“Starlight!” Sunburst wined as he stood across from his roommate. As was often the case, the reason for this cry was in between the two ponies. In this case, a green earth pony filly with a black mane and tail and question mark cutie mark. Which wouldn’t be room for concern, except the filly was slumped against the wall with her eyes bulging and now purple tongue lolled out. “We’ve been in this Manehattan apartment for less than a WEEK and already there’s a dead pony in the living room!”
“It’s appalling how high the murder rate is in this city!” Starlight replied. “I’ll have a talk with the mayor!”
“Starlight, that IS the mayor of Manehattan!”
“If only she had taken this persisting problem a little more serious earlier, this could have all been avoided!”
“Manehatten didn’t have a murder problem until we moved here.”
“I’m not sure I like what you’re insinuating.”
“I’m insinuating that you’ve had something to do with all the murders, Starlight.”
“Now I know I don’t like what you’re insinuating!”
“Starlight, just tell me straight, are you killing random ponies in this city?”
“Correlation does not equal consternation, Sunburst!”
Sunburst sighs. “Really?”
“I would think you as the educated one here, would know that!”
“Well, I certainly know one thing about this conversation!”
“Besides, all those ponies probably had it coming! Do you know how rude ponies can be in this city?!”
There was a long, long beat of silence as Sunburst tried, failed, and then tried again to find the bright side to this.
He failed.
“… Staaaaarrrrliiiight! We talked about this!”
“Your tone makes me think that you think you caught me in a lie, but if you reexamine everything you’ve said, I think you’ll find it’s you who's jumping to collusions.”
“Oh my Celestia! You did it again!”
“I believe we’ve already made it quite clear that the mayor would have been affixiated to death by any pony with enough magic control to force the air out of their lungs and create a ‘bubble vacuum’ around them because said mayor was running around accusing ponies of killing other ponies by affixiating them to death via a fine control of magic and bubble vacuums.”
“No, not that! You screwed up two phrases, too!”
“What? No way!”
“It’s not ‘Correlation does not equal consternation’! It’s ‘Correlation does not equal causation!’ You know, as in just because there is a related pattern to something doesn’t mean that the two have anything to do with each other!”
“Okay, so I messed up!”
“Consternation is what I’m feeling right now because you can’t seem to wrap your mind around simple, every day, phrases.”
“Sunburst…”
“And it’s not ‘Jumping to Collusions’, it’s jumping to conclusions! Just, how brain damaged does a pony have to be to have this collection of reasonably complex words in their head, but also dumb enough to just smash them into phrases like they’ve lost patience with a puzzle have just started forcing pieces together.”
“…”
“…”
“… You’re just lucky I can’t afford the rent here on my own or I’d affixiate you in a vacuum bubble like I did all those other ponies!”
“Oh my Celestia, Starlight! I can’t believe you!”
“… Did I say I affixiated those ponies in vacuum bubbles? What I meant to say is I’m investigating the vacuum bubble murders, and they just keep happening, leading me to believe that the murderer is framing me! Clue 1, the pony is someone very close to me! Possibly some pony in this very apartment!” Starlight declared as she eyed the corpse of the mayor suspiciously.
“It’s asphyxiated! Asphyxiate! As-phyx-i-ate! Maybe if you spent a little less time learning magic spells and just an iota of time learning how to spell at a grade-foal level, we wouldn’t have to have these conversations!”
Starlight’s eyes widened with fury as she grit her teeth hard. “I’m going to my room!” she said through clenched teeth as she did an about-face and walked out of the room.
“Well guess, what, ignoramus!” Sunburst pointed at the mayor’s corpse. “You’re still going to clean this up because being stupid doesn’t mean you can just walk away from cleaning up your own messes!”
All of Sunburst in this story can be summed up in four seconds:
Why does that not surprise me?
Causation, Starlight.
Conclusions.
Apparently? Very.
You're a sociopath.
You know she's going to do it anyway, right?
Oh hay! Anon-filly survived the flood! Good on her.
Oh...
Uhh...sure you don't causation instead of consternation, Starlight? I'm fairly certain that Twilight wouldn't have let you get away with that slip up.
Wait, my bad. Sunburst has it covered. So how long until his head is the one rolling off its neck?
In this context, I'd say it does, whether you go by the word she said or the word ahe meant.
And then Sunburst remembered that he was talking to Starlight Glimmer, the inventor of Knife Powder and Taco Spray.
Also, now I want to see Filly Anon's mayoral campaign. There's a story there.
Why does Sunburst playing straight man to your version of Starlight make both no sense and is perfectly logical?
How I’m feeling after 2 chapters of this:
This is... this is just Lamad WITH Hats!
CAAAAAARL!
It's like I Love Lucy with more murder and witchcraft.
I love it.
The mayor bears a striking resemblance to a flood victim.
This is like the Witchcraft version of this loveable duo
Staaarrrlight! You got some 'splain' to do!
9791713
Back, front, it tends to have the same effect.
9656644
She did. I think Starlight is using time magic to bring her back so she can keep killing her over and over again.
Probably because she accidentally cut in front of Starlight, and got the last scoop of Rocky Road icecream.
And all these murders are a backdrop to her revenge.
9801236
I’d believe it.
Why he still alive?