a good thing!
1180404 no not to much. just... off. like i said i'm paranoid.
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Haha, you've noticed that I am the slowest paced writer EVER, yeah? As Coal was saying, it takes me 6 paragraphs to describe a room, and shit like that...
Well, bear that in mind while speculating things~ It may help. In my stories, things don't seem to sneak up on you.
Yet another awesome chapter. I had to wait till after school to finish it.
Ok that was not a chapter i was expecting but still good
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Unfortunatley, we're drawing close to the limits of what I have currently written...
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Yeah, as you may have noticed, I write the SLOWEST paced story in the world. This was 8K of primarily work and food. But hey, it's what I enjoy writing, so... yeah! I'm happy you're willing to read it and are enjoying it though!
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Lol, all about making friends here, I see! And yeah, Coal's comment surprised me too.
My comments over the last seven chapters are still for the most part applicable here, so I'll just point out a few things specifically and hope that helps.
Rob looked up. “Great thanks Spike!”
Usually when making an exclamatory remark, you'd write it followed by the punctuation. "Great!" Then, when talking to another by name, you'd separate the message and their name with a coma. "Thanks, Spike!"
There is some debate on various grammar rules, but I figured I'd share mine. "Great! Thanks, Spike!" Is how I would write that.
Another thing I have noticed is that you like using comas a lot. There isn't anything wrong with that, but you don't always have to. You can use transitional words or phrases to do that for you. It adds a little variety. A couple that I like are: "while", and "as he/she/it/they/etc"
Variety is the spice of life, and writing.
Must not comment about Celestia. Must not comment about Celestia. Must not comment about Celestia... You have a very fun and neck snappingly jarring portrayal of her. Nothing wrong with it, but my mind starts repeating "what" again and again as I read it.
I don't like just mentioning things that I feel could be improved, or that I just find odd, so~ Here is something I liked! A lot! "You look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.” That made me chuckle more than it should.
Another thing that comes to mind when reading is that "damn it", or "dang it" are the proper ways to write "damnit" or "dangit". Nothing major there, I just thought I'd share.
I don't like this rule, but of course I'm going to share it. In writing, a lot of people like to capitalize an entire word to show emphasis. Technically that isn't correct. Yeah, I hate it too. Still, it's just one more thing to share.
Back to a variety comment! I'm glad that you add in things like: "He/she replied" and an adverb for detail, but you can reword them from time to time to mix things up. "He replied quietly.", "He quietly replied.", etc. I'm sure you're sick of these variety comments by now! Ha!
This one is something my English teacher would harp at, so~ “You know, food which tastes great, but is actually pretty bad for you, on the inside I mean.” The third coma is just too much. "You know, food which tastes great, but is actually pretty bad for you. On the inside I mean." Is how he'd tell me to write it.
I can't believe I have a comment on the very last line of the chapter. "It was surely something he missed greatly." The surely suggests that the narration isn't 100% on the statement. I can't say for certain if it is wrong, but it feels awkward, ya know?
That's all I could come up with this time around, Rob. Till next time, take it easy, dude!
YES BACON FUCK.... YEEEEEEEEEA
I just realized something, Arc is a lot like Jesse Cox, they both argue with their own brains at times. And they are both extremely funny.