Sensational Trifecta
Melodious music played as the lights slowly faded on in the room as Discord twirled onto the stage.
“The audience is alive, with the sound of questions~!”
Pinkie loudly coughed from the center of the stage, where she was sitting on a bar stool behind a counter.
“Actually, Discord, we didn’t really get a lot of letters since last episode.”
There was a moment of tense silence, before Discord, with angry eyes, snapped his fingers and appeared behind the counter, on a barstool to Pinkie’s right.
“Hmmph! Guess we’ll just have to satisfy ourselves with whatever dregs we have from the first one.”
“I don’t know... We DID get letters, though, but maybe we should try answering more of them? I mean, we only answered four last time.”
“To be fair, our editor was quite lazy in writing the chapter.”
“NOW YOU’RE JUST SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE!!” A voice yelled from the rafters.
“You better believe it!” Discord yelled back. Clearing his throat, Discord turned back to the audience. “Anyway, I’ll assume whoever’s stuck around actually likes this show and is interested in hearing what very different things exist in this wonderful world of ours.”
Pinkie, grinning, continued with, “Remember, we’ll try our best to accurately tell you what we know about Equestria.”
“Also, as you know, this is audience interactive, so please be sure to ask some of the tough questions.” Discord yawned, eating some mud pies. “And please do ask about somepony else besides me. Seriously, I know it’s hard to believe, but the universe revolves around somecreature else.”
“He’s right, the universe had a bad breakup with him a few thousand years back, so now it’s stiffly ignoring him.”
“You forget a couple dates, and suddenly you’re the ‘bad guy’...” Discord grumbled.
“Well, enough about him, let’s get on with the show!”
“Indeed we should! So now...”
“LET’S GIVE A STUPID ANSWER!” They yelled out together.
Pinkie pulled a variety of envelopes out of the Mailmare bag and started shuffling them.
Finally stopping, she pulled six out and set the others down. “Pick a card, any card!”
Rubbing his chin in thought, Discord pulled the fifth one out and tore it open while Pinkie threw the remainder in the bag.
“One letter from ‘Bronx Pony.’ That’s a mouthful... Let’s call them ‘Brony.’ A Totally Awkward Brony.”
“Meta, much?”
“Meh, pays the bills. *Ahem* ‘Dear Pinkie and Discord, I’m curious at what the unknown parts of Equestria are...’” Discord turned his head to the audience.
”EVERYTHING...”
Pinkie plucked the letter out of his claws, put sprinkles on it, and shoved it in her mouth. “Ne’ kestu‘n!” She mumbled out.
Discord snapped his fingers and a chocolate puppy appeared on the bar’s surface.
“Hey, Lassie, go get the letter!” He cooed at the dog. “You want the letter? Get the letter, go get it, girl!”
The puppy happily barked and wagged it’s tail in response before diving into the Mailmare bag. A few moments later, it came out of the bag with an envelope that had an image of a blue book on the front.
“Ooh, this should be a good one!”
“Indeed, if it is who I think it is...” Discord replied. Opening the envelope, he pulled out the letter and tossed it to Pinkie. “Here, your turn!”
“Thanks!” Pinkie said, grabbing it. “A letter from ‘Fetch.’ Well that’s a coincidence, considering how we chose this letter...”
“Random, completely random, I tell you.” Discord said, sipping Prune juice.
Pinkie playfully glared for a moment before smiling and turning back to the letter. “‘Dear Pinkie and Disqord, I have a couple questions. Pinkie, do your parents pay the Cakes to let you live there? Are you planning on taking over Sugarcube Corner, robbing the twins of their inheritance?’”
Pinkie gasped in loud mouthed shock. “My parents?! Pay for ME to stay in Ponyville?! They’re not crazy enough to do that!(Also, I’m not stealing it. The twins have inheritance rights for it.)”
“Welllll, last I checked, your family was a bit less... Excitable than you are.”
“Sure, but even they wouldn’t be able to pay ponies to keep me with them! I am, as it were, an acquired taste.” Pinkie said, nomming on a cupcake.
“If you say so... Now, the second question?”
“‘And Disqord, why have you not told Fluttershy about your wife or your son? Oh, and your son's godmother wants to remind you to stay away and go bother some other Captain if you are feeling bored.’”
Discord nodded along to it, sipping some more prune juice.
Then a bunch of prunes flew out of his mouth, covering the stage.
“WHAAA- Oh, *Ahem*, could you say that again?” Discord asked, eating the prunes.
“Oh, sure! ‘Pinkie, do your parents pay the Cakes to let you live there?’”
Discord gave her a glare. “No, after that.”
“Ah, okay! ‘Oh, sure! ‘Pinkie, do-‘’”
“IN THE MIDDLE.”
“Oooooh, THAT! Why didn’t you just say so? ‘And Disqord, why have you not told Fluttershy about your wife or your son? Oh, and your son's godmother wants to remind you to stay away and go bother some other Captain if you are feeling bored.’”
“Right, just wanted to be sure.” He said, eating the last of the prunes.
With a slight cough, he spat out a mist of prune juice.
“-AAAAT?! I have a WIFE?! And a SON?!” Discord held his head in panic, trying to keep it from exploding. “Where have they been all this time?! Who’s been teaching the boy?! WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?!”
Pinkie lightly coughed. “I think they were making a Star Trot reference.”
Discord stood still for a moment before snapping his fingers. The letter disappeared from Pinkies hooves, an explosion of confetti appearing above at the same time.
“Next. Question.” Discord growled out.
Pinkie dug into the bag for a bit before pulling out and opening an envelope. “Another letter from The Socially Awkward Brony! ‘So, Discord, what’s it like to live in a realm of pure chaos?’”
Discord sighed, exasperated. “How long must I wait till they take the hint... Anyway, it’s not easy to describe to somepony who doesn’t experience the universe in four dimensions, but let’s say it’s like a shower of orange juice that doesn’t feel wet that’s also constantly rotating at weird angles, and chocolate puppies are trying to lick your toes because there’s peanut butter on them, while also melting into pineapples and trying to do the Macarena.”
“Basically, high school, but anime and live action at the same time.” Pinkie elaborated.
Discord couldn’t help nodding in agreement.
Pinkie unceremoniously tossed the letter into the shredder. “Next!”
Discord poked some tweezers into the bag and gently removed an envelope from it, careful to not touch the sides. With a sigh of relief, he set it on the counter. “Phew~! Operation: Success!”
Discord tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter. “A letter from an ‘Isabelle.’ ‘Dear Pinkie, Question. Why Does Twilight Never Visit Her Old Canterlot Friends?’”
Pinkie waved it off with a hoof. “Oh, she’s been visiting her friends between episodes quite a few times ever since she discovered that she had them. I mean, have you seen how seriously she takes being the princess of friendship? Trust me, she’s sticking to them like hot sauce at a party! Of course, she still lives in Ponyville, so there is a commute time to consider.”
“And now for the other question. ‘Dear Discord, Question. Are You Simply All Powerful Or All Knowing?’”
Discord gave a weird look to the audience.
“Yes, No, Maybe so, I don’t know, Gotta go, Say hello~!”
Discord tossed the letter to the floor, where it inexplicably smashed apart like a mug. “Another!”
Pinkie pushed her hoof into the bag for a moment before a cash register sound was heard and a drawer opened out of her mane. Humming in thought, she pulled an envelope out of it and tore it open, the drawer sliding closed back into her mane.
“Looks like a letter from... ‘Dragon Ball Superfun!’ Er, just ‘Superfun,’ actually. *Ahem* ‘Dear Pinkie, do you love Cheese Sandwich, or do you just consider him a friend?’”
Discord choked slightly at that from the cottage cheese he was eating, a small laugh being heard from him. “Okay, this has got to be good!”
Pinkie sent a small glare his way, which bit him on the arm, before answering. “Well, I do like Cheese Sandwich a lot, but as a Coltfriend? I mean, maybe someday... But right now, we’re just going down separate paths. He has his parties and I have mine. Till we do anything, we’re totally BFFs, though!”
“Ooh, sounds like he’s been friend zoned.” Discord said, wincing in sympathy. “I was really looking forward to that ship.”
Rolling her eyes, Pinkie continued with the letter. “‘Dear Discord, do you have access to the afterlife? If so, are you able to talk to Sombra there?’”
“I actually don’t, I’m afraid. So many chaotic masters of mischief came and went in my thousand years of imprisonment, but I never got to speak to them.” He gave a sigh and then shrugged. “But, meh, they don’t really compare to the CMC, so...”
Pinkie shoved the letter into the shredder. “Onto the next set of inquiries!”
Discord pulled a dark blue envelope out of the Mailmare bag and tore it open. “Let’s see, a letter from... Princess Luna? Oh my, it appears does write fan mail!”
“Ooh, she must really like the show if she wants us to answer one of the great mysteries of Equestria!”
“Indeed! ‘Dear Draconequis and Pinkie Pie,(Rude) what are the...’” Discord trailed off before facepalming.
Pinkie stared at him in confusion. “What’s it say?” Discord wordlessly handed it to her. “‘What are the... Best vacation spots in Equestria?!’” Pinkie mashed her hoof against her forehead, giving a disappointed sigh.
“Look, Luna, we’re already past that episode, you’ve already had a vacation.” Discord said.
“And you’ve ran out of ponies to fill in for you. Face it, you’re going to have to wait a while before the next one.” Pinkie added, crumpling the letter up and throwing it into a nearby trash can.
“Next!”
Pinkie pulled a very shiny envelope out of the bag and opened it, pulling out a rather plain looking letter. “A question from ‘Sparkly John!’ ‘Dear Pinkie Pie and Discord, will Chrysalis make a return in the season finale? If so, will she have a change of heart, or same old, same old?’ Well, anything with that changeling is unpredictable, so I’m hoping she finally lets a bit of laughter into her heart and joins the good guys! Or, you know, at least doesn’t try to help destroy Equestria.”
Discord snorted. “Chrysalis? She’s a lost cause. I personally think she’s going to make a clone of Starlight to join the villain team so she can get rid of the main six’s cutie marks, and after that she’ll drain them of all their emotions and die trying to overthrow Grogar.”
Pinkie stared at him. “...You still haven’t forgiven her for foalnapping Fluttershy, have you?”
“I have not.” Was his stiff response.
Pinkie just shrugged and put the paper in the shredder. “Can’t blame you for that.”
“Well, that’s all the time we have for this week!”
“Come back next time for more wacky answers about Equestria’s greatest secrets and mysteries!”
“Until then, Cherrychangas!”
And with that, the lights went out, flooding the room with darkness.
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Dear Pink Pony and Discord,
Pinkie, if you could only choose one pony as your best friend, who would it be?
Discord, are you in love with Fluttershy? By the way, you should take her out to dinner if you do.
Thanks,
Silver Shadows
Dear Pinkie: Why do Twilight and Sunset sound so alike when they sing? Why does Rarity sound like Adagio when she sings? And why do you sometimes sound like Silver Spoon when you sing?
Dear Disqord: Now that I got that crazy reaction out of you, let us see if this will cause another. When will you confess to Fluttershy that you love her?
Dear Pinkie: Do you prefer your yellow dress or your blue dress?
Dear Disqord: Alright, here is finally an easy question for you: Why haven't you let Fluttershy know what it's like to be a tree? (Since you can be anything you want, you must know what it's like to be everything.)
Dear Discord and Pinkie pie,
Did you two ever tried to time travel to the future? (To Pinkie pie and Discord)
((To Discord)) have you ever pulled a great prank on Sunbutt?
Dear Discord and Pinkie,
Why do ponies have doorknobs?
Thanks
Seeing me referred to as ‘Totally Awkward Brony’ unironically made my day.
9788371
(Insert Discord Sly Grin Emote Here)
Discord, back during Starlight Glimmer's time travelling shenanigans, what happened to you in all of the timelines we didn't see you in?
Dear dears (and not dear deers), if 10000 would represent Celestia's power level, what would all the other [beasts/unicorns/Alicorns/draconequus/changeling/Angel bunny/artifacts] power levels be?
Thanks, also, here's two cookies. 🍪 🍪