• Published 6th Jul 2019
  • 2,427 Views, 80 Comments

How to Fluster your Bacon Horse - JustNewHere



Via words. By: Twilight Sparkle of the Human Dimension.

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Ship War.

It was a nice day in Canterlot High School. The sun was up, the skies were clear, and there’s a war brewing inside the institution.

In the main foyer, crowds of students stood on opposite ends with nothing but the entrance doors serving as their invisible line.

A confused Twilight was the first to spot the odd sight before her, puzzlement further fueled when she assessed the shirts and different paraphernalia showing different faces. Faces that were hers, Sunset’s, and the princess’.

“W-what’s going on?”

Pinkie Pie appeared and hurried to explain with a nervous chuckle. “Okay, so don’t be mad.”

Twilight glared. “How can I not be when you started it off with that!”

The other girl winced. “Uh, good point. Well, okay, so I super duper really super thought everyone knows about your problem with flustering the girl so I started recruiting people for maybe a live orchestra or musical number for you professing your love and ending it with a cute pick-up line but the thing is, people started returning the pamphlets I handed out, and I worked hard on it to be super duper organized like you Twilight!, and then they started saying they thought Sunset was getting together with the other Twilight so that got me itsy bitsy mad but wait! I didn’t blow up…until Trixie made a comment how SunLight’s seemed great and powerful, but I lost my nerve and it got out of hand! But as a shipper Twilight, you must do. anything. to. protect. thy. ship!”

Twilight impressively processed the words said without a second to spare. She crossed her arms and glared at the girl.

Pinkie’s hair deflated at that while a student from the back of the opposite side laughed and cried out, “Ha, even with one of your supposed ‘perfect’ pair, she’s against you!”

The scientist whirled around, prepared to glare at the other. So what if she was being too grumpy in the morning, mornings should always be calm, not stressful due to a spontaneous ship war!

But before Twilight could deliver, for the first time in forever Pinkie scowled at the occupant on the other side as she said, “You are fools.”

Twilight tried to get in a comment again, but one student took offense and gasped. “How dare you! It was obvious by the first glance Sunset and the other Twilight were in love! Classic enemies-to-lovers trope!” More students came closer to the thin metaphorical wall they’ve divided themselves in when they heard the declaration and they began to offer and say their own piece too.

Beside the dumbstruck scientist, arrived one Flash Sentry who then took one look at his surroundings and shook his head in exasperation before he groaned out, “Is no one going to mention the fact that I’m currently dating the princess you’re shipping my ex with?”

“Nope!” came the collective response from both sides of the war.

The blue haired boy sighed. “Figures.”

Twilight turned to him with a raised brow. “Aren’t you supposed to be Mr. popular? I'm pretty sure they would have at least listened to you.”

“I was, I guess? but I haven’t been doing much here lately...or spending time here, specifically. You never noticed the times I disappear to visit the pony land?”

“You did?”

Another sigh before Flash responded, “Never mind.” He then straightened up when the arguments didn’t seem to settle down. “What are you going to do now? Do you have a plan to stop this or something?”

Amethyst gaze at the crowd before offering a contemplative, “…maybe until things slowly settle down.” She jumped when Pinkie Pie moved forward, took a flag, and planted the suction cup end on it on the ground.

“Team SciSet!” She cried out with her assembled students shouting in agreement behind her.

The CMCs, the apparent ring leaders of the other ship, responded with a louder, “Team SunLight!” The followers echoed the shout while Trixie proudly presented their own team’s flag as she lodged it opposite to the enemy’s.

Applejack entered the school doors just in time to see the two factions have raised their own mini flags depicting the chibi faces of their respective pairings. “Uh, anyone mind telling me why I walked into the middle of a shipping war?”

“Because we’re in a shipping war!!!” Derpy cried out, waving her flag frantically but with a smile.

“Ahh…okay then.” Applejack then moved to stand next to the onlooking Twilight and Flash Sentry before raising a brow when she spotted her sister. “Applebloom, you on in this too?”

“It’s for true love sis!”

Rainbow Dash entered last, letting out a “Whoa, the heck?” before turning and spotting her honorary sister getting into a shouting match with the party planner. “Scoots, what are you doing?!”

“Not now Rainbow Dash, I’m trying to protect my OTP!” was the shouted reply by the younger as she clutched at her fan-art. “This ship is pure, wholesome, and healthy!”

Before Pinkie could retaliate further, Snips came forward with his own fan-art and shout-responding, “Well this ship has more chemistry, a higher possibility of coming true, and adorkable!”

Four students stared off to the side with a hint of sweat pouring down their foreheads. A minute in looking at the people with too much free time in their hands yelling and arguing, Twilight finally spoke up, “Why aren’t the teachers doing anything?”

Principal Celestia, coming from the sea of human shippers wearing a SciSet shirt, raised both fists in the air along with a shrill “I want pure human grandkids!” that immediately caused Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Flash Sentry’s jaws to drop. Ms. Cheerilee backed up the principal’s claim with a cry of agreement, her face covered in face paint.

Mr. Cranky and Vice-Principal Luna, clad in their own SunLight shirt, came forward while the latter met the glare of her sister with her own as she defended, “Let the two ponies find their happy ever after!” A minute passed before she turned to the blue haired guitarist, “No offense, of course, Mr. Sentry.”

Flash shrugged with a ‘None-taken’ wave.

While they continued to wonder if classes did get cancelled due to a ship war, the four not arguing students slowly proceeded to move out of the way when the feuding mass seemed to get closer to each other.

“Uh, guess it’s a good thing Sunset’s running late with Fluttershy for Rarity’s sudden ‘inspiration manifestation’ thing,” Rainbow Dash commented first before rubbing her head. “Still, don’t know why this is happening…or why I can’t look away.”

“You said it,” Applejack agreed while Twilight finally shook her head before face palming.

“This is ridiculous,” Twilight declared once she removed her hand. “I came here to learn, even if some of the contents are things I know already, and not be an onlooker for some pointless war over something that’s clearly my own business!”

The farmer and athlete hollered in encouragement, proud of their comrade, while Flash chuckled before excusing himself.

Twilight barely paid the three any mind as she rolled both her sleeves up and marched toward the instigator which she was certain was the pink haired girl. “Pinkie Pie, what are you doing? You can’t just start arguments and ships wars!”

Pinkie huffed, another uncommon trait, before she started waving her flag wildly in the air. “I can’t stop now, Twilight! I won’t and willnever stop until they know mine is the superior ship!”

Another student scoffed, both directing his gaze to the party planner and unimpressed scientist as he approached. “No, SunLight’s superior!”

“SciSet!” came the shout from the other side, nearing them while holding a plushie. Twilight didn’t even know where they got it from.

“SunLight!” another cried.

“SciSet!” said the other.

“SunLight!” screamed three.

One even growled as he ripped off his shirt to showcase his tattoo. “SciSet, yeaaahhh!”

At that, Principal Celestia came over with a scolding wag of her finger. “Mr. Bulk Biceps! While I do admire your enthusiasm for our cause, we are still in an institution. Squabbling will get us nowhere.”

Twilight looked at the taller woman. “Finally! Thanks Principal Celestia. Now that you’re back-

“And that is why we must use water guns to settle this once and for all. Out in the back will be our battlefield.”

-to your senses, we can go back to class- wait what?!”

A joyous collective cry echoed throughout the hall before students hurriedly ran out. Twilight stared, index finger still pointed up before it slowly sagged as she let out an incredulous “Seriously?!”

Off to the side, farmer and athlete stared at one another as if in silent debate before Rainbow Dash voiced out, “So…water guns?”

“Yep.”

“No classes?”

“Yep.”

“Hitting other students with high-pressured torrents of water with no consequences?”

“…yep.”

The two followed after the crowd.

Twilight stood there, looking at their retreating backs in disbelief. When she still remained where she was, the doors opened and walked in the three remaining members of the Rainbooms.

Rarity took one long look at the stunned girl, mess of red and purple colored streamers, and discarded plushies of the pairings before turning to the animal caretaker. “I didn’t take that long, did I?”

While Rarity continued to unnecessarily defend herself, stating she got lost when inspired by a design, Sunset raised a brow as she approached the speechless Twilight.

“You okay?”

I am now, now that you’re here.

“Yeah,” Twilight replied with one hand pinching the bridge of her nose while the other absentmindedly and unknowingly waved away the italicized words of opportunity above. “It’s just…when I enrolled here, I didn’t expect to witness a lot of crazy things.”

Sunset grinned at that, pocketing her hands with a shrug. “Really? I thought that’s part of CHS’s charm. You should wait and see what they do for nutrition month.”

“What?”

“Uh, never mind.” Sunset rubbed her head sheepishly before knitting her brows at the other’s tense posture. “You want to get out of here? From the looks of things, I’d say you need it. Morning classes suck, huh?”

Twilight opened her mouth, ready to correct her but subtle urging from the fashion designer and animal caretaker stopped the words while her mind finally processed what’s happening. A small giddy feeling bloomed inside her chest before she pushed it down. A crush has still a risk of crushing you, and Twilight vowed to at least make an effort of resisting the butterflies in her stomach.

“Y-Yeah, that sounds nice and I heard they cancelled the rest of the classes anyway.”

The redhead chuckled. “Heh, lucky for us then.” She then blinked before stopping in her tracks to look at the two gushing girls. “You two want to come?” Behind the oblivious human, Twilight sighed and stared at the heavens, silently asking what she did wrong.

Rarity impressively quelled a frustrated eye twitch and tittered, “Thank you darling but I wish to, uh, focus on outlining the finishing touches of Le Inconsiente. I heard it’s going to be a trend for the time being.”

“Bummer,” said Sunset while Twilight continued to mouth “Just why, seriously, which one of you up there hates me?” as the former pony turned to the shy girl. “What about you, Fluttershy?”

A stare was the only response alongside a stern, “I’m good, thank you Sunset.” Rarity and Twilight’s bodies tensed at that while Sunset blinked and wondered why there was a sudden chilliness in the air.

“Okay then,” Sunset replied with a smile before walking out the door, unmindful of the various caricatures of her and the two Twilights, and holding it open for the head-shaking Twilight. The doors closed, the red and purple humans disappearing from the remaining two’s sight.

The ship war ended at five pm when everyone slowly started feeling prune-y. A truce was made and cookies were shared and because, at the end of the day, the Magic of Friendship will always be stronger than the Magic of Shipping.

Author's Note:

Ship wars...never change.




HAHAHAH Anyways, just some little silliness before I decide to publish the next chapter after this one because I think I made it a bit... heavy? :pinkiecrazy:

Oh well, thanks for reading peeps! :twilightsmile: