Indecisive Seconds
Light snoring could be heard as the lights came on, illuminating the stage. On it were two beds, one pink and the other a color that didn’t exist. Under the covers of the second one, Discord yawned as he slowly woke up.
“Ugh... Five more minutes... I was having the crazy dream about the boxes where people sit all day doing nothing again...” Discord mumbled.
In the Pink bed, an alarm went off and Pinkie shot out from under the covers, straight up in the air. “Yaaah~!”
She looked around frantically for a moment, then sighed in relief, gently falling back down to the bed.
“Phew! Those broccoli monsters were just a dream...” Pinkie said to herself.
Discord just buried himself deeper under the covers, adding a gravestone as an afterthought. “Go back to sleep...”
Pinkie was about to retort, but looked up and saw that the stands had a small crowd of ponies in them. “Uh, Discord? I think we have fans.”
There was a slight pause before a flash of light appeared, covering the whole stage. A moment later, Discord and Pinkie were in lawn chairs, both wearing matching orange suits.
“Huh...” Discord said, looking out at the stands. “And here I thought Frazzle couldn’t do anything right.”
Pinkie nodded. “Yup. His last three shows went, ‘Sputter, Wheeze, Hack, Cough~’ at him.”
“I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!!” A voice yelled from the rafters again.
Both shrugging, Pinkie and Discord turned back to to the audience, grinning like buffoons.
“Welcome back to the Multiverse’s favorite show, ‘A Stupid Answer!’” Discord exclaimed.
“Remember, we’re here to answer all the questions you might have about Equestria’s greatest mysteries!” Pinkie added. “And so...”
“LET’S GIVE A STUPID ANSWER!!” They yelled together.
Discord pulled a Mailmare bag out from under his chair and stuck a paw inside it. “Let’s see... Ooh, quite a few letters to look forward to shredding!”
Sticking the rest of his arm in for a moment, Discord pulled out an orange envelope from the bag. “Ah, just my color!” He said, holding it against his suit.
“I wonder if it’s cheese scented...” Pinkie muttered aloud.
Discord opened the envelope and pulled out the letter inside. “A letter from one ‘Orange Glass.’ ‘Dear Pinkie Pie and Discord, I have a few questions for you. Pinkie, how do you afford all the parties you make?”
“Weeelllllll...” Pinkie pulled a hoof-sized rock out of her mane. It looked like one you could find on the side of the road, as common as could be.
“In case you didn’t notice, I do have an abundance of Earth Pony magic...” Pinkie brought her hooves together around the rock, crushing it against itself.
“Which means I can do stuff like this!” After a few seconds, she pulled her hooves apart and she was holding a solid green gem, about half the size of the rock from before. “Ponies pay good money for these.”
Discord coughed. “You know dragons eat those, right?”
“Eh, that’s just the mediocre answer.” She said, tossing the gem aside. “The fun one is that Ponyville is above the secret caves of the Party Elves, not to be confused with Saint Nickle’s Hearths Warming Elves.” Pinkie put a hoof to her chest in pride. “I happen to be one of their favorite customers, so I get everything they sell half off, and it’s already really cheap since they can magically make it out of rocks.”
Discord tapped a claw against his chin in thought. “Shouldn’t there be a trifecta of answers? Sets of three and all that?”
Pinkie sighed. “WELLL, the boring answer is that I invested in a big company that was just starting out, and get a big share of their profits.”
Discord gazed at her in horror. “You’re right, that IS the boring answer.” Pinkie nodded in agreement.
“So, what’s the question you’ve got?” She asked.
“Let’s see... ‘Dear Discord, what is your favorite chaos thing you do?’” He gave it a bit of thought, but the letter just threw that right back at him. Brushing it off, Discord said, “Nothing. What’s chaotic about having a favorite chaotic thing? I mean, come on, really? It’s none of them AND all of them.”
“Preach it, Brother!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“And so, with that answer out of the way, would you do us the honors of reading the last question, Ms. Pie?”
“Indeed I would! *Ahem* ‘And for both of you, what is your favorite song?’”
Pinkie and Discord stared at each other. “OUR favorite song?!”
“Well, I guess we’ll need to find something we agree on... Oh, how about the Discord meme?” Discord put on a pair of sunglasses with red frames. “‘Creeper... Aw, Man...’”
“Nah, too obvious. How about ‘Super-Speedy-Cider-Squeezy-6000?’”
“Eeugh, it’s WAY too catchy. Hmm... Oh, I just thought of something!”
“Wait... Do you mean..?” Pinkie asked hopefully.
“Indeed I do.” Turning back to the audience, he grinned a very wide smile, Pinkie doing the same on his right. “OUR, favorite song is...”
“I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General!” They sang out together.
And with that, the letter was shredded and they moved on to the next one.
Pinkie moved her hoof around in the mail bag for a bit before a *clunk* of metal was heard. Her interest suddenly very piqued, she pulled out a baking pan with a bunch of cookies on it.
“Huh...” She said, idly munching one of the cookies while comparing the pan’s size to the bag. “Must be a T.A.R.D.I.S.”
“What’s a T.A.R.D.I.S?” Discord asked, eating a cookie of his own.
“Totally A Randomized Dimensions Italian Satchel.” Pinkie said. “I mean, come on, look at that leather!” She gestured to the bag.
Discord nodded in agreement.
After they finished off the cookies, as Pinkie was setting the pan down, she saw a light brown envelope with dark brown dots on it.
“Ooh, clever!” She said, grabbing it.
“The things Ponies send in the mail, these days...” Discord deadpanned.
Pinkie opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. “One question from ‘Cookies.’ ‘Dear Discord and Pinkie, if Cozy's plans would have worked, would Discord have disappeared? (Or just describe what would have happened to some of the major locations)’”
Discord sighed. “Contrary to popular belief, I’m made of Chaos, NOT magic. At worst, all Cozy would’ve done is weaken me significantly, but I’d still be as chaotic as ever.” He said, munching on some spider webs.
“As for the major locations,” Pinkie continued, “Cloudsdale would have broken apart, Canterlot would’ve fallen over and the Everfree would be less wild.” She paused a moment. “That last one wouldn’t be that bad.”
“Next question!” Discord yelled, tossing the letter into the conveniently closely placed shredder.
As Discord stuck a claw into the bag, an envelope poofed into existence in front of his face, and just... Floated there, like an awkward turtle.
“Huh. That was random.” Discord shrugged. He grabbed the letter, tearing it open and retrieving the letter. “A letter from... ‘Chaos Tetroxide?’”
“Oh, you must mean ‘Chaos04.’” Pinkie said. “It’s a chemical that gives just the riiiiiight amount of ‘OOMPH’ into my party cannon.”
“Nice to see Chaos being used responsibly.” He looked back to the paper. “And writing letters, too. ‘Pinkie, why are you so random, it bugs me and I need answers, badly. Like, my mind doesn't fit every question of how you do the most random thing, and are you sure you're an earth pony?’ Well that’s rude. Not even a ‘Dear’ in there.” Discord huffed.
“Tell me about it.” Pinkie groaned. “Well, to answer your questions, Chaos, I am DEFINITELY an Earth Pony. I just have a lot of Earth Pony magic, so much so that I can bend physics into knots and slip through the holes.”
To demonstrate Pinkie bent the page.
“See? Just like that!” She finished.
Discord stared for a moment. “...I’m not entirely sure how you did that.” Shrugging, he turned back to the paper. “‘Discord,’(Again, no dear?) ‘how did you come to exist? Was Grogar the reason of you're existence? After all, he is the king of monsters. If not, who are your parents, and are there more draconiqui?’”
Discord sighed in exasperation. “Again, more questions about me? I mean, sure, I’m the best character, best princess, too, but really, you don’t want to know about the Panamane canal, or Zebrarea 51?”
“Not even Twilight’s love interest?” Pinkie gasped in shock. “Or the Cake’s super secret cupcake recipe?!”
“Ponies these days.” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “They never ask the important stuff.”
“JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!” The voice from the rafters yelled again.
Discord threw a heavy sigh at the voice, eliciting an “Ow~!” from it, before continuing. “In answer to that question, I popped into existence out of a giant, magic infused crystal. Boy, were those cave-spiders surprised to see me.” Discord said, chuckling. He then threw the letter into the shredder. “Next!”
Pinkie shoved her head into the Mail bag, moving around and eliciting a lot of wacky noises from it. After a moment or two, she pulled it out, an oat burger in her mouth.
“Mmm~! Thi ih elly gud~!” She mumbled out.
Discord huffed. “Again with the food. You know this is meant for letters, right?” He said to the audience.
After finishing the burger off, Pinkie pulled an apple colored envelope out of her mane that had a smiley face on the front. “This was on top of the burger.” Tearing it open, she pulled the letter out. “This one’s from ‘Foodie Like.’ ‘Dear Discord and Pinkie Pie, how does Rarity afford all that fabric for her dresses?’ See, THIS is an original question.”
“Finally, something about some pony else.” Discord said with a grin.
“Hmm, let’s see... ‘How does Rarity afford all that fabric?’” Pinkie rubbed a hoof to her chin in thought. “Well, I’d assume it’s because she hunts for gems and crystals a lot, and can make quite the pretty bit off of them.”
“Maybe she has Fabric Elves?” Discord suggested.
“Nah, Elves are territorial, my Party Elves would’ve kicked them out of Ponyville.”
A lightbulb went off above Discord’s head. “Well, why don’t we pull a celebrity guest card, again?”
“Great idea! Everypony, please welcome Sweetie Bell!” Pinkie shouted.
Discord snapped his fingers and a slide that looked like it was made of bendy straws twirled down out of the ceiling, a filly scream being heard from it.
As it finally reached the stage, Sweetie Bell tumbled out of the end, somersaulting to a stop in between Pinkie and Discord.
“....Please tell me this isn’t another ‘save Equestria’ thing.” She finally spoke out.
Pinkie waved her worries off with a carefree hoof. “Nah, it’s just mine and Discord’s new show, ‘A Stupid Answer!’ We brought you here because we need an answer to a stupid question.”
“And don’t worry, it won’t take relatively long.” Discord added. “After all, I don’t think we’re related.”
Sweetie looked between the two before shrugging and going along with it. “Okay, so what’s this ‘Important Question’ you want answered?”
“Stupid question, darling, a stupid question.” Discord retorted.
“And to answer your questioning question about a question of questioned importance and/or stupidity, we have the question of, ‘How does Rarity afford all that fabric for her dresses?’” Pinkie said.
Sweetie Bell rolled that around in her head for a moment before understanding the question. “Oh, that’s easy, she just makes a lot of money selling dresses. How else would she make a profit?”
Discord and Pinkie stared at each other for a moment before looking back to Sweetie. Without warning, Discord snapped his claws and Sweetie went in reverse, somersaulting backwards into the slide and sliding up it, the slide disappearing behind her.
“That was boring.” Discord grumbled.
Pinkie nodded, throwing the letter into the shredder. “Eeeeeyup.”
“That’s just about all the time we have! Thanks again for coming to see our show! Come back next week for a new chapter of ‘A Stupid Answer’ to begin!” Pinkie said.
“And remember to keep asking those Stupid Questions! You never know which one might make it in here!” Discord added.
“And this is ‘so long~‘!”
“‘Farewell~!’”
“‘Auf Wiedersehen~!’”
“‘Adieu~!’”
Here’s the song!
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That must’ve taken forever to write. In the story, I mean.
So, Discord, what’s it like to live in a realm of pure chaos?
9776919
Eeeeeeyup.
Hmm... How old is Pinkie? I know Discord is older than the Sisters, no questions there. But Pinkie... I don't know, really.
Also, how long is it from Ponyville to Canterlot? Cause when Pinkie was on the train to Canterlot, guarding MMMMM, it's an overnight trip. But most of the time, it's about 2 or 3 hours.
Thanks for the answers,
Scoping Landscape
P.S. Careful, there is a knife and a cupcake in the mail.
I must ask if a pony friend of mine has chaos powers, as he is quite random. Although he is much more cynical than others, I suppose.
Dear Pinkie and Discord, sorry about not using 'dear' in the last letter, normally I don't write letters. I got a few more questions and not all of them are about you Discord so don't worry.
Question 1. Discord what are your relations to Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Apple Jack, Rarity and Fluttershy?
Question 2. Who was the strongest villain you ever faced?
Question 3. Discord I know you are my favourite so sorry if this offends you but why was Twilight so willing to forgive you to trade all of the alicorns magic to save you as well?