aww but I liked the first one can we keep the first one or no? I dont mind getting a new one but I would prefer to have something to read while this is being written. story I'm talking about is Seven Deadly Sins Demon King
First, off I like how (almost put who) you are rewriting the story, it has a much better hook to it and is more engaging, with you asking for some feedback on what should happen in the next chapter, there are a few spelling errors that I spotted and have put them below, I highly dought I spotted all of them and only saw the obvious ones.
This is in no way me pissing on the story or downgrading it in any way I remember these same errors from the previous story and while you got other ones that I saw in that story some were missed and easy to overlook when combing through an entire chapter. I like the differences you made to the chapter over the other stories
I grabbed the bag and Chastiefol then I looked at him as he waved his hands a smile on his face. A flash of white hit me and then the next thing I knew I slashed down into a body of water. I hurry up as I didnβt have the chance to take a breath before I landed in the water.
might want to retype the words, that are above in bold in the quote boxes; splashed.
βYou can those until you trust me or you can tie my hands if that makes you feel I just donβt want to fight right now.β
add keep after "can" and add better after "feel".
There were a few more horsewomen with her one catching my eyes quickly.
Just need to add a , to break the sentence after her is had me a little confused when reading it as one sentence.
Pinkie jumped up onto the pillow and sat behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck as the others [iled one behind her a few seconds later. I followed they're directions as Pinkie talked my ear off and I nodded or answered her with a simple yes or no.
I like the square bracket is meant to be an F so the sentence goes " as the others filed on behind her" I also think the "E" on "one" is not meant to be there.
I felt something awaken in me as I looked at them. The rainbow-haired horse yelled as I started to walked to them and stopped Chastiefol spinning as I walked. βΞΡν Ρίμαι ΞΞ½Ξ± ΟΟάγμα, Ρίμαι Meliodas.β ( I am not a thing, I am Meliodas.) I spoke in greek so I could make them confused for a little more time. I studied Greek mythology and learned how to speak it. βBadass name check. epic entrance check. now to be the man.β I dashed behind the pink one and pulled a Meliodas as I grabbed her left ass cheek. She epped as I kneaded the cheek and she swung her arm back but I jumped back. She turned and covered her flank as she looked at me her pink cheeks darker as she looked at me.
First option Meliodas fights a group dragons to protect Barb
Vote by thumbs up or down
Second Beats a group of mares who try to rape him.
Vote by Thumbs up or down
Thumbs upππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππfor barb
I vote both up
An op main character in an rgre world? FUCK YEAH
Is it somehow possible that I can get the old version for reading; Please?
9640470
What does that rgre mean?
9640589
Reverse gender roles, basically mares are the dominant ones and stallions are the house wife's.
Also you send a regular dude with powers of Meliodas to a feminist Nazi Equestria, only one way this can end.vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/nanatsu-no-taizai/images/a/ad/Meliodas_destroying_Danafor.png/revision/latest?cb=20141130121902
9640643
Yep
9640643
"IT WASN'T ME THIS TIME I SWEAR!"
alright, a rewrite, the first iteration was good enough just kinda all over the place in a few chapters, hope this will be better
Will nightmare moon be are daughter
I have a strange feeling I've read this before.
These story is already being writen.
aww but I liked the first one can we keep the first one or no? I dont mind getting a new one but I would prefer to have something to read while this is being written.
story I'm talking about is Seven Deadly Sins Demon King
Hey moonking, are you rewriting this story, because I could've sworn that I've read this before and it was 5+ chapters along
Sorry for the long comment
First, off I like how (almost put who) you are rewriting the story, it has a much better hook to it and is more engaging, with you asking for some feedback on what should happen in the next chapter, there are a few spelling errors that I spotted and have put them below, I highly dought I spotted all of them and only saw the obvious ones.
This is in no way me pissing on the story or downgrading it in any way I remember these same errors from the previous story and while you got other ones that I saw in that story some were missed and easy to overlook when combing through an entire chapter.
I like the differences you made to the chapter over the other stories
might want to retype the words, that are above in bold in the quote boxes; splashed.
add keep after "can" and add better after "feel".
Just need to add a , to break the sentence after her is had me a little confused when reading it as one sentence.
I like the square bracket is meant to be an F so the sentence goes " as the others filed on behind her" I also think the "E" on "one" is not meant to be there.
Me gusto que ya no sea exageradamente poderoso y el detalle de que le costΓ³ manejar su nuevo cuerpo.
Good story and funny. But get an editor plez
Meliodas has 7 hearts
This was a wild start.
Well Shit. Males enslaved? This world need some seriouse ass kicking...
I actually remember this from teen titans with starfire
Me: It could be? Is him El Macho?
Meliodas and the other Commandments have seven haerts.
you met need to fix this Arya
I crossed my arm and looked down at the weapons and armor he had on the table. I saw Lostvayne, Chastiefol, and Estarossa sword.
camo.fimfiction.net/8mcaTTdchLUPWflS9m0g-3TDXrDOdzX3IsOO1d4-pX4?url=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-lga3-1.cdninstagram.com%2Fvp%2Ff92045dad2ac3982cb93870046cffe60%2F5D670A10%2Ft51.2885-15%2Fe35%2F39871825_549771148826188_381940425042165760_n.jpg%3F_nc_ht%3Dscontent-lga3-1.cdninstagram.com
(Estarossa sword)
camo.fimfiction.net/5BS_toh8N1gDvIv7Fva1UYsSDgk8lolZDlpDidX2nHk?url=https%3A%2F%2Flh5.googleusercontent.com%2Fv4rGaS8cozZ7T1ihqrpX7tkbR7TbVZA_3Z7pbgfnBwN3fm_kLyrQ55n5dzaEo-ypMUOZ2qRlAwz-oK55bU5qeZFhYtqgBzWEvq7ntiwrqQr429h-lDdk9iEkmmvuo8ZeUCPiVXpa
(Chastiefol)
camo.fimfiction.net/kEX73jpk8u2WCObY5tGmITLLw2NznqbSBjozBRvRTck?url=https%3A%2F%2Flh4.googleusercontent.com%2FdkypX3SyqJbd52Sv7uxFSmQTQeua-lKoceiJPwexCTfRZCPZQH1PH6EFTuyxGSpWwPAApubk_IMIUqX_jzcKS3ZTSD9ouiwbSdkdKnvAG4Z8gneDN3fGMGUzII_oTpTU8OzvbYjV
(Lostvayne)
βIβll take these three things please sir.β I pointed to the weapons and he nodded.
"Hydra!β
A large beast with four heads, a large body with no forearms with a spiked tail ran out of the tree line and charged us. I frowned as I looked at the beast. βA hydra that a rare one.β
camo.fimfiction.net/akf03eQwHvBmOH9pHnBh_LSJXir_7c2XT1xqIACJcwE?url=https%3A%2F%2Flh4.googleusercontent.com%2FidrFlv0yKThnKe2Oe4a1s0JXFJiCcoqjvSMb-psmwGUIup_ntRnQrmwAvwDH0z_Xy5AyKBqTGDT8TWGY4XkjpmbmhNICjt2FOTYlZvZbbDaGEnfUzFVM24stQvtvNHv-z_1tve18
I patted Pinkieβs arms as she held my neck tightly. βIβll handle this let me go.β
βWHAT!β
I slipped out of her arms and grabbed Lostvayne handle when I ran by Rarity as I charged the hydra.
βMeliodas stop!β
I ran right up to the beast chest and held Lostvayn
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