Of Earth Ponies and Their Magicks

by bahatumay

Confrontation, part 1

Pinkie Pie stood dramatically on top of a rock, her mane blowing in a wind that only she felt. “Brace yourselves,” she intoned dramatically. “There is about to be a little less laughter around here.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Whatever do you mean?”

Pinkie Pie looked back at her body, her eyes slowly tracing over her flank and barrel, both of which were looking a bit pudgy around the edges. “I'm thinking of going on a diet. What do you think?”

While Rarity mentally applauded this idea, and hoped Pinkie would take other fashionable steps in her life (decreasing the large quantity of sugar she consumed on a daily basis would help), Rainbow Dash facehoofed. “Pinkie...” she growled.

“What?” Pinkie's face was the epitome of innocence.

Rainbow had had enough. “We've been walking for two and a half hours! I'm pretty sure this is the third time we've passed this tree!”

“Fourth,” Fluttershy quietly corrected her.

“And I'm sick of walking, I'm sick of not getting anything done, and I'm really sick of following you!”

Pinkie Pie smiled and blinked expectantly, as if awaiting a punch line.

None was forthcoming. “So just use your crazy Pinkie-sense and find us that crazy filly so we can kick her out and I can go back to napping.”

“Oh, you silly,” Pinkie Pie grinned. “Pinkie-sense can't just pick up where somepony is! That wouldn't make any sense.”

Twilight's right eye twitched. “So why have we been following you around?” she asked in a cold, controlled voice.

Pinkie cocked her head. “You were following me? I was following Fluttershy!”

“I was in the back,” Fluttershy quietly defended herself, and Rarity nodded in agreement.

Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up in defeat. “So now we're nowhere nearer to finding Screwball!”

“Screwball? Oh, I know where she is. She's in the park. Did you want to talk to her?”

Pegasi have an inherent life advantage in that they can use clouds for many, many things (1). One of these is scream therapy. Rainbow Dash took this opportunity to take full advantage of this ability.

* * *

Screwball wandered the streets, her eyes and chaos sense scanning desperately. Where were they? Were they hiding? Well, it's not like they would be hiding behind a dumpster or something, but still.

But how strange was it, that she couldn't find any of the blasted Elements?

Ear flop, knee twitch, eye flutter.

Screwball looked up and squinted. The sky was cloudy, but hadn't yet started to rain, so there was no way there should be a rainb-

Sure enough, her sense was never wrong, and a rainbow blur flew right by. Screwball blinked. That had been unexpected, in an expected sort of way.

The rainbow stopped and resolved into a blue pony. “Hey!” she called, returning and pointing a hoof accusingly at Screwball. “There you are!”

Screwball removed her cap and bowed deeply. “Yes, here I am. What were your other two wishes?”

“The only thing I'm wishing for is to send you back where you came from!”

“That's right,” another voice broke in. Screwball spun to see another five ponies lined up. To her surprise, they seemed to fit the descriptions of the Elements. Except for that pink pony. Not sure what she was doing here.

It was the purple unicorn that was talking now. “We are the elements of harmony! Emissaries of her highness Princess Celestia herself! And we're here to vanquish you and ensure that your reign of chaos ends today!”

Screwball tilted her head in confusion. And ponies said she was strange...

Rainbow Dash facehoofed. “Hey, Twilight? Next time, let me do the introductions, ok?”

Twilight looked around, and noticed that all her friends were nodding in agreement. She huffed lightly but nodded.

“Very well,” Screwball said. “You're here for me?” She sat and rested her head on her forehooves, which had been hoofcuffed together. “Read me the charges.”

“Charges?”

“Unless you were going for more of a kangaroo court judgment?” Screwball asked. “Not that I mind, mind you. Kangaroo courts seem much more chaotic and a lot more fun than boring court proceedings. All that 'Order in the court' nonsense, ugh, gag me.”

“I like that idea,” piped up Pinkie. “Kangaroos are cute! So are joeys. I wonder where that name came from. It's fun to say! It means a baby kangaroo, but you don't often get to start words with the hard g sound...”

“We're not kangarooing anyone!” Twilight shouted.

“That's not even a real word,” Rainbow accused.

Pinkie cocked her head. “It's not?”

“No!” Both Twilight and Rainbow confirmed this.

Pinkie sat down and pouted. “Well, it should be,” she muttered.

“Look!” Twilight tried to bring them all back to the purple pony in front of them, who was currently sipping a martini. “Equestria is a place of harmony! Not chaos! So either you stop, or we'll use the elements of harmony on you.”

“Well, that's a little harsh,” Screwball said, setting her glass down. As she did so, it fell over and melted into the ground. “After all, it is my special talent.” She grinned evilly. “And I do like using my special talent.”

“So it doesn't have anything to do with baseball?” Rainbow Dash asked, suddenly confused at the relationship between chaos and her cutie mark.

Screwball snorted, and then raised her rear right hoof and stomped. A little shower of softballs fell over Rainbow Dash, leading her to squeal and duck for cover.

Grinning, Screwball picked up one of the softballs that had rolled by her hoof. “Softball, actually. I love softballs. Their name says they're soft, but they're not.” She took a bite as if it were an apple and grinned, the red stitches hanging out of her mouth. “They're actually quite crispy.”

“That's it! Elements, assemble!” Twilight shouted.

Screwball snorted as she tossed her half-eaten softball away. How cliché. How boring. How... impossible.

“Oh yeah? Where's the elements?” Her jaw dropped as she realized that the pink one was wearing an element as well. “Wh- what is that?” she asked, pointing a hoof at Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie looked down. “Element of laughter,” she said. “It's pretty, and goes with pretty much everything I have in my closet. Which is mostly balloons, my special cupcake stash, and one set of fishne-.”

“What I meant was, how did you get that being what you are?”

“What I am?” Pinkie asked innocently, but her eyes flicked to the left once.

“You know what you are,” Screwball accused.

“Pinkie?” Twilight asked. “What's she talking about?”

“They don't know?” Screwball giggled. “Tell them, then. Tell them what you are, sister.”

“Sister?” All her friends turned to stare at Pinkie.

“You've got some 'splainin' to do,” Rainbow said, landing and poking a hoof accusingly at Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie's eyes quickly darted from side to side, her voice inflection wavered, and she twisted a lock of her mane with her hoof. "I may or may not have told a teensy-weensy itty-bitty pinkie fib," she confessed. "I wasn't blessed with deep magic, and the amount of extra magic an earth pony can pick up is really limited." She took a deep breath. "It's chaos magic. I was born with chaos magic."

Twilight's eyes widened. Suddenly, the world made sense. It made sense by not making sense. This made perfect sense!

"What does that mean?" Rainbow demanded.

"It means basically I'm a littler, cuter, pinker version of Discord," Pinkie explained. "It's a really, really, super duper rare occurrence, but if a pony gives birth to an earth pony filly at exactly midnight on the sixth day of the month if there's a full moon, the filly gets chaos magic. It has to be unlocked, though. The Rainboom unlocked it for me and now, well, I'm me!"

Rainbow Dash nodded. For some reason, this explained a lot of things and it made the most sense to just accept it. "So just females, eh? Where did Discord come from, then?" (2)

Pinkie looked disparagingly at Dash. "I don't have ALL the answers," she said.

Screwball blew a raspberry. "Can we get back to the matter at hoof?" she growled. "You. Me. Elements. Chaos. Sisters."

"How did you find Pinkie, anyway?" Rarity asked.

Screwball circled, chuckling darkly. "We can sense each other. All chaos children can. That's why she thought she knew me. Subconsciously, she knew what I was."

Pinkie Pie brightened. “Ah! That explains a lot!” she said to herself.

“That's a big word,” Twilight commented.

Screwball snarled. “So is 'condescending'.”

Fear and curiosity fought in Twilight's mind, and curiosity (as per usual) won. "So how did you unlock your chaos magic?"

Screwball grimaced, her eyes glinting dangerously. "Me? I crossed a gang the wrong way. I was amazed I even woke up after what they did to me. But it unlocked my chaos magic." She smiled. "I did take my revenge."

Pinkie looked horrified. "No! We're only supposed to use our powers for good!"

“This is good!” Screwball argued. “This is fun! This is what life is supposed to be about! And you all had to go and lock daddy in stone again! That's just not fair!”

"Why do you call Discord 'daddy'?" Rainbow blurted before she could stop herself.

Screwball's eyes hardened. “He was the only one who cared. I survived something no filly should ever have to go through, and once my family found out about my chaos magic, I was disowned like I didn't matter. Some earth ponies never will trust magic. Discord reached out to me. His prison was weakened when Princess Sunbutt lost control of the elements, and he was my only friend. He was my only guide.” She raised her voice angrily. “And you ruined his plan for Ponyville! Chaos capital of the world! It would have been glorious!” She turned to Pinkie Pie. “And you! You've betrayed all us chaos children!”

Pinkie gasped, as if deeply offended. “I did no such thing! You've soiled my honor!”

“You're a chaos pony!” Screwball spat. “You have no honour!”

“You spell honor like a Brit!” Pinkie retorted.

“Buuurn!” Rainbow jeered, before realizing that she had no idea what any of that even meant.

“Equestria was built on order!” Twilight insisted, not used to being ignored like this. “Chaos has no place here.”

“But chaos isn't bad,” Pinkie argued. “Chocolate rain and parties, remember?”

Screwball laughed heartlessly. "Riiight.... because chaos spreads joy and that's why Celestia turned Daddy to stone. That's why I've been hunted and driven out from every town. That's why there are so few of us. Face it, Pinkie, you and me, we're the same. I'm a freak, and you're a freak, and you always will be."

"My friends love me!" Pinkie protested.

“Your friends use you!” Screwball accused. “And your cupcakes are hard and too crunchy and your frosting tastes like mud!”

Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "Let's end this," she hissed.

Fluttershy hid her face. “Oh, no,” she whispered. “There's only one way this can end...”

Author's Note:

Holy shnikies, four months and the update is just a bunch of dialogue? Great. Really.
Thanks for sticking with this story so far. I've had the ending scene written for a while and so this should be wrapping up soon.

1) A prime example of this here.

2) In reality, it's different for every species. Sometimes males get it, like in Draconeqqi; sometimes females get it, like ponies and griffons. Wait a minute.... This is chaos magic. I ain't gotta explain nothin'.

Comments

[Themaskedferret]

A chaos-off?