• Member Since 11th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen May 2nd

Justice3442


Horrifically Fun

T
Source

Starlight and Sunburst are roommates. Shenanigans ensue. Shenanigans with a body count.

Thanks to Tired Old Man, Nova Quill/Firimil, and
Steel Resolve for there edits and suggestions. Especially Nova who may have accidently prompted me when she compared a certain purple unicorn to a certain hat wearing Llama.

Finally, thanks to BobTheDalek for his great work on this piece and just in general.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 46 )

Oh, you weren't joking. Well then.

9631099
I am 100% serious about all things all the time.

“You’re undoubtedly wondering why I had to animate the broom and dustpan when mopping up the blood makes so much more sense.”

I mean, I was. At this point, I'm kind of numb to your Starlight's atrocities.

“See, I had to use the mop to clean up the mess after I made in Twilight’s basement after I murdered the Cake twins!”

Scratch that, definitely not numb. :twilightoops:

Sunburst trying to contain Starlight is a bit like trying to clean up the Exxon Valdez spill with a single paper towel. Still, I look forward to seeing him try.

9631124
You're welcome.

9631130
I was nowhere near that oil spill when it happened and have many credible witnesses in my basement to prove it.

"Ponies with Horns" is being recorded before a live-studio-audience.

9631133
Why not?


9631138
Who are all totally here under their own free will. I have the release papers, signed in their blood no less, to prove it and release me from all legal wrong-doing.

JackRipper
Moderator

Least favorite thing to do.

Nepotism Adventure Series?

There's a portal to a world untouched by sun and light in our living room!

That's actually really convenient --- they could run heat engine between portal and ambient heat and get energy and air conditioning for free!

9631233
Right? Some ponies just don't understand the importance of clean energy sources.

I love the Sorcerer's Apprentice reference (Disney's Fantasia, for those youngin's who don't know). Please tell me it was intentional.

If I recall the original series correctly, this ends with everyone in Equestria dead, and probably several other worlds as well, Starlight being Starlight. And as they say, the death of one Pony at the hooves of Starlight Glimmer is comedy, the death of all Ponies is merely statistics,

What hat wearing llama?

“But, hey! I buried them in that place that brings pets back to life, Just like Rarity did with Opal! And both twins came back good as new! Better even!”

...I knew we should have killed that last Wendigo near another town.

“Right… right... “ Starlight cleared her throat. “If you think that’s bad, you should have seen what the Cake Twins did to their mom and dad when they got back from the dead! Hint: Sugar Cube corner might start selling blood sausage!”

OH GOD WHY?!

9631105
Your definition of serious simultaneously scares and amuses me...this is gonna be a fun ride!

“I do not rip tears in this mundane reality! That is my LEAST favorite thing to do.”

BULLSHIT!

Starlight grunted in displeasure. “The living room was DIRTY! What was I supposed to do?!”

Clean it up.

“Nor do I know anything about the cake twins who tragically drowned in said basement flood.”

Wait what?

“But, hey! I buried them in that place that brings pets back to life, Just like Rarity did with Opal! And both twins came back good as new! Better even!”

What is WRONG with you?

Pinkie’s voice chimed in once more. “AM I A JOKE TO YOU?!”

Apparently.

“Right… right... “ Starlight cleared her throat. “If you think that’s bad, you should have seen what the Cake Twins did to their mom and dad when they got back from the dead! Hint: Sugar Cube corner might start selling blood sausage!”

You're a sociopath.

“They were making a scene at the grocery store! Give me a break!” the heliotrope menace whined back indignantly.

You have severe issues.

“Starlight, your self-replicating army of flaming cleaning supplies is setting the entire village on fire.”

Of course they're on fire.

“That’s the best part!”

“I don’t like where this is going!”

Join the club.

“Okay,” Starlight began. “I think we both have either done or said things in the very recent past that we both regret.”

I have a hard time picturing you regretting ANYTHING:

“Ugh, better make it two,” Sunburst said. “I’m pretty steamed.”

“... About all the wonton death and destruction?”

Ow.

‘WhaaaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOomp!’

I mean, the logic is sound.

The fact this is only a mild exaggeration of both Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst's personalities makes it very concerning.

I'm suprised two llama's didnt show up in hats and beat them to death for stealing there schtick. Or the Mouse didnt show up looking to sue for stealing ideas.

And guess what fillies and gentlecolts. That’s just ONE DAY in Starlight’s life. Imagine what the other 364 days are like....

I think I’m going to go chill out in my handy Anti-Starlight Nuclear Bunker (Patent Pending) until she disappears mysteriously (cause no one dies in Equestria).

"Starlight, why is there a pile of baby unicorn horns here?"
"Well, unicorns gotta pay. And the payment is baby horns."

Starrrrrliiiiiiight! That kills people!

I love llamas with hats, I love Starlight and Sunburst. This was great!

9631133 Because he drinks people...

“Staaaaarrrrlllllight!” Sunburst whined at the pony standing across from him. “There's a portal to a world untouched by sun and light in our living room!” The portal between the two ponies swirled, pulsated, and slowly consumed the ambient light around it.

ya sure it ain’t a Black hole sunburst?

“I had NOTHING to do with flooding in Twilight’s basement.”

“I wasn’t—”

“Nor do I know anything about the cake twins who tragically drowned in said basement flood.”

“Wait, what?”

“But, hey! I buried them in that place that brings pets back to life, Just like Rarity did with Opal! And both twins came back good as new! Better even!”

................. am i a bad person for kinda liking this clearly deranged and insane version of Starlight?

“Right… right... “ Starlight cleared her throat. “If you think that’s bad, you should have seen what the Cake Twins did to their mom and dad when they got back from the dead! Hint: Sugar Cube corner might start selling blood sausage!”

gah................... o.O

Part of me hates you for killing the fake twins. Another part of me wants to laugh at the Pet semetery reference

All of Sunburst in this story can be summed up in four seconds:

“Manehatten didn’t have a murder problem until we moved here.”

Why does that not surprise me?

“Correlation does not equal consternation, Sunburst!”

Causation, Starlight.

“Your tone makes me think that you think you caught me in a lie, but if you reexamine everything you’ve said, I think you’ll find it’s you who's jumping to collusions.”

Conclusions.

Just, how brain damaged does a pony have to be to have this collection of reasonably complex words in their head, but also dumb enough to just smash them into phrases like they’ve lost patience with a puzzle have just started forcing pieces together.”

Apparently? Very.

“… You’re just lucky I can’t afford the rent here on my own or I’d affixiate you in a vacuum bubble like I did all those other ponies!”

You're a sociopath.

“Well guess, what, ignoramus!” Sunburst pointed at the mayor’s corpse. “You’re still going to clean this up because being stupid doesn’t mean you can just walk away from cleaning up your own messes!”

You know she's going to do it anyway, right?

“Starlight!” Sunburst wined as he stood across from his roommate. As was often the case, the reason for this cry was in between the two ponies. In this case, a green earth pony filly with a black mane and tail and question mark cutie mark.

Oh hay! Anon-filly survived the flood! Good on her.

Which wouldn’t be room for concern, except the filly was slumped against the wall with her eyes bulging and now purple tongue lolled out. “We’ve been in this Manehattan apartment for less than a WEEK and already there’s a dead pony in the living room!”

Oh...

“Correlation does not equal consternation, Sunburst!”

Uhh...sure you don't causation instead of consternation, Starlight? I'm fairly certain that Twilight wouldn't have let you get away with that slip up.

“It’s not ‘Correlation does not equal consternation’! It’s ‘Correlation does not equal causation!’ You know, as in just because there is a related pattern to something doesn’t mean that the two have anything to do with each other!”

Wait, my bad. Sunburst has it covered. So how long until his head is the one rolling off its neck?

“Correlation does not equal consternation, Sunburst!”

In this context, I'd say it does, whether you go by the word she said or the word ahe meant.

...but also dumb enough to just smash them into phrases like they’ve lost patience with a puzzle have just started forcing pieces together.

And then Sunburst remembered that he was talking to Starlight Glimmer, the inventor of Knife Powder and Taco Spray.

Also, now I want to see Filly Anon's mayoral campaign. There's a story there.

Why does Sunburst playing straight man to your version of Starlight make both no sense and is perfectly logical?

How I’m feeling after 2 chapters of this:

This is... this is just Lamad WITH Hats!


CAAAAAARL!

It's like I Love Lucy with more murder and witchcraft.
I love it.

Really when you think about it so many problems involving Starlight can be solved with a shovel.

The mayor bears a striking resemblance to a flood victim.

This is like the Witchcraft version of this loveable duo

Staaarrrlight! You got some 'splain' to do!

“But, hey! I buried them in that place that brings pets back to life, Just like Rarity did with Opal! And both twins came back good as new! Better even!”

That's why Opal's such a huge cunt.

“Well, you’d think Mr. and Mrs. Cake would have done a better job of defending themselves against a couple toddlers! It’s probably going to take hours for the broom and dustpan I animated to sweep up all the blood.”

I mean... she's not wrong.



9656637
To the back of her head maybe.

9791713
Back, front, it tends to have the same effect.

This had be bursting out in laughter in only six paragraphs.

9656637
It's the reason why she need Sunset Shimmer in her life. Her insanity is more manageable when she has the threat of Sunset's annoyance looming over her head.


9631138
Well live might be stretching it Abit. But it wouldn't be unfair to say that they were once alive, and are now doing the "Room Temperature Challenge."

9631140
And everyone knows contracts signed in blood are the most legally binding.


9791713
Yep. Opal was evil because FlutterButters uses Necromancy and Evil Graveyards for her pets and the pets of her friends.

*Why do you think Angel Bunny is evil and still alive when he lives near predators; and the Evergreen?*

9656644
She did. I think Starlight is using time magic to bring her back so she can keep killing her over and over again.

Probably because she accidentally cut in front of Starlight, and got the last scoop of Rocky Road icecream.

And all these murders are a backdrop to her revenge.

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