Of Earth Ponies and Their Magicks

by bahatumay

The New Mare...

About a week later, Twilight was still recovering from Zecora's potion. True to her word, the zebra's mixture hadn't been fatal, but it did leave Twilight very tired (and mildly susceptible to headaches). Being unable to study or read, her insanity had calmed down, but her curiosity had not. Zecora's prognosis had been only mildly comforting (“I have the good news that you seek: the effects should wear off within two weeks”), and Twilight had no choice but to rest. She was laying on the couch when she heard the door open.

“Spike?” she called. “Did you get the...” Her voice trailed off when she heard Spike's incoherent moanings. Her big sister instincts and her tiredness fought, but the instincts won, and she forced herself down the stairs. Faithful Spike had the shopping bags, and a sizable lump on his head.

“Spike! What happened?” she asked, gently nuzzling him.

Spike tried to show that he was tough and didn't appreciate the attention, but he definitely did. “A weight fell on my head.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. Derpy?”

“Actually, she was standing next to me when it happened.”

Well, that was mildly embarrassing.... Not that Twilight had anything against the pegasus, of course; but forgetting a piano falling on your head is not easy. Twilight shook it off. “Just a random weight?”

“It was one of Rainbow Dash's training weights. But that's not the weird part.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. A randomly falling weight was plenty weird in her opinion. ...Actually, on second thought, scratch that. Random things falling from the sky was just a normal part of life in Ponyville.

“So I was talking with Derpy about astronomy....” Spike started.

“Really?” Twilight raised an eyebrow again.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Are you going to keep interrupting me?”

“I didn't say anything,” Twilight lied.

Spike sighed. “She's not blind, she just has no depth perception. And you only use one eye for telescopes, anyway.” (1)

Twilight was astounded that she had not made this connection before.

“Anyway... So I was talking about the incoming comet...”

This excited Twilight. “The one that only comes every 75 and a half years? I know, right? I'm so excited too...” Seeing Spike's expression, she slowly sat down and magicked a piece of tape over her mouth. A little headache spiked from her magical exertion, but she ignored it.

“And then this other pony goes, 'Why are you worried about the comet? You should watch yourself.' And I didn't get it, but then the weight fell on my head.”

“Well, that wasn't very nice,” Twilight said. “At least she could have warned you.” Well, that's what she tried to say, but she had forgotten about the tape over her mouth, so it came out sounding like Pinkie Pie's stomach growling.

Spike had somehow understood (or maybe he had been hanging around Twilight for so long that he could predict her replies). “Yeah. She just laughed and flopped her ears and walked away. Then Derpy slipped on a pile of vegetable peelings and fell right into a puddle of mud and left to go take a bath.”

Twilight paused. Why did that sound vaguely familiar?

“And now I'm here.”

Twilight removed the tape. “Guess it hasn't been a good day,” she said.

Spike shook his head no. Then he brightened. “A sapphire would make me feel better!”

Twilight rolled her eyes, but smiled in agreement.

* * *

The next afternoon, Twilight entered Sugarcube Corner, happily anticipating dessert. As much as it bothered her, she had decided to put her investigation on hold temporarily (if for no other reason than to avoid another one of Spike's well-intentioned, but poorly executed, interventions), and so was here on strictly dessert-related business. Pinkie Pie was helping Rarity, but waved energetically in greeting. Twilight smiled as she waited in line.

“...and one of those large red velvet cupcakes, they're Sweetie Belle's favorite.”

The bell rang again, and Twilight turned to see a light purple mare walk in. She didn't look familiar, and so Twilight braced herself for Pinkie Pie's reaction to a new mare.

Sure enough, when Pinkie looked up, she visibly brightened and her mane seemed to poof even more. Twilight expected Pinkie to either shriek, run, gift her whatever she would order, or perhaps throw a party for the newcomer right then and there.

What she did not expect, but what she saw, was Pinkie suddenly squinting in surprise and cocking her head in confusion. She stared intently at the new mare. "Do I... know you?" she asked.

The new mare's eyes glinted. "Do you?"

That was the wrong thing to say. Pinkie took a deep breath and said, "I don't know, because if I didn't, I would want to throw you a party saying 'welcome to Ponyville', but if you've already been here and I don't know you, I know that's a problem because I know everything about everypony here in Ponyville, unless you're just visiting, which is another kind of party entirely, because visiting is not the same as moving here, although both have cupcakes, and cake, and hot sauce, because hot sauce is delicious, like a kumquat, even though I've never had one, they sound scrumptious, and that is such a fun word to say." Pinkie paused. "Are you my long lost sister?" (2)

The newcomer's mouth twitched downwards.

“Cousin?” Pinkie tried. “Daughter? Ooh! Maybe brother?”

The new mare's eye twitched briefly, but decided to answer. "No, just a visitor. I've been here once before," she said. "Thought I could make a home here. It was almost six months ago."

Rarity spoke up. "Oh, that's when that dreadful Discord was in town. Oh! How horrid."

Twilight noticed the strange mare's eyes tighten. She was confused. Twilight was, that is. The other mare just seemed angry at the mention of Discord; not that they mentioned him, but that Rarity had insulted him.

The new mare glowered at Rarity. She raised her back right hoof and stomped lightly. "You sound like you've got an itch that just won't go away," she said.

“Oh, the horrors he inflicted....” Rarity reminisced.

“Oh, Rarity,” Pinkie said. “You're just being uptight again. Cotton candy clouds, Rarity! Cotton candy clouds!” She closed her eyes and licked her lips in enjoyment, remembering how tasty that had been.

The new mare mumbled something that sounded vaguely like, “At least somepony has taste,” but Twilight didn't think she had heard right. She turned back to Pinkie. “What's the randomest thing you've got here?”

Pinkie didn't even need to think. “Zap apple cupcakes with cinnamon, powdered sugar, and hot sauce. With a hint of cumin.”

“And garlic?”

“Yep! With a sprinkling of lemon juice to top it all off.”

The newcomer smiled her first real smile of the day. “I'll take it.”

Pinkie smiled too. “I'm glad!” she said, obtaining a cupcake from... wherever she kept them. Possibly stored all over in case of cupcake emergencies, Twilight reflected. She slid it over to the stranger. “Nopony else seems to like them at all and I don't understand. Enjoy!”

The mare pulled off her hat, reached inside, and tossed a bit onto the counter. "You too," she smiled, walking away. The door slammed behind her, and the glass shattered.

Strange, Twilight thought. It didn't look like the door had shut fast enough to break the glass.

Pinkie Pie, on the other hoof, was still deep in thought. “I could have sworn I knew her from somewhere,” she said. “I know I know everypony here, and I remember everypony, too, and everything about everypony.” She turned to Twilight. “Happy birthday in seven months and eight days, by the way.”

Twilight thought about asking, and then decided not to.

“But she... ugh...” Pinkie sighed in frustration and buried her face in her hooves, and then turned back to Twilight. “Twilight, do you know her?”

“Sorry, Pinkie, I don't,” Twilight said. Twilight was sure that she would have recognized such a unique compound cutie mark. You didn't see a screw and a baseball together often.

“Nor do I,” Rarity added. “I am certain that I could never forget such a tacky little propeller hat.”

* * *

The new mare walked down the street, enjoying her cupcake and looking at the different shop stalls set up in the market. Suddenly, her tail twitched. She simply sidestepped, and three small fillies came running up to her. Well, one was on a scooter, and two were in a wagon, but since the driver hit a rock and flipped her scooter, inertia mandated that the two in the back fly into the air and fall from the sky, crashing into the stall and sending cabbages flying everywhere.

A yellow earth pony filly popped her head out from the mound of cabbages, none the worse for the wear. She had obviously been through such crashes before. “Hi! You're new in town!” she said brightly.

“So I've heard,” the new mare said dryly, shoving the remainder of her cupcake into her mouth.

Apple Bloom was surprised that she hadn't taken the paper off before eating it, but she had more important questions to ask. “So... How didja get yer cutie mark?”

“Wait. Cutie marks? It's you three!” The stall owner poked his head out from under the canvas, and he was clearly not happy. Apparently these three had a bit of a reputation. “Get outta my sight!”

The three fillies took off running, but not five seconds later, Apple Bloom came back. “So... c'n ya tell me real quick?”

The new mare smiled kindly. “I'm just... me,” she said. “I do what I do how I do it.”

Apple Bloom circled the mare, studying the mark on her flank. It was a combination mark, and she said the first logical conclusion she reached. “So what is it ya do? Screw things with balls?”

Ooh, that filly was lucky she was so innocent.

The stall owner, still picking up his cabbages, let out a snorting laugh. The mare narrowed her eyes and raised her right back hoof and stomped lightly. She turned back to the filly. “No, it's a little... different.” She started walking and motioned for the filly to follow. “Perhaps a demonstration would help?”

“Oh yeah!” Apple Bloom said, following this new friend.

They turned into an alley. Not literally, of course. The mare looked down at the filly. “You seem to have a way with words,” she said. “You like English class?”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “It ain't mah strongest point, but Ah do fine.”

“So what language are you speaking now?”

“English?”

The mare stomped her right rear hoof. “And now?”

“Anglais?”

The new mare smiled. “Not anymore.” And she turned and walked out of the alley.

Confused, Apple Bloom blinked slowly. “Qu'est-ce qu'elle parle?” she wondered aloud.

Then it hit her.

“Déesses! Je parle français! Pas de nouveau!” Wailing uncontrollably, Apple Bloom ran back towards her home.

Her path took her past the cabbage vendor, who had just finished resetting his wares. He felt a tinge of happiness that something had happened to the one who had messed up his stall.

This feeling of happiness diminished somewhat when he realized that Berry Punch had come up to his stall.

“What're these?” she slurred, staring intently at these mystical green orbs.

“Cabbages,” he answered wearily.

“They look like bowling balls,” she said, gently poking one with her nose.

“They are definitely not bowling balls,” he said. He closed his eyes and lifted his head in pride. “They are the finest cabbages grown on this side of...”

*crack*

He looked down to see that Berry had picked one up and taken a bite, but that sound didn't match up to what he should have heard. To his astonishment, she seemed to be chewing intently on something that did not look or smell like a cabbage. The outside of the cabbage looked smooth, not leafy; and the inside looked rather solid.

“Yer right,” she said in surprise. “They aren't bowling balls, they're gumballs! Giant gumballs!” She leaned down to squint at the price. “I'll take two.”

Surely he was hallucinating... In a mild daze, he shut up, took her money, and loaded a second into her saddlebags. Berry gleefully stumbled down the street with her prize, happily showing it to every pony she bumped into.

He picked one at random and held his knife up. Surely, this was just a strange dream, right? Perhaps he would wake up and start yelling at the Cutie Mark Crusaders again.

The knife came down... and bounced off the shell. He turned the knife to use the point, and when he had stabbed it open, he realized that Berry was right. He now had a stall full of giant, green gumballs.

He fainted.

* * *

Even though it was past midnight, four mares were not asleep. Well, actually six, but technically Apple Bloom is still a filly; and Fluttershy was only awake because she was just making some tea for one of her sick animal friends (and since that has nothing to do with the story, we won't bother mentioning it).

Applejack was sitting with her sister at Zecora's, all three looking through the zebra's books in an attempt to find a cure of some sort for... whatever she had. All three were completely baffled (or, in Apple Bloom's case, 'complètement dérouté').

Rarity had an itch by her cutie mark that just would not go away. She screeched in frustration, at both the itch and the horrid red gashes that appeared over her cutie mark from the constant scratching.

Twilight Sparkle lay in her bed, her mind turning over the events of the day. She had missed something important, she was sure of it.

But what?

Comments

[bahatumay]

1) I have double vision and no depth perception, too, so Derpy has a special place in my heart. It's not as bad as it sounds like (or it could be just that it's all I know, so I'm just used to it).
On a very related side note, I hate parallel parking with a fiery passion.
2) "Holy cannoli, you are my seester!"

[Clemerl]

Ah the dreaded parallel parking. My hate for you burns with the passion of a thousand suns. Nice job so far. have a mustache

[dj-pon3fan]

I was expecting this.
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