Diamond Gavel and Jet Stream have gone to a space innovation conference to sample some of the best ideas in the country. Unfortunately, a skill-enhancing drug has some rather LEWD side-effects that have them running to their hotel room!
I feel bad for the janitor pony who had to clean up after those two. Cool to know a mare in heat wetting herself is about as normal as cleaning up a spilled drink. Albeit a bit more awkward and embarrassing.
You always find new and great ways of putting these characters in crazy situations and I praise you for it! Poor Dow though. Only wanted to impress his idols and instead completely fucked them over. ...Or will they fuck themselves over?
The mother turned her filly’s eyes away and shook her head, as ponies pretended not to notice the otherwise professionally dressed mare wetting herself like some moronic whorse in the middle of the busy hotel.
“Then I’ll just open a factory here in Flhorseida!” Jet pouted, crossing his arms.
Stop calling it that!
“To keep you grounded so that you don’t act like a kid in a candy-store and invest half the company’s assets in some new untested tech, dooming us to financial ruin?”
You know, kinda like your marriage??
“...good point.” Jet sighed. “Still though - imagine not needing cryogenic fuel systems! The fact that it melts flesh is just a minor problem… I’m sure we c-”
Jet, it's gas that eats your face!
The pegasus mare shrugged and adjusted her glasses. “I really gotta go.”
Next time, bring a catheter!
“Oh! Of course!” The stallion adjusted his tie and turned toward her. “First of all, please let me introduce myself and my colleagues. My name is Dow, this here is our chemist Dew Pont, and the mare who had to excuse herself is our pony physiologist, Iggy Farben.”
Dew Pont?! You mean like the chemical company that once polluted a stream that was being drank by livestock cows?!
“And my predictive abilities have already leapt ahead of you - the only thing that will satisfy you and your boss as to the real nature of this performance-enhancing gas is to try it yourselves .”
...Is this jenkum gas even legal?!
Diamond could smell the strange sharpness of chemistry in the otherwise clear and odorless gas - like the smell of a recently drycleaned suit… or the inside of a new car… but otherwise it just seemed like air? Maybe this kid really was all bluster?
Or perhaps a scent of freshly clean underwear?
“Because this formula only works for earth-ponies !” Iggy shouted, her wings way outstretched with fear. “The earth-pony resiliency screens out hundreds of the complex minor agents that would still have major effects on pegasus and unicorn bodies!”
What kind of freakin' gas is racist against non-Earth ponies?!
The stench of his cock was unreal. It was like she could see the waves coming off of him in musky clouds of pheromones, assaulting her with heat and warmth. It reminded her of the first time she’d gone into the colts locker room in high-school when she was in estrus… the pungent reek combining with her desperate need in a way that was oh so wrong… and yet so deliciously right .
You snuck in the boy's locker room back in high school to peeps at naked stallions, yet you complained about being harassed by a university teacher??!! Where the hell are your morals, lady??!!
Diamond saw a mare and her filly look over at them but could do nothing to prevent the embarrassing release of a second, larger splatter of her slick arousal as it loudly sprayed from her gaping marehood underneath her hiked tail to her shame.
You see kid, when a divorced daddy and his mistress secretary love each other very much...
Diamond sighed, shaking her head as she reached for one of the masks - ss soon as SpaceZed was mentioned she knew this was a done deal… they would at least have to try it. She slipped the mask on, tightening the seal against her muzzle as Jet did the same.
ss should be as
With a groan, Diamond felt herself swell, at a speed she’d never thought possible - her clitoris sagging and ballooning outward under the weight of the firey passionate blood spilling into her. The sharp electricity of the little nub grinding against her lips made her gasp, as her ponut tightened and tensed, shooting off a cascade of muscular contractions that left her choking for ait.
ait to air.
Diamond yanked Jet’s tied to pull him into the hallway, not that he needed the encouragement.
Should just be "tie".
Nearly every item of furniture was scuffed or damaged, the TV had fallen into the corner, cracked… thick stains of male and female fluids coated every surface (she had to put a towel down on the chair to avoid sitting in a puddle)... puddles and stains of unspeakable nature were on all the walls and windows… the sheets were everywhere (one was even on the ceiling fan - she wasn’t sure how they’d managed that feat.
Missing the close-parentheses at the end of that sentence.
10031795 It only mentions that Diamond snuck into that locker room. There is nothing that establishes any colts were present when she had done so.
And knowing what 'in estrus' refers to, as well as being in desperate need, and that the pony who harassed her did so when she wasn't in need and she could keep her mind clear and inhibitions in check... uh, what am I trying to say here?
It was approaching noon now, and the long morning of walking through the exhibition hall was catching up with Diamond - the ache was starting to rise into her shins now.
I hope it's not her tits doing it. She has the opportunity to shrink them at any time, right?
“...good point.” Jet sighed. “Still though - imagine not needing cryogenic fuel systems! The fact that it melts flesh is just a minor problem… I’m sure we c-”
Cryogenic fuel systems can't melt steel beams! Diamond is right though. It's a bad idea to try to adjust an entire billion-dollar industry around some sort of experimental system. I'm surprised a guy as successful as Jet would even be tempted by such a thing. He should know better.
But this wasn’t uncommon - many of the exhibits were put together by enterprising young engineers from the local schools… and many of the nerdier sorts had little skill when it came to putting together a top-notch presentation… though they could have the next billion-bit idea.
This is why older businesses fail and why that's ultimately a natural form of anti-trust. I like the idea that someone can come up from nothing and compete with the big boys. Why should any corperation exist and be dominant for a hundred years?
“Guys, I gotta take a leak, I’ll be back in five.”
What a useless employee! Could she not have been more discreet? Earth pony mare needs to be more assertive and start talking though.
The pegasus mare shrugged and adjusted her glasses. “I really gotta go.”
Why is this earth pony mare not taking control of this shitshow? Let the rando pegasus fuck off so you can pitch your idea to the billionaire!
The stallion whirled back on Diamond as the nerdy one made her way toward the restrooms. “Hello there! Mr. Stream, Ms. Gavel! Let me first say, I am a huge admirer of your company… and your story, Mr. Stream, its something I look to achieve myself someday.”
At least one of these ponies gives a fuck about being taken seriously. Pressing F for that earth pony mare's career.
Diamond blinked. The kid seemed slicker than an Appleloosan snake-oil sales pony.
Does he? He sounds like he's being polite to me.
The fact that he had the appearance and name of the bigshots at the convention was just further evidence that he was probably three times as impressive as the actual science behind him.
Looks can be deceiving. It's never a good idea to credit someone for work they haven't proved yet.
My name is Dow, this here is our chemist Dew Pont, and the mare who had to excuse herself is our pony physiologist, Iggy Farben.”
I get two of these references. You certainly are quite knowledgable about the United States for a Leaf, Cloppy. I admit I don't share your appreciation for the United States.
oxygen substitutes
Oxygen substitutes... Heh. That's an amusing concept. Makes it sound like he wants to ween ponies off of breathing.
allowing for engineers to expand the envelope of designs of spacecraft that are pony-rated.
At the risk of sounding smarter than I really am, this sounds expensive. Oxygen (8) is one of the simplest elements out there and burns really hot.
ancient Zebrican chemical gases
You lost me at the word "ancient", Dow. People talk about things that are 'ancient' when they want to sell you bullshit like overprized food and male enhancement suppliments. You're not fooling me! Heliocentric theory is 'ancient'. Okay, now this guy is sounding like a snake oil salesman. You should have inserted that thought here and not further up.
create such amazing and mysterious health benefits to create a perfect blend for astronauts.”
Oh shit. He is talking about replacing the oxygen in ponies! Wew lad!
“Perfect blends?” Diamond asked, checking the gas masks.
This is really going to be the basis for a clopfiction scene!? Oh Jesus! I dunno if this is me just trying too hard as an author or this story not trying hard enough. Probably the former.
“Yes!” Dow chirped, flipping through various charts, each time making sure to move past the page so that all Diamond could see were an assortment of graphs with positive trends and green percentages, and little scientific facts at all. “Imagine if you could provide your astronauts with the g-tolerances of the mightiest earth-ponies… the reflexes of the most-highly trained pegasi… and the mental acuity of our most ancient and skilled archmages!”
I see Joe Rogan exists in Equestria...
You could consider changing the phrase "oxygen substitutes" used above to "oxygen suppliments" as this really isn't going to replace oxygen because that isn't even biologically possible. That'd be like replacing the carbon in people's bodies with silicates or something.
cube of multiple colors.
The multicolored cube?
was a forced suggestion,,
Delete a comma. Someone already pointed this out to you!
The mere mention of EquestriAero’s arch-rival was enough to send Jet’s hackles up/
“Because this formula only works for earth-ponies!” Iggy shouted, her wings way outstretched with fear. “The earth-pony resiliency screens out hundreds of the complex minor agents that would still have major effects on pegasus and unicorn bodies!”
“Do we… do we need to go to the hospital?”
This is going to end up like a Vault experiment... remove that gap.
The stench of his cock was unreal.
''Stench'' has a negative word association in english. I'd change it to something neutral like 'scent'.
Are you enjoying the story?
PLEASE LIKE AND COMMENT!
I'd continue but I'm scared of how many edits I'm going to have to suggest once you've got the rolling barrage sex scene(s) going. I'm going to leave this one unvoted on like the last. I'm really surprised how sloppy this story is to have been written in 2020. The story itself is pretty much mindless clop I could read from Some Leech, DLS, Busterknutt, or any of the other big names out there who monetize their content with nothing really setting it apart aside from its poor editing. I don't read any of those guys because I don't find them interesting. I read you because I see your work as inherently superior.
I realize time is something precious to you and not every scenario is something I'm going to appreciate as it isn't my thing but even at a basic level, this story lacks the comedic or cute or ironic tone that would make an otherwise silly premise palatable. This pretty average even without all the typos.
One story left to check out - your Sunset Shimmer one.
I feel bad for the janitor pony who had to clean up after those two. Cool to know a mare in heat wetting herself is about as normal as cleaning up a spilled drink. Albeit a bit more awkward and embarrassing.
You always find new and great ways of putting these characters in crazy situations and I praise you for it! Poor Dow though. Only wanted to impress his idols and instead completely fucked them over. ...Or will they fuck themselves over?
OHH NOOOOOOO!!
Stop calling it that!
You know, kinda like your marriage??
Jet, it's gas that eats your face!
Next time, bring a catheter!
Dew Pont?! You mean like the chemical company that once polluted a stream that was being drank by livestock cows?!
...Is this jenkum gas even legal?!
Or perhaps a scent of freshly clean underwear?
What kind of freakin' gas is racist against non-Earth ponies?!
You snuck in the boy's locker room back in high school to peeps at naked stallions, yet you complained about being harassed by a university teacher??!! Where the hell are your morals, lady??!!
You see kid, when a divorced daddy and his mistress secretary love each other very much...
Best outcome they have a deal. Worst... They get dealth with after gasing a multimillion company owner and a first class lawyer.
A few minor typos through this:
ss should be as
ait to air.
Should just be "tie".
Missing the close-parentheses at the end of that sentence.
10031795
It only mentions that Diamond snuck into that locker room. There is nothing that establishes any colts were present when she had done so.
And knowing what 'in estrus' refers to, as well as being in desperate need, and that the pony who harassed her did so when she wasn't in need and she could keep her mind clear and inhibitions in check... uh, what am I trying to say here?
Good second chapter. Must point out that there were multiple typos throught this chapter
10032909
This she was just sniffing around, a lot of mares do in high school
Hey Clops, glad to see this going I found some things that were out of place. ^.^
Simple de-capitalization of the I.
Double commas.
Another de-capitalization.
I am definitely enjoying the story and I'm just going to continue reading.
Yeah, she can see. And hear. And smell.
I hope it's not her tits doing it. She has the opportunity to shrink them at any time, right?
Cryogenic fuel systems can't melt steel beams! Diamond is right though. It's a bad idea to try to adjust an entire billion-dollar industry around some sort of experimental system. I'm surprised a guy as successful as Jet would even be tempted by such a thing. He should know better.
This is why older businesses fail and why that's ultimately a natural form of anti-trust. I like the idea that someone can come up from nothing and compete with the big boys. Why should any corperation exist and be dominant for a hundred years?
What a useless employee! Could she not have been more discreet? Earth pony mare needs to be more assertive and start talking though.
Why is this earth pony mare not taking control of this shitshow? Let the rando pegasus fuck off so you can pitch your idea to the billionaire!
At least one of these ponies gives a fuck about being taken seriously. Pressing F for that earth pony mare's career.
Does he? He sounds like he's being polite to me.
Looks can be deceiving. It's never a good idea to credit someone for work they haven't proved yet.
I get two of these references. You certainly are quite knowledgable about the United States for a Leaf, Cloppy. I admit I don't share your appreciation for the United States.
Oxygen substitutes... Heh. That's an amusing concept. Makes it sound like he wants to ween ponies off of breathing.
At the risk of sounding smarter than I really am, this sounds expensive. Oxygen (8) is one of the simplest elements out there and burns really hot.
You lost me at the word "ancient", Dow. People talk about things that are 'ancient' when they want to sell you bullshit like overprized food and male enhancement suppliments. You're not fooling me! Heliocentric theory is 'ancient'. Okay, now this guy is sounding like a snake oil salesman. You should have inserted that thought here and not further up.
Oh shit. He is talking about replacing the oxygen in ponies! Wew lad!
memegenerator.net/img/instances/71411267/what-the-fuck-am-i-reading-.jpg
This is really going to be the basis for a clopfiction scene!? Oh Jesus! I dunno if this is me just trying too hard as an author or this story not trying hard enough. Probably the former.
I see Joe Rogan exists in Equestria...
You could consider changing the phrase "oxygen substitutes" used above to "oxygen suppliments" as this really isn't going to replace oxygen because that isn't even biologically possible. That'd be like replacing the carbon in people's bodies with silicates or something.
The multicolored cube?
Delete a comma. Someone already pointed this out to you!
Bruh! What is this? >>>>>> /
(sigh) This was already called out as well...
derpicdn.net/img/2018/2/26/1666004/large.png
This was already called out as well.
This is going to end up like a Vault experiment... remove that gap.
''Stench'' has a negative word association in english. I'd change it to something neutral like 'scent'.
I'd continue but I'm scared of how many edits I'm going to have to suggest once you've got the rolling barrage sex scene(s) going. I'm going to leave this one unvoted on like the last. I'm really surprised how sloppy this story is to have been written in 2020. The story itself is pretty much mindless clop I could read from Some Leech, DLS, Busterknutt, or any of the other big names out there who monetize their content with nothing really setting it apart aside from its poor editing. I don't read any of those guys because I don't find them interesting. I read you because I see your work as inherently superior.
I realize time is something precious to you and not every scenario is something I'm going to appreciate as it isn't my thing but even at a basic level, this story lacks the comedic or cute or ironic tone that would make an otherwise silly premise palatable. This pretty average even without all the typos.
One story left to check out - your Sunset Shimmer one.
Gotta love how the Chemist is named after a chemical company.